It’s the end of the year again. I don’t know why it should matter. On a second thought it does, maybe a little, maybe it doesn’t matter whether it matters or not. It’s not like we never had new years before and New Year’s resolution and New Year’s celebration.
Well anyways I’d like to think of it as a cycle and whether it is substance or not to me, it’s probably going to effect me in one way or many. This once again reminds me on how futile, helpless and weak I am a man. Regardless of what I think and feel, I have to adapt, adjust, sacrifice and blend in and go on with this journey. How remarkably delightful…
For one it also marks that we are all ageing and that people are constantly moving on, one way or the other. Some people get married and have kids, some people change jobs and yes sadly some pass away. In spite of how we change or do not change, ‘the world doesn’t revolve around me.’ that’s what I am telling myself.
Don’t blame me for thinking that way. Here, I’ll share a secret with you; my name is Alam Shah which plainly means ‘conqueror of the world.’ See the irony? Maybe it was my parent’s way of a sick joke. So far I haven’t really conquered anything worth mentioning, not even myself, my desires, my fears, a group of women all at once and obviously no countries, not even an island. If anything, it taught me to give my children realistic names such as, ‘temporary’, ‘forgetful’ or ‘will die anytime’.
You might think that I am sad for thinking this way, maybe I am but I really do think that I am thinking realistically but yes, not optimistic. Though optimism is good it is also something that gives false hope but on second thoughts, if it keeps people moving forward then who’s to say anything? As said in ‘the secret’ if you think of something constantly enough and hard enough it’ll eventually realize. Though it might contain some truth in it but seriously? Come on, who are you kidding? As I was kid I almost all the time hoped and wished that Doreamon will pop out from a drawer, or that I’ll be like Goku some day.
I choose to see it as another way of enriching oneself by promising riches to others, yes a load of hopeful, deceiving bullshit. You can call me ignorant for that.
I changed my blog address by the way, I am sure you realized that. No, it has nothing to do with the end of the year. I really liked, ‘discordant constellations’ still do, and doesn’t it sound good to say? Everybody together now, ‘discordant constellations’. Anyways it is now called Al-factor, main factor being, sweet and short or should I say short and sweet.
I am not sure if I have mentioned this before in my previous entries but if any of you are interested in philosophy, theology and open minded enough, do let me know. It’s been a while since I talked about beliefs, faith and scholars. I am sure it’ll be a learning experience and probably even fun. :)
I’ve been listening to a lot of Metric lately. Well the fever will go away eventually. But what I am really trying to say is that they’re really a great band and one of the best according to my pointless judgment.
Lastly, for formality, I would like to wish you guys out there a Happy New Year and may all your dreams come true while I continue in vain trying to figure out the meaning of life and hopefully come across the essence of my existence and insincerely, unwillingly adjust, adapt, learn, sacrifice for the betterment of myself but honestly to just stay alive and survive in this place where everything appears harsh to my fragile soul.
