Who Really Cares



This is Marvin Gaye!

Vague




I had to post this clip on my blog just to…well not entirely on wanting to share it with you guys. But this time around..okay, I know what I am trying to say, if I post certain videos on my blog, it could only mean that I am showing how much I like it and consequently showing my appreciation towards it. Yea here I go again making simple things complex. You might think that it’s troubling for you, but try putting yourself in my shoes. Imagine yourself in a war zone and then look up in the sky and think of noisy airplanes flying through really fast and end up crashing somewhere disant. Hmm..that was quite an exaggeration. Who cares what I post right?

I am listening to Jorge Ben Jor! This guy is amazing very smooth and soulful. Back to what I really wanted to say, though this distracts me from doing more reading and writing. ‘Gaki No Tsukai’ a Japanese game show which I watch almost every day; has the ability to make me forget about reality. I make it sound like a drug, but this is just one sort of short escapism that helps one get past the day. How cowardly yea?

The clip above is about the main casts in the show, one wrote the song and the other sings it. It is touching if you can relate to it. Everything seems more meaningful once you can relate and understand right?

There are people out there who tell me they’re sick of my negativity and that they don’t like my view on certain things. To you, I just want to say, be more grateful and please feel lucky! You don’t understand. I always wanted to say that, ‘you don’t understand.’ Thoughts and beliefs are the effect of past experiences and circumstances one went through. So if you’re happy and satisfied then you should only feel grateful. As for others, they’re probably still on the journey on achieving certain things they have yet to accomplish.

Interesting isn’t it? The way a human is developed? The way they look at things and the way their mind works today were the effect of the claying from yesterday, so to speak.

We are constantly being molded be it good or bad from our experiences. Today I would say that people are molded by the society, the society is manipulated by the Government who’s job is to govern u men. But one can easily see through them just by looking at their lifestyle and how they define success; by wealth. So is it not safe to say that, they are controlled by their greed and material wealth. Who controls wealth? These are the people pulling the strings. This is the game they’re playing; this is the game in which we are in, I am afraid and at the same time anxious to see where everything falls. I can only wish to be equipped with enough love, knowledge and understanding among many for I see them as the ingredients to overcome…

For the rest part, seeing that I have totally jumped off topic and should really be doing something else; I’ll stop for now.

Hunger!

I was in a ‘gerai’ that had three tables and four chairs at each table. It wasn’t roofed. The ‘gerai’ was on it’s own surrounded by trees, plants and greeneries. It’s air was cool the heat couldn’t come through. It had a calming affect and it felt safe and soothing.

A man was with an old man at one of the other tables. I was sitting alone at a different table. There weren’t anyone around. After 10 minutes or so I walked up to them and shook their hands, I introduced myself still standing. The old man invited me to sit and I sat. They resumed talking as I listened attentively.

Man: So what did you feel like when you were younger?

Old man: Oh It felt like I was in a constant state of hunger, at the same time my stomach was also uncomfortable and constantly bloated. Caused by indigestion most likely. A consequence of junk and other nonsense; No matter how much I consumed, what type of food I ate, I was never really satisfied. Living was merely an act of surviving, almost like being in a state of stagnant living.

And so I ate with indifference, I went to places, met new people and continued to look for new things to devour—in what appeared like blind hope in achieving self-actualization. To unearth the missing ingredient for what felt like a hunger that would never come to an end.

And then I felt the pressure of failing to subsist, to co-exist with society and the people within. I didn’t know if I could live up to expectations but then I refused and failed to exist, and ended up perished.

Man: But… I still feel that way.

I: Erm I feel the same way too.

Old man (smiling): looks like we were destined to meet today. Though…

He didn’t finish his sentence but hurriedly pulled up his sleeves and looked at his watch instead. POOF! And just like that he vanished. The other man too followed suit and vanished with the ‘gerai’ followed by the whole surrounding bringing with the calmness i felt. I opened my eyes and realized that I was on my bed.

I was back in reality and so uneasiness enveloped me – I also realized there was a person sitting across me, on my chair who looked exactly like me. Who just read to me my own work. He sat there now just looking at me.

Tale Unveiled

“HEY! HEYY!” He heard someone sneering behind him. He felt his body turning around, his spider senses was working against him – only to be shocked by a flat piece of wood with a long nail poking through it. It happened so fast, he saw the piece of wood approaching his face and felt the slap. A couple of tooth came out and one of them fell right into his palm. He stood there just staring at it shocked with a long nail stuck in his face.

The person who slapped him was no longer visible; ‘he or she must’ve been planning this for a long time’ he thought to himself feeling a little impressed. He had to go to the doctor to get the wood out of his face. Since that day on Ahmad Nalid was known as Naild.

Ahmad Nalid, now Naild was the leader of a gang called the phase gang. Reason being, he believed that what he was going through was just a phase. And as soon as he found his calling he would immerse himself into whatever it is he felt passionate about. Ironically, he knew deep inside that the relationship he had with his friends were too strong and will never be breached. These were the type of people they were. Their type was obviously a minority.

Sharpenhauer, one of his closest friends and his right hand man, sometimes advisor, paid for the doctor fees and reminded him that he had to pay him back. They talked a little about their upcoming meeting. The friends didn’t even come close to talking about who the culprit who hurt Naild. It wasn’t significant to them.

The next day, Naild found that he was at home alone with his cousin. His cousin’s name was Ickyfox. Ickyfox was the total opposite to Naild. He possessed several degrees from universities abroad and whenever Nailed saw Ickyfox’s parents he would see their eyes glimmer with pride whenever their son was mentioned. Now Ickyfox was good looking too, had a genuinely nice girl friend and everything seemed in place for a bright future and a secure life.

Ickyfox had a secret though. He self-assumingly thought to himself that he could predict what others were thinking. Ickyfox only did all the good things that was expected of him to portray. By doing so he impressed people, who like him also did things to impress others. They were real life actors.

Naild always knew something was amiss with Ickyfox, it couldn’t just be his feeling of jealousy towards him. One night as Naild was coming back from a gathering with his fellow gang members; He passed Ickyfox’s sleeping spot. As he passed he noticed something peculiar happening with Ickyfox. Naild in an almost surprised state witnessed a black snake, a colorful peacock and a red colored woman on top of ickyfox’s chest; they were all attached to him.

They appeared to be in an important meeting. They were looking at each other and talking in a serious whispering tone. Naild, after a minute of staring at them got curious and said to them; ‘Hello!’ he tried to sound as friendly as he could. They gave him a disgusted look and in a hurry when back into ickyfox’s heart. He could still see them though but they were pretending to be asleep. Naild left them to their dwellings.

Of course Naild was used to getting the same treatments from the opposite gender, but he was a little hurt being ignored even by evil creatures plotting. This was also a moment where Naild consciously and subconsciously noticed that he was in possession of a mysterious talent that others didn’t.

He made his way into his room greeted by a pair of giant horns that were laid side to side on his table. The horns used to be part of a great giant goat. It was said to possess some kind of protecting and healing powers. He looked at them sadly wishing they could talk or at least make the hot room feel a little colder; instead they just laid there collecting dust.

Apart from the voices in his head that wouldn’t shut up, everything else was as quiet as night. One of the voices in his head said that it was sleepy and wanted to sleep, the rest of the voices wasn’t in agreement…the voices started to get aggressive and began cussing at each other. Naild knew all of his voices and most of the time was in command, his voices were no longer able to fool or influence him, making him more in control.

One of Naild’s hobbies was to curl up and cry till he went dry. He was always under the realization that he was powerless and by himself could do or achieve nothing. His contemplation and silent dwelling did expose him to some of the answers he was looking for. Nonetheless it didn’t stop him to do so whenever he was alone.

There was something wrong with his voice tonight, the voices in head were more violent and disturbing than usual. He told them to shut up but they wanted to play. He turned on some music, to ignore or entertain them.

The Music started to make its presence. He played ‘Superstar by Lupe Fiasco’ Naild thought to himself that ‘Lupe Fiasco’ was a freaking cool name. Naild started to enjoy the music and began to take pleasure in the music a little too much by jumping and nodding his head back and forth. He felt that he needed to express himself. Immersing himself in the music, he closed his eyes and continued jumping and ‘head banging’.

He came to an abrupt stop and fell back on his ass after hearing a loud thud. He started seeing flickers of tiny light like things. He realized that he hit his head on one of the four walls in his room. Naild was on his ass with blood flowing from his head.

Blood was just flowing out instead of gushing out. It was just a small cut. ‘This shouldn’t be too bad’ he muttered to himself. He took a few plasters and tried to stick them as to stop the bleeding. It didn’t work; he then proceeded to move outside and looked for thread and a needle. Naild mother was a tailor hence he assumed that as the son of a tailor he should naturally possess the ability to sew.

He was also not an idiot; he burned the needle a little using a lighter and then prepared to sew his forehead. He had to remove the useless plasters that were stuck to his head first.

As soon as he was done peeling the plasters off, he tried getting the thread into the needle, he heard footsteps approaching and realized that he forgot to close the door to his room. Ickyfox stood outside. His eyes were dark and he gave out a cold stare, “You are making so much noise, you not only woke me up but now I can’t even sleep! Not with all the ruckus you’re causing!” Icky fox complained haughtily.

“Kid! I think I suck at this. Go get the car we need to go see a doctor!” Naild demanded completely ignoring what icky just said. Icky was still gawking at him sharply unmoving. Nailed reached for one of the horns lying on the table and threw it with perfect accuracy, the horn hit ickyfox’s on his forehead. Now they were both bleeding.

Naild decided to drive anyway because he didn’t trust Ickyfox not after seeing what was in his heart. “I should’ve just gone on my own the first time!” he whispered to himself. The drive to the doctor was a quiet one. The radio was playing some lame mainstream music. The song was about the singer’s view on how he thought his listeners were stupid. After several minutes of driving and of drenching a stolen car with their own blood later; they arrived at a large house instead of a clinic.

Naild and Icky got out of the car and waited in front of a huge three storey house. After a couple of minutes, Naild took out his phone and spoke into it, he almost sounded like he was pleading for help. Ickyfox looked amused witnessing Naild looking vulnurable. Naild placed his phone back into his pocket. He let out a huge satisfied sigh followed by a grin and a thumbs up. “Success!” he cried out.

Both of the men were relieved when they finally heard the sound of a door being opened, followed by the grill opening. A girl came out with a kit in her hand. She neither smiled nor did she appear to have any other expressions on her face. Her name was Lunice, short for Siti Lunacy.

Naild used to date her. He even used to brag about her to his friends on how he met the nicest and the most kind-hearted person everrr. She was nice, warm and kind hearted indeed but she was also at the same time cruel and cold blooded to the core. Naild of course learned it the hard way. They were still friends though, Naild and Lunice.

Lunice didn’t look like she felt like talking or opening the gate for them. She walked to the center of the pavement and sat there. Nailed looked for a moment and getting the signal, climbed up the gate and walked towards her. As he got closer to her, he sat in front of her with his hand covering his forehead. Ickyfox followed suit and sat beside him.

Lunice was wearing a black overall; still Naild could hear some creatures whispering in her head and beneath her chest. He also thought that they were glaring at him angrily. “Stop staring at my breast!” Lunice said in a cold disgusted tone. Naild shifted a little and pretended to look somewhere else. She opened up the kit and took out a needle. But there was no thread; Nailed looked at her with an expression of surprise and curiosity. Lunice shifted the scarf she was wearing to the side and pulled out a few strands of long black hair.

She then took one and inserted it into the needle and started sewing. “They’re pretty strong,” she added and started sewing. It took her less than 15 minutes to sew both of their heads up. After sewing them together, she took out the cotton and antiseptic from the kit she brought. She tore a piece of cotton and poured some antiseptic on to it. She gave one to Ickyfox and took the other one and started to rub Naild’s eyes with it. “Bitch!” Naild shrieked and moved away from her. They both climbed outside and headed towards the car. Naild then stopped and looked at Ickyfox as if signaling something.

Ickyfox got the hint and in sheer sweetness pulled off a perfectly sincere smile followed by what sounded like a genuine thank you. Lunice waved and was trying to give out a fake smile. She never looked uglier thought Nailed.

In the car, Nailed said to Ickyfox, “Not bad huh! With so much ugliness inside you, you only portray the most beautiful things outside.” “Why, thank you, you do what you have to do, right?” Ickyfox said in a straight honest tone.

“You know what? I think that she might be the one who attacked me with the nail….” After a slight pause he added, “And wood”. Ickyfox appeared to be thinking of something else. “For all I know, it could’ve been you.” Naild said in a slower tone from before. “Yeap, it could’ve been me” added Ickyfox. Naild had done enough damage to Ickyfox for one night so he decided to ignore him.

The journey back home was quiet and rather calming. That night Naild dreamt of fighting with Ickyfox’s and Lunice’s demons. They both had 3 each. Naild had more than one too but only one came out after much pleading and his inner self resembled him in every way. Nonetheless it managed to fend off his enemies weak attacks. He woke up tired and feeling bruised the next day.

That morning he went out to meet up with Sharpenhauer. They both didn’t have any real jobs. They only worked when they had to. Besides being in a gang or an organization depends on how you look at it, helps.

They also had bigger reasons; they didn’t want to sell their souls to the devil. They didn’t care about trying so hard to be in the system and performing the same duty day in and day out while limiting the mind’s capacity and capability. To them it was irrelevant and meaningless.

“All that for what? To be accepted and recognized by the already brain washed society. We are intelligent than that, why bother to please the majority when the majority was corrupted and their intelligence limited and their hearts closed from receiving any light? Naild said agreeing with the orator.

Sharpenhauer then impatiently said that he had something funny to say, he started off, “and there I was having my lunch at the food court. I had to eat at the long table and beside me there were a group of colleagues having their lunch. They looked comfortable with each other. So this guy, guy number one said, ‘Aku tak percaya dia boleh belanja cili!’ “I wasn’t really eavesdropping but I couldn’t help not hearing them talk, what was I supposed to do, cover my ears?” he defended when noticing Naild eyeing him with suspicion.

He continued as Naild remained silent, the second guy then said, ‘Aku dah buat siasatan tapi aku tak tahu macam mana dia boleh belanja cili!’ “Now after hearing this I couldn’t help it, I started snickering like a little girl. The third guy noticing me, said to his friend, ‘bukan cili la tapi chilis!’ “His other friends weren’t as bothered. I had to leave the table or else I would’ve burst out with laughter.” He looked at Naild for a response, “Yes it was pretty funny haha looking down at others.” Naild responded. “It was really funny when it happened!” Shapernhauer countered.

The friends resumed walking again; they had a meeting with the rest of the members of the Phase gang later that day. “I think I don’t like the name of our gang,” complained Sharpenhauer. “It sounds weak and temporary.” He added.

“Well it’s just a name; a phase can mean many things. Besides all we have is each other while no else would look at us. We are group of intelligent people wanting to feel belonged and to be part of something important and you know, something that is more rationale and makes more sense.” Naild explained. He looked Sharpenhauer in the eye and said, “Though we have the tendency to invite trouble I believe that we are all on the verge of getting to know ourselves better. Lets persevere! After all, all we have is each other.” Naild said with a straight face.

Naild phone started to ring; it was Bringo Star, Naild’s brother. “I need to go back home now” he said in a serious tone. The meeting was postponed. Sharpenhauer came along with him, “What?! It’s not like I have anything better to do; besides I think your parents like me more than they like you!” Sharpenhauer expressed himself in response to Naild’s staring. “Don’t get all sensitive now I was just looking if you were coming along.” Naild stated and started walking towards home.

As they neared home, Bringo Star was waiting for them outside the gate. As they approached Naild noticed the look in his brother’s eyes, he was dead serious and the creatures in his heart were displeased and his head was emitting steam. Later he learned that an old man got beaten up by 3 male adults, it didn’t quite make sense. The old man was 85 of age and despite his healthy state..Well it’s just not right, is it? Besides the old man was their grandfather. It was personal.

Naild called up another member of the phase gang. He called Archie. Within a few minutes Archie was with them. Archie was their neighbor, who lived across them. In case you didn’t see it coming Archie was an archer, not your typical archer though. After being told of what happened Archie exclaimed, “You know how it works I need to at least have a name or a picture.” He said in a watchful tone trying not to hurt his friends’ feelings.

“We knew about that, what we want you to do is aim at everyone in the past month who had hurt any old man. After all they deserve to get hurt!” Bringo Star said.

“So your intention and goal should be aimed at people who have hurt people over the age of 85 in a month’s period, wait let’s make it a year.” With that they gave Archie some space, Archie closed his eyes and moved his hand over his head to his back, reaching for an arrow. His left hand was holding onto the bow. “Where to?” the arrow spoke. Both the arrow and the bow weren’t visible. Only Archie and Naild were able to see them.

Naild had the gift to see things because he understood stuff and when you understand things, you tend to see them. That was his logic. So Naild had the gift which gave him the tendency to see and understand most things.

“To any men who hath hurt any old men above the age of 80 in the course of a year” Archie instructed and was already pulling on the arrow. “Oh my! That sounds easy!” replied the arrow sarcastically. “Hit em in the hand and leave a mark, a permanent scar for them to remember it by.” Naild added. “Oh you asshole -- It’s been a long time hasn’t it?” said the arrow. Naild met Archie almost every day, which means he sees the bow and the arrow everyday too. “Hey Bow! Control your arrow?” said Naild to the bow, which was its name. “Very well then let’s do this.” said the bow to the arrow in a soft yet firm tone.

Archie pointed his invisible bow and arrow towards the sky, pulled on the arrow and let it go. They were looking in the sky for a couple of minutes looking bewildered. “Okay, isn’t that’s bad?” asked Archie.

Naild nodded in agreement. “What is?” Sharpenhauer and Bringo Star enquired. “When I let the arrow go, it split into what appeared like a thousands of arrows” Said Archie. “I guess we forgot to tell the bow and arrow to stay local haha!” Naild laughed.

“That’s not even funny, now our enemies and other groups would be angry at me…at us for not abiding the rules.” Archie said with a hint of anxiety in his voice. “Let them come! Death and I are one, I am not afraid to die!” Said Naild. “But what if you get injured or paralyzed or one of your limbs cut off?” Sharpenhauer asked.

“Well in that case let’s be more cautious from now on,” replied Naild, changing his mind immediately. The other members and his brother were used to this and ended up sighing instead. “What should be engraved in our heads are that, we live in an age where people are hurting old people who cannot fight back, think about that” explained Naild. “They had it coming to them.” He added.

“It’s almost night let’s stick together and avoid from going home and risking the safety of others. Call the other members and we’ll have a meeting to sort things out.” Naild instructed. “You do realize that our group member consists of more than a couple of thousand members?” Bringo Star said and continued “Besides you are just using this as an excuse meet your friends and to not go back home, aren’t you?”. Ignoring his brother Naild replied, “Well let’s just call the few hundred that can really fight and use their brain…I mean only the ones that we like.”

After a few hours the selected members of the phase gang were all seated on the ground of a huge field that looked the greenest in the morning. Each one possessed their own special powers but none could overcome Naild’s power. Apparently none can fight against the power of understanding, with the ability to see through one’s heart and even understand it and consequently tame/manipulate it. And secondly he always had his companions and his elder brother with him, whom by themselves were strong enough to destroy a small country or a few islands for that matter.

That night an enormous tent that appeared like a mountain covered the vast field. On the inside it looked like a huge castle, a very simple yet practical one that was able to house a few hundred people at a time.

Naild slept in a huge room with 10 of his closest companions. That night he dreamt of being invited to a fantasy world called the ‘Matareel’ world. The people there were referred to as hyptocrites. They were a people of luxury and piety. It weirded him out upon hearing that; mainly because the two don’t go together—piety and meekness yes—but piety and luxury? Now there seems to be something wrong and fundamentally contradictory he thought.

The worse of their kind were their leaders who were adorned with white robes and their women with their scarf’s that shined even at night. Their silky robes, with their long beards and signs of piety on their fore heads seemed to charm themselves including the rest of their world. When Naild looked at them with their sweet grinning faces, he realized that they were mimicking happiness not only manipulating others but their own selves.

“Welcome!” Said a maiden with the most soothing voice—that was until he looked at her; She looked grotesque and there were all sorts of creatures from her legs right to the strands of her hair, most of them he never seen before. Naild swiftly hurried away from her.

All the elders were lined up, welcoming him. As much as Naild tried to pretend, he just couldn’t bear the sight, the unlimited creatures and the foul smell they were emitting. No perfume could silent the smell of the hyptocrites.

Each and every one of them were racing to become better than the other and they all already thought they were better than their companions.

However on the outside they were all very nice and gentle, constantly speaking of peace and on believing in love and the oneness of God. If Naild couldn’t look through them he’d thought that they were the best kind of people in the whole universe. “It’s time to wake up” he told himself. “Oh! Before I go I would like to say something” Naild said to them.

They smiled and kept quiet anticipating his speech. “For material is temporal, and understanding is virtue, material is perishable, I understand you, and all of you are material!” with that he opened his eyes and he was back in the tent with his friends. He looked at the clock and only a minute had passed since he went to bed. “That’s weird, a minute of torture seemed to last forever!” He cried out sighing.

“Oh! Sharpenhauer! You are awake as well!” Naild cried out excitedly when he noticed his friend awake. He also noticed that his friend was shedding tears. “What’s wrong?” He asked concerned. “I had a dream” he said. “I did too, it was really bad” he paused for a while and asked, “What did you dream of?”

I dreamt of my whole life passing over me and I saw the pictures one by one, every single event and in all the pictures there was a person showering me with love and comfort. Continuously smiling and giving a part of her strength. Sharpenhauer Said. “Tell me more” Naild requested. “Not this time man” his friend replied and turned his back to him.

Naild understood that his friend must’ve been in pain, he also noticed a light was emanating from Sharpenhauer’s heart. It was a tiny thing that can’t be more than 10 inches of size. As he looked closely it was a smaller version of Sharpenhauer when he was younger somewhere around the age of 6 or 7. “Come to me, dear friend” Naild said extending his hand. The younger Sharpenhauer jumped out from his owner’s chest and on to Naild’s hand.

“Speak!” Naild ordered. The younger Sharpenhauer bowed and obliged. He started to sing,

The lady,

Something you might never understand,

Your cold heart, your pride would never bend,

This is a bond that binds souls hand in hand,

Her stature elevates above my being,

The one that fed and fended me,

Who protected me under her wings,

Who taught me a little of everything,

Who instilled beliefs that cultivate me,

Shadowed me from atrocities,

When in fear I seek comfort in her warmth,

I grew in strength and became a man,

I stood then high and forgot the hand,

The blessed hands of kindness and authenticity,

That lives on giving and forgiving,

Whom I witnessed suffering and surviving,

Because she had offspring’s to give in,

For I had not known what love between mortal is,

But certainly I am witness to this;

A prove of a love that never cease, Is of a mother towards her seeds.”

The young child bowed again as it finished. “Thank you” Nail muttered. He lifted his hang signaling the child to go back to its owner. It jumped off and returned to Sharpenhaur’s chest. Naild went out to inhale some fresh oxygen and look at the skies, the moon, and the stars. As he looked at them in wonder and fascination.. They greeted him and then in unison said, “Rest well, we shall comfort and protect you like a mother protects its child.” Naild responded by saying, “Peace be upon you” and they said back in unison, “And upon you, peace.” He felt a lot better and returned to his space and drifted into worlds continuing his goals in life; dwelling and learning about himself, others and drawing closer to his Creator.

Note: Thank you for reading! :)