Realizatio...

I hate coming to work every day. The people are dimwits, and everything is so biased and operational via favouritism. Some work like slaves, some do nothing and are not even bothered to act busy.

Let me complain yea, I just got shouted by some Australian guy on the phone for something I never did. He was generalizing and shouting out things like how we are not doing our job. Of course, nothing will happen to him.

I am not sure what is meant to be but this life…I keep asking myself, was it my fault that all my life I am living a life of a weak and transgressed human?

Well, I just applied for some days off. That should be good.

Not sure what’s going on with my life.

I get the idea is life is a test, though having lived a life devoid of any satisfaction or achievements. I don’t know. Everyday…

The world, the society, the disparities, the laws and rules that are only applicable to the poor.

I lived for so many years..

Yet when I think of my parents, they have lived for so many years and they’re not respected and they’re still working hard every day. Getting up early and going about their jobs.

What…

I suppose they keep moving for they're parents.

I guess that should make me feel grateful and appreciative of life.

I ought to. I am after all, a weak human.

Choices? 

Well...may be minimal.

Circumstances…

I speak to myself and that's all

I am merely reflecing on my thoughts

I can't talk to anyone on such things...

so cut yourself some slack..

Dream!

I am afraid of time moving a little too fast. The fear of getting older with so little achievements and good deeds…it makes me feel bitter and my existence salty, very salty. A part of me is telling me to be grateful for being fit and looking youthful.  What the actual…?

I keep fantasizing of having a land close to my house. And in this land, I would build a river of sort with a tall waterfall. Obviously, the land is quite widely spread, well one can dream, no?

Also, I will build a spacious gym which is eco-friendly/energy efficient with great air flow and plenty of trees. I would call my Muay-Thai guys and ask them to relocate there. I would do the same with my Silat guys. We could probably earn some profit from there, to keep things going.

I will also build a surau and have a small madrasah. You know to maintain balance and to have peace of mind. Have daily classes for the community, would be beneficial too.

The place would be akin to a clean forest, filled with huge trees cleansing the atmosphere. There should also be stones that are mountainous, basically I’d like to emulate nature. I would grow vegetables as many of them and as tidy as can be. They too will be given to the community or the needy.

Of course, I’d also build a place for us to live in. It wouldn't be as grand but it I would have it built sturdy, cause I am paranoid.

Speaking of fears, one of main fear is not having water. Apart from having an artificial waterfall/river or a pond. I would dig a well, have a pump that generates water from the ground, have multiple water tanks and install a wastewater system so the wastewater can be used to water the plants etc. I worked in a biological wastewater system company before, it seems possible with enough money that is.

Seeing that this is a fantasy, finance shouldn't be a problem.

While I am at it, I might as well attain some super-powers akin to superman. Though, if I did, I won’t be a hero. I would probably hunt down and kill the 1%.

On another note, 

I am imagining living in harmony and staying fit while working out and working in the farm.

I will also have a large chicken coop, maybe raise some goats and cows. Perhaps by doing so. One could be self-sufficient and stop being dependent on this vile society.

That is a dream worth having.

Though having super powers akin to Superman…I shouldn’t be worried about water shortage for me of my family?

This fantasy is getting out of hand.

I should stop now, I can continue later.