“I am disappointed and scared, the future is too unpredictable. The present is reluctance, the past was brutal, and the dreadfulness prolonged through all the phases of my life, till today. But tomorrow, is a new day.”
I felt that, that it should’ve been really late by now; I lifted my right hand, looking at my wrist watch and yes, it was late indeed. Late, beyond my bed time, but I couldn’t be bothered. I continued reading the old book, getting more interested. I once again dropped my gaze and attention into the book.
Melissa wasn’t anticipating, coming back to home; she was comfortable with her new life and began to feel belonged. Coming home also meant that she had to leave her friends. But she knew that this day would eventually come and that she had to leave. She caught herself muttering, ‘life goes on’.
Surprisingly the parting part with Emma wasn’t as difficult as she thought it would be. As they promised to keep in touch by writing letters and, Emma said that she would visit soon. She said she wanted to see what Melissa home will look and feel like. Melissa now, who has already boarded the flight and was seated on her given seat, She didn’t want to think too much of what lied ahead. So she slept.
Upon her arrival back, Melissa was greeted by her parents in the airport. It was a pleasant feeling, coming back to a familiar place. They waited for a while to take her luggages and almost immediately returned home. It was nice to finally be back she thought to herself and then found out that she was questioning her own thought, almost hesitating whether she really felt that way. A few weeks later, she was already bored of her mundane life; although peaceful it was too quiet and alone and so she thought that it was time for her to procure a job, her sole intention at that moment was just to get rid of the boredom.
Getting a job wasn’t a problem for Melissa, seeing that she had all the qualifications needed. She might have, even be more than qualified; she was now contemplating on which job offer to accept. The pay offered by each company wasn’t all that bad too. She knew that she was getting herself into a different phase of life that would require most of her time and other forms of sacrifices. But that was what everyone else had gone through/ been doing and still does, so she thought that she might want to try it out and that it wouldn’t hurt to earn some extra cash.
She now had obtained a 9-5 job and almost everything at the moment seemed to have proceeded normally. Melissa was preoccupied most of the time. However, after some time at work, doing the similar jobs, she began to once again feel alone and pointless. Nevertheless she knew that she shouldn’t take things for granted. Considering that she was living a comfortable enough life and that there were many who suffered and weren’t fortunate enough to get the opportunity that she had. And so, understanding that, kept her sane and going.
Her job was really hectic and she somewhat enjoyed the long hours of work. A year then passed, she was promoted to one rank higher her current position. She felt that everything was going fine and normal. And so everything was proceeding fine, except for the fact that she didn’t have any real friends or someone to confide to or rely on. She then as advised from a colleague at work began dating. She was curious of how it would be like and decided to take the advice. To her benefit, it wasn’t hard for her to get a date. However, most of the time, she wouldn’t really enjoy her company and more than often acted interested and played along. Most of the guys she dated weren’t to her interest and after certain amount of period she would show her disinterest and thankfully the guys got the hints. Until, one unexpected day she met someone that she really liked. Her life seemed bright and young again. He seemed like the perfect guy. Everything about him, his characters, and charms were just too endearing to Melissa. He had a decent job and almost seemed like the perfect guy.
The guy was indeed an interesting fellow and confessed that he liked her. Hence, it was another phase in Melissa’s life that brought some changes and sacrifices. Melissa couldn’t be happier and things went great. She didn’t feel alone anymore and she became more cheerful. It was like a dream, when she was with him. The experiences were splendid and she wished that her happiness would last forever.
Melissa’s happiness did last; although only to a certain extend of period. Until the day she found out that the guy that she was so deeply in love with was having an affair with some other lady. Melissa was crushed, tormented and no longer a virgin. The guy, tried to come back in her life, but failed to once again capture her heart. She was shocked, that it happened to her. She didn’t feel as special or different anymore, now that that had happened to her. She felt like, she was just like every other woman who got cheated on. Luckily enough, she was comforted by the same colleague who advised her to date. It made her feel a little cared for. She knew that this type of things happens in life. It somewhat calmed her down a bit, knowing that.
After that incident she became more skeptical when it came to guys and she once again had very little social life, almost none. Her free times were now spent mostly in her room. In there, she wrote a lot in her diary and read a lot, apart from that she would just sit there staring outside the window idly. She started to look more weary and dull. Occasionally she would hang in the garden and mend the plants and water them.
Melissa, now in her room, seated on her bed, brooded over at her life during her college years, she began to think that it was nicer then, and she remembered about her friends the cleaner and the guard. Melissa wondered why they still continued living the dreaded life. Somewhat it occurred to her that, it might’ve been not so bad from their point of view, she thought. After all everyone have different perspectives and strange ways of looking at things. And, she thought that there were stranger people who are easily content with what they have even when what they have was so little.
She thought to herself that if she was in their shoes, she might have risked it all for one chance. For example, if it was a large scale robbery, according to her state of mind at that time, it was better to risk it all than to continue living a whole life of hardship and without respect. With proper planning, sufficient equipments and determination it might not be impossible to make it out in one piece.
She then realized that she wasn’t thinking right and knew that she badly needed some fresh air. She even felt guilty to have thought of such nonsense. She got out off her room and went out for an evening walk. The weather was perfect, it was windy, and there was this orangey atmosphere whilst the sun was about to set. It reminded her of Emma and the walks they had, walking at the sides of the pavements surrounded by huge trees. It was a pleasant memory.
The day after that, she went to work as usual. Getting less and less motivated each day, but the handful of jobs kept her busy and occupied. Later that day, after work Melissa went to a nearby café, simply because she didn’t want to be home too early. She sat there alone enjoying her sip of coffee at the same time trying to refrain from feeling down. She really felt miserable and alone and couldn’t stop thinking about Emma and how she used to comfort her.
She sat there facing the entrance of the café and occasionally glanced towards the people walking by and almost instantly recognized a figure walking past the cafe. At first she thought it might just be someone who looked alike but then her mind was too troubled she decided to take another look. She rushed towards the entrance of the cafe and almost ran to where she saw the person who resembled Emma. She wasn’t far away (Emma’s look alike); Melissa rushed towards her and called out, ‘Emma?’ the person in front, resumed walking as if she didn’t hear anything. Melissa followed closer and called out louder this time; ‘Emma?’ and this time the person almost immediately looked back.
Both of them stood there staring at each other for almost a whole minute. After that they were hugging each other momentarily even when passer by’s seemed to look at them strangely. They then returned to the coffee shop for more privacy and comfort. People were looking strangely at them, but they ignored the staring eyes and went about their business. They continued talking for hours. Emma explained to Melissa that she wanted to surprise her the day after, but she was found out. ‘It is all good anyways’ said Emma.
“I can’t stop reading now’. I told to myself. I was too into it and too interested to leave it alone, now. It brought back memories. I got out of the room and hurriedly headed towards the kitchen. Made myself a glass full of hot coffee and carried the mug back to the room whilst drinking it. By the time I reached the room, the mug was already empty. I sat back in the chair, placed the mug on the table, and continued reading.
Soon enough Melissa decided to go on holidays with Emma. They’d travel all around the country and had the time of their lives. But, Melissa soon enough, began neglecting her work and stopped attending it as she would have usually. But, then again, she didn’t really care if she got fired. She didn’t really like it anyway. They were having the best time together, everything else seemed insignificant. Most of the time, they’d go to quiet, calm places and just enjoy each other’s company.
Emma even said that she might even think of settling down. She said that she liked it here and that she wanted start over fresh in a new place. ‘This would be the perfect place, then’ both of them said at the same time. For the time being, Emma stayed with Melissa and did whatever they felt like doing. Their times were spent mostly by mending their garden and if they weren’t doing that, they would be on long journeys across the country.
Her parents began to notice something odd with their child. Even her colleagues said that she was acting strange when she was at work. Soon enough, her parent found out that she was seldom at home and when asked, Melissa would say that she went on vacation with her friend Emma. They heard a lot of this Emma girl in the past but never met her before. They began to doubt her. Her dad then asked Melissa, ‘so, where is this Emma girl at?’ Melissa replied, sounding annoyed, ‘what are you talking about, she’s standing right beside me’.
Her parent’s were shocked upon hearing that. They persuaded and insisted that she go for a medical check up. They were worried that she probably didn’t get enough rest and about her peculiar behavior.
She had no choice but to agree to her parent’s insistency and persuasions hence, went for the check up. The next day, she was examined thoroughly in the hospital. She heard her parents notifying the doctor that she used to spent a lot of her time alone and talk to herself. The doctor then suggested perhaps they’d want to go to a brain specialist or a neurosurgeon. She was utterly shocked hearing her parents talk of her that way, but thought that it would be best to just go along and satisfy their urges. After conducting few tests and having heard of testimonies from trusted people, they were told to leave and return in a week time.
When they returned the week after, the doctor softly said that Melissa might be suffering from heavy hallucinations. Both Melissa and her parents were shocked upon hearing it. The doctor then went on explaining about her illness and elaborated upon what supported his conviction.
When she was told personally by the doctor about her illness, she wasn’t sure whether she could accept what’ve been said. She was shocked and she tried to explain to them that it was real. The things she experienced with Emma couldn’t possibly be a hallucination, she added. The doctors tried to calm her down and explained to her the symptoms that she was facing. The doctors also had to give her some heavy medication to keep her stable.
After a few weeks in the hospital, she was starting to accept her illness with the help of huge dosages of drugs that kept her relaxed and calmed her down. The doctor in charged of her told her that it wasn’t easy to get rid of the hallucination and it is almost impossible. And that it would take a very long period for her to cure. The doctor insisted that she stayed in the hospital for a longer period. One of the doctor explained to her parents that there wasn’t anything really wrong with their daughter except that she has these hallucinations that comes and goes. Most of the time according to the patience state of mind. And at times, might prove dangerous. The parents, helpless and sad just obeyed to the doctors instructions and did as they were told to ensure their daughter’s state of health.
Melissa on the other hand was strongly told to ignore the hallucinations and was advised to always be accompanied by someone trustworthy. She was also told to ask her guardian to notify her if he/she could see what she sees. There is no Emma, the doctors always told her. ‘It’s all in your head’.
I was already at the last written page, beyond that there were just blank pages and some of my young drawings. The writings ended there. I fiddled with the worn out pages a little. I didn’t feel sleepy at all and it was already dawn. It could be the coffee I thought to myself. I stared blindly at the last written page. The Last I heard of Melissa was that she got out from the hospital. The doctors couldn’t do anything about her illness hence there was no use for her to be kept in the hospital. They told Melissa never to acknowledge her hallucinations even when she was confronted. I didn’t hear of her anymore after that. I retired and moved to a far away place, far from almost everything.
I was, one of the doctors who performed her regular check ups. She had more than one doctor attending to her, considering that she had a rare and interesting illness that most doctors were drawn to. We got close to her during her rehabilitation days and whenever I had the time, I accompanied her and sometimes walked with her during that period, we used to talk a lot. Most of the time, she talked and I listened. She was a very pleasant and fascinating person and I liked listening to her stories although normal, but it was somewhat special coming from her. Especially when she talked about Emma, it was so real that even I sometimes forgot that she didn’t really exist. We spent hours sitting in her room, sitting on the wooden bench on the garden outside, talking.
I didn’t feel like writing anymore. I stood up from the chair I was sitting, switched off the fan and lights, leaving the room dark. I closed the book I was holding and placed the old book in its original place carefully and closed the drawer. I Walked out of the room, closing the door behind me. I headed to the bedroom upstairs and found my bed at once and almost collapsed on it. I can’t believe I met her again, after all these years. It was unreal. The past memories came back as if it just happened yesterday. But then again, it couldn’t have been her. It probably was just a look alike, I guess. I was too tired to think more and I decided that I should rest and so I closed my eyes.
Check The Meaning
I am once again sitting in this tiny room. I don’t normally do that, unless there’s something really important or interesting I wanted to write about, without any disruption or interruption. The room was in the basement and the only sources of light came from a small table lamp that was placed on the edge of the table where I sat at and from the dim ceiling bulb which hanged from it through a thick wire. The surroundings were dull except for the small area around the table. I pressed the button on the table fan on the table as it was getting warm.
I can’t believe I met her again, after all these years. It was unreal. The past memories came back as if it just happened yesterday. I felt that I should write about our past’s memories, experience before I completely forget about it. My memories weren’t as vivid as it used to be. They were somewhat shading away. I opened the top drawer on the right hand side of the table. I took out an old dust covered book and wiped it with my palm, cleaning the book from the dust that enveloped it. Thick layer of dusts could be visibly seen as I rubbed the book. It was an old book that I had originally used for drawing when I was much younger. And when I got a little older I started writing in it and I am still using the same book to write about the things I want to. I wiped the dust on my palm on to my jeans.
Now, where do I start? The pages on the book flipped due to the breeze coming from the fan on the table. Her name was Melissa and she was physically normal, she wasn’t particularly good looking neither was she ugly. However, she was blessed with a good heart, as I would like to believe so. She was still in her teens and had just finished her high school examination days and due to her good results from her final examination her parents were suggesting her to go study abroad. They told her that they’ve heard that the quality of education and its certificates are highly recognizable and it would greatly be to her benefits in the future. Plus they could boast about their daughter studying abroad and be on par with their other relatives, hence giving others the impression that a bright future has already been established (of course they didn’t say this out loud, it was more like an indirect message).
Melissa, being the nice, decent girl decided that it was her obligation to do as what her parents wished for, since they seemed to be quite excited. So the application was granted and it was no longer a dream that she was going to spend the next few years in a foreign country. Her parents were thrilled by the news they received and Melissa was happy for them. She however wasn’t really as enthusiastic as her parents were, after all she was about to leave the only place she had knew and had to start over and be totally independent, in some foreign land.
On the other hand, she was quite thrilled that she had the chance to leave this place, people and go out and spread her wings. Somewhat growing up here and mixing with the people was rather boring. She was actually glad to experience something new. She was bored and tired of the people around her judging her from her every actions and movement and sometimes by her parents pressuring her to rise to their expectations.
A few weeks passed by and everything went accordingly and she was now looking at a completely fresh place with almost everything different than before. The weather was strangely different from what she was used to and somewhat too cold. She used to think that she liked cold weathers, but was already having second thoughts about that. She missed her parents a bit, but not too much. She knew that this wasn’t the time for that. With that she started to walk forward more briskly and confidently.
She was now, full of anticipation. She went to the places where she was suppose to attend and register and filled in forms and sorts. It wasn’t much of a hassle seeing that they were able to communicate smoothly and the people seemed friendly enough. After having that done, she went to a cheap hotel to stay the night. After washing up and resting a bit. She started walking around, looking at the new place and at the same time looking for a proper accommodation. It wasn’t difficult to get a rented room and a couple of days later, there she was moving into her new home, which looked formidable yet cheap and would look better after some cleaning up and a little decoration.
She settled down and class began. She met new people and even managed to find a roommate in the process. Things were getting along fine with Melissa. She was much happier than she thought she would be, before she came. She liked the new environment and the differences of people and places.
Everything seemed at the moment going smoothly until one day her parents called and explained to her that they found out that something went wrong with her loan application and that she wouldn’t receive any immediate financial help for the time being. Her parents promised to send over some money as soon as possible. She placed the phone receiver back at its place and was scared. She was about to panic, he roommate was able to see that something was obviously wrong with Melissa. She decided to talk to her. Emma was her name, the roommate. She listened to what Melissa said and exclaimed that most of them don’t apply for loans instead they work to finance their own education. It is normal to work to pay for your college fee, she added.
Melissa, now convinced by what Emma said decided not to dread about it and get a job to finance her studies and the fact that she didn’t have any choices motivated her a lot. It wasn’t really a big deal since almost all the youngsters there funded their own studies by working part time, she thought. If they could do it, so can she. And it would be more meaningful to pay one’s own tuition fee by working for it. Finding a job was easy as some of the places badly needed workers. The next day she called home and explained that she wouldn’t need the loan or their help and that she would manage just fine.
She now, didn’t really have time for other things. She had to study in the day; work in the afternoon and at night finish up her assignments and her daily chores. Emma too had a job and was as busy as Melissa was. They enjoyed each other company immensely and helped each other a lot. Melissa even started to enjoy her job. She worked in a fast food chain restaurant which sells fried chicken. And had chicken for dinner on a regular basis, most of the time with her roommate and friend Emma.
And whenever Melissa needed any help with her assignments or anything at all Emma was there for her. Emma often gave advices to Melissa one that she clearly remembered although it sounded quite weird, ‘to distrust her human emotions because, in the end, feelings always make you unhappy’. She didn’t quite get it at first but upon playing it in her head for several times found that it was a useful advice.
Melissa and Emma had many things in common; one example was that they despised the way people looked at things, stereotypes, and judgmental pricks. The way people look at their outer appearance and judge others before learning or getting to know them. But what they hated most was they too were the same, it isn’t easy not to be judgmental and treat everyone with equal respect. At the end they concluded that it was something that can’t be helped by regular people.
At times Melissa would get really stress out from college and at work. She was most of the time too busy to be thinking about things. But when she occasionally had time for herself and didn’t do anything with it she’d feel lonely and insignificant.
Recently she found a new friend. He was the guard man at her college. His name was Ethan and he was reaching 70 years old of age. He was a pleasant old man. She became fond of him and every time she had the time and opportunity to have a little chat with him, she’d be happy to talk to him. They would mostly just talk about college stuffs and occasionally sports, since the old man Ethan was fond of it. She pitied him, seeing that he was old and still had to work and worst of all he had to deal with people younger and be treated with insufficient respect. She had thought about it, how bad it is to work at that age and sometimes seeing the looks on people’s faces staring at Ethan was dreary. She wanted to help him in anyway possible but seeing that she couldn’t really do anything to get him out of the situation and having her own self to take care of and problems to deal with. She couldn’t really do anything about it.
She also made friends with a cleaner at the place she works at. Both of them the guard and the cleaner didn’t show any sort of disappointment/ sadness or dissatisfactory and that somewhat bothered her. One of the cleaners who worked there who were on talking terms with Melissa went by the name Joe. Melissa got to know that Joe was a father of two and had to work everyday and at several other places to support his family. She would see him everyday when he comes to clean the toilets and the premise. He was a hardworking fellow and he seemed to have accepted his life and its way of life. She respected him for that. Since his work wasn’t all that respected but, he was still making an honest living.
Melissa however became curios about why some people had to live their lives through sufferings and hard work. And on the other side of world, there were people who got it all easy and what makes it worse is that when they pretend as if they really worked hard for what they have achieved, when it was all given to them, the path, the opportunities all lay in front of them. All they ever had to do was to just take it, just like her (Melissa).
Emma would then disagree with her and point out her opinion. One day when she thought that Melissa was thinking too much and overanalyzing things, Emma decided to put an end to it. Think about it this way, she said, ‘you can’t be sure of things that you see and you can’t do anything to change the world from working the way it does. There have to be people who are suffering and striving. That makes the world in proportion, can you imagine a world where everyone is happy and successful.’ she questioned, and before Melissa could answer she said, that would be paradise, my dear.
Emma also added that the only thing that proves my existence is that, I think, therefore I exist. But I can’t be sure of the other things that occur around me. And to be complaining and being dissatisfied about things is like, “falling into the spear”. ‘It is also said that complaining destroys patience and that complaining is like a direct request for sympathy. So you might not want to complain too often’.
Melissa said, ‘but, talking about it and how to solve it does not count as complaining, right?’ Emma replied, ‘I don’t know, it depends on how you look at it. Almost everything depends on the individual themselves and the things they believe in.’
And so whenever Melissa had something on her mind or something she disagreed on, Emma would clear her thoughts and calm her down.
Melissa continued her life in routine and continued her life diligently and with determination. After a few years she graduated and obtained the high quality certificate her parents dreamt of and went back to her home land.
to be continued.
I can’t believe I met her again, after all these years. It was unreal. The past memories came back as if it just happened yesterday. I felt that I should write about our past’s memories, experience before I completely forget about it. My memories weren’t as vivid as it used to be. They were somewhat shading away. I opened the top drawer on the right hand side of the table. I took out an old dust covered book and wiped it with my palm, cleaning the book from the dust that enveloped it. Thick layer of dusts could be visibly seen as I rubbed the book. It was an old book that I had originally used for drawing when I was much younger. And when I got a little older I started writing in it and I am still using the same book to write about the things I want to. I wiped the dust on my palm on to my jeans.
Now, where do I start? The pages on the book flipped due to the breeze coming from the fan on the table. Her name was Melissa and she was physically normal, she wasn’t particularly good looking neither was she ugly. However, she was blessed with a good heart, as I would like to believe so. She was still in her teens and had just finished her high school examination days and due to her good results from her final examination her parents were suggesting her to go study abroad. They told her that they’ve heard that the quality of education and its certificates are highly recognizable and it would greatly be to her benefits in the future. Plus they could boast about their daughter studying abroad and be on par with their other relatives, hence giving others the impression that a bright future has already been established (of course they didn’t say this out loud, it was more like an indirect message).
Melissa, being the nice, decent girl decided that it was her obligation to do as what her parents wished for, since they seemed to be quite excited. So the application was granted and it was no longer a dream that she was going to spend the next few years in a foreign country. Her parents were thrilled by the news they received and Melissa was happy for them. She however wasn’t really as enthusiastic as her parents were, after all she was about to leave the only place she had knew and had to start over and be totally independent, in some foreign land.
On the other hand, she was quite thrilled that she had the chance to leave this place, people and go out and spread her wings. Somewhat growing up here and mixing with the people was rather boring. She was actually glad to experience something new. She was bored and tired of the people around her judging her from her every actions and movement and sometimes by her parents pressuring her to rise to their expectations.
A few weeks passed by and everything went accordingly and she was now looking at a completely fresh place with almost everything different than before. The weather was strangely different from what she was used to and somewhat too cold. She used to think that she liked cold weathers, but was already having second thoughts about that. She missed her parents a bit, but not too much. She knew that this wasn’t the time for that. With that she started to walk forward more briskly and confidently.
She was now, full of anticipation. She went to the places where she was suppose to attend and register and filled in forms and sorts. It wasn’t much of a hassle seeing that they were able to communicate smoothly and the people seemed friendly enough. After having that done, she went to a cheap hotel to stay the night. After washing up and resting a bit. She started walking around, looking at the new place and at the same time looking for a proper accommodation. It wasn’t difficult to get a rented room and a couple of days later, there she was moving into her new home, which looked formidable yet cheap and would look better after some cleaning up and a little decoration.
She settled down and class began. She met new people and even managed to find a roommate in the process. Things were getting along fine with Melissa. She was much happier than she thought she would be, before she came. She liked the new environment and the differences of people and places.
Everything seemed at the moment going smoothly until one day her parents called and explained to her that they found out that something went wrong with her loan application and that she wouldn’t receive any immediate financial help for the time being. Her parents promised to send over some money as soon as possible. She placed the phone receiver back at its place and was scared. She was about to panic, he roommate was able to see that something was obviously wrong with Melissa. She decided to talk to her. Emma was her name, the roommate. She listened to what Melissa said and exclaimed that most of them don’t apply for loans instead they work to finance their own education. It is normal to work to pay for your college fee, she added.
Melissa, now convinced by what Emma said decided not to dread about it and get a job to finance her studies and the fact that she didn’t have any choices motivated her a lot. It wasn’t really a big deal since almost all the youngsters there funded their own studies by working part time, she thought. If they could do it, so can she. And it would be more meaningful to pay one’s own tuition fee by working for it. Finding a job was easy as some of the places badly needed workers. The next day she called home and explained that she wouldn’t need the loan or their help and that she would manage just fine.
She now, didn’t really have time for other things. She had to study in the day; work in the afternoon and at night finish up her assignments and her daily chores. Emma too had a job and was as busy as Melissa was. They enjoyed each other company immensely and helped each other a lot. Melissa even started to enjoy her job. She worked in a fast food chain restaurant which sells fried chicken. And had chicken for dinner on a regular basis, most of the time with her roommate and friend Emma.
And whenever Melissa needed any help with her assignments or anything at all Emma was there for her. Emma often gave advices to Melissa one that she clearly remembered although it sounded quite weird, ‘to distrust her human emotions because, in the end, feelings always make you unhappy’. She didn’t quite get it at first but upon playing it in her head for several times found that it was a useful advice.
Melissa and Emma had many things in common; one example was that they despised the way people looked at things, stereotypes, and judgmental pricks. The way people look at their outer appearance and judge others before learning or getting to know them. But what they hated most was they too were the same, it isn’t easy not to be judgmental and treat everyone with equal respect. At the end they concluded that it was something that can’t be helped by regular people.
At times Melissa would get really stress out from college and at work. She was most of the time too busy to be thinking about things. But when she occasionally had time for herself and didn’t do anything with it she’d feel lonely and insignificant.
Recently she found a new friend. He was the guard man at her college. His name was Ethan and he was reaching 70 years old of age. He was a pleasant old man. She became fond of him and every time she had the time and opportunity to have a little chat with him, she’d be happy to talk to him. They would mostly just talk about college stuffs and occasionally sports, since the old man Ethan was fond of it. She pitied him, seeing that he was old and still had to work and worst of all he had to deal with people younger and be treated with insufficient respect. She had thought about it, how bad it is to work at that age and sometimes seeing the looks on people’s faces staring at Ethan was dreary. She wanted to help him in anyway possible but seeing that she couldn’t really do anything to get him out of the situation and having her own self to take care of and problems to deal with. She couldn’t really do anything about it.
She also made friends with a cleaner at the place she works at. Both of them the guard and the cleaner didn’t show any sort of disappointment/ sadness or dissatisfactory and that somewhat bothered her. One of the cleaners who worked there who were on talking terms with Melissa went by the name Joe. Melissa got to know that Joe was a father of two and had to work everyday and at several other places to support his family. She would see him everyday when he comes to clean the toilets and the premise. He was a hardworking fellow and he seemed to have accepted his life and its way of life. She respected him for that. Since his work wasn’t all that respected but, he was still making an honest living.
Melissa however became curios about why some people had to live their lives through sufferings and hard work. And on the other side of world, there were people who got it all easy and what makes it worse is that when they pretend as if they really worked hard for what they have achieved, when it was all given to them, the path, the opportunities all lay in front of them. All they ever had to do was to just take it, just like her (Melissa).
Emma would then disagree with her and point out her opinion. One day when she thought that Melissa was thinking too much and overanalyzing things, Emma decided to put an end to it. Think about it this way, she said, ‘you can’t be sure of things that you see and you can’t do anything to change the world from working the way it does. There have to be people who are suffering and striving. That makes the world in proportion, can you imagine a world where everyone is happy and successful.’ she questioned, and before Melissa could answer she said, that would be paradise, my dear.
Emma also added that the only thing that proves my existence is that, I think, therefore I exist. But I can’t be sure of the other things that occur around me. And to be complaining and being dissatisfied about things is like, “falling into the spear”. ‘It is also said that complaining destroys patience and that complaining is like a direct request for sympathy. So you might not want to complain too often’.
Melissa said, ‘but, talking about it and how to solve it does not count as complaining, right?’ Emma replied, ‘I don’t know, it depends on how you look at it. Almost everything depends on the individual themselves and the things they believe in.’
And so whenever Melissa had something on her mind or something she disagreed on, Emma would clear her thoughts and calm her down.
Melissa continued her life in routine and continued her life diligently and with determination. After a few years she graduated and obtained the high quality certificate her parents dreamt of and went back to her home land.
to be continued.
Halted Adventure
I can’t believe it turned out to be just another day of “eating frenzy” I was hoping for something more. It was my fault to begin with, but it was nonetheless nice and I have no complains at all, except for the fact that I forgot to ‘salam’ (pay respect?) with the family members including my parents. I completely forgot about it, yeah I know it’s hard to believe but my family is already dysfunctional. It was already less eventful to begin with. But then again I really was oblivious about it; most of my time was spent outside the house and when I was at home I’d be sleeping. I only realized about it in the evenings and at that time, I somewhat thought that ill just let it slip away and it was probably too late, hence I let it slip away. I sure hope that the family members won’t notice/remember it.
A few days passed by, and I noticed that I was already starting to expand due to the excessive eating’s, sometimes I just eat to remind myself that I wasn’t fasting anymore and could eat whenever I felt like it. It was a Tuesday; a friend called in the afternoon saying that they were going out to a friend’s house in Kuala Kubu which is situated far away from where we live. I readily agreed. I was excited of the thought of going on a long drive and to go to a kampung. I got prepared and as usual waited for quite some time for my friend to come and pick me up. When he arrived, we went to a friend’s house which was kinda like the ‘meeting place’ where everyone was supposed to meet.
We were the last ones to reach there and the guys were set to depart. There were six of us and so we decided to go in one car. It was an SUV and was supposedly supposed to be comfortable. It was, comfortable, but only to a certain extend. The seats at the farthest back were dreadful. The seats couldn’t be slanted back or adjusted in any way hence causing extreme discomfort. I might by stating this, risk sounding spoiled and whinny but believe me, it was terrible. I and one other unlucky friend had the privilege to sit there. What made it worse was that it was more sensitive. The slight bumps and curves on the road felt like riding on huge mountainous waves? (It was uncomfortable).We were experiencing headaches and stomach cramps.
After almost two whole hours of dreadfulness and now, dizziness we finally reached destination. I was really relieved that the ride ended. It wasn’t nearly the joy trip that I had expected. The Kampung air was nice but soon enough, overflowed with cigarette smokes. I saw my friends who smoked, light up their ciggies and somewhat looking at them I was convinced that it had to give them some sort of fulfilling sensation, judging by the look on their faces while smoking it. We went in, and this time I didn’t forget to ‘salam’ the parents of my friend and then found our seats. Some of the guys who were already acquainted went to the T.V room and browsed through the channels. We were served with chocolate cakes and some drinks. The cake was superb.
A few minutes later we went to the dinning table and stuffed ourselves up with more food. When we were done stuffing ourselves up, as usual the smokers went out for a smoke while the rest went into the T.V room and started playing winning 11 (5) on the PS console, so much for being at a Kampung. Nevertheless, it was entertaining and challenging as usual and the risk of getting into a fight was quite high seeing that most of the guys lose their cool rather easily.
After an hour or so of competing and cussing each other out and feeling rather worn out, we decided that it was time to return home. We said our thank you and headed outside. This time I and the friend who sat at the farthest back sat in the middle while the guys who sat in the middle before us, had no other choice.
The trip back was nicer and oddly shorter. We reached home sooner than expected. It wasn’t really far away but coming back home seeing the huge buildings, feeling the dust polluted air, and unfinished roads was a pleasant feeling, simply because it was home. We stopped at the ‘meeting place’. It was past midnight now, some had to go back while the rest who didn’t want to go home decided to go for a drink instead.
At the café, we found a good spot but didn’t really talk as much due to the weariness, I am guessing. Our times were spent looking around pointlessly and enjoying the cool weather and occasionally coming up with uncalled stupid jokes.
The guys who left for home were starting to come back and we once again felt hungry and decided to order for food. A few minutes later, the food arrived and we were about to dig in, a friends phone rang and he picked it up. We didn’t pay any attention to it and was about to help ourselves out with the food. He then stood up and said that the friend who was supposed to join us spotted some suspicious guys outside his house believed to be robbers.
The place we lived in was filled with criminal activities and was known for its dangerous-ness. Almost every family had their own share of experience of being a victim or at least seen someone get mugged. And anyone who walked alone in the middle of the night would almost certainly get mugged. Criminal cases were normal and I guess some of us, grew into it. I had a few friends who occasionally bragged about beating up bad guys that they caught, despite their own criminal doings. Even the police joined in and they too seemed to have their share of fun.
It was different this time though, it was much serious, and this time we might be dealing with really dangerous people. There were 5 of us. Three of us ran to the car while the other two was supposedly supposed to look after and guard the food. It wasn’t really far away, the friend’s house, and had been the target of robbers before: he had a car stolen before this. I guess those are one of the consequences of being rich, being the target of people in badly need of quick money.
We reached there in a matter of minutes. I was, just like my friends excited. We get to beat the hell out of someone and still get the glory. A phone rang again and during the brief conversation I heard that there were actually 4 of them and he said that they were Indians. That turned down my feeling of excitement. I was feeling nervous and scared now. I was imagining 4 Indian dudes with parang’s in their hands, grinning at us now.
Before we got down off the car, we searched for weapons that might be helpful. We only found 2, to be exact. One was a steering lock and the other was a broken umbrella. I got the umbrella. The other guy who didn’t get any weapon to attack or to protect himself with, was supposed to drive the car to the front side of the house to ‘ambush’ the robbers and using the car as his weapon, try to knock down the robbers by hitting them. That is, if things go according to plan.
As soon as we got out, to my surprise there was another car that stopped directly behind us. It was the police. Never before, I felt so happy seeing them. The friend whose house had been targeted must’ve called them. Two of them stepped out of the car with machine guns; MP5’s to be exact (thanks counterstrike). They looked so cool, then. I jogged into the tiny, pitched black alley surrounded by bushes led by my friend and followed by the cops. Here was when I started to once again lose my respect to the cops and I didn’t feel so secure anymore. My friend turned back and rudely said to the police, “seorang pergi kat depan arr, apsal semua nak ikut belakang!” one of the policemen replied, “okay-okay”, and when back into the car, which headed to the front. The policemen looked nervous too. They were human after all.
We now walked briskly yet, trying to refrain from making any noise. I walked side by side with my friend now and we came to a halt. I saw a man standing straight ahead holding a metal object looking at us. I grasped the umbrella in my hand tighter. We continued walking ahead, my heart started to beat faster and I was pretty much determined to charge forward.
I hadn’t been into a fight for a long time already and it somewhat felt strange. I remembered the last time I got into one, which wasn’t even my fight, it never was. I was trying to help my “nice friends” out from one. I succeeded in doing so but ended up being the one fighting against 15 or so other so called “gangsters” and my “nice friends” all of the lot, just stood there helplessly. My closest friend didn’t come to help till the very last moment. I didn’t really blame or cared much about the incident though, saying to myself that it was just not their way of settling things. Come to think about it, most of my so called nice friends wont even bother helping me out if I was the one facing the actual situation, they were too concerned for their own safety and I guess wouldn’t want anything to ruin their bright future.
But this time, I was trying to protect a friend and perhaps his family too. I tried to convince myself. However, I started thinking he wouldn’t really care about my intentions; he would just assume that I’d like to get into brawls and that would be the end of it. This is weird but, after it all ended I couldn’t help but thinking about the Indian dudes (the robbers) as well. All their lives they were cussed and looked down to. Some even looked at them as criminals even before they became actual criminals. And they didn’t get a chance for a proper guidance or a proper upbringing. And now, they were just meeting the public expectation. Weren’t they actually fulfilling their promised/destined life?
I brushed the thoughts off of me. This wasn’t the time for that. The man who stood across us now pointed the metal object at us and light came out through it. It was a damn torch light. Later, we found out that he was one of the neighbors. A very lonely man, I would like to add. We got closer to him and he started talking endlessly and even started reminiscing about his past experiences. We weren’t nearly in the mood to make new friends. I just nodded to what he said and so did the friend. I walked past the old man to look around for the robber.
The old man handed me the long metal torch as if handing down a burden. I took it and we began to search the drains. My “brave” (idiot) friend went to the extend of climbing down the drain to look for occupants in it. Luckily enough there was no one in there. I helped him out the sewage and we started walking up the black, back alley with the help of the torch, now in the friends hand. We thought that, there could be the possibility of the culprit still hiding nearby. So we looked around nervously, we tried to be as discreet as possible. We walked past houses looking through its fences and expecting someone to pop out all of a sudden, out of the blue. It almost felt like in the movies just more vividly real. After almost reaching the end of the alley, we decided that the culprit was already gone and that the show was over.
We walked to the front and were met by a crowd of people including the house owner, the guard and some other old dudes, who looked pretty much calm. They talked as usual and acted normal. It was over; I now realized that the friends who were supposed to guard the food were with us now. I guess they didn’t want to be missing out in the action. We got back in the car and returned to the café. The drive back was silent; one of the friends broke the silence by jokingly saying that he passed the responsibility of guarding the food to a waiter there. We returned and were glad to see the plates and drinks still on the table. It was uncared of and was already cold. Nevertheless, we finished it up in a few minutes.
I was glad that it was all over, but for some odd reason I felt disappointed too. The robbers might’ve known that they were spotted and must’ve fled even before we arrived. In the end it was all futile. No one did talk about the incident ever since, even at the cafe. I guess it was nothing much to think about. I returned home tired and it was the end of another day.
A few days passed by, and I noticed that I was already starting to expand due to the excessive eating’s, sometimes I just eat to remind myself that I wasn’t fasting anymore and could eat whenever I felt like it. It was a Tuesday; a friend called in the afternoon saying that they were going out to a friend’s house in Kuala Kubu which is situated far away from where we live. I readily agreed. I was excited of the thought of going on a long drive and to go to a kampung. I got prepared and as usual waited for quite some time for my friend to come and pick me up. When he arrived, we went to a friend’s house which was kinda like the ‘meeting place’ where everyone was supposed to meet.
We were the last ones to reach there and the guys were set to depart. There were six of us and so we decided to go in one car. It was an SUV and was supposedly supposed to be comfortable. It was, comfortable, but only to a certain extend. The seats at the farthest back were dreadful. The seats couldn’t be slanted back or adjusted in any way hence causing extreme discomfort. I might by stating this, risk sounding spoiled and whinny but believe me, it was terrible. I and one other unlucky friend had the privilege to sit there. What made it worse was that it was more sensitive. The slight bumps and curves on the road felt like riding on huge mountainous waves? (It was uncomfortable).We were experiencing headaches and stomach cramps.
After almost two whole hours of dreadfulness and now, dizziness we finally reached destination. I was really relieved that the ride ended. It wasn’t nearly the joy trip that I had expected. The Kampung air was nice but soon enough, overflowed with cigarette smokes. I saw my friends who smoked, light up their ciggies and somewhat looking at them I was convinced that it had to give them some sort of fulfilling sensation, judging by the look on their faces while smoking it. We went in, and this time I didn’t forget to ‘salam’ the parents of my friend and then found our seats. Some of the guys who were already acquainted went to the T.V room and browsed through the channels. We were served with chocolate cakes and some drinks. The cake was superb.
A few minutes later we went to the dinning table and stuffed ourselves up with more food. When we were done stuffing ourselves up, as usual the smokers went out for a smoke while the rest went into the T.V room and started playing winning 11 (5) on the PS console, so much for being at a Kampung. Nevertheless, it was entertaining and challenging as usual and the risk of getting into a fight was quite high seeing that most of the guys lose their cool rather easily.
After an hour or so of competing and cussing each other out and feeling rather worn out, we decided that it was time to return home. We said our thank you and headed outside. This time I and the friend who sat at the farthest back sat in the middle while the guys who sat in the middle before us, had no other choice.
The trip back was nicer and oddly shorter. We reached home sooner than expected. It wasn’t really far away but coming back home seeing the huge buildings, feeling the dust polluted air, and unfinished roads was a pleasant feeling, simply because it was home. We stopped at the ‘meeting place’. It was past midnight now, some had to go back while the rest who didn’t want to go home decided to go for a drink instead.
At the café, we found a good spot but didn’t really talk as much due to the weariness, I am guessing. Our times were spent looking around pointlessly and enjoying the cool weather and occasionally coming up with uncalled stupid jokes.
The guys who left for home were starting to come back and we once again felt hungry and decided to order for food. A few minutes later, the food arrived and we were about to dig in, a friends phone rang and he picked it up. We didn’t pay any attention to it and was about to help ourselves out with the food. He then stood up and said that the friend who was supposed to join us spotted some suspicious guys outside his house believed to be robbers.
The place we lived in was filled with criminal activities and was known for its dangerous-ness. Almost every family had their own share of experience of being a victim or at least seen someone get mugged. And anyone who walked alone in the middle of the night would almost certainly get mugged. Criminal cases were normal and I guess some of us, grew into it. I had a few friends who occasionally bragged about beating up bad guys that they caught, despite their own criminal doings. Even the police joined in and they too seemed to have their share of fun.
It was different this time though, it was much serious, and this time we might be dealing with really dangerous people. There were 5 of us. Three of us ran to the car while the other two was supposedly supposed to look after and guard the food. It wasn’t really far away, the friend’s house, and had been the target of robbers before: he had a car stolen before this. I guess those are one of the consequences of being rich, being the target of people in badly need of quick money.
We reached there in a matter of minutes. I was, just like my friends excited. We get to beat the hell out of someone and still get the glory. A phone rang again and during the brief conversation I heard that there were actually 4 of them and he said that they were Indians. That turned down my feeling of excitement. I was feeling nervous and scared now. I was imagining 4 Indian dudes with parang’s in their hands, grinning at us now.
Before we got down off the car, we searched for weapons that might be helpful. We only found 2, to be exact. One was a steering lock and the other was a broken umbrella. I got the umbrella. The other guy who didn’t get any weapon to attack or to protect himself with, was supposed to drive the car to the front side of the house to ‘ambush’ the robbers and using the car as his weapon, try to knock down the robbers by hitting them. That is, if things go according to plan.
As soon as we got out, to my surprise there was another car that stopped directly behind us. It was the police. Never before, I felt so happy seeing them. The friend whose house had been targeted must’ve called them. Two of them stepped out of the car with machine guns; MP5’s to be exact (thanks counterstrike). They looked so cool, then. I jogged into the tiny, pitched black alley surrounded by bushes led by my friend and followed by the cops. Here was when I started to once again lose my respect to the cops and I didn’t feel so secure anymore. My friend turned back and rudely said to the police, “seorang pergi kat depan arr, apsal semua nak ikut belakang!” one of the policemen replied, “okay-okay”, and when back into the car, which headed to the front. The policemen looked nervous too. They were human after all.
We now walked briskly yet, trying to refrain from making any noise. I walked side by side with my friend now and we came to a halt. I saw a man standing straight ahead holding a metal object looking at us. I grasped the umbrella in my hand tighter. We continued walking ahead, my heart started to beat faster and I was pretty much determined to charge forward.
I hadn’t been into a fight for a long time already and it somewhat felt strange. I remembered the last time I got into one, which wasn’t even my fight, it never was. I was trying to help my “nice friends” out from one. I succeeded in doing so but ended up being the one fighting against 15 or so other so called “gangsters” and my “nice friends” all of the lot, just stood there helplessly. My closest friend didn’t come to help till the very last moment. I didn’t really blame or cared much about the incident though, saying to myself that it was just not their way of settling things. Come to think about it, most of my so called nice friends wont even bother helping me out if I was the one facing the actual situation, they were too concerned for their own safety and I guess wouldn’t want anything to ruin their bright future.
But this time, I was trying to protect a friend and perhaps his family too. I tried to convince myself. However, I started thinking he wouldn’t really care about my intentions; he would just assume that I’d like to get into brawls and that would be the end of it. This is weird but, after it all ended I couldn’t help but thinking about the Indian dudes (the robbers) as well. All their lives they were cussed and looked down to. Some even looked at them as criminals even before they became actual criminals. And they didn’t get a chance for a proper guidance or a proper upbringing. And now, they were just meeting the public expectation. Weren’t they actually fulfilling their promised/destined life?
I brushed the thoughts off of me. This wasn’t the time for that. The man who stood across us now pointed the metal object at us and light came out through it. It was a damn torch light. Later, we found out that he was one of the neighbors. A very lonely man, I would like to add. We got closer to him and he started talking endlessly and even started reminiscing about his past experiences. We weren’t nearly in the mood to make new friends. I just nodded to what he said and so did the friend. I walked past the old man to look around for the robber.
The old man handed me the long metal torch as if handing down a burden. I took it and we began to search the drains. My “brave” (idiot) friend went to the extend of climbing down the drain to look for occupants in it. Luckily enough there was no one in there. I helped him out the sewage and we started walking up the black, back alley with the help of the torch, now in the friends hand. We thought that, there could be the possibility of the culprit still hiding nearby. So we looked around nervously, we tried to be as discreet as possible. We walked past houses looking through its fences and expecting someone to pop out all of a sudden, out of the blue. It almost felt like in the movies just more vividly real. After almost reaching the end of the alley, we decided that the culprit was already gone and that the show was over.
We walked to the front and were met by a crowd of people including the house owner, the guard and some other old dudes, who looked pretty much calm. They talked as usual and acted normal. It was over; I now realized that the friends who were supposed to guard the food were with us now. I guess they didn’t want to be missing out in the action. We got back in the car and returned to the café. The drive back was silent; one of the friends broke the silence by jokingly saying that he passed the responsibility of guarding the food to a waiter there. We returned and were glad to see the plates and drinks still on the table. It was uncared of and was already cold. Nevertheless, we finished it up in a few minutes.
I was glad that it was all over, but for some odd reason I felt disappointed too. The robbers might’ve known that they were spotted and must’ve fled even before we arrived. In the end it was all futile. No one did talk about the incident ever since, even at the cafe. I guess it was nothing much to think about. I returned home tired and it was the end of another day.
The Wait
My name is Ippo. My friends call me Ippo and so does everybody else who knows me. Unlike my usual nights, where I either go out or if I don’t watch animes or simply just hang out with friends or go over to friends place or play football. I couldn’t play football, my ankle was in a bad state and it even hurt when I walked, that sucked. I was bumped out at home and the only thing that I had going for the night was that I was anticipating a friend to come over and lend me a book.
I live with my brother, the place we lived in was small, but it was sufficient enough for the both of us and for the friends who quite frequently sleep over just because they felt like it, I guess. However the place was especially crowded in the nights with the normal faces and sometimes with some strange faces. The house would more than often be packed with people which weren’t a problem. we made friends quick and we try to be nice to others, especially with others since we weren’t really nice to each other.
So, there I was in the privacy of my room accompanied by some other friends/ people who were busy watching the movie that they had on at the time. It was the ‘in movie’ at that time so almost everyone liked it and so every one who came had to watch it and I think I might have already watched the same movie over and over again, till I’ve already memorized the movie by heart. Looking at the other guys all cramped up in the small room but not seemed to be affected by the uncomfortable-ness assured me more that the movie was really good.
I however didn’t feel all that contented with the people and the stuffiness hence decided to move out from the room and get out from the stuffy room/atmosphere. As I came out to the living room it was already filled with more people who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their night or for some nights. Most of them were either adults or young adults; some dressed weird and had weird make up on. Everyone seemed to be pretty preoccupied among them-selves and looked as if they were having a good time.
It was just as stuffy as it was before in the room only that the place was wider with more people. I was sort of disappointed and had the thought to ask the people to leave, but on second thoughts it’ll be rude to do so. It wasn’t really nice having peopled over almost every night with a noisy situation to deal with almost every night. The only good thing about it was they were all adults and so if anything bad happens or whatever it is that happens they’d be solely responsible for their actions and for their own-selves/safety.
I managed to find an empty spot on the edge of a long worn out sofa situated against a wall, facing the entrance. There were patches of stitched material all over it, but it was comfortable to sit on, nonetheless.
There were a few girls seated beside me, some of the ladies were busy chatting among themselves and after a while would occasionally glance to check whether or not I was listening to their conversation and at times giggle in a very giddy sort of way. I just smiled back, I knew everyone there and they knew who I was. Most of them were my brother’s friends. My friends somewhat didn’t feel at home as my brothers friends did. And my friends and my brothers somewhat seemed to contradict with each other on almost every aspects.
I was just sitting there pointlessly and greeting or be greeted by passers by and would occasionally make small talks with some of the friends. I was waiting for a friend to drop by. He was supposed to come over an hour ago; he, knowing that I, fond of reading said that he’d lend me a book entitled “Hitler’s Vienna”, if I am not mistaken of the title.
According to him it was about the story of Hitler before he became ‘Hitler’ and his exact words upon describing the book was, ‘over all it was good, but there were certain chapters which seemed to be dragged on a little bit. Ill let you read it for yourself.’ It has got to be a good book and plus it’s about Hitler, the world most famous villain. It would be nice to know how his early days were like and what influenced him. Considering that it could be educational and informative in its own way. And lately, I haven’t found any interesting books to read for a while and this is the right time to be absorbed in one. The books that I had with me were boring novels or not so helpful self help books.
One of the girls who sat at the other edge of the couch started to question me with questions, her friends stopped talking with each other, and were all now looking at me attentively as in waiting in anticipation on what I would answer each time their friend asked me a question. I used to go to the same school with the person who was asking me those questions and she was pretty much a nice person and I enjoyed talking to her and she was quite a looker too, I might add. She asked questions like what I had planned for the night and about the current music and movies, we used to talk a lot about that. Having said that, I wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk especially when all of her friends were now looking at us as we talked. They were kinda interested in what we talked about, I am guessing. I excused myself by giving a lame excuse saying that I’ve to get my phone that I left in my room which was actually in my pocket. I walked away saying that ill be back.
Instead of going back to my room I decided to wait for my friend outside the house since the inside was too stuffy and filled with people. I am quite sure the girls didn’t even notice me walking out. I went out the gate and sat on the concrete, brick thingy beside the gate and leaned on the concrete wall which held the gate. I studied my surroundings. It was dark, I was sheltered by a huge tree, few plants that protruded from the fences, and a black dustbin placed beside the huge tree. I felt much more comfortable sitting outside compared to when I was in. it somewhat made me felt more at ease. The air was cool and chilled. It just rained, and whenever there were a strong cool breeze, raindrops from the wet tree/plants dropped on me and caused me to tingle a little. The place was quiet for the exception of the noise coming from inside of the house and from the cars that drove by and at times from footsteps of people walking in and out of the house, ruining the quietness and the stillness of the night.
I looked up at the sky and saw the normal pitched black place which seemed impossible to reach accompanied by little glimmering stars that were clearly apparent, which wasn’t really significant but it assured me that everything was how it was supposed to be and how it appeared to be. I always had these weird feelings of how things might abruptly change and just won’t be the same again and would eventually lead to the destruction of the world. Not very amusing, I know.
I sat there leaning on the wall looking up the tree branches and the dark sky, looking pointlessly to the dark sky and for some odd reason wished that I could fly. I always wanted super powers simply the thought of it amuses me, as childish as it might sound.
I was enjoying the atmosphere but at the same time couldn’t help but get bored and annoyed waiting for the Malay friend. It was a weakness of mine, I get bored, and annoyed at things easily. I decided to wait for a while longer and just sat there playing with my phone. My mind drifted away, I caught myself thinking about this peculiar phone call that I received about a week ago. The phone rang, and I looked at the phone to study who the caller was the number was new, I answered the phone anyway. A woman’s voice was heard on the other end, she was asking for some foreign name (as in not Malaysian). I replied that she got the wrong number and she starting asking more questions and one thing led to another and we were talking about football for some odd reason. She then introduced herself; I couldn’t remember what her name was, but she definitely didn’t sound Malaysian. If I were to guess, I’d say she’s Japanese and so our conversation ended.
She was awfully friendly but I didn’t really take it in mind. I knew that I shouldn’t. A few days passed and I totally forgot about the phone call. To my surprise, she called again and this time she said that she had a relative who would be visiting and wanted to know whether he could join us for football. It sounded strange but I somewhat agreed to her request, could be because I am somewhat interested in meeting new people and making new friends and we weren’t really picky of whom we played with as long as the played good football.
My phone rang for a bit and then stopped before i could answer it, waking me up from my dream. I notticed a small car stopping in front of my house, it was the Malay friend. He had finally arrived and I could see that he held the book in his left hand as he walked out of his car, I was already grinning as I saw him walking towards me. He raised one of his hands and said, ‘Ippo, sorry to have made you wait’. I replied it was ok and that I was used to it. He then handed me the book and said that he had some errands to run. He got back in his car, waved a little and drove past me. I took the book with me and almost ran into the house. Now the only trouble that I had was to read it peacefully.
I live with my brother, the place we lived in was small, but it was sufficient enough for the both of us and for the friends who quite frequently sleep over just because they felt like it, I guess. However the place was especially crowded in the nights with the normal faces and sometimes with some strange faces. The house would more than often be packed with people which weren’t a problem. we made friends quick and we try to be nice to others, especially with others since we weren’t really nice to each other.
So, there I was in the privacy of my room accompanied by some other friends/ people who were busy watching the movie that they had on at the time. It was the ‘in movie’ at that time so almost everyone liked it and so every one who came had to watch it and I think I might have already watched the same movie over and over again, till I’ve already memorized the movie by heart. Looking at the other guys all cramped up in the small room but not seemed to be affected by the uncomfortable-ness assured me more that the movie was really good.
I however didn’t feel all that contented with the people and the stuffiness hence decided to move out from the room and get out from the stuffy room/atmosphere. As I came out to the living room it was already filled with more people who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their night or for some nights. Most of them were either adults or young adults; some dressed weird and had weird make up on. Everyone seemed to be pretty preoccupied among them-selves and looked as if they were having a good time.
It was just as stuffy as it was before in the room only that the place was wider with more people. I was sort of disappointed and had the thought to ask the people to leave, but on second thoughts it’ll be rude to do so. It wasn’t really nice having peopled over almost every night with a noisy situation to deal with almost every night. The only good thing about it was they were all adults and so if anything bad happens or whatever it is that happens they’d be solely responsible for their actions and for their own-selves/safety.
I managed to find an empty spot on the edge of a long worn out sofa situated against a wall, facing the entrance. There were patches of stitched material all over it, but it was comfortable to sit on, nonetheless.
There were a few girls seated beside me, some of the ladies were busy chatting among themselves and after a while would occasionally glance to check whether or not I was listening to their conversation and at times giggle in a very giddy sort of way. I just smiled back, I knew everyone there and they knew who I was. Most of them were my brother’s friends. My friends somewhat didn’t feel at home as my brothers friends did. And my friends and my brothers somewhat seemed to contradict with each other on almost every aspects.
I was just sitting there pointlessly and greeting or be greeted by passers by and would occasionally make small talks with some of the friends. I was waiting for a friend to drop by. He was supposed to come over an hour ago; he, knowing that I, fond of reading said that he’d lend me a book entitled “Hitler’s Vienna”, if I am not mistaken of the title.
According to him it was about the story of Hitler before he became ‘Hitler’ and his exact words upon describing the book was, ‘over all it was good, but there were certain chapters which seemed to be dragged on a little bit. Ill let you read it for yourself.’ It has got to be a good book and plus it’s about Hitler, the world most famous villain. It would be nice to know how his early days were like and what influenced him. Considering that it could be educational and informative in its own way. And lately, I haven’t found any interesting books to read for a while and this is the right time to be absorbed in one. The books that I had with me were boring novels or not so helpful self help books.
One of the girls who sat at the other edge of the couch started to question me with questions, her friends stopped talking with each other, and were all now looking at me attentively as in waiting in anticipation on what I would answer each time their friend asked me a question. I used to go to the same school with the person who was asking me those questions and she was pretty much a nice person and I enjoyed talking to her and she was quite a looker too, I might add. She asked questions like what I had planned for the night and about the current music and movies, we used to talk a lot about that. Having said that, I wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk especially when all of her friends were now looking at us as we talked. They were kinda interested in what we talked about, I am guessing. I excused myself by giving a lame excuse saying that I’ve to get my phone that I left in my room which was actually in my pocket. I walked away saying that ill be back.
Instead of going back to my room I decided to wait for my friend outside the house since the inside was too stuffy and filled with people. I am quite sure the girls didn’t even notice me walking out. I went out the gate and sat on the concrete, brick thingy beside the gate and leaned on the concrete wall which held the gate. I studied my surroundings. It was dark, I was sheltered by a huge tree, few plants that protruded from the fences, and a black dustbin placed beside the huge tree. I felt much more comfortable sitting outside compared to when I was in. it somewhat made me felt more at ease. The air was cool and chilled. It just rained, and whenever there were a strong cool breeze, raindrops from the wet tree/plants dropped on me and caused me to tingle a little. The place was quiet for the exception of the noise coming from inside of the house and from the cars that drove by and at times from footsteps of people walking in and out of the house, ruining the quietness and the stillness of the night.
I looked up at the sky and saw the normal pitched black place which seemed impossible to reach accompanied by little glimmering stars that were clearly apparent, which wasn’t really significant but it assured me that everything was how it was supposed to be and how it appeared to be. I always had these weird feelings of how things might abruptly change and just won’t be the same again and would eventually lead to the destruction of the world. Not very amusing, I know.
I sat there leaning on the wall looking up the tree branches and the dark sky, looking pointlessly to the dark sky and for some odd reason wished that I could fly. I always wanted super powers simply the thought of it amuses me, as childish as it might sound.
I was enjoying the atmosphere but at the same time couldn’t help but get bored and annoyed waiting for the Malay friend. It was a weakness of mine, I get bored, and annoyed at things easily. I decided to wait for a while longer and just sat there playing with my phone. My mind drifted away, I caught myself thinking about this peculiar phone call that I received about a week ago. The phone rang, and I looked at the phone to study who the caller was the number was new, I answered the phone anyway. A woman’s voice was heard on the other end, she was asking for some foreign name (as in not Malaysian). I replied that she got the wrong number and she starting asking more questions and one thing led to another and we were talking about football for some odd reason. She then introduced herself; I couldn’t remember what her name was, but she definitely didn’t sound Malaysian. If I were to guess, I’d say she’s Japanese and so our conversation ended.
She was awfully friendly but I didn’t really take it in mind. I knew that I shouldn’t. A few days passed and I totally forgot about the phone call. To my surprise, she called again and this time she said that she had a relative who would be visiting and wanted to know whether he could join us for football. It sounded strange but I somewhat agreed to her request, could be because I am somewhat interested in meeting new people and making new friends and we weren’t really picky of whom we played with as long as the played good football.
My phone rang for a bit and then stopped before i could answer it, waking me up from my dream. I notticed a small car stopping in front of my house, it was the Malay friend. He had finally arrived and I could see that he held the book in his left hand as he walked out of his car, I was already grinning as I saw him walking towards me. He raised one of his hands and said, ‘Ippo, sorry to have made you wait’. I replied it was ok and that I was used to it. He then handed me the book and said that he had some errands to run. He got back in his car, waved a little and drove past me. I took the book with me and almost ran into the house. Now the only trouble that I had was to read it peacefully.
Uncertainty
I came not knowing from where, but I came.
And I saw a pathway in front of me, so I walked.
And I will remain walking, whether I want this or not.
How did I come? How did I see my pathway?
I do not know!
Am I new or am I old in this existence?
Am I free and unrestrained, or do I walk in chains?
Do I lead myself in my life, or am I being led?
I wish I know, but…
I do not know!
And my path, oh what is my path? Is it long or is it short?
Am I ascending in it, or am I going down and sinking?
Am I the one who is walking on the road,
or is it the road that is moving?
Or are we both standing, but it is the time that is running?
I do not know!
Before I became a full human, do you see
if I were nothing, impossible? Or do you see that I was something?
Is there an answer to this puzzle, or will it remain eternal?
I do not know ... and why do I not know??
I do not know!
Elya Abu Madhi
And I saw a pathway in front of me, so I walked.
And I will remain walking, whether I want this or not.
How did I come? How did I see my pathway?
I do not know!
Am I new or am I old in this existence?
Am I free and unrestrained, or do I walk in chains?
Do I lead myself in my life, or am I being led?
I wish I know, but…
I do not know!
And my path, oh what is my path? Is it long or is it short?
Am I ascending in it, or am I going down and sinking?
Am I the one who is walking on the road,
or is it the road that is moving?
Or are we both standing, but it is the time that is running?
I do not know!
Before I became a full human, do you see
if I were nothing, impossible? Or do you see that I was something?
Is there an answer to this puzzle, or will it remain eternal?
I do not know ... and why do I not know??
I do not know!
Elya Abu Madhi
Darkness, Darkness Is Spreading
Child hood friends we were. We were proud to still be friends, dear friends after all this period. Although there were many to stop us, we didn’t seem to take that as a given. We were just the few common lot that one understands the other and the need to pretend to be another was not needed.
It was difficult for us to hang as we used to, but the opportunity given would not be wasted by sitting at home surrounded by problems and problematic people. The mood was pretentious while the troubles were real. Neither of us enjoyed sticking at home with unsettled troubles burdening, when feeling helpless was the only thing that could be done. Not a good feeling, I might add.
The outings weren’t as extravagant or entertaining such as how the others ‘happenings’ would spend their times. Ours were mundane and ordinary; nonetheless it was nearly as entertaining and enjoyable knowing that not every entertainment was for everyone. We were getting old I’d say, but realizing that a peaceful untroubled outing is all that matters.
The more you know and research about the world and its people, the more chaotic you realize it is. People from before us were as complicated and troubled as we are now. I guess it all sums out by the saying, ‘life is a circle’. Well, of course if what you study or research are about evil countries, organizations and evil people. The most knowledge you gain is about their deceptions and the parts they play in turning the world to their benefits.
One would have the exact opposite knowing if he chooses to study or research about the "do gooders" and their kind I am thinking, that he would learn of how wonderful the world is and the people who inhabits it. But it normally does succumb to complications and confusions living in a time where doing good and bad come hand in hand.
I guess, what kept us together was the fact that some of us were unhappy and shared the same uneasiness or at least understands the other and also not forgetting the method of communication that doesn’t differs from others such as constant phone calls, text messages and when all fails, going to a friends place and abruptly waking their sleeping ass off was the only solution. We enjoyed it; even the person whose awakening was rather rude might have felt appreciated. Luckily enough the parents didn’t seem to make it a big issue.
I am not bragging or boasting of our friendship: it was somewhat peculiar that as people who weren’t on talking terms during the early day as we were from different groups or clans if it’s clearer to you. And becoming close friends later on was something that was not expected. I guess, I realized by that time that being at fancy places and hanging with a particular group feeling superior to the rest weren’t completely convincing. Hanging with people who constantly tried to prove that they were better than the rest of the lots was too undermining and arrogant. That was my perception then and still is.
There weren’t many of us but it often consists of nice guys who were tolerable and tolerate to each other. I was getting prepared to head home from work. It was just a normal boring day at work but since boring was always better compared to trouble, I had no complaints.
It was a wonder to know that only a few enjoyed their jobs (it could also be only my friends) but there weren’t any other way to live a normal life. I am a slave of money and the need of it controls my life. Yet, still there was always hope or in the very end, acceptance.
I heard a familiar sound coming from my phone and there was two text messages arriving almost simultaneously with almost the same message but from different people. It lighted my day, we had a plan for the night and despite the weariness I was energetic as if the day had just started. The mind plays tricks on us.
My arrival at home was normal and I somewhat felt gratified having a place to return to, in hope that I would still have a place to return to in the future. It was a scary thought: I tried not to decorate my mind with thinking of unpleasantness. There was a phone call conveying a message that I had to get ready in ten minutes time. It crushed my dream of having a brisk sleep to refrain from the weariness I felt. I got readied and after a quick shower looked outside searching for any vehicles parked outside the house. There was one and it looked rather agitated, I hurried outside and we were soon heading towards our destination but before that to another friends place. The driver was a kindhearted guy who didn’t mind the driving and the picking ups and the sending backs. I guess we all badly wanted to get off from home especially after a day worth of tiring work, with a similar way of thinking that is of rewarding thyself, not too much though, knowing limits.
It was cold outside as it was raining the car’s wipers were put on to work and was busy wiping the glass from one end to another. The sound of rain drops dropping on the roof were clear despite the noise coming out from the speakers. The road was wet hence slippery. The driver was cautioned to be careful and he abided it. Some were already sleeping in the car due to exhaustion from the day and work. The rest of us were chatting away pointlessly and would occasionally talk about useful awareness matters. But most of the time it was just the absurd jokes, sarcasm and cynical comments.
By the time we reached our destination everyone in the vehicle was awoken and was walking out of it and were told to resume their goodnight sleep in the cinema. Tickets were bought and we went on walking for a while and to the movies. It wasn’t bad neither it was good. We managed to waste a few moments with a price to pay but nonetheless, the free times , it was not spent alone.
It was already late and most of us had to wake up early in the morning, doing about the same routine and come back home exhausted. We were all seated in a friend’s vehicle and were set to go back to our living place. Everyone looked sleepy and some might even already started regretting coming along and there was a guy at the back already dozing off. The air was now quiet and the song that was aired on the radio was a tune that most of us liked and it was pleasant (it was entitled ‘I hate you then I love you’). Everything seemed perfect. The seat was cozy, the air condition was perfect, and the friends were either sleeping or their thoughts drifting somewhere only they’d know. There was complete silence for the exception of the song. I was, at the moment in the state of mind of trying to appreciate every essence and aspects of life while I could hence I was totally engulfed in my thoughts and was on the verge of sleeping.
I found myself thinking of yesterday’s night. I hung with a totally opposite crowd compared to this one and funnily enough they too were childhood and close friends.
I was picked up after work and we were off to a friend’s house nearby, it was already past midnight. The activities there too were boring but it was not bad. I remembered coming home almost at dawn thinking that I’ve spent a few hours playing a video game. I could’ve slept. The same game every time but it was always fun every single time, it was winning eleven 9. The game was so realistic that it felt almost real.
The atmosphere were cheerful and smoky, the lot had a little too many joints. And everyone was super sensitive even the ones who weren’t smoking, it could have been the effects of losing. Everyone looked worn out; after a couple more hours of playing the game and ranting pointlessly I decided that it was time to go back.
The song changed, I was aware of that but my eyes were still closed. The next song was on, I could hear my friends that were awake talking, and it was the guy from the backseat talking and the driver friend, listening to his story. He disrupted his story and started saying on how they’re going to have trouble waking up in the morning. The seat was comfortable and huge, I felt safe, I was with my close buddies, and I thought to myself that I don’t regret knowing them.
A few minutes passed, I opened my eyes to see where we at and looked at my friend who was driving and realized that he was sleeping.
I didn’t want to panic, but I was shocked. I shouted his name and shook him up as fast as I could. He opened his eyes, and took control of the vehicle. A sigh of relief I felt for a moment, but as I looked ahead there was a lorry in front and my heart stopped beating. I didn’t know about the guys at the back but flashes of thoughts passed through my head and before the next thought came across, there was the crash, a loud cracking collision.
I opened my eyes, only to hear distance footsteps walking away from me. My mind paused, so did everything else.
‘Then, what happened?’ the friend who was driving asked.
‘How, would I know, I was just telling you a story of what would happen, if you felt asleep while driving’. Reply came from the back.
It was all so confusing and chaotic. I now felt, someone pressing on to my arms and shaking me up I opened my eyes now, the friend who was driving was not driving anymore, the vehicle was stopped and I looked at him, looking at him staring at me. I looked back at him innocently and questioned him,
‘What?’
‘Get out’, was what he said and I turned around to see where I was at. I was in front of my home and was relieved to be back. I looked back in the car, twisting my back, looking for the occupants at the back, there was no one there.
I looked confused and told my friend, ‘dude you won’t believe what I dreamt about’. To my surprise he coldly said, ‘No’. I climbed down and shut the heavy door. The car drove swiftly past me.
It was difficult for us to hang as we used to, but the opportunity given would not be wasted by sitting at home surrounded by problems and problematic people. The mood was pretentious while the troubles were real. Neither of us enjoyed sticking at home with unsettled troubles burdening, when feeling helpless was the only thing that could be done. Not a good feeling, I might add.
The outings weren’t as extravagant or entertaining such as how the others ‘happenings’ would spend their times. Ours were mundane and ordinary; nonetheless it was nearly as entertaining and enjoyable knowing that not every entertainment was for everyone. We were getting old I’d say, but realizing that a peaceful untroubled outing is all that matters.
The more you know and research about the world and its people, the more chaotic you realize it is. People from before us were as complicated and troubled as we are now. I guess it all sums out by the saying, ‘life is a circle’. Well, of course if what you study or research are about evil countries, organizations and evil people. The most knowledge you gain is about their deceptions and the parts they play in turning the world to their benefits.
One would have the exact opposite knowing if he chooses to study or research about the "do gooders" and their kind I am thinking, that he would learn of how wonderful the world is and the people who inhabits it. But it normally does succumb to complications and confusions living in a time where doing good and bad come hand in hand.
I guess, what kept us together was the fact that some of us were unhappy and shared the same uneasiness or at least understands the other and also not forgetting the method of communication that doesn’t differs from others such as constant phone calls, text messages and when all fails, going to a friends place and abruptly waking their sleeping ass off was the only solution. We enjoyed it; even the person whose awakening was rather rude might have felt appreciated. Luckily enough the parents didn’t seem to make it a big issue.
I am not bragging or boasting of our friendship: it was somewhat peculiar that as people who weren’t on talking terms during the early day as we were from different groups or clans if it’s clearer to you. And becoming close friends later on was something that was not expected. I guess, I realized by that time that being at fancy places and hanging with a particular group feeling superior to the rest weren’t completely convincing. Hanging with people who constantly tried to prove that they were better than the rest of the lots was too undermining and arrogant. That was my perception then and still is.
There weren’t many of us but it often consists of nice guys who were tolerable and tolerate to each other. I was getting prepared to head home from work. It was just a normal boring day at work but since boring was always better compared to trouble, I had no complaints.
It was a wonder to know that only a few enjoyed their jobs (it could also be only my friends) but there weren’t any other way to live a normal life. I am a slave of money and the need of it controls my life. Yet, still there was always hope or in the very end, acceptance.
I heard a familiar sound coming from my phone and there was two text messages arriving almost simultaneously with almost the same message but from different people. It lighted my day, we had a plan for the night and despite the weariness I was energetic as if the day had just started. The mind plays tricks on us.
My arrival at home was normal and I somewhat felt gratified having a place to return to, in hope that I would still have a place to return to in the future. It was a scary thought: I tried not to decorate my mind with thinking of unpleasantness. There was a phone call conveying a message that I had to get ready in ten minutes time. It crushed my dream of having a brisk sleep to refrain from the weariness I felt. I got readied and after a quick shower looked outside searching for any vehicles parked outside the house. There was one and it looked rather agitated, I hurried outside and we were soon heading towards our destination but before that to another friends place. The driver was a kindhearted guy who didn’t mind the driving and the picking ups and the sending backs. I guess we all badly wanted to get off from home especially after a day worth of tiring work, with a similar way of thinking that is of rewarding thyself, not too much though, knowing limits.
It was cold outside as it was raining the car’s wipers were put on to work and was busy wiping the glass from one end to another. The sound of rain drops dropping on the roof were clear despite the noise coming out from the speakers. The road was wet hence slippery. The driver was cautioned to be careful and he abided it. Some were already sleeping in the car due to exhaustion from the day and work. The rest of us were chatting away pointlessly and would occasionally talk about useful awareness matters. But most of the time it was just the absurd jokes, sarcasm and cynical comments.
By the time we reached our destination everyone in the vehicle was awoken and was walking out of it and were told to resume their goodnight sleep in the cinema. Tickets were bought and we went on walking for a while and to the movies. It wasn’t bad neither it was good. We managed to waste a few moments with a price to pay but nonetheless, the free times , it was not spent alone.
It was already late and most of us had to wake up early in the morning, doing about the same routine and come back home exhausted. We were all seated in a friend’s vehicle and were set to go back to our living place. Everyone looked sleepy and some might even already started regretting coming along and there was a guy at the back already dozing off. The air was now quiet and the song that was aired on the radio was a tune that most of us liked and it was pleasant (it was entitled ‘I hate you then I love you’). Everything seemed perfect. The seat was cozy, the air condition was perfect, and the friends were either sleeping or their thoughts drifting somewhere only they’d know. There was complete silence for the exception of the song. I was, at the moment in the state of mind of trying to appreciate every essence and aspects of life while I could hence I was totally engulfed in my thoughts and was on the verge of sleeping.
I found myself thinking of yesterday’s night. I hung with a totally opposite crowd compared to this one and funnily enough they too were childhood and close friends.
I was picked up after work and we were off to a friend’s house nearby, it was already past midnight. The activities there too were boring but it was not bad. I remembered coming home almost at dawn thinking that I’ve spent a few hours playing a video game. I could’ve slept. The same game every time but it was always fun every single time, it was winning eleven 9. The game was so realistic that it felt almost real.
The atmosphere were cheerful and smoky, the lot had a little too many joints. And everyone was super sensitive even the ones who weren’t smoking, it could have been the effects of losing. Everyone looked worn out; after a couple more hours of playing the game and ranting pointlessly I decided that it was time to go back.
The song changed, I was aware of that but my eyes were still closed. The next song was on, I could hear my friends that were awake talking, and it was the guy from the backseat talking and the driver friend, listening to his story. He disrupted his story and started saying on how they’re going to have trouble waking up in the morning. The seat was comfortable and huge, I felt safe, I was with my close buddies, and I thought to myself that I don’t regret knowing them.
A few minutes passed, I opened my eyes to see where we at and looked at my friend who was driving and realized that he was sleeping.
I didn’t want to panic, but I was shocked. I shouted his name and shook him up as fast as I could. He opened his eyes, and took control of the vehicle. A sigh of relief I felt for a moment, but as I looked ahead there was a lorry in front and my heart stopped beating. I didn’t know about the guys at the back but flashes of thoughts passed through my head and before the next thought came across, there was the crash, a loud cracking collision.
I opened my eyes, only to hear distance footsteps walking away from me. My mind paused, so did everything else.
‘Then, what happened?’ the friend who was driving asked.
‘How, would I know, I was just telling you a story of what would happen, if you felt asleep while driving’. Reply came from the back.
It was all so confusing and chaotic. I now felt, someone pressing on to my arms and shaking me up I opened my eyes now, the friend who was driving was not driving anymore, the vehicle was stopped and I looked at him, looking at him staring at me. I looked back at him innocently and questioned him,
‘What?’
‘Get out’, was what he said and I turned around to see where I was at. I was in front of my home and was relieved to be back. I looked back in the car, twisting my back, looking for the occupants at the back, there was no one there.
I looked confused and told my friend, ‘dude you won’t believe what I dreamt about’. To my surprise he coldly said, ‘No’. I climbed down and shut the heavy door. The car drove swiftly past me.
Lousy Movie Review
Another Monday and yes, I am bored. Really bored, I have exhausted all other options such as surfing the net, watching clips from the net, listening to music, and reading, day dreaming and staring pointlessly at the papaya trees outside. I succumbed to writing.
But unlike every other complaining/ whining entry like before this particular entry would be different. Frankly speaking, I myself am tired of complaining as in for now.
Yesterday was quite hectic but I won’t go on elaborating or ranting about what I did or where I went to or how unlucky of a person I am. Yesterday was a Sunday, just felt like saying it.
What I am going to write about this time at my work place in a sunny (not the nice type of sunny) afternoon surrounded by electrical gadgets is about something I saw yesterday.
After a long hectic day of working and mending some other petty businesses I went out with a friend and to my pleasant surprise he gave me more like lend me a dvd of a movie that I badly wanted to see. He claimed that he just bought it and just finished watching it. He added that the movie was brilliant and since I was the one who recommended the movie to him I coolly asked him, “Who’s your daddy?”
The movie was about a young adult who was wrongly accused of cocaine possession which actually belonged to his dorm mate. Hence, he was expelled from school. He then decided to move to a place where football was a craze and fans were fanatic about the sport. Upon reaching his destination and greeted by his relative. He followed his relative back home and met with the other family members that he met for the first time.
Soon enough, as expected he went to a football match with a relative of his relative, to make matters simpler, his cousin. It was his first and I could tell that he was amazed by the game and the fans; I know that I’d be.
He realized that it wasn’t the game itself that mattered. Outer factors like rivalries among fans were a huge thing in the country. They hung out in a bar where only supporters from a certain club/ association would hang there. He wasn’t feeling that well after the game, the got into a fight right after the match and it was his first experience of watching a football match and getting into a fight.
The pain was no longer felt as they were all drunk and drunk. It was a way of life there. They would drink before after and perhaps in between the matches. Despite the commotions, the fights and their hooliganism, he learned something that he would have never learned in his usual mundane life. To stick to his ground and not let anyone step on him. It made him a more confident, respected, and free. Knowing that someone was watching your back and knowing that you’re protecting someone gives a person a sense of belief.
And they got into fights with other hooligans from other clubs for recognition and reputation. He soon was one of them and he loved that way of life. It wasn’t really much about football though, nothing about football skills or the game itself. It was mainly focused on the main cast and the hooligans and their lives. It showed that a person having believing in something dear to them wouldn’t mind sacrificing their lives in what they believed in.
The movie continued with more rivalries and fist fights amongst club fanatics. It was an exceptional movie I’d say and in addition to that there were no romance at all in the movie. Basically the only lady in the movie was his relative and that was all. It was nice to have seen something a little bit different than the usual ones.
Towards the end of the movie there was the usual ‘twist’ just like every other movies which stirred tension amongst the group members itself and one thing lead to another, there was more fighting and Things got more disappointing, I am guessing here.
And more towards the end of the movie the main cast learned about the consequences of being a hooligan and that there was more to life than football. But, whatever it is, the bond of friendship was strong that any consequences didn’t matter. I guess the movie in a way was about friendship and the strong bond friend’s posses and how strong it was. Over all its an exciting movie filled with action and British accent and it’s worth buying, obviously the pirated dvd 9 one.
That’s my review of the movie, I know it was poorly described and I probably didn’t convey the actual message of the movie. Well, I guess that’s the movie from my point of view and what the hell, I am killing time. I didn’t want to ruin it for some friends who might happen to watch it by telling what happens in the ending hence, I decided not to write about it.
Ill ramble more in the days to come for now it’s too hot and it’s mentally weakening. Till later.
But unlike every other complaining/ whining entry like before this particular entry would be different. Frankly speaking, I myself am tired of complaining as in for now.
Yesterday was quite hectic but I won’t go on elaborating or ranting about what I did or where I went to or how unlucky of a person I am. Yesterday was a Sunday, just felt like saying it.
What I am going to write about this time at my work place in a sunny (not the nice type of sunny) afternoon surrounded by electrical gadgets is about something I saw yesterday.
After a long hectic day of working and mending some other petty businesses I went out with a friend and to my pleasant surprise he gave me more like lend me a dvd of a movie that I badly wanted to see. He claimed that he just bought it and just finished watching it. He added that the movie was brilliant and since I was the one who recommended the movie to him I coolly asked him, “Who’s your daddy?”
The movie was about a young adult who was wrongly accused of cocaine possession which actually belonged to his dorm mate. Hence, he was expelled from school. He then decided to move to a place where football was a craze and fans were fanatic about the sport. Upon reaching his destination and greeted by his relative. He followed his relative back home and met with the other family members that he met for the first time.
Soon enough, as expected he went to a football match with a relative of his relative, to make matters simpler, his cousin. It was his first and I could tell that he was amazed by the game and the fans; I know that I’d be.
He realized that it wasn’t the game itself that mattered. Outer factors like rivalries among fans were a huge thing in the country. They hung out in a bar where only supporters from a certain club/ association would hang there. He wasn’t feeling that well after the game, the got into a fight right after the match and it was his first experience of watching a football match and getting into a fight.
The pain was no longer felt as they were all drunk and drunk. It was a way of life there. They would drink before after and perhaps in between the matches. Despite the commotions, the fights and their hooliganism, he learned something that he would have never learned in his usual mundane life. To stick to his ground and not let anyone step on him. It made him a more confident, respected, and free. Knowing that someone was watching your back and knowing that you’re protecting someone gives a person a sense of belief.
And they got into fights with other hooligans from other clubs for recognition and reputation. He soon was one of them and he loved that way of life. It wasn’t really much about football though, nothing about football skills or the game itself. It was mainly focused on the main cast and the hooligans and their lives. It showed that a person having believing in something dear to them wouldn’t mind sacrificing their lives in what they believed in.
The movie continued with more rivalries and fist fights amongst club fanatics. It was an exceptional movie I’d say and in addition to that there were no romance at all in the movie. Basically the only lady in the movie was his relative and that was all. It was nice to have seen something a little bit different than the usual ones.
Towards the end of the movie there was the usual ‘twist’ just like every other movies which stirred tension amongst the group members itself and one thing lead to another, there was more fighting and Things got more disappointing, I am guessing here.
And more towards the end of the movie the main cast learned about the consequences of being a hooligan and that there was more to life than football. But, whatever it is, the bond of friendship was strong that any consequences didn’t matter. I guess the movie in a way was about friendship and the strong bond friend’s posses and how strong it was. Over all its an exciting movie filled with action and British accent and it’s worth buying, obviously the pirated dvd 9 one.
That’s my review of the movie, I know it was poorly described and I probably didn’t convey the actual message of the movie. Well, I guess that’s the movie from my point of view and what the hell, I am killing time. I didn’t want to ruin it for some friends who might happen to watch it by telling what happens in the ending hence, I decided not to write about it.
Ill ramble more in the days to come for now it’s too hot and it’s mentally weakening. Till later.
the writer was really bored
My name is Saprol. I don’t like the way it sounds. I don’t like the way when people call my name. I wonder why my parents gave me that name. It was okay when I was little. Not anymore.
Before I start whining and elaborating with disgust about my name, ill tell a bad Israeli joke, which I read from somewhere (a book). A merchant was selling brains. He exclaimed the Arab brain was for $250 and the Jew one was $2. When asked why, the merchant answered, ‘because it’s hardly ever used’.
Unlike the other days/ nights today was much cooler and here I am sitting in my room and punching the keyboard in order to express the way I feel about my name. In hope that I would feel better later on, knowing that I’ve done something to mend the way I feel.
We had guests of my dad coming over tonight. They were about to have dinner in my house to respect my father’s invitation. They were to show up anytime soon. I had nothing to do with it, but when they all have arrived I had to go down and shake their hands, to show respect. A family and a few of his close friends were assumed to show up. I am thinking of going out to have a drink with some friends, close friends, who don’t care about my name. Friends called me Aprol, it sounds way better than Saprol. And it sounds similar to the month April. Sometimes I tell people that I was named Aprol because my mum gave birth to me in the month of April. They’d always reply, ‘that’s so weird’. Of course it was. It was a lie.
The expected guest arrived approximately half an hour or forty five minutes later than promised. It was a tradition by now. Coming late, that is. Almost everyone I knew weren’t punctual. It’s nothing new though. I am guessing they were giving their host, the people who were expecting them more time to get ready or prepare or dress or for whatever the occasion was. I could hear people’s voices talking, laughing, and almost shouting downstairs. I could hear them clearly though the door to my room was closed. I decided it was time for me to go down and shake hands and address myself to the guests. I opened the door; the voices were much louder and clearer than before. I could see people settling down on the couch from where I was standing, just outside the room.
The television was turned on upstairs, which was the hangout place for my mom and siblings. It was a place, to them, private and soothing. There were a couple of telies and other electrical gadgets, most of them were for entertainment. Some were not; they were positioned accordingly on the large wooden table which was originally meant for studying. If I am not mistaken about that, I noticed both my siblings and my mum affectionately watching a Korean show that was on at that time. I looked at them in disgust and shouted, ‘why wasn’t I informed about the show, and you’re supposed to be down entertaining the guests. Looking at my mother, ‘your father can do that, besides the dinner is all served and all they need to do is to feed themselves’. She replied then turned around continued watching the show. That was her only getaway and I wasn’t planning to ruin it. I ignored the rest of the occupants upstairs and was on my way down the stairs. Upon reaching the end of the staircase I slowed my pace and walked calmly headed towards the guests. They were all seated on the couch and were talking about something of their interest.
I saw a crowd of 10 or so. Most of the faces were familiar except for the one who brought the family. I recognized the guy but not his family. I started shaking their hands and saying hello, smiling to them as if I was welcoming them to my dad’s home. My dad introduced me, telling to his friends, ‘this is Saprol, my second child, he has grown a lot’. The little girl, who came with her family at that time, looked as if she was stopping herself from laughing. She looked at me and said, ‘Saprol’. Softly I could barely hear her, but knew she was making fun of my name. I just smiled back and continued shaking hands of the other guests. One of the men said to me, ‘Saprol, now that’s a unique name’. He was smiling as if he was amused by it. I replied, ‘oh, thank you, yes I am aware of that’. I couldn’t wait to get out from the crowd. I was used to it but wasn’t immune to it.
There was a riddle I remember a business man asked to another. Why is it that women aren’t used for cutting deals? The answer was because women give and forgive and men get and forget. Anyways, I succeeded in leaving the guests almost immediately as I said that I had something important to attend to. I excused myself and I noticed my father gesturing his guests to the dining table not so distant from where they were seating. They were making their way towards it. I was upstairs back in seconds. I climbed the wooden layered stairs swiftly and found myself standing directly in front of the T.V. the show was still on and the viewers were still there.
I didn’t quite follow the show but whenever I had the chance. I’d watch it. Mainly because of the actress who acted in it. She was attractive and there was something about the way she looked that made me judge that she wasn’t only nice on the show. And the character that she played in the show was that of a lady living in a modern world yet still was old fashioned. Something about old fashioned girls that I am practically obsessed about I think it’s because they were nicer in general. I stood there for a while watching the T.V with the rest of the family members excluding my dad. It stopped for commercial and I saw movements. Movements of people walking by, readjusting their seats and the one with power was holding the remote and started browsing the channels till the show was on back. I was still standing in front of the T.V there wasn’t any chair left for me to sit on. I made my way back to my room. Switched the light and fan on and feeling glad that I was back in my room with no one to disturb me.
I was sitting in front of my computer with a game controller in my hand. My phone rang. Its tune was of the Mac Gyver song. I thought that it was cool and since it was mine (the phone). I decided that it was cool to have that tune as a ring tone even when it’s really old and people don’t recognize it anymore. I decided on not to answer it, but after thinking twice thinking that it wasn’t a particularly nice thing to do, answered it. I switched of the computer put on some clothes randomly and switched of the fan and light in the room and made my way out. I eyed the T.V one last time looking at the hot Korean chick and feeling good about it. I was downstairs and fortunately didn’t have to shake the guest’s hands because they were eating, ignoring the kids, and said to my dad that I’d be out for a while. I was out of the house and my friend was in his vehicle waiting for me to get in. I wasn’t disgusted by the name given to me for now. I decided that I’ll think of it some other time and if I am still unhappy about it. I’d change it. For now, I plan on ignoring the fact that I have a weird name and pretend as if I am contend with it.
Before I start whining and elaborating with disgust about my name, ill tell a bad Israeli joke, which I read from somewhere (a book). A merchant was selling brains. He exclaimed the Arab brain was for $250 and the Jew one was $2. When asked why, the merchant answered, ‘because it’s hardly ever used’.
Unlike the other days/ nights today was much cooler and here I am sitting in my room and punching the keyboard in order to express the way I feel about my name. In hope that I would feel better later on, knowing that I’ve done something to mend the way I feel.
We had guests of my dad coming over tonight. They were about to have dinner in my house to respect my father’s invitation. They were to show up anytime soon. I had nothing to do with it, but when they all have arrived I had to go down and shake their hands, to show respect. A family and a few of his close friends were assumed to show up. I am thinking of going out to have a drink with some friends, close friends, who don’t care about my name. Friends called me Aprol, it sounds way better than Saprol. And it sounds similar to the month April. Sometimes I tell people that I was named Aprol because my mum gave birth to me in the month of April. They’d always reply, ‘that’s so weird’. Of course it was. It was a lie.
The expected guest arrived approximately half an hour or forty five minutes later than promised. It was a tradition by now. Coming late, that is. Almost everyone I knew weren’t punctual. It’s nothing new though. I am guessing they were giving their host, the people who were expecting them more time to get ready or prepare or dress or for whatever the occasion was. I could hear people’s voices talking, laughing, and almost shouting downstairs. I could hear them clearly though the door to my room was closed. I decided it was time for me to go down and shake hands and address myself to the guests. I opened the door; the voices were much louder and clearer than before. I could see people settling down on the couch from where I was standing, just outside the room.
The television was turned on upstairs, which was the hangout place for my mom and siblings. It was a place, to them, private and soothing. There were a couple of telies and other electrical gadgets, most of them were for entertainment. Some were not; they were positioned accordingly on the large wooden table which was originally meant for studying. If I am not mistaken about that, I noticed both my siblings and my mum affectionately watching a Korean show that was on at that time. I looked at them in disgust and shouted, ‘why wasn’t I informed about the show, and you’re supposed to be down entertaining the guests. Looking at my mother, ‘your father can do that, besides the dinner is all served and all they need to do is to feed themselves’. She replied then turned around continued watching the show. That was her only getaway and I wasn’t planning to ruin it. I ignored the rest of the occupants upstairs and was on my way down the stairs. Upon reaching the end of the staircase I slowed my pace and walked calmly headed towards the guests. They were all seated on the couch and were talking about something of their interest.
I saw a crowd of 10 or so. Most of the faces were familiar except for the one who brought the family. I recognized the guy but not his family. I started shaking their hands and saying hello, smiling to them as if I was welcoming them to my dad’s home. My dad introduced me, telling to his friends, ‘this is Saprol, my second child, he has grown a lot’. The little girl, who came with her family at that time, looked as if she was stopping herself from laughing. She looked at me and said, ‘Saprol’. Softly I could barely hear her, but knew she was making fun of my name. I just smiled back and continued shaking hands of the other guests. One of the men said to me, ‘Saprol, now that’s a unique name’. He was smiling as if he was amused by it. I replied, ‘oh, thank you, yes I am aware of that’. I couldn’t wait to get out from the crowd. I was used to it but wasn’t immune to it.
There was a riddle I remember a business man asked to another. Why is it that women aren’t used for cutting deals? The answer was because women give and forgive and men get and forget. Anyways, I succeeded in leaving the guests almost immediately as I said that I had something important to attend to. I excused myself and I noticed my father gesturing his guests to the dining table not so distant from where they were seating. They were making their way towards it. I was upstairs back in seconds. I climbed the wooden layered stairs swiftly and found myself standing directly in front of the T.V. the show was still on and the viewers were still there.
I didn’t quite follow the show but whenever I had the chance. I’d watch it. Mainly because of the actress who acted in it. She was attractive and there was something about the way she looked that made me judge that she wasn’t only nice on the show. And the character that she played in the show was that of a lady living in a modern world yet still was old fashioned. Something about old fashioned girls that I am practically obsessed about I think it’s because they were nicer in general. I stood there for a while watching the T.V with the rest of the family members excluding my dad. It stopped for commercial and I saw movements. Movements of people walking by, readjusting their seats and the one with power was holding the remote and started browsing the channels till the show was on back. I was still standing in front of the T.V there wasn’t any chair left for me to sit on. I made my way back to my room. Switched the light and fan on and feeling glad that I was back in my room with no one to disturb me.
I was sitting in front of my computer with a game controller in my hand. My phone rang. Its tune was of the Mac Gyver song. I thought that it was cool and since it was mine (the phone). I decided that it was cool to have that tune as a ring tone even when it’s really old and people don’t recognize it anymore. I decided on not to answer it, but after thinking twice thinking that it wasn’t a particularly nice thing to do, answered it. I switched of the computer put on some clothes randomly and switched of the fan and light in the room and made my way out. I eyed the T.V one last time looking at the hot Korean chick and feeling good about it. I was downstairs and fortunately didn’t have to shake the guest’s hands because they were eating, ignoring the kids, and said to my dad that I’d be out for a while. I was out of the house and my friend was in his vehicle waiting for me to get in. I wasn’t disgusted by the name given to me for now. I decided that I’ll think of it some other time and if I am still unhappy about it. I’d change it. For now, I plan on ignoring the fact that I have a weird name and pretend as if I am contend with it.
Beck
It started with a bad decision. I had made a promise that I shouldn’t have, I was at work and the time was 10 minutes to 8pm. I was ready to get off. I only had two hours of sleep, on the day before. I began to regret my decision to go hang out with some friends when I hadn’t had enough sleep and had to come in work the very next morning. My name is Beck. I don’t like to elaborate upon myself. I work in a store.
I live alone in a rented room somewhere not so far from my working place. I reached home after a few minutes, room I mean. The people I lived with ignored my presence and continued watching the reality show on the T.V. that was aired at that time. As I walked past them I realized that they were paused and their eyes fixed on the television screen. My subtle movements walking past them didn’t seem to have played any effect on them. I passed them and was already used to, being ignored. I didn’t really mind that. I even preferred it that way. I headed towards the wooden staircase which led to my room. There were two other rooms belonged to the landlord and their children. I climbed the wooden stairs lit by a bulb which transcend a faint yellow light. Along the staircase, I passed some frames of pictures which were nailed to the wall. It contained decorative pictures of nature, trees and of that sort. I was bored at looking at it every time I climbed the stairs.
After what that seemed like a long tiring climb. I finally reached the top and was heading to the room I stayed in. it was a few feet away from the stairs. The upstairs was lit up with a long white tube light. I stood outside my room; my hands were digging into my pants pockets. I took the bunch of keys out and looked at them trying to recognize the one for the room. I twisted the door knob now after I found the right key and placed it in its hole and twisted my hand upwards unlocking the door. I opened it, it smelled of cigarettes, dirty laundry and a mixture of the both and some other smells I couldn’t possibly identify. I found the switch to the light placed on the wall without trouble and switched it on. It flickered a bit at first, but after a few seconds it lit up. I entered the room and began to undress. Tossing my clothes on the floor, the room was small; the windows weren’t visible, as it was draped by multiple layers of thick clothing material, refusing light from the outside. I made my way to the washroom and took a quick shower. The room had no cupboard or cabinets my clothes were piled up accordingly into two towers.
I came out of the washroom, somewhat looking refreshed but my eyes were heavy and it burned a little. I was now heading to the towers of clothes placed on the wooden surfaced floor. The phone rang; it was my second most precious possession (the phone). I picked it up and answered it. My friends were already on their way to pick me up, as promised. I didn’t like to make people wait. I didn’t like, waiting for people. So, I tried my best to be punctual. So that, I wont be a hypocrite, I hurried down switching of the light, took my needed possessions, stuffing them in my left and right pockets. Locking the room door and headed down the stairs decorated by frames of pictures nailed to the wall. I reached down the stairs and I paused for a while, surprised looking at the people, still in front of the idiot box, one of the young girls, now had her eyes on the phone and hurriedly was typing on the phones keypad and her hand movements showed me that she was typing a message. I faintly heard her said from afar, ‘he has to win’. If that was what I heard, some of the other viewers, now upon recognizing my presence and knowing that I was staring at them, continued ignoring me and was once again transfixed on the show, they looked nervous and the women looked as is they were all going to breakdown with tears. I started moving and walked past them unlocking the door and locking it back, still staring at them, at their sad looking facial expressions. I thought to myself, its ironic how people who in real life, who can be cruel and insensitive towards others in their lives, but could cry like a baby watching a so called reality show, on the television rooting for some strangers who are well of compared to the really needy.
I shook the thought of my head and I was now already in the car with some friends and was heading to dinner. It was always nice when I was out doing something, with friends I felt comfortable with. It made me not think too much and I was occupying my free time after work. I didn’t feel all that tired anymore. After having our dinner, we were contemplating on where to go next. Having nothing to do, we just drove around and went sight seeing. There wasn’t much to see, but it was better than heading back home, alone and with nothing to do. It was almost three in the morning when I was sent back home. I opened the door, as I placed a foot on the tar covered street and upon coming out from the car. The idiot friend who was the driver accidentally stepped on the accelerator just a bit, but still causing me to lose my balance and I had to bring my other leg out to maintain it, before I could do that, since it was so sudden caused me to twist my ankle caused by the lost of balance caused by the friend who claims that he accidentally stepped on the accelerator. I believed him. It wasn’t that bad, ill just have trouble walking for a few days. The sorry friend said that he was sorry and the look on his face proved it.
I got into the house, everyone was asleep by now. I went up the dark staircases and made it to my room limping a little bit. I switched the light on and also the tiny little table fan which was situated in the middle of the room on the parquet covered floor. I removed my clothing’s and replacing it with shorts, I was now lying on the floor, my head rested on a couple of pillows that was already there. There was a tiny T.V in the room, I didn’t watch it anymore. The T.V was broken. I found a book and started reading it, my eyes were tired, I was tired but wasn’t able to rest my mind. I was reading the book I had in my grasp. But my thoughts were lingered somewhere else, I realized it but merely continued reading the words, sentences, paragraphs which I didn’t really pay attention to.
I woke up hearing the noise my phone was making; I had to bring myself up involuntarily. The room stayed dark, as there was no sunlight coming through, I got into the washroom and realized that my journey to the washroom hurt more than usual. My leg near the ankle area was a little bit swelled up. I ignored it and tried to act as if it didn’t bother me. Got dressed up and almost stumbled upon the table fan which was on the floor and I envisioned that if I did happen to stumble upon the fan, I would land straight to the most organized division in the room. The tower, the tower of clothes which almost decorated the room, at the same time kept my clothes well organized. I went down the stairs, passed the hallway, ignoring the people ignoring me.
I was on my way to the work place. The path I used was the fastest way to get to my destination. I’d experience every other routes to get there and finally I had one that was the most sufficient. My leg hurt still and I was trying not to limp. The weather was hot, not even five minutes have passed since I started walking, I began to sweat but having no other choice, resumed walking. My mind as I walked, was now lingering into many thoughts and soon enough I was dreading about not having a promising definite positive future like some of my friends. One thought led to another, and I was now dreading on not being as fortunate or even similar to many of them (friends). I was different on many aspects. I didn’t care about that anymore, I started to believe that no matter what sort of circumstances one is put in. he has the responsibility and the ability to make himself perhaps not as successful as others but never the less, more respectful. That was what I thought then, on my way walking to the place I work at. Thinking about what I thought again, wanting to do something and saying it, is vastly different than actually doing it.
I was almost there. The occurrence of what was about to occur was something that I could never fully forget and it made me more confused, a little bit more. It was as if we were destined to me each other. There was a huge lorry parked alongside the road. As I was nearing it the driver came out of his huge vehicle. He opened the door and hopped outside. He wasn’t paying any attention to me, I was fine with that. He looked just like every other man, slightly untidy though I might add. I was still walking, now exactly side by side the lorry’s head. The driver was looking at the door. I wasn’t sure what he was looking at. I was looking at him. I stopped and now I wasn’t blinking. I looked at the man, staring at him as if he was some kind of monster. His hair was curly, his skin dark and his other side of face were as normal as everyone else. But the other side of his face, it wasn’t hard to not notice, he had black dots, on his face like a mole, only that it was a mountain of them.
I stood there awed not looking down at the guy but, I guess I wasn’t ready for this. Funny part was he didn’t even realize that I was standing there transfixed staring at his face covered with something that looked like a bee hive. It looked heavy, it was indescribable, and it covered half his face. To be honest, I was terrified. I finally came to the realization and walked past him and the lorry he came out from. My presence wasn’t even noticed. This was a good thing, then. I didn’t feel unlucky and miserable anymore, that day. I am not being judgmental, well I am, aren’t I.
Days went by after that I resumed my life as usual. Only that I tried to be friendlier with the people around me especially with the people I lived with. I even started talking to the landlord and I think I am slowly making some progress with the others. And the things I don’t have control upon, I try to not think about it too much. However, it wasn’t because of the lorry driver solely, I tried to change. I always wanted to become someone better the lorry driver incident was just one of the many little reasons.
I live alone in a rented room somewhere not so far from my working place. I reached home after a few minutes, room I mean. The people I lived with ignored my presence and continued watching the reality show on the T.V. that was aired at that time. As I walked past them I realized that they were paused and their eyes fixed on the television screen. My subtle movements walking past them didn’t seem to have played any effect on them. I passed them and was already used to, being ignored. I didn’t really mind that. I even preferred it that way. I headed towards the wooden staircase which led to my room. There were two other rooms belonged to the landlord and their children. I climbed the wooden stairs lit by a bulb which transcend a faint yellow light. Along the staircase, I passed some frames of pictures which were nailed to the wall. It contained decorative pictures of nature, trees and of that sort. I was bored at looking at it every time I climbed the stairs.
After what that seemed like a long tiring climb. I finally reached the top and was heading to the room I stayed in. it was a few feet away from the stairs. The upstairs was lit up with a long white tube light. I stood outside my room; my hands were digging into my pants pockets. I took the bunch of keys out and looked at them trying to recognize the one for the room. I twisted the door knob now after I found the right key and placed it in its hole and twisted my hand upwards unlocking the door. I opened it, it smelled of cigarettes, dirty laundry and a mixture of the both and some other smells I couldn’t possibly identify. I found the switch to the light placed on the wall without trouble and switched it on. It flickered a bit at first, but after a few seconds it lit up. I entered the room and began to undress. Tossing my clothes on the floor, the room was small; the windows weren’t visible, as it was draped by multiple layers of thick clothing material, refusing light from the outside. I made my way to the washroom and took a quick shower. The room had no cupboard or cabinets my clothes were piled up accordingly into two towers.
I came out of the washroom, somewhat looking refreshed but my eyes were heavy and it burned a little. I was now heading to the towers of clothes placed on the wooden surfaced floor. The phone rang; it was my second most precious possession (the phone). I picked it up and answered it. My friends were already on their way to pick me up, as promised. I didn’t like to make people wait. I didn’t like, waiting for people. So, I tried my best to be punctual. So that, I wont be a hypocrite, I hurried down switching of the light, took my needed possessions, stuffing them in my left and right pockets. Locking the room door and headed down the stairs decorated by frames of pictures nailed to the wall. I reached down the stairs and I paused for a while, surprised looking at the people, still in front of the idiot box, one of the young girls, now had her eyes on the phone and hurriedly was typing on the phones keypad and her hand movements showed me that she was typing a message. I faintly heard her said from afar, ‘he has to win’. If that was what I heard, some of the other viewers, now upon recognizing my presence and knowing that I was staring at them, continued ignoring me and was once again transfixed on the show, they looked nervous and the women looked as is they were all going to breakdown with tears. I started moving and walked past them unlocking the door and locking it back, still staring at them, at their sad looking facial expressions. I thought to myself, its ironic how people who in real life, who can be cruel and insensitive towards others in their lives, but could cry like a baby watching a so called reality show, on the television rooting for some strangers who are well of compared to the really needy.
I shook the thought of my head and I was now already in the car with some friends and was heading to dinner. It was always nice when I was out doing something, with friends I felt comfortable with. It made me not think too much and I was occupying my free time after work. I didn’t feel all that tired anymore. After having our dinner, we were contemplating on where to go next. Having nothing to do, we just drove around and went sight seeing. There wasn’t much to see, but it was better than heading back home, alone and with nothing to do. It was almost three in the morning when I was sent back home. I opened the door, as I placed a foot on the tar covered street and upon coming out from the car. The idiot friend who was the driver accidentally stepped on the accelerator just a bit, but still causing me to lose my balance and I had to bring my other leg out to maintain it, before I could do that, since it was so sudden caused me to twist my ankle caused by the lost of balance caused by the friend who claims that he accidentally stepped on the accelerator. I believed him. It wasn’t that bad, ill just have trouble walking for a few days. The sorry friend said that he was sorry and the look on his face proved it.
I got into the house, everyone was asleep by now. I went up the dark staircases and made it to my room limping a little bit. I switched the light on and also the tiny little table fan which was situated in the middle of the room on the parquet covered floor. I removed my clothing’s and replacing it with shorts, I was now lying on the floor, my head rested on a couple of pillows that was already there. There was a tiny T.V in the room, I didn’t watch it anymore. The T.V was broken. I found a book and started reading it, my eyes were tired, I was tired but wasn’t able to rest my mind. I was reading the book I had in my grasp. But my thoughts were lingered somewhere else, I realized it but merely continued reading the words, sentences, paragraphs which I didn’t really pay attention to.
I woke up hearing the noise my phone was making; I had to bring myself up involuntarily. The room stayed dark, as there was no sunlight coming through, I got into the washroom and realized that my journey to the washroom hurt more than usual. My leg near the ankle area was a little bit swelled up. I ignored it and tried to act as if it didn’t bother me. Got dressed up and almost stumbled upon the table fan which was on the floor and I envisioned that if I did happen to stumble upon the fan, I would land straight to the most organized division in the room. The tower, the tower of clothes which almost decorated the room, at the same time kept my clothes well organized. I went down the stairs, passed the hallway, ignoring the people ignoring me.
I was on my way to the work place. The path I used was the fastest way to get to my destination. I’d experience every other routes to get there and finally I had one that was the most sufficient. My leg hurt still and I was trying not to limp. The weather was hot, not even five minutes have passed since I started walking, I began to sweat but having no other choice, resumed walking. My mind as I walked, was now lingering into many thoughts and soon enough I was dreading about not having a promising definite positive future like some of my friends. One thought led to another, and I was now dreading on not being as fortunate or even similar to many of them (friends). I was different on many aspects. I didn’t care about that anymore, I started to believe that no matter what sort of circumstances one is put in. he has the responsibility and the ability to make himself perhaps not as successful as others but never the less, more respectful. That was what I thought then, on my way walking to the place I work at. Thinking about what I thought again, wanting to do something and saying it, is vastly different than actually doing it.
I was almost there. The occurrence of what was about to occur was something that I could never fully forget and it made me more confused, a little bit more. It was as if we were destined to me each other. There was a huge lorry parked alongside the road. As I was nearing it the driver came out of his huge vehicle. He opened the door and hopped outside. He wasn’t paying any attention to me, I was fine with that. He looked just like every other man, slightly untidy though I might add. I was still walking, now exactly side by side the lorry’s head. The driver was looking at the door. I wasn’t sure what he was looking at. I was looking at him. I stopped and now I wasn’t blinking. I looked at the man, staring at him as if he was some kind of monster. His hair was curly, his skin dark and his other side of face were as normal as everyone else. But the other side of his face, it wasn’t hard to not notice, he had black dots, on his face like a mole, only that it was a mountain of them.
I stood there awed not looking down at the guy but, I guess I wasn’t ready for this. Funny part was he didn’t even realize that I was standing there transfixed staring at his face covered with something that looked like a bee hive. It looked heavy, it was indescribable, and it covered half his face. To be honest, I was terrified. I finally came to the realization and walked past him and the lorry he came out from. My presence wasn’t even noticed. This was a good thing, then. I didn’t feel unlucky and miserable anymore, that day. I am not being judgmental, well I am, aren’t I.
Days went by after that I resumed my life as usual. Only that I tried to be friendlier with the people around me especially with the people I lived with. I even started talking to the landlord and I think I am slowly making some progress with the others. And the things I don’t have control upon, I try to not think about it too much. However, it wasn’t because of the lorry driver solely, I tried to change. I always wanted to become someone better the lorry driver incident was just one of the many little reasons.
A once upon a time, tale - part 2
The land he sat on, for a long time now; hasn’t been the same as it was. The surrounding trees were dead, the long green grasses were now dark brown and most of the living things were now dead and dried up. He didn’t hear any bird’s twittering now. The land itself was dried and made possible for no living things to live on it. During that while he sat there in grief, mourning. Even when he didn’t do anything sitting there, he experienced a few rare occurrences, which once in a while takes his mind of things and sometimes even amused him. One of them was, during the air raids, the war planes which flew past him hastily above dropped an amount of bombs that ruined the area around him and the area itself. One of the bombs dropped right in front of him, and he saw it dropped. He didn’t know how to react when this happened and just stared at it and was secretly anticipating for it to explode. It just rolled over for a while and after that it laid still, just like him. It didn’t explode. He sighed and murmured to himself, ‘that would have been too easy”, in a failed tone.
There he was, still sitting by his sister’s grave. The sun shone and the stars sparkled, the days went pass by, the weather changed, the war continued and ended when it finally decided to end. Nakata grieved still, he was still sitting at the same spot, but occasionally turning and changing spots when his body ached at some spots or when he was bored of the view fro where he sat. He was there with the gun that he looted in his grasp. For now it was his most cherished treasure and it gave him strength, remarkable strength that strengthened and empowered his mind and confidence, he believed so. He wanted to end it all; he hated his life, even his name and the things that surrounded him. He was failed and without doubt made him a terrible failure (to himself).
Yet, suicide wasn’t an option, he didn’t believe in suicide, it was a despicable thing to do; he remembered his mum saying that when she was alive, he remembered her saying, ‘suicide is for people who has no balls and for people who has not the capability to think forward and enduring things ’. He didn’t agree to it now, but he wanted to believe, comply with, in what she said and as usual be of the same mind as she was. He was sensible enough to not attempt anything stupid. Nakata however was a little curious of the power he had gained. He was curious of what he was able to do with the power in his hand. He wanted to try it out, a boiling rage of anger and curiosity enveloped him. He wanted to avenge the people who once treated them with contempt and wasn’t particularly nice to them, or rather bluntly worded, he wanted to kill the people that treated them like shit. He didn’t really blame them for their doings because it was hard times and everyone had to look upon themselves instead of caring for others. Yet, he still wanted to avenge them. He had to, for the gun that has never left his hand would be of no use. Nakata stood up, staring at the place around him which now has changed and wasn’t the same as it was during their times together. He went into the dark tunnel and for the first time in a long time, tried to sleep in a more comfortable manner, yet it was uncomfortable since his bones were not used to it, since he had been in a sitting position for a long time. He slept while it was dark with no trace of emotions on his face; it was just blanked out without any.
The next morning, he woke up, from a weird dream and he regretted sleeping the night. The dream was too surreal and mind bugging. In his dream there was someone talking to him about his past, presence and his future. The person even advised him not to shoot the people he intended to. He mentioned that it was true, what he felt, he really did have obtained remarkable powers. He also mentioned that the gun didn’t need any ammunition as it was believed to have some sort of magic. This part was mainly bothering his mind when he woke up as he felt that he finally had justice in achieving some sort of power and at the same time was uneasy when the voice said, ‘ you have been given this power particularly for being unlucky and disastrous’. He could go on using the gun over and over again without having to reload said the mysterious person in his dream. Finally he advised Nakata on how one shouldn’t take another’s life and was lecturing him on how not to misuse his powers. Just before he woke up from his dream, the guy in his dreams said that, ‘but if you have to kill them all, you might want to torture them first before killing them, if you’re really angry that is, it would mean much more and more satisfying definitely’, with a grin spreading on his face, as if he was satisfied with what he said, he imagined.
The next morning he was already on his way to try out his new powers and to avenge himself. The land has changed a bit but he still remembered the route to the places he wanted to go, but before he went. He stopped by a nearby house which from outside looked grand and rich. He knocked the door and when it opened, he pointed the gun to the person and said, ‘this’ll only be for a moment’. He didn’t have to say more, the look in his eye was sharp enough to convince the man that he didn’t mind killing. The man looked as expected shocked and fear was obvious from his expression, the man just stood where he was without moving even slightly, he was stiff as a statue. Nakata went up, making the home seemingly his undressed and went to the bathroom and showered. It has been a long while since he last washed up and here he was pampering himself. He filled the tub with water till it was full and just soaked in it for a while, enjoying the warm water around him, running through his body. He came out looking refreshed though his face and expressions were as dark as ever. He went to the cupboard and found clothes that were all too big for him, He now wore a T-shirt, a jacket and a jeans, all of it that didn’t fit him since there wasn’t any that seemed to fitted his size, he didn’t mind though, he was sick of his old rotten clothes that were engraved with bad memories and wearing new, fresh clothes were already good enough compared to the old ones. He folded the jeans up till it looked ok on him. He went down, thanked the man and walked out. The man was still in shock, but didn’t say anything.
He was on his way to the farming place where he used to steal vegetables and fruits. The farmer was farming at the moment and upon realizing that someone was approaching his way, he gave a look of recognition in his face when he saw the person who was emerging towards, and his face shrunken and fear struck, as he waited for Nakata to approach towards him. Once he got closer, Nakata didn’t bother to say anything, his objective was clear it wasn’t even because of vengeance; it was just that he thought he had a reason to do so. Nakata pointed the gun directly at the farmers face, the farmer was trembling from fear, and clearly he had remembered who the boy was, now pointing a gun at him. He tried pleading but, Nakata didn’t hear him, he wasn’t the boy he used to be, his mind didn’t work the same way as it once did. Nakata then started shooting at the farmer, a few shots at first, then upon remembering whether the voice that he had heard in his dream was saying the truth or otherwise, he continued shooting at the farmer who was already dead by now and his body was practically filled with bullet holes. Nakata was surprised, but didn’t stop shooting; he resumed shooting until his fingers hurt from pulling the trigger. He was now convinced that the voice that he had heard was telling the truth and the fact that he was unlucky and disastrous, he ignored.
Nakata made his way to his aunt’s house as soon as he was finished with the farmer, considering his faith, the poor farmer now. He was at the entrance of his aunt’s house. The door was open and he first saw his uncle holding a newspaper in his hands. Nakata ignored him. His uncle however didn’t and shockingly said, ‘Nakata?’ Nakata nodded in respect and went into the kitchen, found his aunt and he seemed to hesitate at first, after all she once took care and sheltered them. He ignored the thought and showing mercy, just shot her once in the head and left the house ignoring his uncle once again. His uncle, when woke up from his shocked state, came running out with a machine gun in his hands and started firing at Nakata. Nakata like an expert just shot once at his uncle and the old man was hit in his hand. After that, seeing his uncle was defeated, Nakata once again bowed in respect and left. He looked rather cool in an odd fashion with his loose clothing, walking so calmly after what he had done.
Once he reached to his self proclaimed home, he felt slightly guilty but the guiltiness was instantly replaced by a feeling of superiority, he was more powerful and was able to do things that others couldn’t, he was gifted. Nakata was cursed though, the gun never left his right hand, and it wouldn’t come off. It was stuck with him forever. He didn’t mind that at the moment, he knew that he had power. He sat at his sister’s grave thinking about the event that took place. There was now something really bothering him, the thought when his uncle called out his name. He hated his name; he didn’t want to be the same person that no one respected before. Nakata made his mind up that he no longer would be called Nakata and was now thinking about changing his name. Not that he knew anyone who would call him by his current name, but it was one of those things that one do to themselves to forget their past and move on.
Nakata for now, suddenly felt weary, it could be because of the shootings he thought to himself. He then brought him self to the old abandoned rail tracks which was now older and looked drenched and even more dreadful. He brought himself to the old, damp thin mattress that he once used it with his sister; he had to pass through the mosquito net that now looked like pieces of dental floss tied together. Once he got in it, he laid his back on the mattress. He was staring at the dirty ceiling, he wanted to think, he felt so alone, he liked it, he didn’t want to care about anyone, he didn’t want anything to do with anybody and just after that, before he even started thinking further, he was already asleep. He was deep in his sleep, but at the same time he was awake in his sleep. It sounds weird, but that was how he felt. Awake in the dark, a pitch black universe. It was entirely wrapped by darkness, he could only see himself, and he was glowing at least that’s how he felt like.
He knew what was coming next and as he expected he heard a voice far away, saying, ‘hello, it’s me again.’ The voice was nearing and he could here the voice of the person clearer. A man like image was now visible and just like him, the mysterious guy too was glowing and he could clearly see him. He looked like a teenager, he was not tall, and part of his face was covered by a cap he had on. He had a dark complexion, and his face was shallow and dark. But not as dark as his eyes, the ring circles beneath his eyes were so dark, Nakata assumed that he colored it black. ‘So, you don’t like your name eh, I don’t like it too, your name is now Katana and erm, yea, any questions’? Asked, the stranger in a friendly tone, he was smiling amusingly, as if he knew how Nakata now Katana felt and when Nakata now Katana was about to come out of his shocked, irritated state the stranger spoke again, ‘I was thinking of Shiina Ringo at first, but it was actually a woman’s name belonged to a woman. Katana would do fine, right?’ ‘Ha ha’, he laughed softly.
‘What the fuck are you?’ asked Nakata now Katana in an angry/scared tone. He was scared and trying his best not to believe what was happening. He was aware of the fact that he was sleeping and yet in his sleep, he wasn’t sleeping! And to top it off was confronted by a weird / kind of a lunatic of a person. The stranger answered, ‘What the hell is going on?’, ‘I am a friend, yea, and we can be friends, why not. Let me see, first of all, you shouldn’t use swear words. Its ok for me to use it, but you shouldn’t and I have no reasons to give you a reason to ask me why’. Nakata aka Katana now looked more irritated, but to his own surprise, just kept his mouth shut. There was something about the stranger that made him feel meek towards. ‘Good’, he continued, ‘now, ill answer your questions. Just like you I have myself obtained some powers which are quite unexplainable, but to us, we deserve it and we seem to love it. To us it only seems fair for obtaining such powers, because of the unfortunate events we had to go through, of course we deserve it,’ he said loudly. Katana now began to like his new name and was interested in hearing more. He kept shut. The stranger resumed his speech, ‘I am somewhat embarrassed to say this, but I am also one of you.’ He paused. ‘An unlucky, disastrous person,’ He said in a softer tone than before, as if he was ashamed being one of them. ‘It’s one of the many miracles of this despicable world.’ explained the stranger to Katana. Now, a complete change of judgment, he felt comfortable with the stranger in front of him and saw the stranger from what he was able to see was floating in the darkness, just like himself. A feeling of understanding and similarity has come upon Katana towards the stranger. He wasn’t that agitated anymore, but part of him was still. Yet, he knew he had to respect the cap wearing figure, which he didn’t like.
The stranger resumed talking in the darkness, listened by Katana who was looking at him as he was the only visible thing he was able to see in the sheer darkness. ‘What shall you call me then, “master?” that would be too prominent, wait, Katana did as he was told and waited, he looked at the stranger. He was actually deep in thought in telling Katana what to call him. ‘Yes, you call me Mark. It reminds me of some one I know.’ ‘By the way do you like your name now?’ asked Mark. Katana said, ‘Not really but its better than Nakata, you can call me by that name. And I understand that you have powers and all that, but what exactly are your intentions?’ asked Katana. ‘My intentions are to guide you and help you through this journey, in hope that you will no longer be unhappy,’ said Mark. ‘that’s crap, how could someone claiming to be having the same unlucky fate that I did, help me out and get me straighten? Said Katana in disbelief, Mark replied, ‘now, you’ve got a point there, I must say. But you see, I have already done, accomplished what I intended to. This is my way of repaying my gift that was given to me. Now enough of the explanation let me enlighten you with some of my own unfortunate life stories, events and others too, we could compare whose fate were more unlucky and even cry about it, if you want to that is’ said Mark. ‘ oh, and another thing, don’t try to act smart and act as if you have any other options, don’t ask stupid questions, just bear with, after all you’re unlucky and disastrous, aren’t you? Get used to it.’ He added in a warning tone.
They were now sitting in the dark space with only each others glowing figure to look at. Mark began his supposedly enlightening speech. Katana listened and every now and then questioned Mark about his remarks. Mark would most of the times ignore or when he chose to answer to Katana questions, he answered in an irritated angry voice. They were times that they’d cry and snuggle each other. Sad, unlucky stories were told to make Katana feel better of him self. They’d often compare other stories with their own to establish whose story was more pathetic. The stories resumed for a long time, stories after stories were told, most of them really sad, pathetic ones. Katana now, after giving some thought about what he was about to ask and said to Mark that he was now not the most unlucky person, but was evidently one of them, in the most ‘matter of fact’ tone and expression. Mark looked at him and gave a funny stare. He then said, ‘I guess you’re right, if that’s what you think. Now let me tell you some other tales too, perhaps this one would be more sad and eventually make you realize something, this time less questions,’ he pointed a finger at him as if he was giving out an order. Katana nodded, as if he understood.
Mark resumed his petty, pathetic tales, but nothing he told would stop Katana from questioning or bringing up facts of his life to compare them with. Mark was getting annoyed with his new friend’s shallowness. He then said, ‘so, Katana are you saying that I am a lucky person compared to you, after listening to all the tales that I told you, you still think that you’re a more unlucky person?’ his face was now filled with anger as he spoke in a louder tone. Katana then said in reply, ‘well, yea in a way, yes.’ At this moment, the debate of who among them being more unlucky went on for a while now. Then finally Mark said, ‘I think that I’ve come to a conclusion now that I realized it.’ ‘Realized what? Asked Katana in curiosity,’ Mark replied, ‘I’ve just realized that some people or most people think of themselves better or worst off than others in order to continue feeling better of themselves. It gives them purpose. ‘What? What are you trying to say?’ in a confused and once again irritated tone. Mark was about to reply, just then, out of the blue, Katana heard a voice through the darkness they were silhouetted in, ‘hey boy, boy?’ it wasn’t Mark’s voice, he was hearing. The voice became more clear and apparent and vivid too, why not. Mark too heard the voice and said hurriedly as if he didn’t have any time left, ‘I think its time for you to wake up,’ in a tone that didn’t show any sign of emotions.
‘Wake up boy,’ he heard and he could feel someone’s hands on his body shaking him up. He struggled to open his eye lids, it seemed really heavy. He realized that he was awake now and saw a blurry face looking at him. It was a face of a middle aged woman. Her appearance to him was most recognizable and warm. He shook his head and wiped his eyes with his fingers. The blurry figure became apparent and he heard her say to him, ‘are you alright?’ In a worried tone, ‘I heard you talking to yourself.’ her voice was warm and gentle. Nakata said in reply, ‘yeah, I think so, I had a bad dream.’ ‘That’s what, happens when you sleep during the Maghrib period, now go wash up, pray and get ready for dinner.’ She said. ‘Ok, mom,’ the boy answered, and made his way to the washroom.
There he was, still sitting by his sister’s grave. The sun shone and the stars sparkled, the days went pass by, the weather changed, the war continued and ended when it finally decided to end. Nakata grieved still, he was still sitting at the same spot, but occasionally turning and changing spots when his body ached at some spots or when he was bored of the view fro where he sat. He was there with the gun that he looted in his grasp. For now it was his most cherished treasure and it gave him strength, remarkable strength that strengthened and empowered his mind and confidence, he believed so. He wanted to end it all; he hated his life, even his name and the things that surrounded him. He was failed and without doubt made him a terrible failure (to himself).
Yet, suicide wasn’t an option, he didn’t believe in suicide, it was a despicable thing to do; he remembered his mum saying that when she was alive, he remembered her saying, ‘suicide is for people who has no balls and for people who has not the capability to think forward and enduring things ’. He didn’t agree to it now, but he wanted to believe, comply with, in what she said and as usual be of the same mind as she was. He was sensible enough to not attempt anything stupid. Nakata however was a little curious of the power he had gained. He was curious of what he was able to do with the power in his hand. He wanted to try it out, a boiling rage of anger and curiosity enveloped him. He wanted to avenge the people who once treated them with contempt and wasn’t particularly nice to them, or rather bluntly worded, he wanted to kill the people that treated them like shit. He didn’t really blame them for their doings because it was hard times and everyone had to look upon themselves instead of caring for others. Yet, he still wanted to avenge them. He had to, for the gun that has never left his hand would be of no use. Nakata stood up, staring at the place around him which now has changed and wasn’t the same as it was during their times together. He went into the dark tunnel and for the first time in a long time, tried to sleep in a more comfortable manner, yet it was uncomfortable since his bones were not used to it, since he had been in a sitting position for a long time. He slept while it was dark with no trace of emotions on his face; it was just blanked out without any.
The next morning, he woke up, from a weird dream and he regretted sleeping the night. The dream was too surreal and mind bugging. In his dream there was someone talking to him about his past, presence and his future. The person even advised him not to shoot the people he intended to. He mentioned that it was true, what he felt, he really did have obtained remarkable powers. He also mentioned that the gun didn’t need any ammunition as it was believed to have some sort of magic. This part was mainly bothering his mind when he woke up as he felt that he finally had justice in achieving some sort of power and at the same time was uneasy when the voice said, ‘ you have been given this power particularly for being unlucky and disastrous’. He could go on using the gun over and over again without having to reload said the mysterious person in his dream. Finally he advised Nakata on how one shouldn’t take another’s life and was lecturing him on how not to misuse his powers. Just before he woke up from his dream, the guy in his dreams said that, ‘but if you have to kill them all, you might want to torture them first before killing them, if you’re really angry that is, it would mean much more and more satisfying definitely’, with a grin spreading on his face, as if he was satisfied with what he said, he imagined.
The next morning he was already on his way to try out his new powers and to avenge himself. The land has changed a bit but he still remembered the route to the places he wanted to go, but before he went. He stopped by a nearby house which from outside looked grand and rich. He knocked the door and when it opened, he pointed the gun to the person and said, ‘this’ll only be for a moment’. He didn’t have to say more, the look in his eye was sharp enough to convince the man that he didn’t mind killing. The man looked as expected shocked and fear was obvious from his expression, the man just stood where he was without moving even slightly, he was stiff as a statue. Nakata went up, making the home seemingly his undressed and went to the bathroom and showered. It has been a long while since he last washed up and here he was pampering himself. He filled the tub with water till it was full and just soaked in it for a while, enjoying the warm water around him, running through his body. He came out looking refreshed though his face and expressions were as dark as ever. He went to the cupboard and found clothes that were all too big for him, He now wore a T-shirt, a jacket and a jeans, all of it that didn’t fit him since there wasn’t any that seemed to fitted his size, he didn’t mind though, he was sick of his old rotten clothes that were engraved with bad memories and wearing new, fresh clothes were already good enough compared to the old ones. He folded the jeans up till it looked ok on him. He went down, thanked the man and walked out. The man was still in shock, but didn’t say anything.
He was on his way to the farming place where he used to steal vegetables and fruits. The farmer was farming at the moment and upon realizing that someone was approaching his way, he gave a look of recognition in his face when he saw the person who was emerging towards, and his face shrunken and fear struck, as he waited for Nakata to approach towards him. Once he got closer, Nakata didn’t bother to say anything, his objective was clear it wasn’t even because of vengeance; it was just that he thought he had a reason to do so. Nakata pointed the gun directly at the farmers face, the farmer was trembling from fear, and clearly he had remembered who the boy was, now pointing a gun at him. He tried pleading but, Nakata didn’t hear him, he wasn’t the boy he used to be, his mind didn’t work the same way as it once did. Nakata then started shooting at the farmer, a few shots at first, then upon remembering whether the voice that he had heard in his dream was saying the truth or otherwise, he continued shooting at the farmer who was already dead by now and his body was practically filled with bullet holes. Nakata was surprised, but didn’t stop shooting; he resumed shooting until his fingers hurt from pulling the trigger. He was now convinced that the voice that he had heard was telling the truth and the fact that he was unlucky and disastrous, he ignored.
Nakata made his way to his aunt’s house as soon as he was finished with the farmer, considering his faith, the poor farmer now. He was at the entrance of his aunt’s house. The door was open and he first saw his uncle holding a newspaper in his hands. Nakata ignored him. His uncle however didn’t and shockingly said, ‘Nakata?’ Nakata nodded in respect and went into the kitchen, found his aunt and he seemed to hesitate at first, after all she once took care and sheltered them. He ignored the thought and showing mercy, just shot her once in the head and left the house ignoring his uncle once again. His uncle, when woke up from his shocked state, came running out with a machine gun in his hands and started firing at Nakata. Nakata like an expert just shot once at his uncle and the old man was hit in his hand. After that, seeing his uncle was defeated, Nakata once again bowed in respect and left. He looked rather cool in an odd fashion with his loose clothing, walking so calmly after what he had done.
Once he reached to his self proclaimed home, he felt slightly guilty but the guiltiness was instantly replaced by a feeling of superiority, he was more powerful and was able to do things that others couldn’t, he was gifted. Nakata was cursed though, the gun never left his right hand, and it wouldn’t come off. It was stuck with him forever. He didn’t mind that at the moment, he knew that he had power. He sat at his sister’s grave thinking about the event that took place. There was now something really bothering him, the thought when his uncle called out his name. He hated his name; he didn’t want to be the same person that no one respected before. Nakata made his mind up that he no longer would be called Nakata and was now thinking about changing his name. Not that he knew anyone who would call him by his current name, but it was one of those things that one do to themselves to forget their past and move on.
Nakata for now, suddenly felt weary, it could be because of the shootings he thought to himself. He then brought him self to the old abandoned rail tracks which was now older and looked drenched and even more dreadful. He brought himself to the old, damp thin mattress that he once used it with his sister; he had to pass through the mosquito net that now looked like pieces of dental floss tied together. Once he got in it, he laid his back on the mattress. He was staring at the dirty ceiling, he wanted to think, he felt so alone, he liked it, he didn’t want to care about anyone, he didn’t want anything to do with anybody and just after that, before he even started thinking further, he was already asleep. He was deep in his sleep, but at the same time he was awake in his sleep. It sounds weird, but that was how he felt. Awake in the dark, a pitch black universe. It was entirely wrapped by darkness, he could only see himself, and he was glowing at least that’s how he felt like.
He knew what was coming next and as he expected he heard a voice far away, saying, ‘hello, it’s me again.’ The voice was nearing and he could here the voice of the person clearer. A man like image was now visible and just like him, the mysterious guy too was glowing and he could clearly see him. He looked like a teenager, he was not tall, and part of his face was covered by a cap he had on. He had a dark complexion, and his face was shallow and dark. But not as dark as his eyes, the ring circles beneath his eyes were so dark, Nakata assumed that he colored it black. ‘So, you don’t like your name eh, I don’t like it too, your name is now Katana and erm, yea, any questions’? Asked, the stranger in a friendly tone, he was smiling amusingly, as if he knew how Nakata now Katana felt and when Nakata now Katana was about to come out of his shocked, irritated state the stranger spoke again, ‘I was thinking of Shiina Ringo at first, but it was actually a woman’s name belonged to a woman. Katana would do fine, right?’ ‘Ha ha’, he laughed softly.
‘What the fuck are you?’ asked Nakata now Katana in an angry/scared tone. He was scared and trying his best not to believe what was happening. He was aware of the fact that he was sleeping and yet in his sleep, he wasn’t sleeping! And to top it off was confronted by a weird / kind of a lunatic of a person. The stranger answered, ‘What the hell is going on?’, ‘I am a friend, yea, and we can be friends, why not. Let me see, first of all, you shouldn’t use swear words. Its ok for me to use it, but you shouldn’t and I have no reasons to give you a reason to ask me why’. Nakata aka Katana now looked more irritated, but to his own surprise, just kept his mouth shut. There was something about the stranger that made him feel meek towards. ‘Good’, he continued, ‘now, ill answer your questions. Just like you I have myself obtained some powers which are quite unexplainable, but to us, we deserve it and we seem to love it. To us it only seems fair for obtaining such powers, because of the unfortunate events we had to go through, of course we deserve it,’ he said loudly. Katana now began to like his new name and was interested in hearing more. He kept shut. The stranger resumed his speech, ‘I am somewhat embarrassed to say this, but I am also one of you.’ He paused. ‘An unlucky, disastrous person,’ He said in a softer tone than before, as if he was ashamed being one of them. ‘It’s one of the many miracles of this despicable world.’ explained the stranger to Katana. Now, a complete change of judgment, he felt comfortable with the stranger in front of him and saw the stranger from what he was able to see was floating in the darkness, just like himself. A feeling of understanding and similarity has come upon Katana towards the stranger. He wasn’t that agitated anymore, but part of him was still. Yet, he knew he had to respect the cap wearing figure, which he didn’t like.
The stranger resumed talking in the darkness, listened by Katana who was looking at him as he was the only visible thing he was able to see in the sheer darkness. ‘What shall you call me then, “master?” that would be too prominent, wait, Katana did as he was told and waited, he looked at the stranger. He was actually deep in thought in telling Katana what to call him. ‘Yes, you call me Mark. It reminds me of some one I know.’ ‘By the way do you like your name now?’ asked Mark. Katana said, ‘Not really but its better than Nakata, you can call me by that name. And I understand that you have powers and all that, but what exactly are your intentions?’ asked Katana. ‘My intentions are to guide you and help you through this journey, in hope that you will no longer be unhappy,’ said Mark. ‘that’s crap, how could someone claiming to be having the same unlucky fate that I did, help me out and get me straighten? Said Katana in disbelief, Mark replied, ‘now, you’ve got a point there, I must say. But you see, I have already done, accomplished what I intended to. This is my way of repaying my gift that was given to me. Now enough of the explanation let me enlighten you with some of my own unfortunate life stories, events and others too, we could compare whose fate were more unlucky and even cry about it, if you want to that is’ said Mark. ‘ oh, and another thing, don’t try to act smart and act as if you have any other options, don’t ask stupid questions, just bear with, after all you’re unlucky and disastrous, aren’t you? Get used to it.’ He added in a warning tone.
They were now sitting in the dark space with only each others glowing figure to look at. Mark began his supposedly enlightening speech. Katana listened and every now and then questioned Mark about his remarks. Mark would most of the times ignore or when he chose to answer to Katana questions, he answered in an irritated angry voice. They were times that they’d cry and snuggle each other. Sad, unlucky stories were told to make Katana feel better of him self. They’d often compare other stories with their own to establish whose story was more pathetic. The stories resumed for a long time, stories after stories were told, most of them really sad, pathetic ones. Katana now, after giving some thought about what he was about to ask and said to Mark that he was now not the most unlucky person, but was evidently one of them, in the most ‘matter of fact’ tone and expression. Mark looked at him and gave a funny stare. He then said, ‘I guess you’re right, if that’s what you think. Now let me tell you some other tales too, perhaps this one would be more sad and eventually make you realize something, this time less questions,’ he pointed a finger at him as if he was giving out an order. Katana nodded, as if he understood.
Mark resumed his petty, pathetic tales, but nothing he told would stop Katana from questioning or bringing up facts of his life to compare them with. Mark was getting annoyed with his new friend’s shallowness. He then said, ‘so, Katana are you saying that I am a lucky person compared to you, after listening to all the tales that I told you, you still think that you’re a more unlucky person?’ his face was now filled with anger as he spoke in a louder tone. Katana then said in reply, ‘well, yea in a way, yes.’ At this moment, the debate of who among them being more unlucky went on for a while now. Then finally Mark said, ‘I think that I’ve come to a conclusion now that I realized it.’ ‘Realized what? Asked Katana in curiosity,’ Mark replied, ‘I’ve just realized that some people or most people think of themselves better or worst off than others in order to continue feeling better of themselves. It gives them purpose. ‘What? What are you trying to say?’ in a confused and once again irritated tone. Mark was about to reply, just then, out of the blue, Katana heard a voice through the darkness they were silhouetted in, ‘hey boy, boy?’ it wasn’t Mark’s voice, he was hearing. The voice became more clear and apparent and vivid too, why not. Mark too heard the voice and said hurriedly as if he didn’t have any time left, ‘I think its time for you to wake up,’ in a tone that didn’t show any sign of emotions.
‘Wake up boy,’ he heard and he could feel someone’s hands on his body shaking him up. He struggled to open his eye lids, it seemed really heavy. He realized that he was awake now and saw a blurry face looking at him. It was a face of a middle aged woman. Her appearance to him was most recognizable and warm. He shook his head and wiped his eyes with his fingers. The blurry figure became apparent and he heard her say to him, ‘are you alright?’ In a worried tone, ‘I heard you talking to yourself.’ her voice was warm and gentle. Nakata said in reply, ‘yeah, I think so, I had a bad dream.’ ‘That’s what, happens when you sleep during the Maghrib period, now go wash up, pray and get ready for dinner.’ She said. ‘Ok, mom,’ the boy answered, and made his way to the washroom.
