Check The Meaning

I am once again sitting in this tiny room. I don’t normally do that, unless there’s something really important or interesting I wanted to write about, without any disruption or interruption. The room was in the basement and the only sources of light came from a small table lamp that was placed on the edge of the table where I sat at and from the dim ceiling bulb which hanged from it through a thick wire. The surroundings were dull except for the small area around the table. I pressed the button on the table fan on the table as it was getting warm.

I can’t believe I met her again, after all these years. It was unreal. The past memories came back as if it just happened yesterday. I felt that I should write about our past’s memories, experience before I completely forget about it. My memories weren’t as vivid as it used to be. They were somewhat shading away. I opened the top drawer on the right hand side of the table. I took out an old dust covered book and wiped it with my palm, cleaning the book from the dust that enveloped it. Thick layer of dusts could be visibly seen as I rubbed the book. It was an old book that I had originally used for drawing when I was much younger. And when I got a little older I started writing in it and I am still using the same book to write about the things I want to. I wiped the dust on my palm on to my jeans.

Now, where do I start? The pages on the book flipped due to the breeze coming from the fan on the table. Her name was Melissa and she was physically normal, she wasn’t particularly good looking neither was she ugly. However, she was blessed with a good heart, as I would like to believe so. She was still in her teens and had just finished her high school examination days and due to her good results from her final examination her parents were suggesting her to go study abroad. They told her that they’ve heard that the quality of education and its certificates are highly recognizable and it would greatly be to her benefits in the future. Plus they could boast about their daughter studying abroad and be on par with their other relatives, hence giving others the impression that a bright future has already been established (of course they didn’t say this out loud, it was more like an indirect message).

Melissa, being the nice, decent girl decided that it was her obligation to do as what her parents wished for, since they seemed to be quite excited. So the application was granted and it was no longer a dream that she was going to spend the next few years in a foreign country. Her parents were thrilled by the news they received and Melissa was happy for them. She however wasn’t really as enthusiastic as her parents were, after all she was about to leave the only place she had knew and had to start over and be totally independent, in some foreign land.

On the other hand, she was quite thrilled that she had the chance to leave this place, people and go out and spread her wings. Somewhat growing up here and mixing with the people was rather boring. She was actually glad to experience something new. She was bored and tired of the people around her judging her from her every actions and movement and sometimes by her parents pressuring her to rise to their expectations.

A few weeks passed by and everything went accordingly and she was now looking at a completely fresh place with almost everything different than before. The weather was strangely different from what she was used to and somewhat too cold. She used to think that she liked cold weathers, but was already having second thoughts about that. She missed her parents a bit, but not too much. She knew that this wasn’t the time for that. With that she started to walk forward more briskly and confidently.

She was now, full of anticipation. She went to the places where she was suppose to attend and register and filled in forms and sorts. It wasn’t much of a hassle seeing that they were able to communicate smoothly and the people seemed friendly enough. After having that done, she went to a cheap hotel to stay the night. After washing up and resting a bit. She started walking around, looking at the new place and at the same time looking for a proper accommodation. It wasn’t difficult to get a rented room and a couple of days later, there she was moving into her new home, which looked formidable yet cheap and would look better after some cleaning up and a little decoration.

She settled down and class began. She met new people and even managed to find a roommate in the process. Things were getting along fine with Melissa. She was much happier than she thought she would be, before she came. She liked the new environment and the differences of people and places.

Everything seemed at the moment going smoothly until one day her parents called and explained to her that they found out that something went wrong with her loan application and that she wouldn’t receive any immediate financial help for the time being. Her parents promised to send over some money as soon as possible. She placed the phone receiver back at its place and was scared. She was about to panic, he roommate was able to see that something was obviously wrong with Melissa. She decided to talk to her. Emma was her name, the roommate. She listened to what Melissa said and exclaimed that most of them don’t apply for loans instead they work to finance their own education. It is normal to work to pay for your college fee, she added.

Melissa, now convinced by what Emma said decided not to dread about it and get a job to finance her studies and the fact that she didn’t have any choices motivated her a lot. It wasn’t really a big deal since almost all the youngsters there funded their own studies by working part time, she thought. If they could do it, so can she. And it would be more meaningful to pay one’s own tuition fee by working for it. Finding a job was easy as some of the places badly needed workers. The next day she called home and explained that she wouldn’t need the loan or their help and that she would manage just fine.

She now, didn’t really have time for other things. She had to study in the day; work in the afternoon and at night finish up her assignments and her daily chores. Emma too had a job and was as busy as Melissa was. They enjoyed each other company immensely and helped each other a lot. Melissa even started to enjoy her job. She worked in a fast food chain restaurant which sells fried chicken. And had chicken for dinner on a regular basis, most of the time with her roommate and friend Emma.

And whenever Melissa needed any help with her assignments or anything at all Emma was there for her. Emma often gave advices to Melissa one that she clearly remembered although it sounded quite weird, ‘to distrust her human emotions because, in the end, feelings always make you unhappy’. She didn’t quite get it at first but upon playing it in her head for several times found that it was a useful advice.

Melissa and Emma had many things in common; one example was that they despised the way people looked at things, stereotypes, and judgmental pricks. The way people look at their outer appearance and judge others before learning or getting to know them. But what they hated most was they too were the same, it isn’t easy not to be judgmental and treat everyone with equal respect. At the end they concluded that it was something that can’t be helped by regular people.

At times Melissa would get really stress out from college and at work. She was most of the time too busy to be thinking about things. But when she occasionally had time for herself and didn’t do anything with it she’d feel lonely and insignificant.

Recently she found a new friend. He was the guard man at her college. His name was Ethan and he was reaching 70 years old of age. He was a pleasant old man. She became fond of him and every time she had the time and opportunity to have a little chat with him, she’d be happy to talk to him. They would mostly just talk about college stuffs and occasionally sports, since the old man Ethan was fond of it. She pitied him, seeing that he was old and still had to work and worst of all he had to deal with people younger and be treated with insufficient respect. She had thought about it, how bad it is to work at that age and sometimes seeing the looks on people’s faces staring at Ethan was dreary. She wanted to help him in anyway possible but seeing that she couldn’t really do anything to get him out of the situation and having her own self to take care of and problems to deal with. She couldn’t really do anything about it.

She also made friends with a cleaner at the place she works at. Both of them the guard and the cleaner didn’t show any sort of disappointment/ sadness or dissatisfactory and that somewhat bothered her. One of the cleaners who worked there who were on talking terms with Melissa went by the name Joe. Melissa got to know that Joe was a father of two and had to work everyday and at several other places to support his family. She would see him everyday when he comes to clean the toilets and the premise. He was a hardworking fellow and he seemed to have accepted his life and its way of life. She respected him for that. Since his work wasn’t all that respected but, he was still making an honest living.

Melissa however became curios about why some people had to live their lives through sufferings and hard work. And on the other side of world, there were people who got it all easy and what makes it worse is that when they pretend as if they really worked hard for what they have achieved, when it was all given to them, the path, the opportunities all lay in front of them. All they ever had to do was to just take it, just like her (Melissa).

Emma would then disagree with her and point out her opinion. One day when she thought that Melissa was thinking too much and overanalyzing things, Emma decided to put an end to it. Think about it this way, she said, ‘you can’t be sure of things that you see and you can’t do anything to change the world from working the way it does. There have to be people who are suffering and striving. That makes the world in proportion, can you imagine a world where everyone is happy and successful.’ she questioned, and before Melissa could answer she said, that would be paradise, my dear.

Emma also added that the only thing that proves my existence is that, I think, therefore I exist. But I can’t be sure of the other things that occur around me. And to be complaining and being dissatisfied about things is like, “falling into the spear”. ‘It is also said that complaining destroys patience and that complaining is like a direct request for sympathy. So you might not want to complain too often’.

Melissa said, ‘but, talking about it and how to solve it does not count as complaining, right?’ Emma replied, ‘I don’t know, it depends on how you look at it. Almost everything depends on the individual themselves and the things they believe in.’

And so whenever Melissa had something on her mind or something she disagreed on, Emma would clear her thoughts and calm her down.

Melissa continued her life in routine and continued her life diligently and with determination. After a few years she graduated and obtained the high quality certificate her parents dreamt of and went back to her home land.


to be continued.