“I am disappointed and scared, the future is too unpredictable. The present is reluctance, the past was brutal, and the dreadfulness prolonged through all the phases of my life, till today. But tomorrow, is a new day.”
I felt that, that it should’ve been really late by now; I lifted my right hand, looking at my wrist watch and yes, it was late indeed. Late, beyond my bed time, but I couldn’t be bothered. I continued reading the old book, getting more interested. I once again dropped my gaze and attention into the book.
Melissa wasn’t anticipating, coming back to home; she was comfortable with her new life and began to feel belonged. Coming home also meant that she had to leave her friends. But she knew that this day would eventually come and that she had to leave. She caught herself muttering, ‘life goes on’.
Surprisingly the parting part with Emma wasn’t as difficult as she thought it would be. As they promised to keep in touch by writing letters and, Emma said that she would visit soon. She said she wanted to see what Melissa home will look and feel like. Melissa now, who has already boarded the flight and was seated on her given seat, She didn’t want to think too much of what lied ahead. So she slept.
Upon her arrival back, Melissa was greeted by her parents in the airport. It was a pleasant feeling, coming back to a familiar place. They waited for a while to take her luggages and almost immediately returned home. It was nice to finally be back she thought to herself and then found out that she was questioning her own thought, almost hesitating whether she really felt that way. A few weeks later, she was already bored of her mundane life; although peaceful it was too quiet and alone and so she thought that it was time for her to procure a job, her sole intention at that moment was just to get rid of the boredom.
Getting a job wasn’t a problem for Melissa, seeing that she had all the qualifications needed. She might have, even be more than qualified; she was now contemplating on which job offer to accept. The pay offered by each company wasn’t all that bad too. She knew that she was getting herself into a different phase of life that would require most of her time and other forms of sacrifices. But that was what everyone else had gone through/ been doing and still does, so she thought that she might want to try it out and that it wouldn’t hurt to earn some extra cash.
She now had obtained a 9-5 job and almost everything at the moment seemed to have proceeded normally. Melissa was preoccupied most of the time. However, after some time at work, doing the similar jobs, she began to once again feel alone and pointless. Nevertheless she knew that she shouldn’t take things for granted. Considering that she was living a comfortable enough life and that there were many who suffered and weren’t fortunate enough to get the opportunity that she had. And so, understanding that, kept her sane and going.
Her job was really hectic and she somewhat enjoyed the long hours of work. A year then passed, she was promoted to one rank higher her current position. She felt that everything was going fine and normal. And so everything was proceeding fine, except for the fact that she didn’t have any real friends or someone to confide to or rely on. She then as advised from a colleague at work began dating. She was curious of how it would be like and decided to take the advice. To her benefit, it wasn’t hard for her to get a date. However, most of the time, she wouldn’t really enjoy her company and more than often acted interested and played along. Most of the guys she dated weren’t to her interest and after certain amount of period she would show her disinterest and thankfully the guys got the hints. Until, one unexpected day she met someone that she really liked. Her life seemed bright and young again. He seemed like the perfect guy. Everything about him, his characters, and charms were just too endearing to Melissa. He had a decent job and almost seemed like the perfect guy.
The guy was indeed an interesting fellow and confessed that he liked her. Hence, it was another phase in Melissa’s life that brought some changes and sacrifices. Melissa couldn’t be happier and things went great. She didn’t feel alone anymore and she became more cheerful. It was like a dream, when she was with him. The experiences were splendid and she wished that her happiness would last forever.
Melissa’s happiness did last; although only to a certain extend of period. Until the day she found out that the guy that she was so deeply in love with was having an affair with some other lady. Melissa was crushed, tormented and no longer a virgin. The guy, tried to come back in her life, but failed to once again capture her heart. She was shocked, that it happened to her. She didn’t feel as special or different anymore, now that that had happened to her. She felt like, she was just like every other woman who got cheated on. Luckily enough, she was comforted by the same colleague who advised her to date. It made her feel a little cared for. She knew that this type of things happens in life. It somewhat calmed her down a bit, knowing that.
After that incident she became more skeptical when it came to guys and she once again had very little social life, almost none. Her free times were now spent mostly in her room. In there, she wrote a lot in her diary and read a lot, apart from that she would just sit there staring outside the window idly. She started to look more weary and dull. Occasionally she would hang in the garden and mend the plants and water them.
Melissa, now in her room, seated on her bed, brooded over at her life during her college years, she began to think that it was nicer then, and she remembered about her friends the cleaner and the guard. Melissa wondered why they still continued living the dreaded life. Somewhat it occurred to her that, it might’ve been not so bad from their point of view, she thought. After all everyone have different perspectives and strange ways of looking at things. And, she thought that there were stranger people who are easily content with what they have even when what they have was so little.
She thought to herself that if she was in their shoes, she might have risked it all for one chance. For example, if it was a large scale robbery, according to her state of mind at that time, it was better to risk it all than to continue living a whole life of hardship and without respect. With proper planning, sufficient equipments and determination it might not be impossible to make it out in one piece.
She then realized that she wasn’t thinking right and knew that she badly needed some fresh air. She even felt guilty to have thought of such nonsense. She got out off her room and went out for an evening walk. The weather was perfect, it was windy, and there was this orangey atmosphere whilst the sun was about to set. It reminded her of Emma and the walks they had, walking at the sides of the pavements surrounded by huge trees. It was a pleasant memory.
The day after that, she went to work as usual. Getting less and less motivated each day, but the handful of jobs kept her busy and occupied. Later that day, after work Melissa went to a nearby café, simply because she didn’t want to be home too early. She sat there alone enjoying her sip of coffee at the same time trying to refrain from feeling down. She really felt miserable and alone and couldn’t stop thinking about Emma and how she used to comfort her.
She sat there facing the entrance of the café and occasionally glanced towards the people walking by and almost instantly recognized a figure walking past the cafe. At first she thought it might just be someone who looked alike but then her mind was too troubled she decided to take another look. She rushed towards the entrance of the cafe and almost ran to where she saw the person who resembled Emma. She wasn’t far away (Emma’s look alike); Melissa rushed towards her and called out, ‘Emma?’ the person in front, resumed walking as if she didn’t hear anything. Melissa followed closer and called out louder this time; ‘Emma?’ and this time the person almost immediately looked back.
Both of them stood there staring at each other for almost a whole minute. After that they were hugging each other momentarily even when passer by’s seemed to look at them strangely. They then returned to the coffee shop for more privacy and comfort. People were looking strangely at them, but they ignored the staring eyes and went about their business. They continued talking for hours. Emma explained to Melissa that she wanted to surprise her the day after, but she was found out. ‘It is all good anyways’ said Emma.
“I can’t stop reading now’. I told to myself. I was too into it and too interested to leave it alone, now. It brought back memories. I got out of the room and hurriedly headed towards the kitchen. Made myself a glass full of hot coffee and carried the mug back to the room whilst drinking it. By the time I reached the room, the mug was already empty. I sat back in the chair, placed the mug on the table, and continued reading.
Soon enough Melissa decided to go on holidays with Emma. They’d travel all around the country and had the time of their lives. But, Melissa soon enough, began neglecting her work and stopped attending it as she would have usually. But, then again, she didn’t really care if she got fired. She didn’t really like it anyway. They were having the best time together, everything else seemed insignificant. Most of the time, they’d go to quiet, calm places and just enjoy each other’s company.
Emma even said that she might even think of settling down. She said that she liked it here and that she wanted start over fresh in a new place. ‘This would be the perfect place, then’ both of them said at the same time. For the time being, Emma stayed with Melissa and did whatever they felt like doing. Their times were spent mostly by mending their garden and if they weren’t doing that, they would be on long journeys across the country.
Her parents began to notice something odd with their child. Even her colleagues said that she was acting strange when she was at work. Soon enough, her parent found out that she was seldom at home and when asked, Melissa would say that she went on vacation with her friend Emma. They heard a lot of this Emma girl in the past but never met her before. They began to doubt her. Her dad then asked Melissa, ‘so, where is this Emma girl at?’ Melissa replied, sounding annoyed, ‘what are you talking about, she’s standing right beside me’.
Her parent’s were shocked upon hearing that. They persuaded and insisted that she go for a medical check up. They were worried that she probably didn’t get enough rest and about her peculiar behavior.
She had no choice but to agree to her parent’s insistency and persuasions hence, went for the check up. The next day, she was examined thoroughly in the hospital. She heard her parents notifying the doctor that she used to spent a lot of her time alone and talk to herself. The doctor then suggested perhaps they’d want to go to a brain specialist or a neurosurgeon. She was utterly shocked hearing her parents talk of her that way, but thought that it would be best to just go along and satisfy their urges. After conducting few tests and having heard of testimonies from trusted people, they were told to leave and return in a week time.
When they returned the week after, the doctor softly said that Melissa might be suffering from heavy hallucinations. Both Melissa and her parents were shocked upon hearing it. The doctor then went on explaining about her illness and elaborated upon what supported his conviction.
When she was told personally by the doctor about her illness, she wasn’t sure whether she could accept what’ve been said. She was shocked and she tried to explain to them that it was real. The things she experienced with Emma couldn’t possibly be a hallucination, she added. The doctors tried to calm her down and explained to her the symptoms that she was facing. The doctors also had to give her some heavy medication to keep her stable.
After a few weeks in the hospital, she was starting to accept her illness with the help of huge dosages of drugs that kept her relaxed and calmed her down. The doctor in charged of her told her that it wasn’t easy to get rid of the hallucination and it is almost impossible. And that it would take a very long period for her to cure. The doctor insisted that she stayed in the hospital for a longer period. One of the doctor explained to her parents that there wasn’t anything really wrong with their daughter except that she has these hallucinations that comes and goes. Most of the time according to the patience state of mind. And at times, might prove dangerous. The parents, helpless and sad just obeyed to the doctors instructions and did as they were told to ensure their daughter’s state of health.
Melissa on the other hand was strongly told to ignore the hallucinations and was advised to always be accompanied by someone trustworthy. She was also told to ask her guardian to notify her if he/she could see what she sees. There is no Emma, the doctors always told her. ‘It’s all in your head’.
I was already at the last written page, beyond that there were just blank pages and some of my young drawings. The writings ended there. I fiddled with the worn out pages a little. I didn’t feel sleepy at all and it was already dawn. It could be the coffee I thought to myself. I stared blindly at the last written page. The Last I heard of Melissa was that she got out from the hospital. The doctors couldn’t do anything about her illness hence there was no use for her to be kept in the hospital. They told Melissa never to acknowledge her hallucinations even when she was confronted. I didn’t hear of her anymore after that. I retired and moved to a far away place, far from almost everything.
I was, one of the doctors who performed her regular check ups. She had more than one doctor attending to her, considering that she had a rare and interesting illness that most doctors were drawn to. We got close to her during her rehabilitation days and whenever I had the time, I accompanied her and sometimes walked with her during that period, we used to talk a lot. Most of the time, she talked and I listened. She was a very pleasant and fascinating person and I liked listening to her stories although normal, but it was somewhat special coming from her. Especially when she talked about Emma, it was so real that even I sometimes forgot that she didn’t really exist. We spent hours sitting in her room, sitting on the wooden bench on the garden outside, talking.
I didn’t feel like writing anymore. I stood up from the chair I was sitting, switched off the fan and lights, leaving the room dark. I closed the book I was holding and placed the old book in its original place carefully and closed the drawer. I Walked out of the room, closing the door behind me. I headed to the bedroom upstairs and found my bed at once and almost collapsed on it. I can’t believe I met her again, after all these years. It was unreal. The past memories came back as if it just happened yesterday. But then again, it couldn’t have been her. It probably was just a look alike, I guess. I was too tired to think more and I decided that I should rest and so I closed my eyes.
