Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Wolf in sheep’s clothing that’s what you are


Hatred runs high,

Despise /scorns with delight,

Nurtured with contempt and unfairness,

Constantly condescended,

No condensed milk can sweeten the hurt,

The earth a place of 2 deities,

A variety of dissimilarity,

Where one reigns over the other,

In the name of survival,

Mercy not one of their portrayal


A descendant of the poor and depressed,

They see us with bias and transgress,

Apparently with poverty there is no equality,

Innocence turned into reality,

Reality is negativity,

Whatever love turned into self-righteous pity,

Fuck you! I don’t need your artificial sympathy.


The young, grown into selfish beings,

They never knew or saw anything altruistic,

Compassion and sincerity words they’ve never known,

Ancestral hatred gave life to a generation of forewarned calamity,

Once again they frown and look with disparity,

Oblivious to the product of their hostility


These people are my family

A perfect portrayal of a self centered community,

That is why ignorant people should not have babies,

They give birth to a generation that adheres to the laws of society,

They teach their children love of world and insincerity,

A continuation to a bloodline of injustice and idiocy


You think it’s easy to reach this stage?

It takes years of cultivated hate,

Constant exposure to hopelessness and enmity,

Born are we people who are fiery,

We are the product of your misdeeds,

The dream for justice can never be reached without knowing hostility


These people who beat us down,

They spat and stabbed

When their help is needed,

They looked down at us and expressed hatred,

Our parents suffered worse than others,

We studied the atmosphere,

Resulting into an insurmountable hatred.


They screech and hurt our loved ones,

All I do is cringe in silence,

My inner demons are awakened

They tell me no more confinements,

My good side too awakens

It preaches to be kind and patient

My inner self both good and bad,

Both capable of kindness and evil,

A man should never think that he’s devoid of evil.


Admired by no one,

Contemplating on the one,

Do we dream of satisfying the people we loathe?

The people we love are just a handful,

Yet we dream of fulfilling what society demands?!

Society and its people act on conjectures,

They wrong the right and right the wrong.


The healthy mind does not torture others

It is the tortured mind that inflicts hatred,

So thank you world for making us sufferers,

And thank you world for making us powerless,

And we know for a fact, that the joke is on us.


Engulfed by fire,

All I see is malign and disdain,

These people…

They awaken the evil that resides,

Oh no! It now reigns over the self.


I try to reason and found compassion,

Discovered patient, at times adherence,

But they kept on transgressing,

I went afar and began calculating,

The consequences always led to disappointment.


Time and time again

I am reminded of the weakness within

That I am not safe from anything

Anything can cause the loss of everything

Constantly depending on the mechanism,

A sign of one so tiny and insignificant


These people are family,

They’re worse than arrogant,

Their weird with annoyance,

I grew up amongst them,

They taught me to loathe people like them.


Hatred and dread brings hatred and dread,

My anger I try to tame,

We are only human,

Tears and pain are part of existence,

Life itself is pain and uncertain,

Having faith overcomes existence.

Uhuh

Civilization has no appeal to me.

I decided to come up with a normal blog entry you know just to do something new for a change and probably to try a different style of writing. I also think that I would go as far as embedding a pic or a couple with this one. So far it sort of gives an indication of what it would feel to have a diary…lame haha.

So as you know this month is trying, tiring and you constantly want to better yourself but also fail miserably in the process of doing so(me). Don’t fret I say to myself.

I’ve been getting very little sleep these days. On the bright side, I kinda find my growing eye bags somewhat attractive. Work goes on as usual and is a tad bit more mundane—though on the plus side, we get to go home an hour earlier. Apart from the apparent eye bags, I also noticed that I get easily worked up, annoyed and crankier than usual; which is ironically a trait that I find extremely irritating. In addition to that stomach aches and headaches too often drop by and instigate uneasiness and foulness of mood. As you can see I am very vulnerable.

I also developed an odd inclination towards cooking shows. I do like cooking but most of the time the need for me to cook does not arise hence I don’t. Though I still find it weird you know watching cooking shows and enjoying them. Say what you want but I am mostly into Indian dishes. You know reminiscing my childhood memories. ‘Reminiscing’ could be a rappers favorite difficult English word haha.

Last Sunday, I had to wake up early and get the laundry done. In the midst of doing so I was called to fix the door to the kitchen and the main door to the house. My uncle brought his power tools with him; they were pretty you know powerful and manly.

Besides not having to rely on others on getting some work done on your own is pretty cool. After a few hours of wood cutting and adjusting them so they can fit into the frames…not forgetting the noise pollution involved and how much it must’ve bugged the neighbors; my labor was almost done and the friend already dropped by. I had to ask him to come in and wait for a bit. He was watching, ‘Whose line is it anyways' as I showered and got ready.

Upon writing this I feel as if I was only half conscious during the day, especially that Sunday. Everything was blurish and I felt like they went by not as vividly if I could say so. I also noticed that your decision making sucks even more when you’re tired and hungry, yes I know you are going, duhh.

Our other friends were mostly too lazy to join us and some were actually busy (according to them). So that left just the 2 of us. Don’t worry that will never bring us down. Power in quality not quantity, anyways we wanted to use our weekend as fully as possible. I told my friend that we’d go to a mall buy tickets and then look for a place to eat, so by the time we finish eating we’d have something to do.

We decided to go to the dullest part in town, to avoid the queues and the buka puasa frenzy. We got there around 6 pm and roamed around and went into stores to kill time. Though it proved not to be the brightest of idea as we found some interesting stuff and ended up buying them.

Around 7 I could feel my back aching and my gastric acting up as well. I tried my best to ignore these uninvited guests by buying some crispy fried chicken, which were pretty big and smelled really good! It was freaking tempting! We then went to this penang restaurant and studied the menu, I have the penchant to be indecisive and order something I most of the time fail to finish and this time was the same; only this time my friend asked for an amazing dish. I ordered the chicken chop…okay I don’t remember the name of the dish. It was like a western dish meet Chinese dish fusion of sort. It was pretty good according to my friend, but all the oil and the richness of the dish was a tad bit too overwhelming for me.

My friend on the other hand asked for the asam pedas ikan pari, you know the one wrapped in a foil. When it arrived my friend was still finishing his crispy fried chicken that we bought earlier and I being a little disappointed with my own food, without the slightest hesitation or invitation tasted his. I took a taste of the gravy and had to take another one, you know to confirm what I tasted. My friend asked how it was. I replied by commenting on the gravy and coughing at the intensity of the gravy.

I ignored my dish and decided to share my friend’s dish of course again without his consent. He knew me enough to know that the dish was too good for me to heed his complaints. On the plus side he got to eat his dish and finish my almost un-touched dish.

I was seriously in a lost frenzy enjoying the asam pedas, my friend was saying, ‘happy, happy, happy.’ I am pretty sure he was singing, hm I don’t know if that was a song. I told him that, dude this must be what it feels like to be happy, pretty convinced at that time. I felt like I was high on drugs. The exhaustion, the lack of sleep and aches and the sensation of the dish produced an exuberant and a different kind of high.

I even ordered a plate of rice to eat with the asam pedas and almost ended up licking the foils. My friend cooly reminded me that it was his dish I ate. I just let out a small laugh trying to acknowledge what he just said.

We got out of the mall and headed towards KL to see a friend who was supposed to break fast with us but couldn’t because his car decided not to ignite. So we decided to go there and try to help him out and probably watch the football game with some other friends who were going there too.

We were still talking about the asam pedas on the way to the car and once we got into the car I completely dozed off and only woke up as we got to the place where our friends were. After watching the game we headed towards the friend’s car that won’t start. We thought that it needed to be ‘jump start’ but then that too didn’t work so we tried to push and force it to start, that too wasn’t good enough for the car. We decided to leave it and come back the next day. The few minutes work out made me miss exercising and playing football..It’s sad really how little I play football these days.

here are some pics:

err...pulling of the excited/ giddy look, worked didn't it?

A triangle of fat boys

Should stop calling them fatties huhu

p.s. I don’t think I would want to write/post my future entries in this fashion anymore. This is homosexual.

p.s.p.s. the 'civilization has no appeal to me' bit was something I heard and wanted to write more about it. I guess I forgot.




This is another amazing song; though a tad bit on the gloomy side...

TMBL



This is just so original and simple. I am sure everyone can share my sentiment here, it seems to emit good vibe and positivity. Well I actually wanted to say Happy Fasting! so yea..(though out of context) love everyone not just yourself or one other person. Have a great month. :)


p.s. TMBL stands for: This Must Be Love haha

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

Under a fake tree, from what they eyes could see, there were two madmen talking to each other. They were in a theatre. A large group of audience was seated in front of them watching them intently, expecting to be entertained like when visiting a zoo. Both characters were dressed in the same torn, worn out clothes.

The casts were an old man and a boy; most of the times they were just sitting on a chair looking at each other with different expressions. The narrator seemed to be the only one doing the talking.

The show began, the voice from the speakers spoke, Pain, remorse and despair, looks like all I can spare…

My works too complex for the masses to understand, too simple for the masters to comprehend, but do they really make sense? Ignorant elitist elevating themselves; These bourgeoisies acting as if they’re gifted with greater intelligence, they failed to see they too live in ignorance and filled with their own arrogance blinding themselves from adherence.

The voice now was talking about one of the cast’s thoughts…

I noticed I was daydreaming when I am supposed to be focusing; all that is left now is agitating. It feels like every time I should be focusing I am forced into daydreaming. My mind inadvertently prefers daydreaming; reality appears not as enthralling.

The veins in my head pulling and distressing, a cause to hurting, my belly full, my heart aching, my head empty, painful thoughts beckoning, the soul feels like its drowning, the demons lurking, consigning misguiding and misleading me amongst heedless thoughts.

The difficult choices, the rare opportunities, the dilemma faced, lies and truth both suffocating, like always paranoia and insecurity settles in, reigning over the shriveled self, a monument to a bleak future, awaiting belittling stares.

The young man then talked,

‘Since I was little, my portrayal was often belittled, every day’s little battle were dealt with enormous trial, for a kid with no ideal, the subconscious tried to replace reality with fascinating parables.’ The old man nodded understanding the boy’s experience.

The voice from the speaker now spoke,

The world and its people acted with sheer shallowness, but to them it seemed normal; they were part a small part of survival, the look in their eyes, degrading and conspiring—they transcend and at the same time emit fear. It is the only world they know, a depiction of lies and a made up world, surrounding the lives of these ignorant citizens. An audience whispered, ‘Is he talking about us?’

Oh brother, my life hath made harder, I sit alone in the depths of the ocean, I stare from beneath looking up at the glimmering stars, and they glow in delight oblivious to my plight. (They both looked up as if looking at the stars above.)

I find my heart getting hurt for not being able to look at the sun eye to eye, try as I might my fiery eyes useless and defeated against the mighty sunlight. Defeated again and again my skin goes wry, dry and my moral eventually dies.

The rain showering with constant attention with every drop that drops onto my skin—I feel affection a realization that I am alive when it rains on me…not so futile after all I am alive!

The trees act as an escapade, I runaway into the trees, sit in its branches and indulge in the fruits it offers, both of us comfortable with each other, accepting one another like no other.

I woke up from my stupor, the surrounding changed, the atmosphere got hotter, I see fire hazards and a haggard bastard, the rich dictator darkening a child’s future, the once a child now a poor bastard raising his hand in hunger.

The boy then said, “I wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad, is what I hear the people say, makes me realize we are all the same, how sad… I am attracted to clear lies. I have fallen into my worst nightmare, mind you, I live in a corrupt mind, how can I not be drawn to gleaming wealth that produces astounding bliss and delight?”

The poor old man, with nothing but his own thoughts cried, ‘suppression of anger, supplication towards the creator, understanding one another, the indication in denial, the ideals breaks apart, the idols stands all mighty, they were seen worshipping a man made deity.’

The boy looked at the old man, asking him on how to stay apart and at the same time not depart? He answered, ‘look at me I stayed apart and done my part. All that I have received is struggling and they hammered me with their eyes, they see me as if I appear as low as the feet are to the ground. Even in my dreams, I dream of people stomping on me.’

The boy cried, tears streaming down his eyes, thinking how he failed the part, ‘my mind says it’s not ready for this kind of disparity, apparently I am not ready to depart from the world, I am not worthy, Mr. Dorothy.’

But when we walk on our legs, they pout and look like they’ve been disrupt, the people in unison then said, ‘he does not come on fancy wheels, how can we be friends with someone who walk the streets?’

The old man replied, ‘our kind, we walk the boulevards looking down at the ground, to avoid from all the frowns, even the drivers at the drive way waiting for their bosses look at us with affront. Nevertheless no amount of disgust will stop me from attaining attainment.”

The narrator was now speaking out their consciences aloud, Go on laugh all you want, you might think I exaggerate, but we are able to look into your eyes and decipher your lies, through your very eyes; one can see another’s whole life and secrets. The audiences were silenced but the air in the theatre was getting tight with aghast.

The narrator continued, I fret everyday on how the conspirators succeed in changing people’s mind, their priority relies on popular belief, the majority are a baffled lunatics, everybody hoping to reach superiority, hoping to rule with supremacy, who is this priory pulling these strings, making a fool out of human beings, Cultivating their minds into heedless, self absorbed insensitive beings?

The old man then spoke with strong emotion, “no different than a stray dog, no whore will give water to this poor dog, you rule the terrains in the world, but we are endowed when the rain comes down, the trees and leaves, we hid ourselves in its branches—in raindrops we console each other with tears that drops.”

The boy now stood up and addressed his audience while motioning his hand moving it as he spoke, “What does this tell about me? I keep on complaining and bitching, clearly there’s something missing, in my chase to attain clarity, the body that houses the soul, it needs superficiality?! Could it be that I lack security? Could it be that I lack stability? Could it be spirituality? But then stability and security are just a depiction of the mind, no?”

The boy sat back at his chair facing the old man. The narrator started again, they realized they were going mad, (the boy and the old man both at the same time exclaimed, ‘I think I am going mad!’) the narrator continued, as they witnessed angels descending from the skies. A group of people tied by ropes on their backs dressed as angels were slowly pulled down to the stage, they moved delicately almost weightlessly. Their silvery features and golden transparent wings lit with beauty and happiness. Their faces were filled with happiness and gold dust.

The angels went around in circles and started caressing both the boy and the old man. They then made the boy and the old man lie down on the wooden stage. Soon after that, the angels pillaged on their heads and crushed their skulls. Even so, immediately after that they recovered and got their limbs back. The angels proceeded to step on them and crush them. And again they recovered and had an expression of dismal and disbelief in their faces. This continued for what seemed like a hundred years said the narrator exaggerating for effect.

The audience applauded. The lights were turned on and everyone stood up to getting ready to leave the theatre hall, but the exits were remained closed.

Not so fast the voice from the speakers said, what you just saw was a depiction of what you are going to go through; with that the place went dark again.

Tell me something..


I’ve started to wonder, is everyone unhappy?

Is there anyone out there who is happy?

If so, I could take some life lessons...