He reached home, slightly wet from the rain that just started to pour down. He felt gratified although drenched with wetness and tired from his journey. He had more plans that night. That Saturday night; he wanted to spent it to the fullest and completely forget about his normal routine.
He made his way to his room. Opened the door to it and as he set foot in his room, the familiar feeling and scent of his room made him feel safe and belonged. The room was dark influenced by the dark clouded skies; the dreary atmosphere in the room made him feel dull and bored. He felt the exhaustion that had been riding him, now began to make him feel sleepy and his eye lids were heavy, begging to be closed. He decided to take a nap. His skin was sticky from perspiration of the afternoon heat and the rain. His body too was still hot from the heat before and made him feel unsettled.
Dirty and dusty his room now became a playground for tiny creepy-crawly insects, especially cockroaches. He cursed when he saw them running swiftly past him, making it their own home. He was too tired and his bones were too heavy even to move an inch. So the pests were free to roam as much as they liked.
Half naked he laid on the empty parquet floor empty for the exception of the dusts, cobwebs and the insects crawling. His hands spread out like wings and his legs spread wide. He liked that position, it made him feel free. He closed his eyes and was soon in an uneasy, uncomfortable sleep in which he still felt awake and as usual, thoughts were lingering through his head, passing through without any notion, just constantly moving. It didn’t do him any good yet he couldn’t help it. He didn’t feel like going out anymore. This was good. He was falling into a deep slumber; he gave a slight smile oblivious of it. This feeling was the best. And just then his phone rang.
They sat in a chair where its seat and the back area alone were cushioned. The rest were made of steel. They were in a mamak restaurant. The environment in there was not as noisy as the rest of the more 'hip' mamaks. It was more to their preference. The waiters and waitresses were rushing hurriedly at the customer’s orders and demands. The sound of metal made by the clash of fork and spoon on the silver plates accompanied by voices of chattering and music from the TV filled the place. The friends ordered their drinks and were eyeing around as if searching for something. Mark finally said, ‘this sucks, there’s no chicks around.’ The other friend stared around and nodded in approval.
The waiter came and went after leaving their orders on the table almost delicately. The place was properly emitted with bright lights and aired with mist fans. They made themselves comfortable and took tiny sips from their drinks and stared at each other blankly for a moment. They did that for a few minutes not knowing what to say. They felt like strangers, Sherry then as if from a long thought finally asked, “so, how’s work?” his tone was hurried but soft as if he weren’t sure of the question. Mark replied, clearly happy that they were talking, “hm, well I try to cope and manage cant complain; I don’t think it’s a big deal though seeing that everyone does it.” He waited for Sherry’s reply but when he received none he continued, “Isn’t that right? ‘He asked Sherry to get his approval. Sherry made a frown and said, “erm, yea I guess you can say that, it depends on the individual I think. Good to know that you’re doing well though.”
With that they were once more silent and they just sat there gazing at the other customers. The closeness and trust they once had was not there, at least at that moment. The friends didn’t know of what to talk about. They never really did agree much with each other even though they got along fine with one another for a very long time. It was one of those complicated friendships.
The noise coming from the other tables were now more visible than before. Mark twisted about his seat and looked at Sherry. It was his turn now to make conversation, he thought, then said, “So, how’s your job, good?”, and before Sherry could answer he said, “your job sucks dude, I can’t do what you do.” Sherry then with a look of irritation in his face answered, “Well hey, to be honest with you it really does suck, but I need the money, that’s the motivation. And you too, you fuck, you are into it because of the money too, everyone’s the same, at least that’s what I think.” He then ended with a short laugh; “Ha-ha” he said that with contempt and angry confidence. It was a trait of Sherry’s to end most of his sentence with a, “ha-ha”. Why he does it no one knows, although some claim that it was genealogically inherited
“Ha-ha-ha, relax dude, don’t get carried away.” Mark smiled at him as he said that. Sherry’s white face now turned red with emotion and his eyes looked livid, “ill be honest with you and tell you this, I hate everything that I am going through, I feel like a fucking hypocrite.” His expression was serious and his forehead amidst the mist fans began to let out tiny perspirations. Mark clearly wasn’t expecting this. He tried to look concerned though. Sherry then continued, “I am an honest person, at least I believe I am and I try my best to live an honest life, But.” he paused for a second and continued, “my job requires me to lie and to swindle people into believing what I want them to believe. Of course it’s remarkable to make people believe in what you want them to believe, but that’s not the point here.” “Let’s stay on the subject then my friend.” Mark said slyly, obviously not interested in what his friend was saying. Sherry nodded and continued, “Well the point is my way of earning contradicts with my beliefs, it makes me feel kind of like a hypocrite. He took a sip of his drink and said, “You know what I mean?”
Mark looked blankly at him and said, “Yeah, I guess so. So what’s the big deal? That’s how it is nowadays; you can’t always stick to your beliefs and be yourself, just think of it as a sacrifice. I know that I am not helping much but there isn’t much you can do about it.” “Well, yes, you didn’t help at all but thanks anyways. Ill just try to cope with it and live with the guilt that would eventually kill Me.” sherry responded.
Just then, Sherry’s phone ranged. He picked it up and he was muttering something to the phone and when he was finished talking to the phone, he said coolly, “Dark, is coming”. “Oh, okay.” He replied.
“Dude, since you told me about what was bothering you. Would you mind if I talked about this thing that has been troubling my mind for quite some time now.” Mark said softly trying to confide his eagerness. “No. not at all, I’d be interested in hearing what you have to say.” Mark looked around for a while waiting to see if Dark had come. But there were no familiar faces approaching them. Sherry said, “come on man, you don’t have to be ashamed, you can tell me anything you want.” He then quickly added, “Well not everything, come to think about it. ha-ha.” he laughed out hoping that Mark would get his point. “It’s not that, I was hoping that Dark would be here so that it’ll be more…alive? I guess. But seeing that he’s still not here yet I’ll just start. You might think its funny but, I recently found out that I don’t like the way my emotion changes so easily.” He paused for a while to see how Sherry would react and then seeing the expression in sherry’s face he began to chuckle and added, “You think its stupid don’t you?” “Nah, go ahead, I’ll listen. Ha-ha.” Sherry said looking slightly confused and amused at the same time.
Before Mark could continue, Sherry announced, “Dark has arrived, ha-ha”. Dark was wearing a round collared T-shirt and shorts, with sandals. They all dressed alike, it was as though they had a dress code. Reality was that they were too lazy to wear something else. It was simple and comfortable.
Dark ordered his drink and join them. He looked at them and said, “Hello fucks, how’s things?” he questioned and briefly after that added, “What are we talking about here?” amusingly he asked after noticing that both of his friend’s faces looked rather serious. “Shut up and listen then.” Mark said and continued “well, every morning I go to work without eating a single thing and soon enough I began to realize how not eating or consuming anything that would give me energy, effect my emotions.” He paused again to see how his friends would react. Sherry. Still looked disoriented, while Dark was just smirking as though, waiting to say something that would just piss Mark off. Dark then expectantly was first to say something, he said “why do you do that?” he questioned Mark and continued before Mark could answer, “why bother into something that isn’t really relevant in your life, it’s as if you don’t have any problems in your life, that you create one.” Dark, looked at Sherry, waiting for him to agree with him, but sherry ignored him and continued to sip his drink.
“Obviously, it’s my problem now.” Mark said “and it has become more than relevant to me. For instance, I was constantly in a bad mood before eating, when the clock reached around 3 in the afternoon, I began to feel slightly shaky, and my stomach rumbled and started to make noises. I felt really weak and I couldn’t concentrate in whatever it is I tried to do. Although I just sat there idly, my mind was actively complaining and I felt a deep sensation of disturbance in myself, my head just won’t keep still. It just kept becoming worse; all I could think of was to eat. And as usual I succumb to my desires. Immediately after eating I felt better and my emotion was stable and more relaxed.” He stopped and looked at his friends, their expressions now unreadable.
He continued before any of them had the chance to interrupt his talk. “The same thing happens when you’re feeling good and normal and then suddenly someone spills something on your shirt and your mood changes abruptly just like that. He could see that both Sherry and Mark were about to interrupt him. He quickly demanded, “Let me finish.” And continued, “Now, I am not saying that I don’t like having emotions, I am just saying that I don’t know about you guys but my emotions changing so rapidly because of hunger, some petty happenings or because of the weather and just about anything that happens makes me feel less in control of myself. It is as if, instead of me controlling my mind, it’s controlling me, although…there’s this doubt about who’s controlling whom. Bottom line is I’d like to be more in control of my emotions, huh.” He let out as if releasing a heavy burden.
Dark then said, “I think it’s stupid. Its people like you who reads too much and come up with something as disturbing and unneeded as that bullshit you just said.” He finished his words with a look of disgust in his face. He also added, “Your body needs energy to function properly therefore you eat is that so hard to understand?” Mark looked annoyed, but he was used to Darks frankness more like his rudeness. Sherry then said, “hm, you’re an adult and I see the sense in what you were saying. I don’t have anything to say that might help you in your struggle in overcoming your emotions but I do hope you accomplish it and when you do, don’t forget to tell me how you managed to do it, ha-ha.” He finished with a smile on his white face.
The mamak was getting even busier as more people were coming in. it became slightly noisier than before. The friends looked rather cheerful despite the unsettled problems they were facing. Mark then looking at Dark said, “dude, want to tell us about something that’ been troubling you?” Dark looked surprised when Mark asked him that.
Just then, all of a sudden a blind man accompanied by a young girl who held his hand and was leading him was approached their table. They were used to it, it was a normal thing, but just that sometimes it annoys them. The blind mad wore a dark round cap that covered his head and black spectacles that accompanied it. The funny thing about the blind man was that he didn’t look in any way Malaysian at all. His looks were more of a famous British singer. The young girl was dressed in traditional Malay baju kurung and had her tudung on. When the couple came to the table, Dark ignored them; Sherry was already digging into his wallet and Mark stopped himself from reaching into his pocket after witnessing Sherry. Sherry then after looking into his wallet exclaimed, “I don’t have any small change, Mark and Dark now both exchanged looks and Dark motioned with his hand at the beggars as if casting out flees.
Upon looking at this, the young girl whom with the blind man pulled onto the blind mans hand and automatically the blind man brought up the cane that he held. He was now holding the cane with both his hands. The friends noticed that there was a thin string attached to the cane, from one end of the other rubbery edge of the cane. The blind man then muttered, “help.” He stood there for a while as if waiting for a signal. After a moment of stillness, he started strumming the single string attached to his cane. It sounded unnatural as if he was strumming an actual guitar. The sound was vivid and the music was real. The friends looked in awe; they felt as though transported to a different zone. Everything else was silent and still. The blind man now started to sing:
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger,
so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone,
I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can,
I'm feeling down,
and I do appreciate you being around.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
won’t you please,
please help me?
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
my independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.
Help me if you can,
I'm feeling down,
and I do appreciate you being around.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
won’t you please, please help me.
When I was younger,
so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone,
I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can,
I'm feeling down, and I do appreciate you being around.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
won’t you please,
please help me, help me, help me, oh.
When he was finished with his song, he put down the edge of his cane silhouetted with rubber to the ground and everything seemed normal again.The friends now looked at each other shocked by what they just experienced and amazed at the same time. All three of them gave some money to the blind man, for one particular reason, for him to leave. And predictably he left with the girl guiding him out after saying, thank you. The friends sat there gazing at each other unable to describe what they’ve just gone through and more amazingly the crowd didn’t seem to be affected by the blind mans singing. It was as if the rest of the people didn’t know what had just happened. They sat there chattering with their companies and eating their food as normally as people do every day.
“Man, wasn’t that like some weird shit.” Dark finally said. The others, both not nodding but Dark knew that they agreed with him this time. “Let’s not pay too much attention to whatever it is that just happened.” He said. “Oh hey, you asked me whether I have something to say just now, well actually, I do. I’ve been planning to say this for a long time already. “What is it? Ha-ha” sherry questioned, looking interested. Like what Mark just said just now, this has been bugging me. “I didn’t know you could feel that way”, Mark said mockingly while raising his eyebrows.
“Just shut up and listen, I don’t know why, but I just can’t stop being an asshole.” He said, knowing what to expect. The two friends now laughed so hard that the other occupants of the mamaks were looking at them. “Yes, I knew you jerks will laugh at that, but seriously, it’s as if I can’t be anything else. I enjoy shattering other people’s beliefs by proving them wrong. It makes me feel more alive. You understand? How it feels?” He asked expectantly. He continued, “And even when I feel like being nice and doing nice deeds to others, I tend to make things worse. More importantly, I don’t like the role of the ‘nice guy’, it’s just too predictable.” He stopped to think for a while and continued, “However I feel as if there’s a higher force controlling me into becoming an asshole.” Sherry and Mark now laughed even harder, even some of the people who listened to his loud voice started giggling.
“Well, it certainly seems like you’re not going to get to play any other role, but you can always control yourself from becoming a bigger ass hole, right? Ha-ha” he said gleefully looking at Mark and to Dark. Mark then said with approval, “I agree.” he, finished his sentence by cynically laughing out, “ha-ha”, while gazing at Sherry with annoyance. Sherry ignored him.
After their second drinks arrived, they eagerly sipped it with the straw floating lifelessly in the transparent glass cup. They were no longer talking. The friends sat there observing others or just merely sitting idly. They all felt what they talked about was futile.
Suddenly, at the counter area the man working behind the counter began shouting to the boy in front of him. The boy looked familiar to the friends and immediately recognized him. The boy was their junior at college. They didn’t have any trouble listening to what the man said. He spoke out loud, almost shouting to the boy about one of the branches of philosophy, “Metaphysics.” He said. “In Greek, Meta means after or beyond whilst Phusis means nature. He continued, “Its concern is with giving a general and fundamental account of the way the world is.”
The boy then said, “Look, I am not interested in what you have to say, just wait for a while and ill go home and bring my wallet, so that I can pay you, what I owe. The man behind the counter ignored what the boy said and continued with his preaching, “A Metaphysician is concerned with the nature of all reality. The central branch of metaphysics is Ontology. Ontology is… before he could mutter another word. Dark stood in front of him and said to the man, “Hey, smart fuck how much does the kid owe you?” he then paid the man and resumed sitting with his friends, he brought the boy along and asked the boy to order a drink almost ordered the boy to ask for a drink.
The boy was a few years younger but he was an intelligent kid. Boy used to hang out with older people and he read a lot, everyone who knew him, knew that. “Mark asked, say Boy (his friends called him boy) we were discussing of the things that were troubling us in our life. Would you like to share some of your views with us?” before the boy could answer, “sherry said, “why would you ask Boy something like that, not everyone openly talk about their problems to everyone. Ha-ha. You should stop asking people about their personal life” Dark then added in an almost serious tone, “yeah, you’re an idiot Mark.”
Boy then said, “Well yes,” agreeing with Sherry, “I won’t really talk about my personal life, but there’s this one thing that I am a little confused about. Who knows you guys can help me figure out the answer that I am looking for. Seeing that you guys are working and have to balance your personal life and your working life.” He stopped and sat still for a moment, the friends were anticipating for his next words. He finally said, “What is the difference between a normal working class guy and a bank robber, well in our country perhaps a jewelry shop robber?”
“What are you getting to?” asked one of the friends. “My point is that I see no difference between a normal 9-5 guy and a jewelry robber when their goals are the same, Material.” I believe that materialism is the cause of the earth moving. People wake up in the morning for material reasons, don’t you guys agree? He asked. Sherry said, “of course not, people live to get a better comfortable life, they strife of in struggle to be someone better. Not everything is about material.”
Boy, quickly replied as though he anticipated that answer, “in order to achieve a better comfortable life, doesn’t that amounts to more reasons to gain more material wealth?” he sounded confident with his answer, he looked at the three friends who looked confused before him and stated, “my opinion is that the jewelry shop robber is a smarter person compared to the ones who sacrifices their whole life in order to gain a better life, lying to themselves that that’s how life is.” He paused again and continued, “of course there’s a bigger risk involved in a robbery but if it could give you anything you want in life, in a short period, it’s worth a try right?” he stopped and looked at his seniors before continuing, “I am not saying that, one should rob a jewelry shop.” suddenly The situation seemed to abruptly change.
There was a familiar sound of a phone ringing. The air now was humid beyond reason. The place where the friends were was now rapidly changing. The place that was filled with bright lights became dark and dull. Everything suddenly seemed to be spinning around. There was a loud Bang and he could picture white images. All of a sudden he felt a throbbing pain at the back of his head, his vision disoriented and he felt really hot. He was now once again awake in oblivion.
Might be, continued.
Thank You.
