I’ve now picked up the habit to scribble down things that I think/thought about, in a way it makes me feel smart and my thoughts are written down, which proves nothing but I am doing something to keep myself busy. Trying to write down things so that I’d know or feel what I felt when I wrote apart from occupying myself, that is.
Days are gone, no matter how busy I was it still doesn’t guarantee anything except for the fact that I was doing something at the moment. It’s just that it doesn’t ensure the brightness of my future. It’s just that everyone seems to be doing well and seems to know their doing well. Whatever it is their moving around and doing stuffs that are future related which will eventually increase their chances of success. I on the other hand don’t really feel that good at all and it came to a point where writing about it felt like a good thing to do.
At the same time my insecure mind thinks about, is it really that important to become someone? I could only think of things such as work, get paid, get married, and own a house/car and shits like that. Oh not forgetting having fun and doing stuff to keep thyself entertained. Isn’t there a different way? Whatever it is I would eventually find out the answer to my question. Funny thing is I think that ill do the exact thing I question so much about. I don’t see any other option for now. If only I was a kings son life would be much merrier but then again It just seems to be so easy and having to deal with unnecessary problem’s that my peasant mind cant seem to have the ability to think about.
No one wants to live a hard life that includes me too worrying about things such as money our whole life is just so world like and that sucks. If by any chance you’ve been reading my previous writings, which I highly doubt. It seems like this is the only things I write about I am sorry but I cant seem to help myself. I just can’t stop complaining and whining about it actually makes me feel better which is why I continue doing it.
Perhaps if I would just try to take tiny steps to make an effort in enhancing the chances of my success as a person rather than whining about it would be much better you’d say. Knowing it makes me feel more like a whore and that sucks too. I don’t know if I think about the things that I am interested in. Interested enough to make it a source of living and pursue a career in that particular field. But just how do I get a job in the fields that I am quite sure I am interested in. It would be easier if you have good connections a rich friend would be good enough. You can always kiss his rich dad’s ass to get things moving. which actually sounds promising and I am sure most people do it . I wouldn’t think I’d not do the same things in order to achieve that its one of those things that comes in packages. Hope alone is not enough so we work for it and realizing that effort and hope just doesn’t guarantee success luck also plays an important ermm role? And yes recommendation from powerful people is also crucial. I am impressed by myself actually for someone who isn’t doing anything and has the ability to critic and whine all the time about things like I have already experienced it. Maybe it’s just that I see the people around me experiencing things and kinda get the idea of what’s going on. Come to think about it, shouldn’t be impressed.
It could all be because people just want to be acknowledged and respected. Yes, am nodding in approval. I must say that it’s really important to be acknowledged. If not by the people around you, by the people you love and if not by the people you love, Can someone acknowledge himself or herself? Yes after others do. Some just do silly things to prove themselves such as chatting on TV via sms. Why would anyone do that, its not even hip and its also annoying when I accidentally read their sick messages. Shouldn’t really blame them, it could be the only type of entertainment they have and if they seem to like it and people are getting richer by what they do then what else is there to say. I come to realize that my petty existence can only whine and cuss things/people. Damn, I indirectly made myself sad.
Another thing that bugs me is the frequent change of emotions. It’s just that it changes too often and every place projects an emotion, everything around us and the people around us could change my emotionally sensitive emotions and that too pisses me off. Which reminds me how weak a human is emotionally and physically.
Life is simple but there’s always something’s that makes it complicated and troublesome. For example after kissing asses of powerful people and successfully obtaining a cool job with a cool pay and get married and realize on the first night you couldn’t have an erection. Would it be safe to say that dreams and the path people are moving towards could be almost in the same subject only that their own problems and barriers they face in order to achieve it makes it their own. The one’s who really come thru and is successful in chasing their dream can then write a biography of their lives and become more successful and the less unfortunate people could then buy books of those successful people for inspirations.
I come to conclude that nothing really good can come out this life. There won’t be lasting happiness and it now sounds kinda normal and I am saying things that u guys have already known. To me we are just weak creatures and maintaining and succumbing the harshness of life is life itself.
