I closed my eyes; I was listening to a beautiful music. I don’t remember the name of it but it was a product of many instruments combined that made one feel serenely in peace, at least for a split second. It’s as if I was living in a fairy tale filled with loving creatures and everything so colorful….before the awakening.
I realized that I was dreaming, dreaming about the peace and even dreaming of the music I was hearing. I was actually walking from nowhere significant to somewhere. My journey was pointless but moving about looked like it held a purpose.
As I continued walking, I remembered when I was sitting side by side with her on a wooden bench. I was slanting on it with my head tilted upwards, looking at the blue sky. She was sitting straight, almost on the edge of the bench looking at the scenery with a smile on her face. Her posture was utterly feminine and she looked so gentle and fragile, I could smell the faint smell of her perfume that at that time was the sweetest scent, because of its wearer.
Although that particular phase of my life was chaotic and filled with making the right decisions. But whenever I was with her, I felt that I didn’t need to think of anything else but her presence. It’s hard to explain what was going through my mind, but at that time her happiness meant the world. I know that I won’t be able to feel such things of absolute foolishness anymore, to be so vulnerable and believing in things that only realize in movies.
I just went up to her and said that I’d like to spent some time with her, I was acting bold but my expressions and my stuttering gave me away, she looked oblivious to my discomfort but surprisingly agreed to my invitation. That was how we got to know each other.
I got to know her better and I liked her even more. She did to but to a different outcome. I tried to get her to like me back but to no avail. She seemed so sure about it that she convinced me that she didn’t like me and that I didn’t like her too.
I was back in the present now, in disbelief, on why I allow myself to think about those kind of stuff. I shook my head, disappointed in the choices of thought I chose to put in my head.
I am now back, once again in the office talking to my child on the phone, who said his teacher wanted him to buy some fishes for a school project. After I hung up, I was complaining to my colleagues of not having sufficient money to keep on buying stuffs but still wanting to fulfill any of his wishes. And I thought to myself that after nearly twenty years of working my luck still hasn’t change. I look at the young colleague who sits a few feet away eyeing me. I bet he was even listening when I was expressing myself to my colleagues, that bastard. I don’t know if it was just me but I noticed him shaking his head, I am not sure. But I don't care, I don't.
I am walking again, come to think about it I have always been walking…you might think that I was getting somewhere but I just keep on walking not getting to grasp any dreams, nor gaining any wisdom.
I changed the song that was playing inside my head; it was rather boring and not cheerful, this time to something more jovial. The scene changed and I was now walking along a happier path.
I was still walking but with ease and really content with my life. I started to think of the things that I have and come to realization that I am happy, at least as happy as everyone else is. As I think that everyone is just as happy as everyone else is. It is the people who judge each other wrongly.
