Vent a Little

I hope and try to be as hopeful and I dream and fantasize, and I try and try, though as if cursed and worse still at this age I am still stuck at instability, insecurity and being unsuccessful.

Fuck!

Let me vent. There is no one to talk to hence at least let me write for the sake of expressing myself.

I hate myself for not being smart enough, for not having better qualifications, for not having a stable life, for having anxiety and being fucking depressed all the time.

It sucks to have to constantly worry about money, safety, food and family.

If anything, I have been constantly sad and insecure all my life. What is this shit?

People stay away from me for being negative and sad all the time…though I hate more than anything to be stuck in sadness.

Let me vent, it’s not like I have or want to talk to someone about this. Let me vent it’s not like I am going to ask you to read this.

Until when?

I keep thinking wouldn’t it be better to never have existed…apparently the gift of life is such a blessing that I have to constantly count my blessings…

Well, let me vent…I’ll be better soon. At least a little.

We suffer all our lives and die only to be scrutinized on what deeds we did?

If this is not hell or a slice of hell…

I know but let me went. I’ll feel better soon.

Though as of for now…

The familiar pain is just searing through my insides.