Immortality

Many of us claim we have a book we abide to. Though few know about the book we 'hold on' to.

 
Many of us proclaim a faith we belong to--yet our lifestyles are no different than the faithless.

We are aware that death lurks nearby but the thought of dying never pass us by. 

Alas! not until it's too late, 

we live hoping we never age and never die.

Yet we dread looking at the mirror, fearing the skin we shed.

Bett

 

Why do I live in fear? Some would say it is because I chose this path…I agree that this is a choice but it’s funny how some choices are so limited that it’s like choosing either death or being on the brink of death.

I envy those who were born on pedestals and then as they grow up act as if their success were solely due to their effort.

It is not attractive to keep whining and complaining but let me be… I chose to write so that all my thoughts are thrown out and perhaps by doing so, I feel better.

Pure

Recently I went to a beautiful place; the architectural aspects of the building were unique and it felt comfortable inside, it was surrounded by thick lavish mountains… the air was pure due to the mountains and the many trees of green standing tall against the wind.

The inhabitants of the place wore pure white robes with matching white fez’s, the scholars were busy teaching and the students studying, yet while all were clean and pure. They were human beings hence they must’ve sinned? 

While all might appear clean and pure, being human beings the hearts remain a mysterious thing, deserving of distrust. 

As for the sceptic, he refuses to embrace what lies in front of him but he ends up doubting people’s intent—since he is impure, he thinks others too can’t be as clean? He wrote all this in the library provided for him after eating the food served to him.

2021

 

Each day I wake up feeling tired and forsaken; though at the back of my mind, I feel like I live for the sake of those who was once forsook by their own brethren, I feel like it is now my responsibility to make their lives better…even if it means mine  getting worse.

What is it anyway in the life of the selfish? He only thinks of himself and no other.

As soon as my eyes are opened, I wish it was closed and perhaps lost in another dimension. I don’t want to sound ungrateful but all I see in myself is inadequacy. I feel like I could’ve became a better human being if I wasn’t cursed with such wretched circumstances…limiting my abilities, here I am born and bred poor, cursed by my own kin and looked at as a lesser human, maybe not even human. Never able to blend or assimilate into the ever-judging shallowness that is society.

What a memorable childhood! Till this day it haunts me, as I was moulded by pain and suffering—all that lingers in me is fear and fear of failing. If a vase was moulded by clay, I was moulded by different kind of pain and abuse. As such I walk the earth continuously flailing. Though, I should still be proud for being able to keep walking.

I am now an adult, a human being—I wish for many things and at times societal interaction, yet I know to stay away from humans as they are always selfish and sooner or later an obvious nuisance.

I for a long time knew why I disliked or hated people, the answer was simple, I hated myself. I try to be optimistic each day that the world is just a passing, and everything too shall pass such is the nature of the world.

Though all that I am living is the live of a slave, a slave that kills himself each day to earn a living.

As my hair greys and I continue to catch my breath for every single moment feels like I am about to drown and for all eternity just struggle to gasp for some air and flail my hands violently while doing so…yet neither fully drowning or ever find a way to keep swimming.

My health deteriorating, my face wrinkling, the people I love ageing and above all—I live with the continuous fear of living…and what other pain and suffering it could yet still bring.