I have not been updating as often. However I won’t say that I should strive harder in wanting to update my blog, I’ll write when I feel like it. I have noticed that most of the time I write is when I feel the need to express myself. I am also under the complete understanding that my expressions are often an outburst that no one would like to listen to and that too is natural. Hence I write about it instead of talking about it and when I write about it, I write smoothly probably in the belief that I am not even trying. Having said that, expressing one’s thoughts do help, a lot at times. Obviously it works, I’ve been doing this for years now. I think I should be amazed on how I managed to be truthful to the topics I write about and never deter and succumb into writing anything positive…that was a joke by the way. In my negativity and bitterness, there’s always positivity and a glimmer of shining hope. Yes, I also contradict myself.
Often I see my lovely/cool blog as a monologue. At times I admit, I do read my own work and go, ‘hmm, what was this guy thinking?’ I also tend to go, ‘This is too good! I am so good that the only person intelligent or the only person who can muster my writings is my own self.’ How sad is that?!
Moving on, I am also pissed on how every year, time seems to move even faster. It’s already March? Are you kidding me?! Sometimes I hate being too occupied. Before you know it, you’re already waking up and hope that your day doesn’t suck. You wake up again the next day hoping to be more productive and yea that your day won’t suck. Even that you fail to remember and go, ‘but uh uhh, what was I doing?’
These days, though I love wasting my time watching movies or you know anything that falls under the ‘entertainment banner’…well the sad part is I still do it, the only difference is I do it with the notion that I am wasting my time watching this when I can or should be doing better/more progressive stuff. So this time around I knowingly waste my time, which I must say is worse. You are familiar on how the self is weak and lacks discipline? Having said that, I actually had a point I wanted to convey at the beginning of the paragraph, I guess I was making you work for it. I wanted to say, we need entertainment or you know something that we believe posses the ability to sooth or relax our mind no matter how ridiculous and pointless that activity might be. No surprises there, most people are ridiculous and clueless—it’s only natural for the things that provides them with ‘ease of mind’ to be equally as delusional and pointless. Sorry I didn’t mean to criticize; maybe I did.
That wasn’t entirely the point I was trying to make either. On the other hand, Seeing that the paragraph was getting a little too long, I’ll try to get my point conveyed in this paragraph; see how I make you work? Wait no more, I wanted to say, please-please start doing more important stuff, well you know gradually at least. You might not understand this but as you age, you will start to realize on the things that matter and how you should embrace some and discard some. I don’t mean to nag, but once you managed to see the importance..I don’t know you will eventually understand…or not.
Sorry about the last paragraph, I don’t think I made much of a point. Do not worry! I am full of points. In reference to the ‘heartbreak’ I hope you’re going through, well, that is life, often you are left disappointed in the things you hope for. Anyways constantly do good stuff like you know loving mother nature, ethical stuff and mainly develop the love of knowledge. Damn, I do sound boring and old. ‘Well you shouldn’t be too self absorbed’, I say to myself.
One of my major accomplishments in recent days is (notice how it started with, ‘one of my’ and ended with is? Just to make myself sound cooler.), I have acquired a so called teacher; you know more like someone to refer to. Of course, he is nothing like me; I would’ve hated him if he was anything like me. In the wish of wanting to learn and gain wisdom, I knew I needed a guide and someone wise I can learn from. I see it more of a blessing, one that I am grateful for and I hope not to lose. I love talking to people with knowledge and spending time with them. I picture myself as a leech trying to suck their knowledge and wisdom from them. Not to worry, it doesn’t work that way and it’s not as easy as it sounds.
Oh I am actually at work and I also, again noticed. I tend to notice too many things huh? Back to the subject, there is no internet connection here at the moment. I am not able to do my job without any internet connection. Hence I decided to write. I again became aware of how easy it is to you know…write. I say it not in a self loving/narcissistic way. This is like talking to people; only it feels like talking to myself. I have a point to make though, to all those glorified bloggers out there, meh.
I recently met a not very intelligent person who thought that she was the most or the second most smartest person around. But, she wasn’t, not even close. A sad-sad case, There was but one thing playing on repeat in my mind though, what if I was her?! Not a girl, I mean you know… I am thinking the point of this paragraph is to not take heed of dumb people because you just might be one of them or in other words, you can never be all that smart/intelligent/wise. Besides a wise person is often nice, maybe that’s why it rhymes.
I am moving to a new place soon, soon like I was supposed to move in last month. We are busy repairing stuff and painting the house and all. I’ve lived at my current home for ermm I would exaggerate and say 20 years. I don’t know, wait till I am apart from it and we’ll see if I feel anything. “Don’t forget you are mere human”, I say to myself. But that too is beside the point. I initially just wanted to say that, I am moving to a new place and all I can think of, ‘is there internet connection?’ My second concern would be, ‘we should get a faster connection this time!’ my third thought was, ‘But, can you afford to pay that much?’ My fourth and final thought was, ‘pretty sad.’ As usual I get carried away with emotions and feelings, anyways kudos to moving to a new place!
Okay, there is still no internet connection here at work. I think I would feel very alone without the WWW, I mean lonlier or should I say loneliest? But what’s the point of this paragraph, you might be thinking to yourself? The point of this paragraph would determine whether or not I should proceed with this entry. Of course I am going to continue, it feels like a life time since I last talked to myself in a subliminal way. Nah, I am not mad, we all do it. Yes, that is my defense.
Intentions, intention, intentions. Do you acknowledge the importance of intentions? The self is like a crook, a fickle beggar who craves for stupid pointless praises. For example, let’s say there’s a blind person trying to cross the road, you initially go to help to be of assistance to the person, but then as you’re helping her you notice a pretty, fair skinned girl with a fit body also crossing the road from the opposite side. She gives u no notice whatsoever, but the sad self who craves for praises in order to benefit the self in other ways starts thinking, ‘that girl is definitely impressed, I am sure she wants to be with me. Huh, why wouldn’t she I am not only cool but a proven kind hearted person.’ The girl then walks on with her life; the blind person too is on his way. You on the other hand persist in dreaming and fantasizing but at the same time not wanting to come into recognition that the self just destroyed the self. My point is, intentions they’re tricky business in murky waters.
I love eating ice cream and chocolates, but they also make me fat. Ever since I started this new job I haven’t been exercising I mean as much as I would like to. I like jogging. When I jog, I start thinking of you know the things that your mind normally thinks of, girls, super heroes, unicorns and the likes. I also have gotten a little disappointed in the mind in portraying it’s ‘pictures’ I once said to myself, seriously, Is that all you got? I mean if you’re day dreaming you should at least try a little harder! But noo, the self keeps on thinking of the things the self knows and constantly thinks about, how lame right? It should start thinking of things it has no idea about and you know just open up. Okay I realized I just made a point here before I could actually make the point I wanted to make, if there was any point to begin with.
This calls for another paragraph, so you’re jogging—the first 10 minutes of your jog, you’re totally consumed with your pathetic, everyday thoughts. After 15 minutes, you tend to appreciate your surrounding and you know observe the ground and try to enhance focus. After 20 minutes, the only thing that goes in your mind is, ‘you’re doing a good thing, keep on going man.’ After 22 minutes, ‘dude, I don’t think I can go on….but you must go on! Don’t be a puss, don’t you want to lose weight?!’ you then start to slow your pace and embrace the way you breathe. You then stop thinking and just focus on running well you don’t really stop thinking, but its close. You then go, ‘must run, must run.’ This is the highlight of the whole running process. Until, finally this thought timely comes to work, ‘Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a cold iced drink? One that is cold and sweet and provides world peace and everything one can ever ask for.’ You then wake up from that daze and brush off the nonsensical thought. You slowly but steadily try to keep pace, and then this thought comes in play, ‘Oh my, a drink would be awesome but then I also am aware that I am pretty hungry. Now that I have jogged and sacrificed so much, I have to! No, I must! Reward my noble self! Now this would bring so much happiness, peace and justice in my life.’ You then come to realize you are not running anymore. You go, ‘oh well.’ Anyways the point is, it doesn’t matter how dumb you are. Just keep on running. It helps.
Oh crap! I am connected to the internet. Just when I was on a roll, I suppose it would only be dutiful for me to get on with my job. To think that I was about to write about my lunch just now, the people who comment on youtube and the Arab world conflict, that can wait.
*peace sign*
