The Return

 Well-well here I am again. It's been a while...

That’s something I say quite often now.

 I am just as depressed, no, I am not on pills…

I guess I am not as depressed.

 

Though, when I self-reflect,

I mainly want some self-respect,

Heh, but I am unaccomplished,

If people were to know how little I have accomplished,

Let’s just say, it would change the way they look at me.

That scares me…

I remember those judging eyes,

Where people look at you like Najis,

It’s been so long but I can still see those eyes,

A little too vividly,

It scares me,

At home,

At school,

At college,

At work,

Yet here I am,

Acting all easy going for their eyes to see

Hiding my weakness

Deluding the self and others

But better than those eyes…

 

Though this and that, I am still surviving,

After all that, crying, weeping and being a sad sack,

I kept moving,

I have to…

 

Every time I look around me since I was a kid,

Everyone was above me,

All I wanted was to be respected,

To have some self-respect,

All I was a subject to be bullied,

A target.

 

So, I was a survivor,

I guess I am a survivor

And so, I stood up and spoke with my fists

Oftentimes spoke a little too big

Oftentimes I was able to deceive

Some really thought I was this tough guy

I knew who I was,

A nobody with low self-esteem.

 

Here I am, an adult,

As a kid I dreamed big,

That was all I had,

These days, I still dream,

Cause it was always impossible

No matter how long, how hard, how much I yearned,

It never came through,

Still at the bottom,

I suppose

I cant be arrogant,

For I am mediocre,

Yet I still dream, 

Some dreams though not as picturesque,

It takes me away from this...

That is enough,

I am afraid that I might sound ungrateful.