I hope and try to be as hopeful
and I dream and fantasize, and I try and try, though as if cursed and worse
still at this age I am still stuck at instability, insecurity and being
unsuccessful.
Fuck!
Let me vent. There is no one to
talk to hence at least let me write for the sake of expressing myself.
I hate myself for not being smart
enough, for not having better qualifications, for not having a stable life, for
having anxiety and being fucking depressed all the time.
It sucks to have to constantly
worry about money, safety, food and family.
If anything, I have been
constantly sad and insecure all my life. What is this shit?
People stay away from me for
being negative and sad all the time…though I hate more than anything to be
stuck in sadness.
Let me vent, it’s not like I have
or want to talk to someone about this. Let me vent it’s not like I am going to
ask you to read this.
Until when?
I keep thinking wouldn’t it be better
to never have existed…apparently the gift of life is such a blessing that I have
to constantly count my blessings…
Well, let me vent…I’ll be better
soon. At least a little.
We suffer all our lives and die
only to be scrutinized on what deeds we did?
If this is not hell or a slice of
hell…
I know but let me went. I’ll feel
better soon.
Though as of for now…
The familiar pain is just searing
through my insides.
