What is this man?
What is this rush to chase this stable life, what is this dash to proclaim more wealth?
Can’t we be strong with a penny less?
Oh so superficially, artificial,
What is this need to go on to impress, why must I be a subject of appraisal?
Why should I fall just like the rest,
In self denial and the deceit of the biggest kind…
Everybody so predictable, queuing up for commonality,
changes yes they come undeniably, I look at things with difficulty, why must I move on from thereon to here on? These people diminishing into their wet dreams,
what is this importance of living to expectations?
Can’t I just stay on and said that I moved on, isn’t it true that pursuing happiness of this kind, is an indication by the masses?
To be accepted and be one with the asses, don’t thee question the self lying bastards? Unable to distinguish colour from blackness, putting on their game face,
With a pride intact and a whole lot of chatter that decorate their lies.
Your art and your people so artificial, held up in crowds, to make a blinding statement, an attention cry that’s what it is, in a performance to be more expressive, mesmerizing only the temperamental, tantalizing only the superficial, a form of escapism, that’s what it is.
Why does this need to separate arises, we are not Jews neither royalties, but seen as losers for not being with the posers, the majority wins, democracy is pointless when the masses are mindless.
Be prepared to be abandoned, but not from disparity and inequality,
you suggest not to think of the other, and be selfish in desire, wanting praise so to feel superior, human beings by nature, unappeasable in their sightless desires.
Yours Truly
Note: This here is a work of fiction.
I wanted to somewhat challenge myself in writing something I don’t normally write about, however I think I managed to retain the normal pessimistic values :p
Now that I know you…now that I know you,
I begin to see,
To comprehend beyond, what the eyes can see,
Your accomplishments innumerable, printed and framed,
So proud and bold, colored and distinguished,
I look upon in awe and disbelief.
It feels quite lowly being with you,
Turns me into a reflector being,
On the contrary so perfectly,
Both mind and soul almost godly,
Your presence makes pearls hide in its shell,
In your presence no man is worthy of present.
So accomplished and profound,
Remarkably tantamount,
With the gracefulness of your gown,
Should I have known,
I ought to be gone.
Looking at you invites fantasies,
Though suddenly with inconsistencies,
Why the change of mind?
He is with uncertainties.
You talk to me equally,
Still I knew, I failed to see,
Your kindness is default,
To eliminate you do not,
He construed your intent incorrectly.
Oh how I notice your qualities,
So divine and complete,
Yet...I forgot to see,
My place in line,
For you’re in heaven and I not within
If only you spoke your mind,
I would’ve seen my guideline,
For I am lost, though rarely lost,
Shifting aimlessly,
Headed a dead end.
I look up at you,
Head pointed upwards;
Admires you like none other,
Not for another,
Wishing you the whole asunder.
I see your likes so far away,
But here, I am jumping in empty air,
Hoping to see a fruit will bear.
I talk about equality but come close not to your qualities,
My cry not worthy,
My fight gone wary,
He wonders, why talk to me,
When you only see through me,
Like an arrow going pass me.
Nay this isn’t embitterment,
Neither a cry of dissatisfaction,
But a revelation,
An abrupt vision,
To a mindless descent
I fell in love with your intelligence,
Nay, not your appearance,
But the self within,
Out of the ordinary,
Hardheaded woman,
Precisely stringent.
He has seen the difference between a princess and a peasant,
I look up at her with glistening eyes,
She looks at him,
A shadow in the night.
I wanted to somewhat challenge myself in writing something I don’t normally write about, however I think I managed to retain the normal pessimistic values :p
Now that I know you…now that I know you,
I begin to see,
To comprehend beyond, what the eyes can see,
Your accomplishments innumerable, printed and framed,
So proud and bold, colored and distinguished,
I look upon in awe and disbelief.
It feels quite lowly being with you,
Turns me into a reflector being,
On the contrary so perfectly,
Both mind and soul almost godly,
Your presence makes pearls hide in its shell,
In your presence no man is worthy of present.
So accomplished and profound,
Remarkably tantamount,
With the gracefulness of your gown,
Should I have known,
I ought to be gone.
Looking at you invites fantasies,
Though suddenly with inconsistencies,
Why the change of mind?
He is with uncertainties.
You talk to me equally,
Still I knew, I failed to see,
Your kindness is default,
To eliminate you do not,
He construed your intent incorrectly.
Oh how I notice your qualities,
So divine and complete,
Yet...I forgot to see,
My place in line,
For you’re in heaven and I not within
If only you spoke your mind,
I would’ve seen my guideline,
For I am lost, though rarely lost,
Shifting aimlessly,
Headed a dead end.
I look up at you,
Head pointed upwards;
Admires you like none other,
Not for another,
Wishing you the whole asunder.
I see your likes so far away,
But here, I am jumping in empty air,
Hoping to see a fruit will bear.
I talk about equality but come close not to your qualities,
My cry not worthy,
My fight gone wary,
He wonders, why talk to me,
When you only see through me,
Like an arrow going pass me.
Nay this isn’t embitterment,
Neither a cry of dissatisfaction,
But a revelation,
An abrupt vision,
To a mindless descent
I fell in love with your intelligence,
Nay, not your appearance,
But the self within,
Out of the ordinary,
Hardheaded woman,
Precisely stringent.
He has seen the difference between a princess and a peasant,
I look up at her with glistening eyes,
She looks at him,
A shadow in the night.
Raya Post
content>
Erm I was tagged by Hafiz. 15 random facts about me, what the hell... Well since its hari raya and I am at home waiting for my friends. I’ll just scribble some things down. I might’ve added unnecessary details and more than 15 facts, but…I don’t really care. So here it is, 15 facts or so about muah:
- Tak pernah beraya di kampung, awek2 yang ada kampung silalah ajak hehehe
- I think that 'understanding' is divine...
It's a Game...
This is a pretty old clip but i don't think many know of it...the song is by Thomas Fersen...well i just think its really cool, the song and the video...
Mind, 'Think' and Immortality
*Cerita ini adalah rekaan semata-mata
“Innumerable changes of mood are yours,
And they are uncontrolled by you.
If you knew their origin,
You would be able to dominate them.
If you cannot localize your changes,
How can you localize that which found you?”
As absurd as this might sound, last night I dreamt that I could fly.
Circumstances, I guess that’s the word I was looking for. That probably is the main reason why others consider me as ‘different’ or even going as far as calling me weird. Having grown up experiencing many ‘ups and downs’ in life and living with the nicest of person and also the evil-est of people had made me a believer and a skeptic. As we all know there are more bad people in this world than there are good ones. However there are others whom I despise more than the rest. These are people who under the pretense of doing good do bad things and justify their acts in the name of religion, love etc.
People who fool themselves with make beliefs to be exempted from punishments and to get rid of the guilt that taunts.
Getting back to the way I was brought up, the circumstances involved made the way I look at things differently, different than what the majority perceives at least. I guess in a, though I do not entirely understand this, I am assuming it is safe to say that everything happens for a reason.
They’re all only considered right, because they think that they’re in the right path. But who is to judge? Who is to settle this battle of right and wrong? The time will come a wise man told me soon enough. That frightened me.
My parents upon realizing that they named their child with the name of the devil changed it because they thought that it was the best thing to do… my birth name was Rushdi, when the book came out they rushed and changed my name. I am now known as Mikail.
Like every child I used to be cheerful and playful. But things change, right? The world reveals itself to you. Damned world, if anyone thinks of it as a haven of sort or that they want to be reborn again and again… it is nothing but lack of information, imagination, or anything else that can substituted for the word stupid.
During my adolescent years I witnessed many things, bad things such as fights among close relatives, fights amongst strangers, wars, separations, greed, and misuse of authority, etc…point is, it was enough to taint my perception on people. These things had planted something in my buoyant mind; worry and distrust.
This corrupted my corruptible mind. Something I wasn’t aware of before. And it had somewhat grown into me. I also realized that for someone to be pleased with you and to make him or her happy, one must to learn to impress. I told myself that I should stop trying to do things in a manner that will confuse my intentions into one that might want to impress people.
Time passed and after having moved around a few places. I had close friends, true friends, but all those moving around made it somewhat futile. These days my time which I normally spent alone either by just sitting idly or doing whatever it was I felt like.
I loved nature; it gave me a certain kind of calmness and security. I used to climb on huge trees with wide branches, pluck ripe fruits and share it with the rest of the occupants…that was fun especially when it was a huge jackfruit.
There was also a time where I discovered death. There were these strange people who would pass my house carrying a corpse on a wooden bed, lighting up fireworks, dancing as they walked towards the beach. Everyday some one died; sometimes they were guys who did multiple summersaults as they walked by. The music wasn’t very good though, they’d blow this shell thing which made a blowing noise similar to a trumpet. At first I was awed, but when I started to look at the corpse decorated with flower and the stillness of the body, I thought, why are they appearing to have fun? Is this a celebration?
Soon enough I learned that everyone dies. That too exposed me to something-- paranoia. I only have one person whom I can totally have faith and trust in and they too are tangible. I used to shiver at the thought and that fear now transcended mere thoughts into a different level-- it’s as if I could touch it and witness it. It made me question a lot of things like the purpose of my existence. On a positive note, it made me an avid student of life.
Recently we moved houses, to an urban area this time, I was quite sure that we weren’t going to be moving away from there anytime soon. We didn’t have the capacity to do so anymore. I always dreamt of having normal friends. I then realized these Normal friends who normally had everything they wanted and almost anything they wished for were also normally always angry and upset about something. It is as if people with no problems, created problems of their own. It made me ask myself, ‘define normal’. Normal is what the majority perceive as normal.
Speaking of true friends I finally met one; we met during our secondary days. He was nothing normal though. He was as or even an outcast with a dark story of his own. His name was Rustam but people called him Russ. He didn’t like it when people called him that because it reminded him of Russell Crowe. He told me that when people called him Russ, he always imagined they calling him Rust.
Rust or Russ however you want to see him was exposed to the wonders of drugs in an early age. He was into anything that made him feel not his normal self. Despite his usage he was really a good, kindhearted human being and I mean it when I say that.
“Let’s get high man.” He would say. That was about the first thing that came out from his mouth every time we met. And each time I told him, to indulge oneself with pleasure that one is not supposed to be experiencing will only lead to massive amount of pain and destruction.
“You’re probably right, but I am not doing this to gain pleasure. Well my main objective is to not think, but since that is not possible I use it to drift from my current state. I love you man.” Rus said.
I assumed that he was already on some kind of elevated state. But it’s these ‘test’ that one has to face to journey on to eventually be freed of such feeling/ things, no? I asked.
Inaudible…
I couldn’t hear a thing and suddenly…
Amplified heart beats
Amplified heart beats
The sound of train going off in distance…
We tried and experimented on many things. Our objective was to stop the mind from thinking. How dumb and stupid. But then that was a good excuse to get high.
Rus was sent to a hospital. It was a norm with him; he always wanted to double the dosage of whatever I was having. After a few days, he was back in my room, in my broken house of my broken family. “I love you man, lets get high.” I laughed at him and said what did you bring today?
“I couldn’t find much.” He said, he looked at the plastic bag he brought and said, “I have some erm stimulants, hallucinogens and some sleeping pills which falls under the depressant category. I think” He said laughing. “What do you have?” he asked.
Some meth, weed and a mixture of tablets that I’ve grounded into powder… He smiled and said, “That’ll do the job. Let’s do something totally idiotic and mix them all with flour and try to bake them? Hahaha”
A few hours passed and it didn’t seem to work as much, but it was somewhat painful. We both laid there, still in the world.
Suddenly I saw Marvin Gaye, in his usual smooth, soulful self he sang to me, “Oh baby.” The way he said it was too good. Rus was playing one of his clips on the monitor. He was singing ‘what’s going on’ I see the people in the audience not singing, laughing, dancing or smiling. Their expressions were serious and they were listening attentively to the message he was conveying in a very smooth, soulful way. That’s weird I said.
I began to feel my head spinning, but it was still empty inside; I then randomly asked Rus, what was the best praise someone gave you? He smiled and said, “Now that’s easy.” He smiled and started, “there was this girl whom I once went out with, she told me that she loved me and that she couldn’t bear to be part from me…so what she did was she broke off with me and started going out with a girl. Hahahaha”
I laughed hysterically at that, we both laughed our ass off. Rus had this vibe that attracted girls, they weren’t an issue to him. And that made me quite popular as well hence they were no longer an issue to me either. They were helpful at times and played their parts when needed. But that was as far as it went.
“What’s yours?” he asked me. Okay, this is something that really happened. Before that can you put some Cats Steven on? Rus stood up and put on some Cats Steven on. I started, you know Mario right? The guy who shaves his face for hours till it starts to bleed and once when we were high he cut my hair from night till dawn. Haha. That was the longest haircut I ever had in my entire life!
I am not sure if he was under the influence at that time, but I was quite taken aback, overwhelmed and confused by what he said. I spoke softly in a mild tone that a normal person might have difficulty listening to. My head felt empty and this new recipe caused us to feel numb all over. We couldn’t feel a thing, not even when my hand rubbing on my other. I noticed Rus paying his fullest attention on me and was waiting. “So, what did that scumbag say?” Rus asked.
Mario was this 30+ dude whom taught us many things but one day he stole all of our stuff and money. He was a really good guy, but under the influence, good people do bad things. That’s one of the gravest consequences of these chemical substances.
So one morning… before that can you put on Vivaldi’s ‘winter’ please? I suddenly feel like hearing it. Rus with no expression on his face stood up slowly again and walked towards the computer. I looked at him moving. I swear to god it felt like waiting for hours, he moved really slowly. And waiting for him to walk back and return to his resting spot seemed unearthly.
I resumed, one morning, as we were sitting, we were speaking of a matter that I no longer remember…he then suddenly started talking about the Mel Gibson movie you know, “passion of the Christ”. Rus gaze was focused on me.
“You know what?” Mario asked.
What? I said in reply, “Last night I saw that movie, and as the movie went on, I began to cry a little.” Okay, so what man, I saw that movie, it was quite nice actually I said. I didn’t cry though, I said to him.
Mario continued, “As the movie went on and I don’t know why, while Jesus was being tortured, for some reason I was reminded of you. I kept thinking of you and I started to cry more. I was reminded of you!” he said sobbing.
I kept quiet, didn’t know what to say, I guess I really am that pathetic. So yeah, that was it. Funny thing was I didn’t see my struggle all that meaningful haha I laughed looking at Rus. I looked at him again and realized that he was once again unconscious. I called the ambulance and he was taken to the hospital. I guess he took in more than his body could take, like always. He was greedy when it came to drugs.
I too, after calling for the ambulance fell unconscious. I woke up in the hospital. I guess I too was greedy when it came to drugs. Our parents were there and it was a norm to them. When they visited us, they didn’t complain or got angry. I guess this is what you call unconditional love. I respect that. When people expect something in return then I think it’s no longer very sincere, I disrespect that.
I think we didn’t make it this time. Our bodies were dead and I could see it from above. I am not sure if I am high, this wasn’t the first time though. Was I experiencing another outer body experience? Well it doesn’t matter. Point is I am still thinking and I always do. I guess in a way we never seize to die.
Like how the famous Descartes said, “Cogito ergo sum” “I think, therefore I am”
*Inaudible*
Amplified heart beats
The sound of train going off in distance…
I was a poor boy,
A devotee of piety,
When you’re poor and weak,
There is but one to turn to.
I see the people around me,
So relaxed and nonchalantly,
Living life in the sake of a good times,
I examined and then considered,
Questioned. What is the difference between them and me?
And that me in being piety, them in being cheery,
Inexistent alone, but with them I am alike.
They looked rejoiced, in their own terrain.
I followed them, played with them,
And I learned from them,
They chased and longed for pleasure with wealth,
More and more, they kept asking for more.
Didn’t take me long to become heedful,
Of what a waste, waste of phase, of lies and guise
They cover up their sorrows with adornments, entertainments and diversions
Get rid of worry through delusions and hallucinations.
I am aware of the chief deceiver in play,
It has its hand in the game,
To make no difference between both sides,
I gazed my friends; they look back in loathe.
The group deserved to be left in error,
They misplaced their faith in their own ruin,
Yet they think they’re truly guided,
The trumpet blows, and it's proven.
“Innumerable changes of mood are yours,
And they are uncontrolled by you.
If you knew their origin,
You would be able to dominate them.
If you cannot localize your changes,
How can you localize that which found you?”
As absurd as this might sound, last night I dreamt that I could fly.
Circumstances, I guess that’s the word I was looking for. That probably is the main reason why others consider me as ‘different’ or even going as far as calling me weird. Having grown up experiencing many ‘ups and downs’ in life and living with the nicest of person and also the evil-est of people had made me a believer and a skeptic. As we all know there are more bad people in this world than there are good ones. However there are others whom I despise more than the rest. These are people who under the pretense of doing good do bad things and justify their acts in the name of religion, love etc.
People who fool themselves with make beliefs to be exempted from punishments and to get rid of the guilt that taunts.
Getting back to the way I was brought up, the circumstances involved made the way I look at things differently, different than what the majority perceives at least. I guess in a, though I do not entirely understand this, I am assuming it is safe to say that everything happens for a reason.
They’re all only considered right, because they think that they’re in the right path. But who is to judge? Who is to settle this battle of right and wrong? The time will come a wise man told me soon enough. That frightened me.
My parents upon realizing that they named their child with the name of the devil changed it because they thought that it was the best thing to do… my birth name was Rushdi, when the book came out they rushed and changed my name. I am now known as Mikail.
Like every child I used to be cheerful and playful. But things change, right? The world reveals itself to you. Damned world, if anyone thinks of it as a haven of sort or that they want to be reborn again and again… it is nothing but lack of information, imagination, or anything else that can substituted for the word stupid.
During my adolescent years I witnessed many things, bad things such as fights among close relatives, fights amongst strangers, wars, separations, greed, and misuse of authority, etc…point is, it was enough to taint my perception on people. These things had planted something in my buoyant mind; worry and distrust.
This corrupted my corruptible mind. Something I wasn’t aware of before. And it had somewhat grown into me. I also realized that for someone to be pleased with you and to make him or her happy, one must to learn to impress. I told myself that I should stop trying to do things in a manner that will confuse my intentions into one that might want to impress people.
Time passed and after having moved around a few places. I had close friends, true friends, but all those moving around made it somewhat futile. These days my time which I normally spent alone either by just sitting idly or doing whatever it was I felt like.
I loved nature; it gave me a certain kind of calmness and security. I used to climb on huge trees with wide branches, pluck ripe fruits and share it with the rest of the occupants…that was fun especially when it was a huge jackfruit.
There was also a time where I discovered death. There were these strange people who would pass my house carrying a corpse on a wooden bed, lighting up fireworks, dancing as they walked towards the beach. Everyday some one died; sometimes they were guys who did multiple summersaults as they walked by. The music wasn’t very good though, they’d blow this shell thing which made a blowing noise similar to a trumpet. At first I was awed, but when I started to look at the corpse decorated with flower and the stillness of the body, I thought, why are they appearing to have fun? Is this a celebration?
Soon enough I learned that everyone dies. That too exposed me to something-- paranoia. I only have one person whom I can totally have faith and trust in and they too are tangible. I used to shiver at the thought and that fear now transcended mere thoughts into a different level-- it’s as if I could touch it and witness it. It made me question a lot of things like the purpose of my existence. On a positive note, it made me an avid student of life.
Recently we moved houses, to an urban area this time, I was quite sure that we weren’t going to be moving away from there anytime soon. We didn’t have the capacity to do so anymore. I always dreamt of having normal friends. I then realized these Normal friends who normally had everything they wanted and almost anything they wished for were also normally always angry and upset about something. It is as if people with no problems, created problems of their own. It made me ask myself, ‘define normal’. Normal is what the majority perceive as normal.
Speaking of true friends I finally met one; we met during our secondary days. He was nothing normal though. He was as or even an outcast with a dark story of his own. His name was Rustam but people called him Russ. He didn’t like it when people called him that because it reminded him of Russell Crowe. He told me that when people called him Russ, he always imagined they calling him Rust.
Rust or Russ however you want to see him was exposed to the wonders of drugs in an early age. He was into anything that made him feel not his normal self. Despite his usage he was really a good, kindhearted human being and I mean it when I say that.
“Let’s get high man.” He would say. That was about the first thing that came out from his mouth every time we met. And each time I told him, to indulge oneself with pleasure that one is not supposed to be experiencing will only lead to massive amount of pain and destruction.
“You’re probably right, but I am not doing this to gain pleasure. Well my main objective is to not think, but since that is not possible I use it to drift from my current state. I love you man.” Rus said.
I assumed that he was already on some kind of elevated state. But it’s these ‘test’ that one has to face to journey on to eventually be freed of such feeling/ things, no? I asked.
Inaudible…
I couldn’t hear a thing and suddenly…
Amplified heart beats
Amplified heart beats
The sound of train going off in distance…
We tried and experimented on many things. Our objective was to stop the mind from thinking. How dumb and stupid. But then that was a good excuse to get high.
Rus was sent to a hospital. It was a norm with him; he always wanted to double the dosage of whatever I was having. After a few days, he was back in my room, in my broken house of my broken family. “I love you man, lets get high.” I laughed at him and said what did you bring today?
“I couldn’t find much.” He said, he looked at the plastic bag he brought and said, “I have some erm stimulants, hallucinogens and some sleeping pills which falls under the depressant category. I think” He said laughing. “What do you have?” he asked.
Some meth, weed and a mixture of tablets that I’ve grounded into powder… He smiled and said, “That’ll do the job. Let’s do something totally idiotic and mix them all with flour and try to bake them? Hahaha”
A few hours passed and it didn’t seem to work as much, but it was somewhat painful. We both laid there, still in the world.
Suddenly I saw Marvin Gaye, in his usual smooth, soulful self he sang to me, “Oh baby.” The way he said it was too good. Rus was playing one of his clips on the monitor. He was singing ‘what’s going on’ I see the people in the audience not singing, laughing, dancing or smiling. Their expressions were serious and they were listening attentively to the message he was conveying in a very smooth, soulful way. That’s weird I said.
I began to feel my head spinning, but it was still empty inside; I then randomly asked Rus, what was the best praise someone gave you? He smiled and said, “Now that’s easy.” He smiled and started, “there was this girl whom I once went out with, she told me that she loved me and that she couldn’t bear to be part from me…so what she did was she broke off with me and started going out with a girl. Hahahaha”
I laughed hysterically at that, we both laughed our ass off. Rus had this vibe that attracted girls, they weren’t an issue to him. And that made me quite popular as well hence they were no longer an issue to me either. They were helpful at times and played their parts when needed. But that was as far as it went.
“What’s yours?” he asked me. Okay, this is something that really happened. Before that can you put some Cats Steven on? Rus stood up and put on some Cats Steven on. I started, you know Mario right? The guy who shaves his face for hours till it starts to bleed and once when we were high he cut my hair from night till dawn. Haha. That was the longest haircut I ever had in my entire life!
I am not sure if he was under the influence at that time, but I was quite taken aback, overwhelmed and confused by what he said. I spoke softly in a mild tone that a normal person might have difficulty listening to. My head felt empty and this new recipe caused us to feel numb all over. We couldn’t feel a thing, not even when my hand rubbing on my other. I noticed Rus paying his fullest attention on me and was waiting. “So, what did that scumbag say?” Rus asked.
Mario was this 30+ dude whom taught us many things but one day he stole all of our stuff and money. He was a really good guy, but under the influence, good people do bad things. That’s one of the gravest consequences of these chemical substances.
So one morning… before that can you put on Vivaldi’s ‘winter’ please? I suddenly feel like hearing it. Rus with no expression on his face stood up slowly again and walked towards the computer. I looked at him moving. I swear to god it felt like waiting for hours, he moved really slowly. And waiting for him to walk back and return to his resting spot seemed unearthly.
I resumed, one morning, as we were sitting, we were speaking of a matter that I no longer remember…he then suddenly started talking about the Mel Gibson movie you know, “passion of the Christ”. Rus gaze was focused on me.
“You know what?” Mario asked.
What? I said in reply, “Last night I saw that movie, and as the movie went on, I began to cry a little.” Okay, so what man, I saw that movie, it was quite nice actually I said. I didn’t cry though, I said to him.
Mario continued, “As the movie went on and I don’t know why, while Jesus was being tortured, for some reason I was reminded of you. I kept thinking of you and I started to cry more. I was reminded of you!” he said sobbing.
I kept quiet, didn’t know what to say, I guess I really am that pathetic. So yeah, that was it. Funny thing was I didn’t see my struggle all that meaningful haha I laughed looking at Rus. I looked at him again and realized that he was once again unconscious. I called the ambulance and he was taken to the hospital. I guess he took in more than his body could take, like always. He was greedy when it came to drugs.
I too, after calling for the ambulance fell unconscious. I woke up in the hospital. I guess I too was greedy when it came to drugs. Our parents were there and it was a norm to them. When they visited us, they didn’t complain or got angry. I guess this is what you call unconditional love. I respect that. When people expect something in return then I think it’s no longer very sincere, I disrespect that.
I think we didn’t make it this time. Our bodies were dead and I could see it from above. I am not sure if I am high, this wasn’t the first time though. Was I experiencing another outer body experience? Well it doesn’t matter. Point is I am still thinking and I always do. I guess in a way we never seize to die.
Like how the famous Descartes said, “Cogito ergo sum” “I think, therefore I am”
*Inaudible*
Amplified heart beats
The sound of train going off in distance…
I was a poor boy,
A devotee of piety,
When you’re poor and weak,
There is but one to turn to.
I see the people around me,
So relaxed and nonchalantly,
Living life in the sake of a good times,
I examined and then considered,
Questioned. What is the difference between them and me?
And that me in being piety, them in being cheery,
Inexistent alone, but with them I am alike.
They looked rejoiced, in their own terrain.
I followed them, played with them,
And I learned from them,
They chased and longed for pleasure with wealth,
More and more, they kept asking for more.
Didn’t take me long to become heedful,
Of what a waste, waste of phase, of lies and guise
They cover up their sorrows with adornments, entertainments and diversions
Get rid of worry through delusions and hallucinations.
I am aware of the chief deceiver in play,
It has its hand in the game,
To make no difference between both sides,
I gazed my friends; they look back in loathe.
The group deserved to be left in error,
They misplaced their faith in their own ruin,
Yet they think they’re truly guided,
The trumpet blows, and it's proven.
Collision of Minds
He closes his eyes and opens it,
Closes his eyes and opens it,
The dark empty space or the current blues,
Isn’t there a different choice?
He knew closing his eyes is futility,
Temporary,
Elusive,
Closes his eyes and opens it,
But the black space changes into a white story,
Now he closes his eyes and opens it,
Momentary bliss comes with casualties.
Caught up in an Iraq,
A Somalia,
A Palestine,
A war one finds relief in a second of peace,
One man’s mind,
A universe of its own,
There is no saying what is and what is not,
For if you haven’t realized,
That, that is the epitome of man,
A man is either in open,
Or closed within his own,
With barricades all around him,
Surrounding him,
Enveloping him,
Which blinds him and ties him,
He talks in things, within his boundaries.
Now that’s annoying,
Infuriating,
Disappointing,
They are the majority,
What use is democracy?
Mainstream madness,
Made its monarchy,
Popular beliefs circulate the society,
Ruling and conquering,
What’s left of the minority.
Clearly clergy is not really,
Talking, and taking overly enticing,
Talking and taking, speaking and mesmerizing,
I am caught up in the moment,
Caught up in the moment I fail to see,
Collision of worlds,
Of men with words,
Using mercenaries,
Machineries,
Destroying those to gain worthy,
The people cheer in oblivion,
Too busy to think,
In desire.
Self destructing,
Penetrating within,
Deeper and deeper,
The minds become cheaper and cheaper,
Polluted and wasted,
No longer needed,
Time is given,
Still nothing transpires,
The flute is blown,
“POOF” it disappears.
Closes his eyes and opens it,
The dark empty space or the current blues,
Isn’t there a different choice?
He knew closing his eyes is futility,
Temporary,
Elusive,
Closes his eyes and opens it,
But the black space changes into a white story,
Now he closes his eyes and opens it,
Momentary bliss comes with casualties.
Caught up in an Iraq,
A Somalia,
A Palestine,
A war one finds relief in a second of peace,
One man’s mind,
A universe of its own,
There is no saying what is and what is not,
For if you haven’t realized,
That, that is the epitome of man,
A man is either in open,
Or closed within his own,
With barricades all around him,
Surrounding him,
Enveloping him,
Which blinds him and ties him,
He talks in things, within his boundaries.
Now that’s annoying,
Infuriating,
Disappointing,
They are the majority,
What use is democracy?
Mainstream madness,
Made its monarchy,
Popular beliefs circulate the society,
Ruling and conquering,
What’s left of the minority.
Clearly clergy is not really,
Talking, and taking overly enticing,
Talking and taking, speaking and mesmerizing,
I am caught up in the moment,
Caught up in the moment I fail to see,
Collision of worlds,
Of men with words,
Using mercenaries,
Machineries,
Destroying those to gain worthy,
The people cheer in oblivion,
Too busy to think,
In desire.
Self destructing,
Penetrating within,
Deeper and deeper,
The minds become cheaper and cheaper,
Polluted and wasted,
No longer needed,
Time is given,
Still nothing transpires,
The flute is blown,
“POOF” it disappears.
Cotton Candice
NOTE: You got to watch the clip to get the whole thing, Thank you :O
Ahh! The sting so excruciating!
While it keeps on penetrating,
My rib cages are pressed together till it ruptures,
I breathe in with the pain, and begin to shatter,
The sensation so unreasonable that ironically,I felt alive
The air is stuck in my chest,
The breathing process is distressed,
So dark and pitch blacked,
like dark space and dark sea,
My white flag goes unnoticed.
I shout in cry for help,
My friends go by, unaware of my try,
My screaming is silent,
I slouch back in frustration
This tight spot, enveloping me so decisively,
(Unlike you, entirely indecisive),
On all sides and all angles,
No more ego, pride or arrogance,
Fear, so real, vivid and clear,
Right in front of my face it conquers them all
There is a weight in the chest,
An ache in the head,
I am lying on the ground,
Waiting for the sledge hammer to smash on me, again and again,
Despite the preparation, it impairs exponentially
Expiring and coming back, having so little power,
But feeling every ounce of everything that is out of control
In anguish I shout out and no one hears,
I feel myself explode,
I picture myself in this,
I am releasing it all,
I...am vomiting expression
Vegetarianism
I always thought and still think that being a vegetarian is cool and healthy. Recently I’ve learned that there are certain people who adopt beliefs without any real purpose. I have friends who are so called ‘hippies’, vegans, free thinkers… the list goes on an on. Frankly I see it as an excuse and not a proper conviction.
I say that because one would think, for a person to adopt a new belief, one should have learned, understand and be able to explain their new lifestyles in a manner that is both comprehensible and thorough. Not so to convince and attract others with their beliefs but merely to justify that their actions are well thought of and their reasoning is with a cause.
Jumping to, If you choose to be a free thinker just to do things without any restrictions or limitation then it is not a belief but a form of escapism.
This growing trend though with all its good principles, intentions and advantages has been misconstrued in the minds of fashion victims, trend followers. It gives them a reason to separate themselves from others and look at their own ignorant self as a higher being in society and maybe arrogant enough in thinking that they are unique enough to judge people and elevate themselves.
A little off topic but I feel like saying this, I have said this before and I am going to say it again, judging a situation is different from judging a person.
To all the ‘hippies’ and society outcast wannabe…Just because you separate yourself from the society and dwell within yourself –listening to a certain kind of music, doesn’t makes you ‘artistic’, unique or any special—and obviously, not good enough to feel proud of.
A little more clarification, I have nothing against vegetarians. I know that it requires discipline and is healthy and by consuming non-veg food, gives the person greater self control.
Having said that, according to some people or beliefs, eating meat is prohibited and evil. Some even go as far as saying that all man shouldn’t consume or kill animals for food. Yes, as you might’ve expected I am going to say that if people stopped eating meat, the animals would grow out of proportion and things will eventually get out of control. Not forgetting, that their reproductive rate is rapid.
Now towards a more logical point of view, Animals such as cows, goats and cattle are herbivore animals hence their digestive system can only accept vegetarian food. On the other hand, animals like the lion, tiger and other carnivores, and because of their digestive system can only consume non-vegetarian food/ meat.
Whereas, I am sure people have noticed that animals that can only consume vegetarian food, have a set of flat teeth. Meanwhile the carnivores have sharp pointy teeth that enable them to chew on meat and bones.
Here’s my point, man if God had intended them to eat only vegetarian food then he would have given them flat teeth. Or if he wanted us to eat only meat He’d have given us a set of sharp teeth. As we all know all man has sharp teeth and flat teeth that enables them to consume both vegetarian and non-vegetarian food. Hence their digestive system is able to ingest both vegetarian and non-vegetarian food.
Besides there are certain places where vegetation isn’t available, for example in the desert or places covered with ice.
That’s as much as I can muster up for now, till later. Peace.
Amerika, The way of life?
Well, i just wanted to see if could post up a video, seems like i can! wee haha...and this v.clip makes sense to a certain extent. Okay , and (additional info) due to the fact that my internet connection is like 'siput' i had to wait for quite some time for the vid to be uploaded and 'processed'. Alright, it's done..
Erm it's already Monday btw huhu...
Shiver
My father was a great entrepreneur. When I was a small child, there were many things that I didn’t understand about the world. Now that I am older I figure that, usually stuff that comes easily are things we take for granted. I started realizing that when the cycle of life started revealing itself to me. I began losing things one after another, a few of which I cherished more than the other. But the great thing is I always got replacements. I remember talking to a friend of mine who at that time was having an unusually bad deal with life compared to mine. He wasn’t able to do many things, from gaining knowledge to procuring a normal job because of a certain handicap that stayed with him.
I thought that I could use some thrills and adventures. I imagine being far away from my current life and in a boat facing a strong wave with my friend. I noticed that I was smiling at the thought of being a fisherman. It might take me weeks or months to get there but I made my mind up and for now it was my goal to reach.
Sleepy Head-ache
“At first I start to feel a little sad, as I continue to go along with it, it makes me feel like wanting to cry and after reading the ending, I feel like doing something bad to myself.”
That’s what my friend said about my blog and the entries in it. Though he only said it jokingly, it occurred to me that the majority who visits my blog are my friends. So that didn’t leave a very good impression…on me and so I thought.
Having said that, I fully understand that I don’t write the most cheerful/ happy blog, but this is how I like/prefer writing it. Writing about intimate thoughts and private discourses are my ‘cup of tea’. I am very much interested in how people 'think'…the subconscious, its spontaneity, and how real, honest, and maybe even ugly and selfish it gets when ones thoughts are in play.
I have no intention on making anyone feel more depressed or sad than they already are after reading my works. So if possible, try not to be. Hence I will still go on writing like this but I’ll try to make an effort on making it more cheerful, less negative if I am able to do so that is.
For a start, I’ll share something that I find really funny. I read this on ‘overheard’ and saved it. The first time I read this, it was hysterical. Though now when I read it again, it’s not as funny, anyhoo, here goes;
“Chick: So, I'm up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, 'Okay, time to go!' and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going 'whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop' -- like, he's making siren noises -- and I turn around, and there's this cop... I guess the siren on his cop car wasn't working or something, so he's on the loudspeaker mic yelling, 'Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!' as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!”
That’s what my friend said about my blog and the entries in it. Though he only said it jokingly, it occurred to me that the majority who visits my blog are my friends. So that didn’t leave a very good impression…on me and so I thought.
Having said that, I fully understand that I don’t write the most cheerful/ happy blog, but this is how I like/prefer writing it. Writing about intimate thoughts and private discourses are my ‘cup of tea’. I am very much interested in how people 'think'…the subconscious, its spontaneity, and how real, honest, and maybe even ugly and selfish it gets when ones thoughts are in play.
I have no intention on making anyone feel more depressed or sad than they already are after reading my works. So if possible, try not to be. Hence I will still go on writing like this but I’ll try to make an effort on making it more cheerful, less negative if I am able to do so that is.
For a start, I’ll share something that I find really funny. I read this on ‘overheard’ and saved it. The first time I read this, it was hysterical. Though now when I read it again, it’s not as funny, anyhoo, here goes;
“Chick: So, I'm up by Bryant Park, and there are all these cop cars lined up, and then one of them decides, 'Okay, time to go!' and he puts his siren on and pulls out, and all the rest of them following, all their sirens going whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop! And then I hear something that sounds like some guy going 'whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop' -- like, he's making siren noises -- and I turn around, and there's this cop... I guess the siren on his cop car wasn't working or something, so he's on the loudspeaker mic yelling, 'Whoop-buppa-whoop-whoop!' as they all zoom off down 42nd Street. It was crazy!”
Pity Pretty
Today went away almost like every other day. Where you don’t want to think of anything else and just want to unwind and relax. Many pictures and form of relaxation starts playing in the mind now and I get carried away with it. To the extent that I find myself smiling like a crazy person. But once I reach home and thankful for my safe arrival. Thanking God, for things as bad as they are now -- for not getting any worse. And when I think of unwinding and relaxing, I see myself waking up with a headache, dizzy and still with discontentment and looking for a different solution.
A friend of mine whom I am close with, so close that one might say that we have no secrets between us. That is to show the level of our closeness. Often described as a fun, cheerful person and most noticeable for his ability to not show fret when hit by problems. He often boasts about how he sleeps on them. Have a problem? Don’t think about it too much, just sleep on it!
Both of us are I guess, can be considered as a pessimist in which like Schopenhauer believe that the world itself is the worst of all possible worlds because a more worse world can’t exist, so to speak. We just have different methods on dealing or escaping it.
By the way, I disagree on my friend’s way of dealing with his problems because sleeping to me doesn’t come as easily as it comes to him.
So here I was on my way back home, upon reaching the last traffic light. No matter how big a hole in a person is, the thought of having a home to go back to is always a comfort.
“Psychologists have said that they trace pessimistic attitudes to emotional pain or even biological. Argues that depression is due to unrealistic negative views of the world.. Pessimist are often however often able to provide arguments that their understanding of reality is justified.”
We have a disagreement here, that’s all the quote above proves. Ones understanding of reality is one’s right and however they wish to justify it is due to circumstances and their ability to conjure up with one. In which is prove that people think and look at things differently. It is just a difference in opinion not something to be labeled or judged upon.
Viewing the world in a negative eye is in fact reality, viewing it otherwise is unrealistic.
The level of happiness in ones mind is limited and perhaps sadness too but which one gives you more fear and from the two, which would be felt more? The picture of sadness in a person’s mind is more easily evoked than the picture of happiness.
Jumping to a different subject, fake happiness requires a lot of work and many outside (material) things while real happiness requires one to be in peace with his mind and more prone to act on faith.
Without that, a pessimist would say; hunger, sexuality, the need to care for children and the need for shelter and personal security as the real source of human motivation.
Back to the topic, as I was waiting for the light to turn green, I noticed a girl whom I went to high school with. She was a few years younger than me. Though she appeared an old hag, walking with her umbrella and dressed without any good sense of fashion, she was fat and ugly and walking alone towards her home too, I presumed. Looking at her made me want to feel more…lucky perhaps, but it only made me feel more miserable. The world is indeed unfair, no matter how you try to positify it. She looked as miserable as she did back in the days. I hoped that it was just my eyes, and it probably was my ulterior, shallow stereotyping.
I couldn’t muster up what and why was it that I felt at the moment. Was it hate, love, sympathy or just lack of discontentment? Right then I felt like being at the lowest level of an absurdist, not because I failed to find the meaning of the universe but because I failed to realize what I was feeling. It was a mixture of feelings I thought and so decided the best remedy at that time was to try and sleep on it.
The red light seemed like eternity I began to think of all the adult spoiled brats and snobs that I know, whom I am friends with. Everything that revolves around them if not pleasing to them is evil and their shallowness vast and knows no boundaries. And I thought to myself, if I were to turn into a pessimist then they were one of the reasons. The light finally turned green.
A friend of mine whom I am close with, so close that one might say that we have no secrets between us. That is to show the level of our closeness. Often described as a fun, cheerful person and most noticeable for his ability to not show fret when hit by problems. He often boasts about how he sleeps on them. Have a problem? Don’t think about it too much, just sleep on it!
Both of us are I guess, can be considered as a pessimist in which like Schopenhauer believe that the world itself is the worst of all possible worlds because a more worse world can’t exist, so to speak. We just have different methods on dealing or escaping it.
By the way, I disagree on my friend’s way of dealing with his problems because sleeping to me doesn’t come as easily as it comes to him.
So here I was on my way back home, upon reaching the last traffic light. No matter how big a hole in a person is, the thought of having a home to go back to is always a comfort.
“Psychologists have said that they trace pessimistic attitudes to emotional pain or even biological. Argues that depression is due to unrealistic negative views of the world.. Pessimist are often however often able to provide arguments that their understanding of reality is justified.”
We have a disagreement here, that’s all the quote above proves. Ones understanding of reality is one’s right and however they wish to justify it is due to circumstances and their ability to conjure up with one. In which is prove that people think and look at things differently. It is just a difference in opinion not something to be labeled or judged upon.
Viewing the world in a negative eye is in fact reality, viewing it otherwise is unrealistic.
The level of happiness in ones mind is limited and perhaps sadness too but which one gives you more fear and from the two, which would be felt more? The picture of sadness in a person’s mind is more easily evoked than the picture of happiness.
Jumping to a different subject, fake happiness requires a lot of work and many outside (material) things while real happiness requires one to be in peace with his mind and more prone to act on faith.
Without that, a pessimist would say; hunger, sexuality, the need to care for children and the need for shelter and personal security as the real source of human motivation.
Back to the topic, as I was waiting for the light to turn green, I noticed a girl whom I went to high school with. She was a few years younger than me. Though she appeared an old hag, walking with her umbrella and dressed without any good sense of fashion, she was fat and ugly and walking alone towards her home too, I presumed. Looking at her made me want to feel more…lucky perhaps, but it only made me feel more miserable. The world is indeed unfair, no matter how you try to positify it. She looked as miserable as she did back in the days. I hoped that it was just my eyes, and it probably was my ulterior, shallow stereotyping.
I couldn’t muster up what and why was it that I felt at the moment. Was it hate, love, sympathy or just lack of discontentment? Right then I felt like being at the lowest level of an absurdist, not because I failed to find the meaning of the universe but because I failed to realize what I was feeling. It was a mixture of feelings I thought and so decided the best remedy at that time was to try and sleep on it.
The red light seemed like eternity I began to think of all the adult spoiled brats and snobs that I know, whom I am friends with. Everything that revolves around them if not pleasing to them is evil and their shallowness vast and knows no boundaries. And I thought to myself, if I were to turn into a pessimist then they were one of the reasons. The light finally turned green.
Poking through the Poke-able
This here is a discussion of ‘knowledge/ information’ in general. I am aware of the branches of knowledge and the classifications. This entry also has little to do with epistemology or skepticism. The beginning quotes too may appear to have dissimilarities with the subject discussed.
“The entire universe and everything in it is driven by a primordial will to live thus resulting in all creatures desire to avoid death and procreate.”
However someone else suggested that, “People and animal really want power; living in itself only as a subsidiary aim -- in defense states, people and animal willingly risk their lives in order to promote their power, most notably competitive fighting and warfare.”
Over the past century many events have took place, historic moments have occurred in terms of conflicts, natural disasters, new inventions, productions and the changes that took place in rapidly growing industries and countries. We have seen it grown exponentially everywhere around us. As we move forward in this frenzy trying to not get lost and keep in track of the worlds changes it makes the world appear as if it’s spinning faster and faster each day.
In this time of development and advancement parents have failed to educate their children about the purpose of education or on why they gain knowledge. It won’t be of surprise if their kids join in with the majority just like their parents did. If all we want from education is a comfortable home, a posh car and a decent job, then we fail to realize the purpose of our creation. School, teachers and the education systems have failed.
For instance the media portray bad guys dressed in sleek suits, designer’s clothes living in a mansion with luxurious cars and surrounded by many friends. And in the viewers’ eyes, it gives the impression that they’re truly leading a happy and successful life. Which become a goal and a misconception of the meaning of happiness. The point is, these shows and information by the media program peoples mind into false beliefs and consequently affects the younger, vulnerable minds.
It is also sad realizing that the mind of people can be manipulated so easily. Just make the majority believe so and you’ve won the game. Just like how Edward Bernays used the media to manipulate the public opinion using the psychology of subconscious through advertisements.
In relative to the subject, if a drug lord and a professor attend the same function dressed under the same dress code, are they both equally educated and noble? The mindset of determining people from their outer appearances is inaccurate and shallow. No doubt about it that it gives the wearer confidence and the feeling of being accepted and perhaps even more equal than others.
This proves that the western ideology that we have adapted as our own is only effective in differentiating the poor and the rich and most probably, its initial purpose was to separate the nobles from the poor.
Whether or not you realize or agree to this, we are already re-living the old Greek lifestyle of the ‘master slave morality’. Whereas good is: wealth, strength, health and power and bad is: poor, weak, sick and pathetic. As much as some might want to disagree to that, that’s not how it is today, at the back of everyone’s head that mentality is already engraved in.
People with knowledge discriminate against those who don’t have any or those who possess lesser than them. Knowledge these days represents wealth and elitism. Sure, there’s a need to be elevated in everyone for knowing information that others don’t but that is not the prize but a challenge to the one who hold expertise that other’s don’t.
Having said that, I am guessing it is safe to assume that knowledge too can be good and bad.
Finally, having carefully thought of this idea, I come to realization that not everyone has the opportunity to gain knowledge. Circumstances and aspects such as poverty, war, bad neighborhood, matters that disallow one to gain knowledge are inevitable.
In addition to that, one cannot bring him-self to a different stage of life if he hasn’t yet fulfilled his fundamental needs. This is derived from the theory of the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Though only a theory, judging from experience and the experience of others, I think it speaks for the majority people of the modern world.
In conclusion there will always be divisions of classes within people, and discrimination, there is no escaping it. And that life in itself is mysterious and has a way of its own in doing things. Maybe with enough knowledge one can finally decipher it.
“There is no formula for success except perhaps an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings”
Arthur Rubinstein.
Tainted Love
This article on the net caught my attention; I read it recently written by someone concerning the younger generation, mainly about teens and young adults. The article also expresses its sadness on the increase of teenage pregnancy and sexual transmitted diseases such as HIV. However, that part is not included here. This piece mainly focuses on the behavior and thoughts and how it’ll affect the future. According to the post, the ‘writer’ found this piece in a book and has written it down to share it with others.
“To the charming princesses who believe they have found their prince and how wonderful it is when the heart starts to tingles, starts longing and starts to ache in love. To confide in someone and to share all your secrets with, to hear sweet as honey praises that goes deep into the depths of the heart and melts it. You think that, this is what it feels like being alive.
Getting caught up in the frenzy, this new revelation seems to be the answers to all the questions. Oh my, this feeling overwhelms you, makes you want to say that the mind is in the heart because it feels like it has a mind of its own and it feels so right, and who dare question the ways of the heart?
I look at this shallowness, people in oblivion not noticing this temporary heaven that they have discovered. How long is forever? Take a look around, open your eyes young ones. Unless you’re prepared for the ultimate tie, stop fooling yourself with words of comfort and the feeling of being appreciated for the person you truly are. When you yourself don’t have the slightest idea on who really are. Even then, how long is forever?
Young minds, programmed by fantasies and fairytales while growing up, believing in the stories read by their parents night after night. Who’s agenda was it anyway? To make kids believe in falsehood? And that this ‘love’ is everlasting and the line, ‘happily ever after’ engraved in every child’s heart.
Upon hearing words of affection and splendors accompanied by love songs that tease the heart, that connects with emotions, that makes you want to say, 'this song is about me'. They then melt like ice cream in summer and sacrifice themselves in the longing, and in proving themselves, sacrificing ceremony takes place, in the name of the so-called 'love' they believe in.
But not too long after, when a mosquito buzzes and bits one of you on the arm, it comes to an end. Heaven turns to hell, pain takes over and 'POOF' it’s over. Oh chastity, no longer mine, Regrets and hatred makes its entrance, like how extras in a movie appear briefly.
The following days, they miraculously pick themselves up and start over the journey in finding true love and repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
It makes me raise an eyebrow but to you, it’s as if you’re wrapped in a pair of pure hands that promises you happiness and everlasting joy. It makes me wonder, that you don’t wonder, that your other half is as oblivious as you’re. Surely if he knows the burden of words, it would’ve not escaped his lips. For making a princess feel special, happy and loved every second of her life is not in the hand of man.
Oh humanity who constantly look for release, relief and joy. He smokes to find a moment of comfort, he takes drugs to escape from reality, and consumes alcohol to feel free. Always wanting to find escapism, an easy way out. Don’t you see that this is the same? For a moment of comfort and acceptance you put yourself at risk?
For when I think about it, of course its because, when two of the same kind comes together, it is the celebrations of ignorance, idiocracy and the make belief of love”
