As the sun fades, I hoped for the
heat to give way, better still go away, yet it remained still, I give into sweet
cold drinks, they provide the shortest amount of relief, immediately I was
angered with this ill fate, like what life has taught, accept and take it in,
withstand the pain for your solution lingers in disdain.
After some minutes the heat didn’t
seem to be steadfast in torture, I was surprised as to how strongly and committed
I felt about my feelings in regards to the heat and now that the heat wasn’t to
be felt as much. I was relieved and I began to even feel sleepy. At the same
time I was troubled as to how I felt so strongly as if nothing else mattered
but the agitating heat I felt—contributed by the surrounding or the weather. Perhaps
I should’ve just took a more nonchalant attitude and not be bothered so much.
Why was I so bothered when if I wasn’t bothered it wouldn’t have been so
bothersome and now I am angry at myself and that is bothersome.
The uncertainty of what tomorrow
brings and the threat that it might bring about idleness that brings about
darkness and causes the brain to come to a halt and drowns one back into abyss
of negativity is surely burdensome to the mind and keeps it busy with a pungent
scent of paranoia.
‘The ice cream looks good, but it
also causes weight gain.’ This is my thought when I am standing in front of an
ice cream box.
I also worry about the well being
of my plants and trees. Not that I care for them too much, I wish to see them
blossom healthily with bright leaves and bear sweet flowers and fruits. I don’t
know if I am just being selfish.
The darkness of night always majestically
taunting, the darkness of night always mesmerizing, the darkness is feared
because so little is to be known of it, darkness is revered for the comfort it
brings. So little is known of it, what can I expect to know from a black space,
just when I close my eyes all that I could see is a black wide space. Though when
it is closed the mind then plays this game of confusing one and tricking one
into dreams that once again appears significant and realistic, as if it
matters. In the end I open my eyes due to the sound of the clock only to
realize the life I was so passionate about was nothing but a specter of a dream.
This life too will end with me opening my eyes to the light.
I can once again feel the heat
returning, the music as soothing as it sounds is not helping, my face appears
to be frowning. I don’t know if I can take this feeling nonchalantly.
When my memories go back to the
time I was shaped, when my memories go back to when I was a kid, I notice how
it was molded and shaped. It was inevitable this fate, though all my thoughts
could muster up is unfortunate.
I keep on fretting yet I know I could
know of nothing, I keep on worrying, though it might seem like it amounts to
nothing, yet worrying keep things flowing. Most of the time it’s just trying
and tiring.
It is getting too heated, my body
seems like it’s being mistreated, the soul feels like it’s being violated, it feels like being boiled on the stove where
the fire is at its slowest. *goes to shower* Now that I am back from the
shower, I feel so much at ease, I feel sleepy once again.
I am the only person who
understands myself, yet I understand myself so poorly.
