I have always been the inquisitive
type; the one who bugs others with what you would consider rude/useless
probing’s. I don’t know why but I’ve always been curious and always been filled
with questions, one who contemplates over every little thing and at times even
come across as being annoying and provocative. Though in reality, all I intent
is to get answers to questions I don’t know and I ask people with the intention
to learn from them.
I befriend older guys thinking
that they would be wiser and that they would understand the weight the word, ‘life’
carries. Usually, failing to withhold my inquisitiveness, I randomly ask these
experienced people on the reason behind their existence and their definition of
life. I’ve noticed that these ‘experienced’ people, well most of them basically
had the same understanding of life that their parents had, which was primarily
focused on materialism. I am not against materialism instead I am materialistic
myself to a certain extent. However, I do think that a human being should also
focus on increasing his intelligence and rise in spirituality. I guess what I
am trying to say is, a soul ought to be balanced with a good and healthy physical,
mental and spiritual state.
Maybe it is simpler than I think
it is, like all men in history, each day was about being able to survive hence
seeing that many have survived and living a pretty good life, all would seem
satisfactory and as far as spirituality matters, it might appear sufficient at
the level they are at. That or like me they too are incapable of advancing
further which to me is akin to a curse.
Having said that, in this, I have
discovered a huge flaw of mine... This weakness has till this day invoke sadness.
The greatest impotence of mine is my limitations, the inability to comprehend
certain stuff, to contemplate and envisage certain things. What I am trying to
say is a long time back I noticed that my intelligence and comprehension being
insufficient. This as a consequent has dulled and shadowed my curiosity. A good
example would be, for example; a child asking an engineer on the mechanism an
intricate engine and its functionality. Even when knowledge is laid out to him
a child would not be able to understand the mechanism.
This is what I think but it isn’t
how I feel. Why can’t I be able to answer the most basic questions. Surely we
know—however knowing and understanding are two different things. It is very
evident that each day I age; it is also evident that when I stop gaining a
better way of thinking and understanding, life seems more and more enclosed.
If there’s one thing I expected
from my adult self as a child was to be a person of wisdom. Like I said previously
I envisioned old men possessing wisdom and wise people who are no longer
shallow however it wasn’t in their possession…that, or I failed to see it in
them. My worse fear is to end up like them. These days, being clouded with just
empty entertainment I lost interest in reading or writing. If there’s one thing
I could be proud of it would be that I am friends with knowledgeable people,
just that. I am like a person who sees the night on a sunny day, surrounded only
by darkness.
In my so called expedition in
deciphering this life of mine to gain a better understanding and failing at
many junctures, I had to limit myself to this. We die.
It is our practice to cleanse or
shower a dead person. I have in my life time performed it several times. I have
dug graves, stood in them and placed bodies in their respective graves. They say
we never think of death because the soul is imperishable; yet we forget that
the vessel we are in ages and rots. Many a times I buried bodies of my friends
and relatives. Many after a day or so I’ve forgot to turn my thoughts on them. They
are no longer inhabitants of the world.
I wish that when I die, I die as
a good person and die in doing good. That is as much of wisdom I’ve attained. Clearly
in living the present life I am consumed with gloominess and as I, under the
pretense of having dejected the world, the world in turn has dejected me. This
is my hope, disastrous is he who dies in evil or in pettiness. Here is to
hoping that we keep death in mind and that we die in doing good, being good and
in goodness.
I wish to be wiser each day, I realized
that humility and sincerity is the way, though the self is inadequate, there is
still hope; we pray.
