On Ice!

The river was clogged; its splendor and daily routines were apprehended. The once known beauty was no longer visible no matter how you look at it.

But, thankfully it wasn’t congested for too long and it once again started flowing. It sparkled under the sun as it flowed. Its movement and the sound it created made one feel comforted, at ease and his thoughts stayed there admiring the river.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted. I realized that someone was talking to me, obviously I didn’t have much interest in what he was saying, He went on, “nowadays, I very rarely spend time with myself, But, only during the blackness of the night where I lay there on my bed unable to doze off. At first I start of pondering on why was it that I couldn’t sleep. And after that I began to think about more serious thoughts. I once again closed my eyes and I opened it. It was the same, it remained as dark. It occurred to me then whether I should close my eyes or not for it seems the same either way.

I didn’t know what brought up the subject, what made him talk and as usual one thing led to another and especially when you’re alone with someone, especially then they tend to get more personal, it is a good thing I suppose.

“My mind didn’t rest, it continued brooding, one thought after another. I felt like I was walking through a long passageway full of doors and as I passed each door I stopped to open it and then closed it back, moving to the other ones that lied ahead.”

He paused for effect, continued with his story, “When I was young, really young but old enough to know that I couldn’t have everything I wished for. I learned that from experience. Although raised with affection and probably too much attention, I didn’t get what I wanted. This was harder to comprehend.

I was by then old enough and was allowed to play outside the house. Not really outside, but outside the gates, still in the compound where people can keep an eye on me. There, instead of playing, looking at the people who passed by were entertaining enough, People from every walk of life and how they led their life in their own world. Although they walked by, no one looked. They knew but they didn’t look.

Some of the days when my timing was right or when I could hear the sound of fire crackers bursting I ran outside to witness a sort of ritual, of the people. A huge crowd would pass by. The men at the front danced as if they were in some sort of trance and some were into acrobatics. They were headed to the sea. They carried a stretcher made by wood and it was carried by a dozen men on their shoulders. On the stretcher, lied a dead person decorated by various flowers with various colors. The smell was weird; it smelled of flowers and some other stuff that was particularly what I’d not call a good scent. They were headed to the sea to burn the body and its ashes thrown into the sea. That much I knew.

It excited me till the day I was old enough to understand that it wasn’t a celebration, but I concluded, an act.”

I was thinking about the movies I saw recently. “Syriana”, was really nice and “the black diamond” was good too. And as usual its mind boggling one minute and the next minute you feel helpless and question your-self on what to do and not to do, to help. I usually end up feeling that I can’t really do much to change anything that happens the minute after the next minute. There really isn’t much one can do, I suppose. But the information was an eye- opener of some sort.

I don’t really know how to sum it. Everyone is doing what he does to survive or to maintain something they hold/ think important.

But I don’t think it is hard to differentiate what is black and what is white.

“Boy, are you listening?”

He questioned me looking annoyed. Yeah, of course I am listening I replied. What happens next?

“Now where did I stop?” he questioned himself for a moment, looked me in the eye and resumed, “I don’t know if that (time to time) experience had something to do with this. And Even when I was young and again when I couldn’t sleep because I overslept in the afternoon. I used to weep like a child during the night which at that time I suppose was understandable. It was yes, partly because I couldn’t sleep but mainly of what I thought of.

I have this annoying thing going on whenever I feel all alone and distant I would start to become paranoid. Now that I think about it, I was normal just like everyone else. It was painful nonetheless; I began to understand that pain comes in different forms.” He added, “And sometimes nightmares stay”.

This time I was listening tentatively, and I was able to grasp what he was saying. I asked him, why are you telling me this? He answered, “I don’t know, why does it matters?” No, it’s just that I figured, if I asked you would answer me, I replied.

“No, I wont.” he said spontaneously. I nodded understandingly in return. He took out a cigarette and started to smoke it. Is smoking cool or something? I asked him. He looked at me, and he eyed me. I could see that he was contemplating on answering my question. He decided to answer and said, “Yes, it is and it’s perfect for times like when you don’t have anything to do and you want to do something. It helps you know, you should try it.”

I was surprised that he answered my question. Yeah, sure I will if I could stand the smoke in my mouth, I said.

He suddenly without any warning held both of his hands in front of me, his fingers almost inches near my face. I slanted back; he saw my reaction and took his hands back. “Aren’t they beautiful?”

Your hands? I asked clearly annoyed with his weird actions. “I was a woman in my past life, which explains the beautiful hands.” He was waiting for my reply I could sense the anticipation. So I said yes, that explains.

“You want to know why there are so many gays today.” He continued. I felt like running away but instead I answered, no and I don’t want to know. “I’ll tell you anyway, because they were gay in their previous lives.” his facial expression, tone and spontaneity made it funnier that I turned away from him to hide my laughter.

I let out a sigh of relief after I noticed that the bus I was waiting for was finally approaching.

Are you a beggar? I asked. “If you think so, then I am one.” He said with a confusing tone. It was (confusing) to me. I felt really bad asking him that. Well, thanks for your story. I have to go now sounding more affectionate than before, of course it was the guiltiness speaking.

lastly he said almost shouting, “Don’t hate yourself for you’re stuck with it eternally and you’re worse than a beggar, you don’t ask for the things you want even worse you don’t even know what you want.” He winked and gave me the finger. My journey in the bus was awful, but as usual time heals.

Reflections in green

There was a huge building; in it were many floors, rooms, and countless people being its inhabitants. In one of the parts of the building was a long narrow hallway that seemed to lead to nowhere. The hallway was air conditioned. There were huge vases of plants along the hallway for its own purposes such as to liven up the environment with greeneries and the atmosphere with the oxygen it provided or other more complicated purposes whichever way you’d like to look at it.

There were various types of plants and seeing that one of its purposes was for decoration, almost all of the plants were lively and healthy. For the exception of two, those were distinct and therefore different from the rest. One for it aesthetic-ness, it was the plant placed in a room. The room’s windows were covered with thick expensive curtains, had just the right amount of sunlight and heat it needed. It was just the sort of warmth that was perfect for the plant. And yes, it blossomed beautifully. Even the vase was artistically renowned.

The second one was situated right at the end of the hallway. The edge of the hallway which is normally ended with a wall was covered by a thick transparent glass that enables one to look out at the garden. Despite the hallway with its air flowing devices which worked to cool of the place. The sun was directly exposed to the plant. So unlike its fellow plants, it always looked pale, yellow, and almost dried up. Therefore needed more frequent watering compared to the rest.

Most of the plants were of the creeper type as this one was. The upper layer of the plant which crawled over the pole standing from the vase had dried up by the heat, and the lack of water. The leaves weren’t attractive neither very inspiring to look at. However At the bottom part of the plant there were new leaves that appeared to be growing, but instead of growing from the sun, it still grew towards the suns rays. following the rules of nature.

Days went by and everything went on routinely with the other plants and the one in the room except for the one that was placed at the end of the hallway. Its condition got worse and it looked as if it was just days away from getting all dried up.

There was only one person who watered the plants. It wasn’t his duty so he only watered it when he had the time and felt like it hence rarely. He noticed the plant’s condition and realized that he wouldn’t water it more frequently; he decided to shift the plant to a much better place. And judging by the plant in the room which is doing really good and it looked like the perfect outcome that a plant can as for. He moved the dying one into the room.

After a week or so, the once dried up plant as expected got better and started to blossom into a prettier, aesthetically beautiful plant.

However the plant next to it died for reasons unknown. The man who shifted the plant thought that it might’ve died due to its incapability in adapting to even the slightest of change or hindrance. Meanwhile in the hallway the other plants were still looking as lively as they used to but if you looked closer. There were funguses and bacterial infections on its stems and leaves. They only look good from a distance.

An Island's Story

This tale happened a long time ago, whereas the tale was never imprinted neither known but to their own kind. The story that you’re about to read is one about a man and a part of his significant life, his rise and fall, the perils that he had to go through during the period of his living and some other facts that revolved around him.

This is a story of a man who wandered alone for he no longer had a place he belonged to. More than often he lives nomadically, moving from one place to another that is. Some of the villagers who inhibit the village he visits knew about him by hearsay from neighboring villagers or other travelers who stop by. Apart from that, he remained a mystery to the common people.

He didn’t mix around much with the villagers neither did he create a stir, so normally his presence wasn’t apparent. Some of the old folks knew about him but they’d normally just mind their own doings instead of meddling into something as troublesome as the mysterious wanderer. But to the normal people, they didn’t even notice him as someone troublesome; to them he was just another man.

Unlike his present life, this man used to have a beautiful place that he once called home. It was in a far away island, almost mystical the place was. In which he spent most of his childhood. Now, all that remains are vague memories of it.

The island, although beautiful with all its splendors, it had its weakness. The main and perhaps only negative aspect of the island was that it was a favorite target for pirates and traders who stop by because of its beauty, the trading opportunities, and for its strategic location where passersby’s use as a pit stop.

The place was such a beauty, it was almost like paradise on earth filled with the thickest of greens and pure streams, healthy animals and rich with resources. The people were kind and lived together unselfishly. It was the most beautiful place he’d ever lived in.

As days followed by weeks passed by, the worrying factor was increasing. The numbers of people being harassed and cheated were increasing and they went to ask for help from the village elders. The elders were feeling the pressure from the people who more and more frequently visit them and whine about their problems. The story was always on how their people were being discriminated against and sometimes even killed by pirates and frauds.

One night all of the elders sat together and discussed on how to deal with this problematic matter they were facing. After a brief moment they all decided that the best way to deal with the problem and to overcome it was by learning how to protect themselves and standup for their selves. So it was agreed that every young male in the island from the age of 15 to 25 must undergo a learning period to defend themselves and at the same time inhabitants of the island.

They were some whom disagreed with the idea but eventually had to give in because that was the only way they had to protect themselves from the outsiders Although, some knew that they were about to face more worrying problems in the future but for them it was their only resolution.

The village elders decided to invite a specific warrior formerly known as, ‘the man with the cursed hands’ and his disciples to the island to help them with the art of fighting and more. He was known as a man of many talents and for his courage, compassion and nobility. In spite of this, the warrior had retired from fighting some years ago and lived solitarily in the depths of the forest for reasons unknown.

When the elders first approached him and upon hearing the request of the island elders, he refused at point blank to take up the offer. They begged and pleaded for weeks. Coming back and forth from their island to the jungle with offerings and whatever they could offer to get the warrior back with them. Finally one of the elders had an idea and knew that his approach would bring the warrior to their village and as expected from the elderly man, it did! He knew that the warrior was a compassionate man and so he told him that if he didn’t help them then they were only left to be bullied and the safety of their women and children would constantly be in danger. The hurt hopeless expressions of the elder and the sincerity in his request and the threats that the island faced finally convinced him to change his mind.

The villagers were in joy and the warrior said to them, “I may do as you request but bear in mind that what you ask now, you might regret later.” With that he stopped. The villagers were too enthusiastic and uninterested in what he said anymore.

The retired warrior and his disciples were now on their way to the island. All of them didn’t have any family, wives or children, so they didn’t had to worry about abandoning anyone. The other villagers didn’t seem to care about their warriors leaving either. The men’s expression was almost un-expressive. They all looked as if they weary, weary of life itself. Perhaps this new place would give them a different meaning and a better life.

Once they reached the beautiful island, they were in admiration of how the place looked like. Upon seeing this, their leader said, “lets just hope that all things go perfectly and we’d be able to help the islanders to protect themselves and this beautiful island we step on today.” to his followers. They were given places to stay, good food and a vast amount of land as a token of appreciation and to be used as they wished and part of it to be used as the training ground. The lot of them settled and some of them immediately started thinking of growing their favorite fruit trees and some went even as far as thinking of planting paddy so that the crops could later on be traded.

However, the warrior…the ex-warrior to be precise on the days to come started looking around and walking around the island realizing how beautiful it was and how nice and friendly the people were but nonetheless he stayed away from them. The people too were somewhat intimidated by his presence. When he walked in the centre of the damp muddy street people would avoid him and walk on the sides of the path but they didn’t forget to greet him or bow to him with hesitation, scared that they might provoke him. Oddly enough the warrior didn’t find it strange or offensive. He seemed to be used to it; perhaps the same thing happened in his old village.

He also noticed and noticed how the little boys merrily played and made their toys. He’d look from a far distance as how their everyday lives were like, their routines. Every time each of them get home from school and after an hour later, the previous hour was spent doing their homework or at least was what he assumed. And they went out they were never alone. He saw how they made their kites. The kids used nipah leaves to make paper for kite using the rubber processing machines and using kanji and putting it on the flatten nipah leaves to strengthen the material. The process took days to complete. And after that they used bamboo trees to make the structure of the kite. The bamboo would be picked carefully and then cut off into small thin bits and the soaked in the well for two days and then once again trimming the thin stem to make the weight equivalent throughout. This was done to strengthen the bamboo and to make it more flexible. Other kids who didn’t use nipah leaves for their kites went for a bolder and a more expressive approach Where they choose silk as the material to be used for their kites and this often revolves around running around the houses being chased either by the mother or the sister when they found out that their clothes have been missing or huge holes in their clothes.

The Other factors that amazed him was how united they were as a group and how they worked together in getting things of their interests done. He saw how they made top from lime trees and how strenuous and careful they were when inserted the long nail into the empty top which they had to make both edges of the nail sharp first using whatever methods or tools they had at hand. The other kids around held their hands out and prayed to God so that the top wouldn’t break while one of them tried to insert the nail into the empty top shell. He saw how they used multi colored rubber bands to make a football out of it.

What amazed him most was how this particular group who almost everyday climb up to the rail track and jump at least 50 meters down into the shallow river which was just 5 feet deep. They always waited for the train to arrive and blow its horn before they dived into the shallow stream. Nonetheless they had their ways and he had not seen any accident so far. The only accident was when a kid who wanted to tag along with the more experienced and braver lot just stood standing still on the slope even after the train had long passed him; his friends went up and were clueless of his strange shocked state. One of the friends then took a pail of water and showered him with it. He remained unmoved and remained the same. They had to drag him down and send him home. The next day they were back up jumping down from the bridges and the scared boy too somewhat not learning from his past developed the courage to mimic his friends.

Looking at that the kids with their everyday routines he frowned and said to himself, “I am going to ruin their happy childhood days and turn them into an undesirable human being. (Referring to the elders that approached him) Do they not realize that, what they have assumed right today might not seem the same tomorrow? I hope they understand that everything has consequences.”

A week later, the training grounds were prepared and the training commenced. The plan was to give each citizen at least the capability to defend themselves and the talented ones to be appointed as guards and soldiers of the island. This was done in silence so that it wouldn’t bring any unnecessary attention.

The training and the methods of training were only for the learner and they were warned not to reveal it. That was one of the many rules they had to abide and agree on during the welcoming ceremony. it was mainly to mark that they were officially the pupil of the ex- warrior.

The pupil had to spend 3 hours of training every weekday and 5 hours on the weekend. Lessons had a few stages that they had to go through and tests and examinations to mark their improvement and advances. It will take them about 2 years to master what they’d been taught.

At first the kids didn’t seem too excited about it but after seeing that there their friends were there too and it was their parent’s instructions, they didn’t really have much of a choice. The training was intense and more than normally they’d come home bruised and without doubt exhausted.

Things at the island were the same, everyday there was theft or unfair deals which the islanders had to unwillingly accept. The ex- warrior and his disciples said that they wouldn’t be involved in the island’s matter. The warrior also added that if others knew about his whereabouts and what he was doing at the island it would make the island more vulnerable to attacks and unwanted troubles.

Days flew by followed by weeks and months. and there was not one day they didn’t receive training for the exception of important days like hari raya, raya haji. And then, finally the time came and it was already 2 years. the training was completed. Most of the teens were now more than capable of defending themselves and their families. They were young and confident and they had been taught one of the most dangerous arts of their time. They were eager to prove themselves and save the island from danger.

The disciples of the ex- warrior from his old village left after the day upon completion of the training. That was what they agreed on among themselves and the island elders. They left with whatever they’ve earned including their lovers and wives. The ex- warrior too will be leaving soon. But he had a few things to settle before he could leave. As requested by the elders, few of the gifted/talented and with capabilities of leadership were to be given a mark ship, something of their own that would make them indisputable. He chose 15 of them amongst the hundreds.

Meanwhile in the trading area/ town where the islanders go to sell their goods, the newly graduated young fighters didn’t have to wait long for arguments between their own and the outsiders which eventually lead to a fight. From there on they were continuous fights. Surely the teens and the young adults having mastered one of the best techniques had little trouble defeating their enemies. Day by day they fought and shooed away their foes. Soon enough rumors about the island spread and people seem to respect the islanders more and the outsiders whoever they were were more careful when dealing with the village people.

Back at the training grounds, it was night and it was a dark night the lamps they had on did little to brighten the area. 15 pupils, their master and a village elder were sitting in a circle. They were all waiting for their master to tell them why there were detained and not send out like their other brothers to protect the island and its people.

The ex-warrior then spoke out looking almost reluctant, “I am going to offer each of you with something that is powerful, it is so powerful that it comes with a price.” He paused and continued, “some may consider it as a blessing some may consider it as a curse.” He paused again to look at their expressions and continued, “It has its advantages but its disadvantage is far more superior if you ask me.” He continued “If I were you, I would more likely not have it. I am doing this because this elder wanted me to.” He said that and at the same time pointing at the elder, everyone’s eyes were focused on the elder for a split second. They all turned their gaze back to their master.

“For those who choose not to have it may leave for I don’t have anything else to offer you. The rest of you can go and wait for me at the secret training ground.” Out of the 15, only 5 of them stood up and returned to their homes. The other ten went to the secret training ground. When the ex-warrior reached there he said, “remember nothing is free in this world and nothing is gained without pain, if not before then definitely after”. They all nodded as if they understood what’s being said. He then took a piece of paper out from his pocket tore it into 10 pieces and wrote something in it. “Take one paper and when everyone has one in his hand, open it and read it out loud”. He said. He then continued, whatever you read from the paper, I will teach you how to use it and how you can gain insurmountable powers that will be only yours.”

The first pupil said, “Sea” and the master said, “what you’ve got is the ability to survive in sea. The consequence is, if you eat anything from the sea, you will die.” Before anyone could say anything he added, “There is no turning back, live with it or die.”

The second one read out loud, “wood” the master said, “you have the ability to manipulate wood in any ways you imagine but your weakness is fire” The pupil just stood there lost in his own world.

The third one said, “Fire” and consequently the master said, “You have the ability to manipulate fire. Consequences, you can’t eat anything that is cooked if u do, you die.

Each one of them read out their new powers, they didn’t look too happy after their master read the consequences or the weaknesses their master told them. It was too late for them to refuse or reject it.

Then it came to the last and final of his pupil, he read out loud, “the accursed hands”. The master said, “This is perhaps the most powerful one and what you had gained or lost tonight is from now onwards if you touch anything without the tenderest touch and without the nicest intentions, it dies. And you don’t need training, consider yourself cursed.” He smirked a little and presumed, “All the training you need is how to control it. You can use you hands as a shield, your hands are indestructible, Even if you try to destroy it yourself which you will, you will fail.” He stopped talking after that.

His pupil however didn’t truly believe what had been said by his master, he thought that it was a joke and jokingly patted the people on his right and left, one of them was his friend and the other the old man who was quietly witnessing this incident. They both instantaneously dropped to the ground and stopped breathing.

The boy trembled in fear and disbelieve. His master said to him, “Learn to control your touches and it might help you in inflicting lesser deaths in the future.” With a serious tone, the boy however wasn’t listening to his master and started to weep. “It doesn’t work that way the only way. Crying doesn’t help; the only way to avoid more deaths is to have a stable mind and the ability to control your emotions.”

On another account, the rest of the pupils who wasn’t apprehended managed to save their people from the hands of the pirates and frauds. They seemed to have restored justice and fair trades between both parties. However there was always some difficult lot that didn’t abide no matter what. It was the pirates that were the most difficult to deal with. It only resolved to fighting’s and since the pirates were very violent people death was inevitable. A few pirates were killed and they vowed to come for revenge. The soldiers of the island knew that they will certainly come back. It was just a matter of time. They waited for the pirates and as expected a few days later they saw quite a number of huge ships on the shore. The ship was filled with angry pirates, the fighters on the island weren’t afraid of them of course. They were unbeatable. They were trained on how to handle more than several men at a time.

Their coolness however was taken a way in a blink of an eye and they stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. The pirates weren’t carrying swords or daggers as they normally did. This time they brought cannons and guns with them. Back in their minds they thought that they were doomed to die on that day.

Because of their self assurance no one had planned on any strategies, backups or put on any traps. The pirates were nearing them and once they got close enough, one of the pirates shouted, “We are going to take over this island, say hello to your new home.” He shouted followed by an evil laugh. Some of the pirate’s yelled, “Helloo!!” at the top of their lungs and they laughed as if that was the funniest thing they’ve heard in their lives.

He then continued, “Kill them all! Don’t leave anyone alive!” and with that they raced forward and the island was filled with people shrieking, shouting and running for their lives. Noises from the gunshots and the cannons were piercing. The fighters couldn’t beat the pirates with their guns. They couldn’t get close enough. It was miraculous how easily the pirates killed the fighters and the common people.

Few of the fighters that managed to escape from the raining bullets ran into the depths of the island for protection and to call on to their other brothers for help. They ran as fast as they could running pass the thick trees and the high slopes of the island. Once they reached deeper they moved faster for the grounds were no longer steep. They reached the training grounds gasping for breath. They didn’t have to tell anything to their brothers. Their expressions were good enough to say that something was wrong.

Everyone in the training grounds except for the ex-warrior rushed down. They ran down in anger. They didn’t need weapons of any kind. When they were nearing the town of the island they could hear the chaotic sounds of people running aimlessly for their lives. The gunshots and the other explosives brought by the pirates that ruined and polluted the beautiful island.

Almost everything was in ruins; pirates were running around looking for loots and treasures that they can find. It was real madness in the grounds. The warriors were too late to save their home and people. However they reached down and expectantly they didn’t face any sort of trouble. Even a single fighter would’ve managed to kill them all. And so, every single pirate was killed almost in a few minutes time and their ships were demolished instantaneously.

They were only a few other citizens left alive. The rest was only damage and burned out houses and the smell of defeat. They’ve never witnessed something like that before; their uproar even killed some of their own. They were in agony. Suddenly a voice was heard, “get used to this; I hope you understand the powers that each one of you possess. Be more careful in the future.” He warned them and with that he walked to the ocean and disappeared.

A few days passed the island didn’t seem to have improved from the destruction and neither did the fighters spirit. The fighters finished burying the bodies of their friends, families and the pirates as well. They grouped together to discuss about the future. Some of them still had their families others didn’t. Out of the 10 warriors only 5 decided to stay the other 5 set out to start over in a new place. They bid their farewells and went in their own direction.

Years passed and out of the 10 only 2 or 3 other warriors remained alive or so. One of them that were alive was the man with the accursed hands. The warrior heard about tales from people whom he met while he passed through villages. One of them was about the warrior of the sea, a villager said that apparently he died years ago died because of starvation when he was too deep in the sea and by the time he could emerge from it, he died. The man with the cursed hands laughed at that tale and didn’t believe a word of it. His friend was a smart one and wouldn’t have died a silly death such as mentioned.

Another stranger said that a couple of them fought among themselves and ended up killing each other. And the island that he used to call home was apart of the sea now, it was enveloped wholly by the sea. He didn’t know whether to believe or not of the story.

During his early days away from the island, he reached a village different from his. For the first time, he was excited and he once again felt normal. And soon enough, he found a place to live in and because of his good nature and the friendly villagers he blended in well.

No one knew the story behind him or about his powers. The first thing he worried about was that he might hurt innocent people. Luckily enough he found someone wise that enabled him to control his accursed hands as long as he remained focus. The wise man also taught him methods of meditation that he had to put into practice everyday.

In the village were many young beautiful ladies that showed their interest in him. He on the other hand, didn’t pay any attention to them. Nevertheless, he couldn’t escape his nature and after a period of time there was one that caught his eye and he immediately fell in love with this astonishing maiden. She was someone who at first didn’t show any interest in him and wasn’t as pretty as the others girls in the village but to him she was the one. She was an angel to him.

Soon enough they were spending a lot of time with each other and everything went on smoothly without the slightest hint of hindrance. She was flattered by his determination and enjoyed the attention she was getting. Things advanced well enough for the both of them and the fighter was blind in love.

All of that ended on the day he found out that his maiden was not a maiden but just a human being. He caught her with a most appalling creature that talking bad about it even for days wouldn’t be enough to describe the contempt he felt. He still loved and adored her but he couldn’t accept the reality of her actions. His pride was hurt and so he walked away. knowing that his touches will no longer remain tender and that his judgment was wrong.

He was frustrated, disappointed with the world. For the first time he felt weak and powerless. After that he didn’t remain in one place longer than a few days and his accursed hands were even more difficult to control. His meditating weren’t doing its job to keep his mind focus and in peace. He kept on killing, intentionally and unintentionally. People died so easily to him, they were as fragile as the frailest things. He realized that his mind wasn’t stable and that if this continues he’d only be killing more and more people around him.

This weak man now made up his mind and decided that he should live the rest of his life finding his old friends and most importantly his master. There wasn’t much that interests him anymore. If he could only once again meet his master he would ask his master to take back what he once gave him. And if his master couldn’t do that, he would be happy living amongst them for the rest of his life.

Finally, he journeyed into the deepest of the forest. Going deeper and deeper into the jungle for he thought that if the others were still alive. Each one of them must be in the woods living in isolation just like him, lost their hope in wanting to lead a normal life. Perhaps they too are on the look for their old companions. With that slight hope he invested the rest of his future traveling through jungles and living in it.

Mengisi Masa Lapang

Boredom is the root of all evil? whoever said that? well, not in this case, boredom led me into writing a new entry. So at times it could lead to productiveness I guess. I thought to myself that since I am not in the mood for reading, lazy would be a better word to describe how I am feeling now perhaps de-motivated would be appropriate too. So rambling might be an alternative to occupy the confused, no purpose of direction self a reason for self expression which is considered healthy but if you think about it not so manly.

The weather is gloomy as such that it makes the lazy think that they’re not in the mood. I think of my friends and of what they might be doing now, busy I guess, but nothing that has not been done before. Pointless maybe but self deception is not a deception to the self? I need a vacation, but there’s many type of vacations, one just needs a strong enough mind to go on vacation. That doesn’t work; at least for me though saying it makes me feel better.

I think about what to do now, the next minute, the next hour…but then what’s the use of thinking or planning ahead when you don’t have the power of choice? The only choice that a man has is to choose to live or to commit suicide, I don’t remember who said that but I remember reading it, that too I don’t believe fully. It’s all luck it always is, I say to myself.

Why do I feel insecure and paranoid? Because I am human, I say to myself. It feels weird asking a question and knowing the answer to it but still not getting the satisfaction that I wanted. The uneasiness that I feel has been with me for a long-long time, to the extent that I think its a part of me. Something I have to live with.

My previous entries were long, what was I thinking? I must’ve been really bored but none the less, I have something that’s mine, my thoughts…come to think about it, are my thoughts really mine? Jumping back to the uneasiness and as to why I feel it, it’s a state of mind originated by the problems, dissatisfaction and the uncertainty of the future; I put these thoughts in my head, I am thinking.

I don’t look up to most adults because I have this notion that all they’ve been doing was going with the flow. Life that is similar to a pinball in a pinball machine but who am I to say? Many a times before when I ask people questions like, what is your life? And its purpose and troubling weird questions such as that to at least get a slight hint, I only end up knowing what I’ve already know. What have you been doing with your life all this while? Got carried away with the rat race and now too weary to think about the self? Or is it the misconception and self denial? Luck could be a factor perhaps?

A man I asked said that, “its just beliefs, nothing more” I somewhat respect this middle aged man for having his own sets of beliefs no matter how untrue or disagreeable it is. He also said, “A man needs something he believes in without that he’d go insane therefore there’s no telling if his beliefs are true but it helps him in staying sane.” I was thankful that he was being honest and was amazed at myself for asking these types of questions to people I barely knew, most elderly people tend to answer them but they answer it according to what and how they see it, how am I supposed to grasp the meaning of life the way they see it? For it’s only applicable to them.

Why do the poor always appear happier and more content compared to the wealthy? I would like to say ignorance is bliss but I would like to go with honest dwelling and a less complicated/ hectic life style. I think positively too at times.

In the midst of my self pitying, when I started looking around at the people around me. I feel that things aren’t as bad as I think they are. I am as always taking things too seriously and being self centered, one might say.

However, how do people look happy and appear so cheerful in this corrupted, material inclined world? Theres good in everything, it's just a matter of how you look at things. There I answered my question again.

Unimportant Thoughts, Ideas

He was sitting on a huge rock in what appeared to be a tropical desert. He sat there like how hermits sit when they meditate. I don’t think it would be necessary for me to describe the way he looks like. He looked like a hermit who was meditating and laid beside him was a bundle of what appeared to be clothing and a walking stick resting beside him.

His mouth was uttering something and his gaze was pointed downwards, as if he was talking to someone sitting beneath the huge rock, “Alright then”, he said. His voice sounded ripe with age but it still had the firmness and clarity in it. “Before I start I would like to tell you in advance that my intentions in telling you this are purely to open up to you and to share my views but most importantly because I haven’t spoken to anyone for a very long period. However you wish to take it is completely up to you. And this is all you’re going to get from me after this you may continue your journey and you leave tomorrow at dawn and so will I if you don’t.” He said in a calm manner but in a way that makes you understand that he meant each word.

He looked up at the skies for a few moments his face looked weak and weary in the evening sun. He dropped his gaze again and continued with a more serious pitch in his voice, “I’ve been noticing this phenomenon for a long time and even though it didn’t really affect me but for some reasons I started thinking deeply about it, it could be the boredom of being alone, I suppose.” He laughed a little though his expressions didn’t change. He looked down and noticed no one was laughing with him and with a slight motion of his head and a wave with his hand across his face, he added, “Which may also be the explanation for my isolation.” He paused and stared blindly ahead as if thinking of something really deep but his expression remained the same.

“The people you live with in what I may consider the modern world today are too busy chasing dreams, dreams that when I dream in my sleep I only realize that it was a dream after I wake up, what if I wake up again? And for you to live with them makes you share the same mode of thinking. Simply because what the majority does and acts as, is considered the truth and wisdom, for most.

And of course there are the separation of classes, the categorist, and the status to behold; that mirrors the success or happiness of an individual.

Before I drift away drowning my self in what would appear as sheer bitterness. The time for me to convey what my point exactly has come and it is; if there were no double standards and classes and if people give away what they didn’t need there won’t be poverty of any sorts. There is no harm in dreaming for a happier surrounding and happier people instead of dreaming for only the self.

Surely one would take my views as hypocritical and naïve similar to a child’s dream, but just consider it as an idea.”

““The principal of limitation, the more you limit yourself, the more inventive you become. A prisoner in solitary confinement for life is very inventive; a spider can be a great amusement to him.

We recall our schooldays, we were at an age where no aesthetic reference was considered in the choice of those who were to teach us, for that reason they were often boring; how inventive we were before then! How much could it amuse us to have caught a fly and hold it captive under a nutshell and watch the fly run around with it! How much fun we got from cutting a hole in the desk, putting a fly in it, and peeking down at it through a piece of paper! How entertaining it can be to listen to monotonous drip of water from the roof! How profound an observer one becomes, the slightest noise and movement does not escape us! Here we have the outer reach of principle which seeks to reach intensively not extensively.

The more creative people can be in changing the methods of cultivation, the better. But every simple change will lie in the general rule of remembering and forgetting. All life moves within the two streams, and so it is important to have them under the control of this rule. Not until one has thrown hope overboard does one begin to live artistically as one as one hopes he cannot limit himself.””

And after saying that he sat there motionless signaling that he was done with his speech. He stood up with the help of his stick and his other hand holding his possession. Got down the rock without much trouble and Walked past his invincible pupil and dispersed away.