Alright then, I suppose I should get back to work albeit feeling a little under the weather and somewhat trying to use that as a reason as to permit slacking off and laziness. Mondayy, you come to soon! haha. Anyhoo, good day.
Surely some might be thinking, how come I don't post up videos anymore? Well I am sure no one was having that thought but guess who had? haha. Anyways, this time around my purpose is more personal and as a reminder to myself and everybody else. Although people might associate me to a log or you know someone who has no feelings, I am...a spoiled brat, so you know it explains.
Thedream
Run!
Yet he stood there confounded,
Searching in spite confounding,
Lost but beseeching,
Looking for what’s missing,
The flowers,
They lied to him,
The birds,
They flew from him,
The dogs,
They kept barking,
The snakes,
They manipulated him,
The peacock
Enchant and played him,
The world,
Suffocating him,
The people,
Stole his esteem.
The people,
The people,
The people..
Who is this ‘him’?
If not a poor being,
A slave!
Yet, too self-fulfilling,
This self-absorbed being,
He makes everything about him,
The slave who made himself king,
The universe revolves around him,
Forever chasing,
Forever earning,
Forever a miserable being.
Yet he stood there,
Instead of running,
He began prostrating,
There is no more ‘him’,
He is only focused on pleasing the sole Being,
Now he hath turned into a king,
A king over his own being,
One that prostrates,
One who is constant in obeying.
Solitary
Rainy nights,
Cold hearts,
The stomach grieves,
Eyes, they glow in red,
Bludgeoned by 'dignitaries'.
Sunlight shines,
Encompassing memories,
Heinous past comes beckoning,
Engulfing dreams,
Helpless, he foolishly awaits serene.
He seeks for empathy
Inside him lurk useless beings,
Of dreams they akin,
The world a mockery,
People and indignity.
Little by little,
Dreams transpire,
Little by little,
He transfigures,
Whatever he says, it transpires.
The beautiful people,
The ugly people,
We point fingers,
Resulting into tears,
Innately bound to look at features.
Time speeds,
The world spins,
The days past,
The years come,
Though intelligence steers.
Anger by default,
Solution he thought,
Problems left unresolved,
Anger breaks apart,
Anger is no resolve,
But you and I think it solves.
Notices and points
I have not been updating as often. However I won’t say that I should strive harder in wanting to update my blog, I’ll write when I feel like it. I have noticed that most of the time I write is when I feel the need to express myself. I am also under the complete understanding that my expressions are often an outburst that no one would like to listen to and that too is natural. Hence I write about it instead of talking about it and when I write about it, I write smoothly probably in the belief that I am not even trying. Having said that, expressing one’s thoughts do help, a lot at times. Obviously it works, I’ve been doing this for years now. I think I should be amazed on how I managed to be truthful to the topics I write about and never deter and succumb into writing anything positive…that was a joke by the way. In my negativity and bitterness, there’s always positivity and a glimmer of shining hope. Yes, I also contradict myself.
Often I see my lovely/cool blog as a monologue. At times I admit, I do read my own work and go, ‘hmm, what was this guy thinking?’ I also tend to go, ‘This is too good! I am so good that the only person intelligent or the only person who can muster my writings is my own self.’ How sad is that?!
Moving on, I am also pissed on how every year, time seems to move even faster. It’s already March? Are you kidding me?! Sometimes I hate being too occupied. Before you know it, you’re already waking up and hope that your day doesn’t suck. You wake up again the next day hoping to be more productive and yea that your day won’t suck. Even that you fail to remember and go, ‘but uh uhh, what was I doing?’
These days, though I love wasting my time watching movies or you know anything that falls under the ‘entertainment banner’…well the sad part is I still do it, the only difference is I do it with the notion that I am wasting my time watching this when I can or should be doing better/more progressive stuff. So this time around I knowingly waste my time, which I must say is worse. You are familiar on how the self is weak and lacks discipline? Having said that, I actually had a point I wanted to convey at the beginning of the paragraph, I guess I was making you work for it. I wanted to say, we need entertainment or you know something that we believe posses the ability to sooth or relax our mind no matter how ridiculous and pointless that activity might be. No surprises there, most people are ridiculous and clueless—it’s only natural for the things that provides them with ‘ease of mind’ to be equally as delusional and pointless. Sorry I didn’t mean to criticize; maybe I did.
That wasn’t entirely the point I was trying to make either. On the other hand, Seeing that the paragraph was getting a little too long, I’ll try to get my point conveyed in this paragraph; see how I make you work? Wait no more, I wanted to say, please-please start doing more important stuff, well you know gradually at least. You might not understand this but as you age, you will start to realize on the things that matter and how you should embrace some and discard some. I don’t mean to nag, but once you managed to see the importance..I don’t know you will eventually understand…or not.
Sorry about the last paragraph, I don’t think I made much of a point. Do not worry! I am full of points. In reference to the ‘heartbreak’ I hope you’re going through, well, that is life, often you are left disappointed in the things you hope for. Anyways constantly do good stuff like you know loving mother nature, ethical stuff and mainly develop the love of knowledge. Damn, I do sound boring and old. ‘Well you shouldn’t be too self absorbed’, I say to myself.
One of my major accomplishments in recent days is (notice how it started with, ‘one of my’ and ended with is? Just to make myself sound cooler.), I have acquired a so called teacher; you know more like someone to refer to. Of course, he is nothing like me; I would’ve hated him if he was anything like me. In the wish of wanting to learn and gain wisdom, I knew I needed a guide and someone wise I can learn from. I see it more of a blessing, one that I am grateful for and I hope not to lose. I love talking to people with knowledge and spending time with them. I picture myself as a leech trying to suck their knowledge and wisdom from them. Not to worry, it doesn’t work that way and it’s not as easy as it sounds.
Oh I am actually at work and I also, again noticed. I tend to notice too many things huh? Back to the subject, there is no internet connection here at the moment. I am not able to do my job without any internet connection. Hence I decided to write. I again became aware of how easy it is to you know…write. I say it not in a self loving/narcissistic way. This is like talking to people; only it feels like talking to myself. I have a point to make though, to all those glorified bloggers out there, meh.
I recently met a not very intelligent person who thought that she was the most or the second most smartest person around. But, she wasn’t, not even close. A sad-sad case, There was but one thing playing on repeat in my mind though, what if I was her?! Not a girl, I mean you know… I am thinking the point of this paragraph is to not take heed of dumb people because you just might be one of them or in other words, you can never be all that smart/intelligent/wise. Besides a wise person is often nice, maybe that’s why it rhymes.
I am moving to a new place soon, soon like I was supposed to move in last month. We are busy repairing stuff and painting the house and all. I’ve lived at my current home for ermm I would exaggerate and say 20 years. I don’t know, wait till I am apart from it and we’ll see if I feel anything. “Don’t forget you are mere human”, I say to myself. But that too is beside the point. I initially just wanted to say that, I am moving to a new place and all I can think of, ‘is there internet connection?’ My second concern would be, ‘we should get a faster connection this time!’ my third thought was, ‘But, can you afford to pay that much?’ My fourth and final thought was, ‘pretty sad.’ As usual I get carried away with emotions and feelings, anyways kudos to moving to a new place!
Okay, there is still no internet connection here at work. I think I would feel very alone without the WWW, I mean lonlier or should I say loneliest? But what’s the point of this paragraph, you might be thinking to yourself? The point of this paragraph would determine whether or not I should proceed with this entry. Of course I am going to continue, it feels like a life time since I last talked to myself in a subliminal way. Nah, I am not mad, we all do it. Yes, that is my defense.
Intentions, intention, intentions. Do you acknowledge the importance of intentions? The self is like a crook, a fickle beggar who craves for stupid pointless praises. For example, let’s say there’s a blind person trying to cross the road, you initially go to help to be of assistance to the person, but then as you’re helping her you notice a pretty, fair skinned girl with a fit body also crossing the road from the opposite side. She gives u no notice whatsoever, but the sad self who craves for praises in order to benefit the self in other ways starts thinking, ‘that girl is definitely impressed, I am sure she wants to be with me. Huh, why wouldn’t she I am not only cool but a proven kind hearted person.’ The girl then walks on with her life; the blind person too is on his way. You on the other hand persist in dreaming and fantasizing but at the same time not wanting to come into recognition that the self just destroyed the self. My point is, intentions they’re tricky business in murky waters.
I love eating ice cream and chocolates, but they also make me fat. Ever since I started this new job I haven’t been exercising I mean as much as I would like to. I like jogging. When I jog, I start thinking of you know the things that your mind normally thinks of, girls, super heroes, unicorns and the likes. I also have gotten a little disappointed in the mind in portraying it’s ‘pictures’ I once said to myself, seriously, Is that all you got? I mean if you’re day dreaming you should at least try a little harder! But noo, the self keeps on thinking of the things the self knows and constantly thinks about, how lame right? It should start thinking of things it has no idea about and you know just open up. Okay I realized I just made a point here before I could actually make the point I wanted to make, if there was any point to begin with.
This calls for another paragraph, so you’re jogging—the first 10 minutes of your jog, you’re totally consumed with your pathetic, everyday thoughts. After 15 minutes, you tend to appreciate your surrounding and you know observe the ground and try to enhance focus. After 20 minutes, the only thing that goes in your mind is, ‘you’re doing a good thing, keep on going man.’ After 22 minutes, ‘dude, I don’t think I can go on….but you must go on! Don’t be a puss, don’t you want to lose weight?!’ you then start to slow your pace and embrace the way you breathe. You then stop thinking and just focus on running well you don’t really stop thinking, but its close. You then go, ‘must run, must run.’ This is the highlight of the whole running process. Until, finally this thought timely comes to work, ‘Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a cold iced drink? One that is cold and sweet and provides world peace and everything one can ever ask for.’ You then wake up from that daze and brush off the nonsensical thought. You slowly but steadily try to keep pace, and then this thought comes in play, ‘Oh my, a drink would be awesome but then I also am aware that I am pretty hungry. Now that I have jogged and sacrificed so much, I have to! No, I must! Reward my noble self! Now this would bring so much happiness, peace and justice in my life.’ You then come to realize you are not running anymore. You go, ‘oh well.’ Anyways the point is, it doesn’t matter how dumb you are. Just keep on running. It helps.
Oh crap! I am connected to the internet. Just when I was on a roll, I suppose it would only be dutiful for me to get on with my job. To think that I was about to write about my lunch just now, the people who comment on youtube and the Arab world conflict, that can wait.
*peace sign*
Far
Justice!
There are people of less importance,
Who comprehend not the word's meaning,
Here are the poor with their skin colored,
These are the people, who die in dire,
Taught by the world,
A prosperous person, on top of the world,
It becomes then, decree of the world.
To label, judge and to pre-determine,
To see their race and what they’re worth,
Before they consider,
Whether the people deserve a word.
They ogle their eyes and shake their heads,
Rich men scoffing about human rights,
What do they comprehend,
Aside their deranged pride?
In admiration they gloat of themselves,
Their eyes burst with self importance,
Their acts are selfish,
Disregard everything,
They're always right in,
Oppressing human rights,
They look down at the poor,
They frown then close their nose,
As they look down at the poor,
They turn and cover their nose.
You may in your perfect world question,
Why I seem to emit dislike,
For I have known not, what is ‘like’,
You may think, here’s an angst teen,
One who chose not to accept things,
Think what you think,
You still will not understand a thing.
If you still have no idea what it means,
To be poor, with black skin,
For you have failed to look in their eyes,
Acceptance only for money and kin,
Akin to their kins,
You know nothing of this being,
Be thankful, lucky privileged being.
Justice in the world..
What then but prejudice?
For sure the lot will think I speak of sin,
Justice synonym to those born kings,
They have in their hands all types of reigns,
To abhor all beings, tyrants among living things,
Justice merely a word sufficient for selfish beings.
Don’t brag about education,
Know! You were born a privileged being,
For certificates not signs of a clever human being,
You were probably born a light skinned thing,
Hence people around listen to your idiotic mumblings.
The world is not for the poor,
Everyday lives, used and categorized,
The tales of poor are never bothered,
Though as long as we don’t deter,
And consider the rich man a failure,
We still might cease to suffer;
And if we get richer, we give it away to the poor,
Surely you will fail to adhere,
You were not born poor and,
From what I’ve seen,
'Justice' means terrorizing the poor.
I don't know
I don’t know. Basic knowledge, profound insights, I don’t know. The development of the mind and body as it ages, makes it compulsory to instill understanding, contentment and tolerance as main components, but I don’t know, they come and they’d go, they’re never undeviating, they come and go as they feel please, most of the time I face the risk in wavering and when I do, I am susceptible to despicable things.
One then sees the similarity resembling an adolescent kid. Old habits die slow, they almost seem part of the soul; so irritating and frustrating I seem to succumb to these destructive cravings, to have end up doing distracting deeds. Hovering and wavering is displeasing not what I have aspiring.
The self in learning and progressing seem like he’s starting to walk unswervingly and that really seems like achieving. I don’t know but I am me, can I change myself suddenly? What then if the supply of information and knowledge stops providing? Then lost is the fuel that keeps him moving.
One should only think that he should be a happy being? I don’t know, a man’s desire seems never ending, closeness and reverie to God would put blessings and happiness in a man’s heart, but I don’t know, I am still a selfish being.
The waywardness and the idiocy of the people, I try not to affect me, for who I am to judge thee? For what do I accomplish from looking at stupidity? We all look at things differently, what you see as success I see as a shallow and ignominy; what I see as success you see as lame and your view of idiocy.
We are rowing our boats without a proper destination in mind, still we keep on rowing in what we think we are relying; upon reaching destination most people then look for a replacement, the one before failed to result into enlightening.
But how can the people not affect me? I am with them living ‘harmoniously’ doing most things that seems so benignly, I don’t know, surely, only an idiot looks at idiocy, though the world is in abundance filled with it.
I don’t think I am as angry as I used to be, I don’t know. This is the ‘age’ of acceptance and then striving and of contentment and progressing, everyone their own version and depiction of what lies ahead and I am with mine.
For when I start seeing wisdom instead of stupidity only perhaps then, tranquility. The fact remains that there are too many things that I don’t know.
Righteous 2011!
I've actually been looking for this song for ages! Was first introduced and transfixed to it by the mesmerizing tune from the uber cool 'Gatsby' advertisement. I liked it so much I posted it on my blog(the commercial). It never occurred to me that there was a group behind the song(silly me) hence I was pretty ecstatic when I first saw it, the clip...to my surprise was, how do I put it...unique, but the lyrics were pretty cool and somewhat realistic too. I am also starting to think that it is pretty lame and insecure of me for explaining on why I am posting a clip on my own blog.
Having said that, this is also a gesture, a hint at wishing you guys..well it's no longer a hint since I just said that..and before I confuse myself, here is to a great new year ahead! And you know the usual things that people say, like may all your wishes come true and all that well intended messages that makes you feel psyched! and perhaps even more motivated than you were the previous years.
Righteous! I always wanted to say that...hm especially after hearing a new friend of mine saying that quite often. For example when we reached our destination, she'd go, 'righteous!' so i too after a few seconds, went yea, righteous! haha. She was several years younger than I am. Perhaps it's a new lingo. Why am I talking about this again?
Anyhoo, I don't know how exactly to put this, but...ohh! let me just tell you about the lamest/coolest new year text msg I received; it said, 'Happy 2011! there are only 12 more months to 2012'. I hope you get the joke or not.
I was saying, there are changes happening within and around us, here I am trying to be subtle and discreet by making up insinuations, metaphors and make it appear like I am relating to something philosophical huh? I foresee changes in wanting to embetter myself (if that is considered a word) I have also been meeting with pretty interesting friends but this time, I've been befriending people who are able to teach me and humble me. I find that a great discovery, for myself that is...seeing that I don't find most people interesting, even intellectually stimulating, how pompous and arrogant right? That's what I keep telling myself.
I am actually very humble, I also contradict myself at times. I am pretty honest too or so I like to think. I should stop talking about myself, a friend of mine told me, 'why does it always have to be you?' and every time I said something, he would repeat the same thing. Maybe to annoy me, but still....well now that I think about it, I should've asked him to answer for me, seeing that he asked me that question in the first place and seeing that my answer wasn't sufficient enough to his ears and one would assume that one would know the answer to his question right? Why am I talking about this again?
In reference to one of the paragraphs above, I would also like to add that I am moving to places and even going places. This could very well be a wish. It also can mean, I am seeing new faces in new places?
My dislike towards people have not phased. I come to the realization that my negative aspects on things are consistent and continuous, of course they could both mean the same thing. I guess I am trying to say that, it would be nice to have the same outlook on other things, but noo I tend to get bored of most things especially people. It does appear that the more I talk/write the more arrogant and self centered I am or so you might think. Don't be fooled, I am actually very humble and pleasing to the eyes.
I should stop talking. Happy new year. Please be more selfless and caring towards others. Always put yourself in someone else's shoes and reflect. Stop littering and go green! Read more and stop being so stupid, please. By the way, what is with lame ass people copying and pasting quotes from people to appear more profound therefore smart? There is so much anger in people huh? Don't worry I talk to myself most of time. In this case, write to myself. Enjoy your deluded lives filled with short/silly escapisms that makes you seem you're happy. Something is wrong with me!!
I guess I should be more righteous. Though as of for now, I don't even know what the word 'righteous' means. I do have some new, new years resolution...yes I did say I should stop talking; I won't bore you with lame ass resolutions. Who cares anyway? Oh and for those who still read my blog, I'd like to thank you(that actually means that I am thanking myself) haha. Yea, you shut up!
I've been wanting to say something nice so that I can finish up with this entry, tough luck! I guess I am trying to say, be happy, whatever your definition and no matter how fake and deluding it might be... That's not nice.
Finally it's been sometime since I had a good ice cream, any ice cream for that matter. I hope to get some and I hope you would get some too...for me.
Thank you *smiles* :)
Sanctioned Sanctuary
They hide behind the tallest mountains,
The young boys live in discarded tunnels,
The families’ in war torn tents
Bruised with ruins are everyday lives,
The houses too flatten and destroyed,
The trees and crops wiped out as well,
They control the water,
And try to control the rain,
The way they have the terrain,
They have power over the lights,
Occupiers are devoid of any true light,
Their hearts are worse than of corpses,
They penetrated using evil forces;
These are cowards in the eyes of the courageous,
Bullying innocence with heavy armaments,
Over the years their treachery and barbarity,
Resulted into a mountain of innocent carcasses,
They killed mothers and our forefathers,
They took our rights and privileges,
Left with nothing but anguish and deceased,
Dreadful circumstances and so little choices,
They entered our villages and pillaged,
And turned neighborhoods into wrecked empty fields,
Till today it still goes on,
A never-ending debauchery, it seems,
Till today the worst crimes against humanity goes on,
And everybody lives on,
As if there's nothing wrong.
Though our brothers are against us,
And as they pray,
They beautify their prayers,
So people will watch and perhaps applause,
Since our brothers refuse kindness and empathy,
Still they gloat flaunting their white robes,
These are the people,
Who frequents the mosques,
Yet the orphans are left accursed,
The poor and malnourished,
Repulsed and left to rot.
Change comes from within,
We show compassion through our deen,
With good intentions and authenticity;
Not to end up a malicious hypocrite.
This phenomenon spreading,
Tyrants and despots are reigning,
Influenced are the rich in atrocities,
Corrupted and deceiving,
Cruel and mistreating,
Our own brand of Zionist reign,
Even Pharaohs and Caligulas,
They lurk and embark,
To plot and hoodwink,
They succeed in misleading.
This is the state that we live in,
This is the journey we are in,
This is the world we find meaning,
The battle of an ordinary man,
Against a world full of misgivings;
Glory to those who keep on striving.
And
And so he said, ‘I’ve got a new year’s resolution!’ And then they said, ‘you shouldn’t start a sentence with, “And” ’. And he replied, ‘Go to hell!’ hypothetically of course. As usual, he was leading the road he was put on, a path that still needs repairing and possibly even changing, his every step was filled with precautionary ones though he was innately brought to life with nothing but curiosity.
He had a few amendments – a brand new year! But they rejoice, always finding some means to excuse their overly pompous deeds, but the west do it and they’re the epitome of success and happiness, funny how these people become exemplary.
Sorry about that, his amendments, after realizing that he couldn’t completely disregard what others think, he would try his best to care less than he does about the mass, who are a mess. Really when one has chosen a different path from the masses, it seem their train of thought, ideologies and everything differs.
The hermit then gestured as he was embracing his child, ‘this is my daughter.’ He said. She was 5 months old and cute and innocence seemed protruding from those shiny little eyes. He eyed the child who was untainted, beautiful and pure. The hermit was still facing him and so was the baby, he stood there as if expecting something from him. At this, the peasant said, ‘who is a peasant to greet a blessing from heaven?’ The hermit was still standing there unperturbed; there was a pause and then he feeling slightly aghast extended a finger towards her little hand and she took his finger and clasped her palm around his finger. He could feel her delicate grip. The peasant felt warmth—the hermit said, ‘don’t over think things. Pure beings, don’t differentiate.’
Along the way back home he still couldn’t get his mind off the occurrence; how was a peasant given equal treatment? She was white and seemed to emit light; he was black and a target to be spat at. This wasn’t the world he was used to.
And what is intelligence? He questioned. And what is a person who claims to have acquired an abundance of intelligence, what then does he achieves? Peace and purity, understanding and piety? ‘Though no man is really fit to say that.’ He added while I seemed to be listening attentively.
His legs, they started to itch, he was diseased, diseased brought by some insects from the wilderness of the east, he took out a bottle that contained some curable oil. He was rubbing his palm across his leg. He spoke, ‘as much as this itches and pain it was nothing compared to the bruises that lurks in my heart, where no oil nor ailments could ever reach, where the pain still persist and never cease’.
The earth’s rotation, is it consistent? Why does it appear to have fastened? His thoughts consumed him, he then said, ‘for all I know I am still a child who was dependent, embracing innocence, playful but with contentment. Every single moment of my young life, where my mother went, I followed resembling a duckling and that provided with me security, stability and happiness. It was as if that was solely what I did, my goals. He stopped talking and for a few minutes he remained quiet. He looked at me and said, ‘Now I have come to a better realization, that is what I did, I had a guide, I had protection and I followed it and stayed close to it from the moment I opened my eyes to the moment I closed them; never to let her out of my side. Suddenly I have over grown and not prepared to adjoin the world, I am comfortable being innocent and undisturbed by the world’s malice and character…and now I am an adult man? Here I am dreading life, embracing paranoia, befriending greed and fantasizing a delusional ever-changing happy ending that puts even the most colorful fairy tales to shame. When I was a child my dreams were more upright and I don’t remember wanting this and that. When I was a child I had a guide, now that I am an adult, who befits to be my guide?’
Like the opposite version of a flower that blooms in the morning, the curse of adulthood subsisting and the conquest of a self-searching man seem useless and is now lost in his intertwining journey and he is torn on what is enlightenment.
The roads I have taken, the people I have met, the people I have briefly met, the causes that seemed impossible to meet, the quest of a better human world has lost it’s passion. The quest to self enrichment hath set sailing, the wisdom that was there all along, the belief that makes one sound, bestowed by holy men, a feat many will fail to comprehend, but it lies right before your eyes, if only you were set out to see and if you do see, it only marks a beginning of a brand new journey.
Like a boy who just reached puberty, filled with bright curiosity and excitement on the wondrous beauty and mysteries it hides. Like being brought to the world again without prejudice and bias. As he becomes an adult, he notices that he needs a guide and something to follow; sadly a man has to mend his own ways. More than often he is drifted and lost in the many ways.
The irony, the sheer timing of a shift in purpose and a new perception that appears clear has resulted to a change of heart, one that instills importance on how the self-deceits than on others and their misdeeds.
Requiem
('Requiem' by Mozart, better to listen to the longer version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi8vJ_lMxQI and it helps to read with the music on)
Like most people who enjoy spending their time loitering at cafes; these two were no exemption. The best friends used to live in the same neighborhood when they were little. Maybe it was fated but the circumstances that led them close to one-another was poverty. The two friends were from a poor family living in a middle class neighborhood. They connected immediately and realized they needed each other and acknowledged the importance of having someone that gets it. This led to a beautifully blossomed and sustaining kinship.
Though they don’t live as neighbors anymore the bond they shared acted as a living flame that tied them together and enabled them to trust one another. You don’t see this kind of Friendship too often these days; it is a rare quality.
They were sitting on a set of what appeared as old-fashioned wooden stools that came with a matching round table. Our first protagonist was named Scotter, Scotter was having a cup of hot plain tea and the other, Aslam who shouldn’t be drinking coffee was having his favorite sweet black coffee. They both resented milk in their drinks.
About an hour later of what was filled with updating each other with experiences and stories they deemed worth sharing, Aslam sat up and exclaimed as he remembered something he wanted to talk about.
He began, ‘You know, I have this interest towards listening to a certain type of music that sometimes conjures up emotions, right?’
‘You mean your penchant towards dark and miserable things?’ replied Scotter sarcastically.
‘Well whatever man, we all have our inclination towards certain things that others might deem as weird.’ Aslam continued, ‘here is what happened, it was early in the morning, and this morning I had to take my medications and I wasn’t working that day thus I took things easy and I noticed that I wasn’t stressed out on having to go anywhere or rushing for anything; It was a good feeling, I have to say.’ Aslam nodded to himself as he said that.
‘Well good for you then, what are you trying to say?’ Scotter asked losing patience. ‘Relax man, just listen to me will you?’ Said Aslam.
Scotter looked at his now empty cup and asked the waiter for another hot cup of tea, ‘with lime this time’, he told the waiter. Aslam too asked for another cup of coffee.
‘To be honest, your stories have always been a little weird and gloomy man, don’t you think of anything normal?’ Asked Scotter again with a sarcastic tone in his voice.
‘Haha! I don’t know, I wish! But you know how circumstances tend to make people think and have a different outlook on certain things? So will you stop with your cheap sarcastic remarks and just listen to me vent out? I just need to share this with someone and who better to share it with than you?’ Aslam explained to him.
‘I am privileged.’ Scotter replied carefully and nodded in silent. Aslam took the hint and continued, ‘I turned on the computer and was looking forward to watch a movie or you know anything I’ve downloaded. As I was browsing through the files, I realized that I saw almost everything I downloaded recently’. I then got restless and started moving the cursor to the available drives and started double clicking random folders.’
‘To my surprise, I came across one of the clips I used to listen to all the time and is still one of my favorite till today. So I played it on. It must’ve been the medication I took, because I started to feel dizzy and floating. I stood up from the chair I was sitting and lied down on the floor instead, I was now aware that I was staring blindly at the ceiling.’
‘Wait, this song it’s not the one entitled requiem? As Aslam nodded Scotter let out a sigh and said, ‘Here we go again, you are going to talk about the song you listened to, aren’t you? He said agitated but a little interested. Aslam’s story was always a little peculiar and never normal to the point of entertaining.
Ignoring what Scotter just said, Aslam continued with his story, ‘Anyway the medications affect were getting stronger by the second.’ He paused for a moment and continued again, ‘now that I think about it I might’ve taken extra doses than what was originally prescribed by the doctor; and the speakers started singing out this amazing music. I was lying down on the floor looking at the white ceiling and my ears felt as if it was attending a feast.’
‘I noticed whilst the tunes came out from the speakers and swiftly entered my ears and flowed into my brain. My eyes were closed now.’
I started feeling a deep sense of hunger and I was also feeling weak all over. I opened my eyes and I was now standing on a vast black platform and everything below was black. Around me everything was as white as the ceiling I was staring at. As the song progressed I felt more and more alone.
Due to the stimulation of the music to the brain, I corresponded with the tune vigorously. In a trance like state, I vividly saw myself standing alone with nothing to atone. I tore away my relations with the world. The pangs of miseries stroked me vehemently, before any admonishing it started diminishing every little confidence and self esteem.
I needed a light that illuminates the path. These petty escapisms, I can’t account for them anymore. The self-fulfillment they bring out, little by little dispersed into mundane familiarity. What had done the job before was not able to come close to satisfactory anymore. The self gets used to things too fast, momentary escapisms, temporary happiness all in vain, accumulated into waste and disgrace.
For a moment there I thought I stood stagnant and malignant but how I was wrong, I wasn’t standing still, instead I observed myself moving backwards. I see myself being decapitated, depreciated, degraded, getting smaller and smaller. The choir spat out a melody that touts, the touts consequently sprouts out shame and a lingering growth of unhealthy tumor deep-rooted with pain and agony.
They construe what they misconstrue; they adhere to what they don’t comprehend. Disparity, impunity they attack from all sides. The choir continues singing excitingly, bringing to ground fleeting memories and bounded miseries that I never knew still living within.
All sorts of heavy tragedies passed through the vivid theatrical version, the production of what appeared as depicted by the mind. They fastened their pace and elaborately haunting the mind with melodies of grace. It made my mind race while I was standing perfectly still. And in a daze I started witnessing many strange things.
I was hypnotized, standing upright but everything else moved swiftly around me. I had to lie down and so I passed out but the vision in my mind kept conjuring up pictures and tales. The sudden serene followed by the shocking outburst of iniquity, still evoking and awaking my seething memories.
The orchestra was an inch away from me, they continued putting words into my mind. They mocked and they laughed, they sympathized and showed compassion, they serenaded and instilled hatred.
Scotter by now had taken interest and was amused listening to his friend’s expressing some very twisted tales. He always knew his friend had a weird sense of story telling but this was overly dramatic. He even started to assume that Aslam was making things up or did he really overdose on his medication? He then for some reason decided to test his friend, Scotter interjected and blurted out, ‘Have you ever wondered how rice is composed of flesh, bone, hair etc? Isn’t it amazing how food can turn into flesh and bone?’
Aslam stared at him disapprovingly. They both stared at each other for a few seconds until Scotter sighed and said with a regrettable tone, ‘sorry, carry on’.
‘As the song went on towards the middle, the conundrums in my eardrums were almost unbearable, I witnessed earth quakes, mountains colliding against one another, volcanoes erupting, tornadoes, thunderstorm and it was snowing where it shouldn’t but still the people lived on uncaringly in oblivion.
I could feel the thirst within me drying me up from the inside. The next minute I was in a completely different place, this time everything was great. My thirst was quenched! I was lying on a rich green carpet at a splendid forest. The air was pure, the atmosphere a cure, the flowers bloomed and animals happily loomed. The children were hopping joyously, the adults all looked without stress and worry and appeared sincerely happy.
Soon I once again noticed a change of phase; the conductor began signaling other things. As swiftly as I was comforted, the next second I find myself gasping for air. I knew I was in a state of calamity. I was in a country in way and I saw the face of a worried mother carrying her child running around aimlessly with no sense of direction. A number of other mothers with their children too joined her and they ran around seeking shelter and protection. They came into a dark alley whilst their enemies waited gawking treacherously. The mothers’ eyes were filled fear and tremor, the enemies eyes were colored with deceit and an unaccountable amount of foolishness. The mothers fell into their trap and their journey ended protecting their child.
The melody changed and so did my vision. This time I was bounded and shackled by heavy wooden garments. My hands, feet and neck were chained and I was put to kneel in front of a mad shrieking crowd. Having always been too self-conscious, I was surprised that I didn’t care what the people thought. I hope I always saw it this way, but at that moment, they appeared as merely objects who were moved and pushed around.
A huge man with a charming face came out with an axe. He looked at me and let out a crooked smile. He didn’t waste any time, while the masses were getting rowdy. He lifted up the axe and said goodbye.
I was now in a different state; in a desert where nobody lives; my body was stretched out longer than I could ever imagine. Under the scorching sun and dried by the burning sand. My back was burned and the pain was unbearable. I witnessed then a sudden appearance of thousands of beings walking from a distance. They came out of nowhere and as they neared me, they deliberately walked on me and as they got to my chest stepped unto it bashed and kicked it. I could feel the stab from every step and they proceeded to my head and when they were there they left their crazy thoughts and ideas into my head. Some shouted, some whispered but everything they said were dimwitted.
I was now fast asleep, like a child sleeping. The lullaby carried on. There was a revelation; they were never anything bringing me down, not a single burden. The world is my heaven—I noticed then I dropped my guard and the world started spinning once again, bringing about realism into the reality. As it spun, everything affected me. I was affected by every single occurrence. That led me to believe in my existence of a weak, dependant human.
The song was coming to an end. All these while, while they were punishing me I finally noticed something worth mentioning, I wasn’t at their mercy, they were merely mercenaries, the one controlling them was moving his hands frantically into the empty air. This man too was a tool controlled by certain entities and they too were controlled by other parties and finally every man has to abide and is at the mercy of nature or the one that commands it and as long as you’re human one cannot devoid himself from abiding with the laws and rules of the universe and being human.’
Aslam rubbed his hand that it almost looked like he was clapping them. ‘Is that it?’ Scotter asked. I know you were making this up and you made me listen and I got interested, why didn’t you finish it off with a happier ending?’
‘I wasn’t making it up man’ Aslam replied and paused and thought for a bit. ‘Well, there’s no use fooling you, but I really did dream or hallucinate about most of them. He stopped again expecting a reply. When there was none from his friend, Aslam asked Scotter, ‘was it good? Did you like it?’ ‘I want to go home now and you are paying.’ As he got up Scotter added, ‘I like happy endings man!’ and walked out the café.
(Aslam and Scotter)
Detest the Test
I live amongst torn and throngs of disparity,
Torn into a thousand pieces,
Thrown into the depths of treacherous creatures,
Significance sees not insignificance,
Filled with troublesome questions;
With no apparent solutions,
Hopeful skin shreds in multitude,
Crumbles the insides and lest suffers,
The soul impoverished,
It’s light slowly vanishing,
Brandishing a flag of surrendering,
A crooked smile, a sign poor embodiment,
The right side now broken,
Confidence must be awaken,
A diseased soul now apparent,
In the face of the beholder,
His faults are shown,
Shun into solitude,
Shone did the sunlight,
With anger and torment,
Causing the self to bleed,
The self-reliant no longer self-reliance,
Awaiting and hoping,
Destiny in destitute,
Unfulfilled matrimony,
Distinguished guests look on warily,
The earths spin against me,
A parasite judged unfairly,
He looked into the skies,
Dropped to his knees and begged for compassion,
For answers,
Or what he was destined,
To shine or to go blind;
Enshrine his soul from dreams and fantasies,
The skies looked back at him,
Kept on staring and vanished in hindsight,
I walk amongst madness and tragedies,
Where the wronged is right,
And the right is wronged
But still I shan’t waver,
Since the skies has yet to answer,
I am not just any dreamer,
Soon fate will set free its secrets,
A simple man with humility,
Not great nor mighty,
But stands in truth and piety,
His destiny was his journey,
To unearth wisdom and the self within,
He bowed his head and then prostrated,
With sincerity and his friend purity.
Till then the servant,
Will act with patience and piety,
Hopeful to walk the path to intelligence.
The Dreamer
Like the moon her presence always shines upon him,
So clear and enchanting,
But as he reached out to seize the moon,
She was further than he wished her to be,
She distanced herself and eyed him coldly,
He wasn’t as privileged as she wanted him to be.
From far away your light illumines,
Pure and undeterred,
She glows unbiasedly,
He stood there awaiting, unfaltering,
For a tiny hint, a teeny gesture;
He was hoping to attain,
A pure accompaniment,
A hand of warmth and compassion,
A being that stays together for better or worse.
Her appeal and kindness,
Appeared in torrents,
Overwhelming with strong emotions
A sensation of delight and bliss,
Overcame his whole being,
He closed his eyes and took in the ecstasy.
For the romantic dreams,
Of closeness and thoughtfulness,
Heart longing and addressing,
Writing letters that goes unnoticed,
He kept on daydreaming,
For the maiden to notice.
But her kindness only exist in his imaginings,
The angels appeared pure and untainted only in dreams,
For only in his thoughts she was alive and smiling.
Reality was nothing-alike dreams,
Still he continued to daydream,
He found acceptance and happiness,
For as long as he dreamt.
Sunny Side Up!
In the near, almost immediate future.. Man in their inclination towards going against nature ironically, maybe even expectedly ceased to be ‘manlike’. Whether it was a curse, a gift or merely the fated journey of man and his kind. This being called man continues with life into a journey full of expectations and hope albeit without the slightest power and control over his fate and the dream he wishes to grasp.
You might go so far as thinking of God, you are not wrong but we are here still talking about fate and soul being controlled by other people who scripted and ascribed how certain things should appear like—things that might determine happiness and sadness, success and failure; accordingly these corrupt pioneers then conveniently establish commandments a manifesto of what is right and wrong as depicted by them, these self proclaimed elevated humans. Of course it was inevitable but it doesn’t mean abiding to these pompous, self-righteous man made rules.
Well it now comes back to individual perception. The individual perception; what a bothersome nuisance some might perceive; Especially when most individuals’ intellectual quality are the same as or probably worse than farm animals. Sorry about that the introduction went awry due to my inability to hide my affection towards mere mortals.
Back to the topic we were discussing, let us all try to portray a picture in our mind. Imagine a man leaving for work in his slick executive attire in the morning driving his executive car, he then dwells with people similar to him both physically and mentally in a lavish concrete building, a similitude to success and the stability that paid off after the years they put in to reach such a state. They then adapt pretty well with things like pollutions/traffic jams and the need to party everyday after work as a way of release, of self-fulfillment and escapism and then come back home at the wee hours of the night.
Knowing that we mentioned about individual perception, some almost instinct-ly would go, ‘Oh what a glorious/successful lifestyle!’ Or some might see it as an occupational hazard where one has to sacrifice himself in order to let’s just say buy more lavish items one doesn’t necessarily needs but for the exception to adhere to one’s superficial desire to act as an encouragement to continue with their current ‘meaningful’ life. Some might also see that as, well as we see it: A façade, a beautiful, astonishing painting lying in the center of a mountain of stinking waste. In other words a pretense that is so deep of a pretense that the individual fail to see his own sense of pretenses.
On another note, we aren’t merely talking about careers. We here are questioning the whole works, the system, the way of life, the education system, the syllabuses, the self and everything else that perpetuates and makes on realize of the thing we weren’t aware of before.
Man as computers, as robots. Are man robots? We certainly know that men are able to live life like machines. What is a man’s goal in life? What is the reason of a man put into life in this currently sad not much to say world? What is man? What is life and what is the ideal life for man? We did mention self-perception as you can see again and again. Could that be the answer?
How is working 5 days a week like a robot—going to work at the dawn of light and coming back when the darkness of night has overwhelmed the whole atmosphere; exhausted and drained from the same unproductive routine and instantly falling off like a heavy sack of nothingness into one’s bed and having 2 days they call weekends for yourself and your family to somewhat keep you functioning and going with the cycle called life?
Who was the person responsible for the creation of weekends and weekdays? What an evil cycle of manipulating people into keeping them hopeful and moving. These days’ people’s goals are merely to get to weekends and that goes an as a hope or at least as something to look forward to; Like a light at the end of the week (tunnel). The balance of life has never been as critical as it has been today. We have mindless people wandering the earth doing mindless things.
Who cares if this appears extremely whiny or disobeying or whatever you might have in mind? Well that’s right, you do.
Why don’t you take away my soul and install a chip in my body and give me no choice instead? Instead we were given a soul and a distasteful and almost a taunting amount of choice.
The stupidity, the corrupted mind of man and the short sightedness of previous ignorant leaders that has plagued the world are reigning as they have planned or hoped for. The funny part is history has an almost certain tendency in always repeating itself.
In chasing insignificance that one sees as significant, all light and peace has been thrown out and all we can do is adhere to this stupid dream that turns man into slave for nonsensical, petty goals and most of them involves being able to impress THE dim-witted people that were responsible to uphold sheer stupidity as what they deem as success and greatness. Now we have even imbeciles trying to impress stupid people and fellow farm animals abiding and ending their life in realizing this phenomenon of what we shall come to know as, ‘universal stupidity’.
All of these prestigious leaders with their programmed minds and penchant towards insignificance play the role in lowering the quality of life and making people sign a treaty of enslavement and trap them into lifeless, mindless beings.
How is a man to achieve self understanding, when the environment and the expectation of society is manufactured delicately in a way that the only way he is able to find meaning is to jail himself, lock the cage and throw the key away?
There are idiots like us who are rebellious and unhappy with the state of this almost machine/ computer like life. Then there are the achievers who regardless of their well being continue to strive in order to become someone in society and finds a wife who deems the same and produce more life into this glorified world and again strife to provide their offspring’s with what they depict as the perfect life in their journey towards a happily ever after life. Admirable nonetheless. They would probably say they had no choice, a reasonable argument that even we seem to agree upon. For all you know it was us who said that in the first place.
Time and time again we come to question, surely man has something more significant to realize? That too comes back to individual perception and now there is no convincing of people; hence the proof of choice. The individuals today are all innately born puppets ready to adhere to mock their souls by restricting it to lifelessness akin to an inanimate object.
This too is written in the assumption that people are equal but every Tom, Dick and Terry knows that’s not the case. We are different and the world certainly is not the fairest place to live in. Of course that too is an understatement.
Don’t you worry about us lot, perhaps you might think we share the same goal as you as in trying to impress and get recognized by human beings. Surely you are mistaken, we do not dream to achieve such dreams. To do so would be like trying to gain respect and recognition from a stray animal.
The mind is a powerful thing it sees things as how it was programmed since the beginning. It takes a sound, curious, brave, intelligent mind to go against the stride and waves that would probably overwhelm beliefs and faith.
For we have forgotten, and so we are forgotten, we have not seen the signs, we take many things for granted and are unaware of a lot of things. For who are we to say, we too are the same, on the other hand we are trying to say, we the people should be more than mere people.
Discordant Constellations
“I woke up…late as usual. There was something unusual—I noticed something unusual I meant to say; I found a smile on my face. I don’t wake up with a smile on my face! I wake up frowning on most days. No not the days I tell myself that I ought to show content and gratitude. It is all in the mind as they say. I do agree with what they say (at times). Back to the dream, It was a dream I remembered I had a dream:
In my dreams we embraced,
Your beautiful smile blossomed,
As all the plants and flowers around followed suit before you,
Your silhouette alone enough in mesmerizing,
In my dreams you were always smiling,
Our souls intertwining,
Happiness seemed overflowing.
Hand in hand our resolves were solved,
The garden was singing its lullaby,
The green haven emits a serene melody,
Refreshing dews beautifully appeared throughout the greenery,
The pure air brought harmony, tranquility and peaceful memories,
We never felt so much at ease.
The atmosphere both calm and blinding, binding us in ecstasy,
The mind has now accomplished goals, dreams and objectives.
He woke up and sat on his bed still drunk from the sheer joy of what he had dreamt. A few floating minutes passed by as tried to compose himself. He stood up and opened the blinds to his windows. The glaring sunlight gushed in and attacked, protruding in with its light, he sheltered his eyes using one of his hands from the fierce glare and heat it brought with it. He then knew it was an abrupt indication, an intervention, a rude awakening. His innocence and naivety to no avail will no doubt do him any good, but he liked to think it was good to be hopeful, a thought he will soon learn to be hurtful.
He was now wide awake. He was forced back into reality; “my soul sucked dried out, the balls they call eyes were dark and rich with signs of anguish and sadness, the afore mentioned protagonist now walked with his head lowered down to his knees;
In reality, there is no such delicacy,
There is no altruism!
Only abhorrence and degradation,
I found discord in the constellations,
The moon turned black as I shift my eyes to it.
In a vast black sea,
I was surviving atop of a wrecked boat,
Hanging for dear life, going from nowhere to nowhere,
Floating aimlessly, the birds that passed by,
Looked down grimacing and laughed at my failing,
The boat began to wither and I began to shiver,
The weather seemed bitter,
I found refuge in shutting my eyes..”
He fell again into another dream, his mind were focused on something that might come as encouraging and uplifting and so he began a journey into what he deemed as actual reality:
The moon was glowing; it’s beauty mesmerizing,
It glows in harmony; never too bright we inhale its light,
A mere reflection of light, nay not the source of light;
It is said so in the book of light.
A mere reflection but too significant,
As we sat on it,
Our hands clasped and our hearts erupted with joy,
The world appeared less challenging,
No one conniving nor anyone interrupting…
All of a sudden, he heard someone pounding on his door, pounding so hard he thought it would collapse the door; troubled he was his dream being tempered; he opened the door putting anger in his eyes. They hurried in and pushed him out. The huge men taught him a lesson and when they were done, the leader shouted, “Go away! You lazy dreamer and never to return!” they continued to scorn at him, their eyes bulging out threateningly.
Our protagonist went out seeking refuge and solace, positive and hopeful dependent on his friends. One by one they took of their masks and revealed their true selves; on their forehead, it was written, ‘Fuck off!’ our protagonist noticed something smaller and longer written beneath it, he moved closer and read the smaller description, he read, ‘only for the self and no one else if the self has nothing to gain then go fuck yourself!’ with that he understood about them. Similarly, all of his friends had the same words written on their forehead.
He continued walking until he couldn’t take it and dropped to his knees; he lifted his hands in the air and moved it to his back and reached for his shoulder blades. He proceeded to pull out two fierce blades, looking sharp to its core. From that day on he was wary with people and the mask they sew on their faces.
His journey continued on and on until he reached deep into the deepest forests. Until one day, he came across a magnificently huge tree. He looked at it and immediately decreed, ‘this will be my new home.’ He began cultivating it into his house, he brought up pieces of wood, sticks and other materials high on the great tree, he had to climb up at least 100 meters up to built his nest where it was nice, safe and comfy. He used his blades to carve and shape the woods. He did this for more than a couple of months diligently with very little sleep.
Finally when he was done building his home that could house a small family. He finally felt he could slumber comfortably without any worries and entered his bedroom to get some long awaited sleep.
Before he slept he said to himself, ‘I sit on the moon from afar and see; you rejected me like the sun’s scorching heat. The moon is white and so are you; but light and skin is not the same thing, your fair skin does not make you a nobler being. White can be pure, white can be clean, but whites are mostly evil beings.’ Then he drifted off into becoming a different being:
I found strength in myself,
Hope flourishes through my chest,
My spirit overwhelmed by self-worthy,
Alone I stand with capability,
I need not to be accepted,
For I have acceptance and you misguidance,
I am free now in my dreams,
Though I dread and I continue to fret,
The moment of awakening,
The eyes opening—the trials beckoning.
