A New Man

I thought I ought to write tonight. I am now older in number and my hair is way longer and one would say has a life of its own.

I want to say I am wiser but let’s just say I rise and fall and I rise and fall and I realize I have not attained the wisdom I sought for.

A scary juncture, life in all its mysteriousness. You never know what might occur, the negative mind keeps thinking of what bad thing might befall and rupture once again the mended limbs.

As it has been said, think of this as the best that could happen, a catapult springing you into success!  Where you become your own man.

Though as much as he tries not to, he keeps saying inside, what luck a man can expect when all his life he kept seeing duds.

 Though once again for a man of faith, he should know better. Though cliché, time and time again he tells himself but what else is this life but a test?

Though for a man of faith, one has to put forth effort and be rest assured for whatever it is, it has been ordained to and for him.

Though he also knows that since his faith falters and in his weakness he is of weak of faith and he falls into disobedience and as a consequence falls into sadness.

For he has no friends who he can talk freely to, they listen and they think you ought to try harder. They are of a different breed they relate but not.

The people from his past keeps coming into his mind yet he knows despite all that he thinks and what they think of him, no one thinks of him. They have no time to think of him bereaving yet the mind haunts and makes him conscious of himself—as the devil laughs at the worry and fear he puts himself into.

His goals, that ought to do it! For whatever befalls he still has goals needs attaining. Hence what choice does he have but to reach the goals he has said over and over. For at this moment he is reprimanded by the things he had said he would attain.


~Happy Birthday~

I used to love you…
With all I got,
Alas! All I got was but a dot,
So I understand why,
Though after all these years,
For some reason I’ve no idea why,
In all the girls I’ve come to know,
I keep looking for you in them,
And you never came,
So as of for now,
I don’t foresee loving the same again…
It feels as if love cannot take me to where I got,
The way your eyes light when they met mine,
The helplessness of your face as if you were utterly dependent,
It almost felt real,
Yet when I think of your love,
I can’t help but think if it was real,
Now, don’t worry I am not hung up on you or anything,
I also remember the reason why I hate you,
Despite all your perfections,
I’ve no idea why,
You turned disloyal,
I saw u as a pure loving person,
Cute and innocent,
And...
Though I didn’t know and when I knew,
 I didn’t want to know,
That you, you were also someone else,
I called you mine all the time,
And when you beckoned, it made me whole,
Now clearly it was only in my mind,
Even now when I unknowingly call for you,
You’re in the hands of a different kind,
All along I was playing games in my mind,
Thinking there will be a shimmering light…
Well never mind,
Now you’re married and I know you’ll be fine,
You’re a survivor and you’ve always knew better,
I thought I’d be with you forever,
And now I know I could never,
Now I don’t know if I can love like I did you ever
After all that,
I hope your face always brightens up with a smile and your eyes shines bright with delight,
For I never used to love you,
I still do.


Doubt

Recently I went to a beautiful place; the architectural aspects of the building were unique and it felt comfortable inside, it was surrounded by thick lavish mountains… the air was pure due to the mountains and the many trees of green standing tall against the wind, the inhabitants of the place wore pure white robes with matching white fez’s, the scholars were busy teaching and the students studying, yet while all were clean and pure. They were human beings hence they must’ve sinned? And while all might appear clean and pure, being human beings the hearts remain a mysterious thing, deserving of distrust. As for the sceptic being, he refuses to embrace what lies in front of him but he ends up doubting people’s intent—since he is impure, he thinks others too can’t be as clean? He wrote all this in the library provided for him after eating the food served to him.

You

A repetition of regrets and remorse that visits too much, too frequently; a life, of which sentiments and emotions are ignored and they become sediments and residues that lies buried in the vagrant soul, a soul that inhabits a fragile and failing vessel.

Daily, time never stops for anyone; it keeps going in this evil turn of nature that is beautiful but also in its continuum, cruel. Even before you realize it, you grow…against your wish whether you like it or not. You grow into different forms even when you feign ignorance as it reminds one of sickness, disease, frailty and death.

Though the worldly life keeps demanding of your time and energy to ‘make ends meet’ as a consequent, mentally one stops advancing for he is too consumed by the cycle of buying, consuming, gathering and paying debts. It is never enough, it never will be enough. He sickens his being and spoils his chance on concentrating on the mystical aspects of life, the signs and the unseen. Of which no one is interested in for they don’t accept what their mind cannot muster. Though have they not realized that their mind could not muster many other things and of its capacity? People worship their minds, not wanting to accept their flawed nature, worse still refusing to explore and learn…

Though these cunning thoughts reminds one on why we should not dwell too much on discovering and deciphering the self, emphasizing on ones limitations and standing in this world. Neither noble nor respectable nor from an honorable lineage…


On a different note, all of us have been armed and equipped—with experience and knowledge that we have accumulated throughout the years. Of how much and how much of it is valuable… and if one possesses Information that could elevate ones standing and understanding; one that transcends understanding into wisdom; a human from one stage to another.