Good

I have always been the inquisitive type; the one who bugs others with what you would consider rude/useless probing’s. I don’t know why but I’ve always been curious and always been filled with questions, one who contemplates over every little thing and at times even come across as being annoying and provocative. Though in reality, all I intent is to get answers to questions I don’t know and I ask people with the intention to learn from them.

I befriend older guys thinking that they would be wiser and that they would understand the weight the word, ‘life’ carries. Usually, failing to withhold my inquisitiveness, I randomly ask these experienced people on the reason behind their existence and their definition of life. I’ve noticed that these ‘experienced’ people, well most of them basically had the same understanding of life that their parents had, which was primarily focused on materialism. I am not against materialism instead I am materialistic myself to a certain extent. However, I do think that a human being should also focus on increasing his intelligence and rise in spirituality. I guess what I am trying to say is, a soul ought to be balanced with a good and healthy physical, mental and spiritual state.  

Maybe it is simpler than I think it is, like all men in history, each day was about being able to survive hence seeing that many have survived and living a pretty good life, all would seem satisfactory and as far as spirituality matters, it might appear sufficient at the level they are at. That or like me they too are incapable of advancing further which to me is akin to a curse.

Having said that, in this, I have discovered a huge flaw of mine... This weakness has till this day invoke sadness. The greatest impotence of mine is my limitations, the inability to comprehend certain stuff, to contemplate and envisage certain things. What I am trying to say is a long time back I noticed that my intelligence and comprehension being insufficient. This as a consequent has dulled and shadowed my curiosity. A good example would be, for example; a child asking an engineer on the mechanism an intricate engine and its functionality. Even when knowledge is laid out to him a child would not be able to understand the mechanism.

This is what I think but it isn’t how I feel. Why can’t I be able to answer the most basic questions. Surely we know—however knowing and understanding are two different things. It is very evident that each day I age; it is also evident that when I stop gaining a better way of thinking and understanding, life seems more and more enclosed.  

If there’s one thing I expected from my adult self as a child was to be a person of wisdom. Like I said previously I envisioned old men possessing wisdom and wise people who are no longer shallow however it wasn’t in their possession…that, or I failed to see it in them. My worse fear is to end up like them. These days, being clouded with just empty entertainment I lost interest in reading or writing. If there’s one thing I could be proud of it would be that I am friends with knowledgeable people, just that. I am like a person who sees the night on a sunny day, surrounded only by darkness.

In my so called expedition in deciphering this life of mine to gain a better understanding and failing at many junctures, I had to limit myself to this. We die.

It is our practice to cleanse or shower a dead person. I have in my life time performed it several times. I have dug graves, stood in them and placed bodies in their respective graves. They say we never think of death because the soul is imperishable; yet we forget that the vessel we are in ages and rots. Many a times I buried bodies of my friends and relatives. Many after a day or so I’ve forgot to turn my thoughts on them. They are no longer inhabitants of the world.

I wish that when I die, I die as a good person and die in doing good. That is as much of wisdom I’ve attained. Clearly in living the present life I am consumed with gloominess and as I, under the pretense of having dejected the world, the world in turn has dejected me. This is my hope, disastrous is he who dies in evil or in pettiness. Here is to hoping that we keep death in mind and that we die in doing good, being good and in goodness.

I wish to be wiser each day, I realized that humility and sincerity is the way, though the self is inadequate, there is still hope; we pray.