I thought of updating my blog and then today, just now, I came across this beautiful story most probably with Arabic or Indian linkage.  Thus here I am updating me blog. This may be short but it leaves such an impression, a lasting one at that, that it makes one shudder at the metaphor. 

Upon an occasion a son was going to murder his mother . His lover told him that if he brings the heart of his mother to her then she will marry him. The delinquent then went and cut open his mother and removed her heart. As he was going back he tripped over and fell. His mother’s heart spoke out with love and said, “Oh my son are you okay?” The voice came from the heart saying, “Oh my son I hope you’re okay”.

Such is the son, such are girls and such are mothers. 

Some Soren


I don’t know if I am bored or have ran out of ideas. Though, I found the below quotes to be to my liking and I guess this is me implying that I like them so much that I might want to post it on my blog and perhaps even read about it later. 

I like Kierkegaard as I like a few other philosophers mainly due to their prowess in intelligence and their views that I can mimic agreeableness with which always causes me to be a little jealous and then causes me to reflect and then duress and a little bitter afterwards.

I like to think I refrained from reading philosophical books mainly because due to my limited capacity towards thinking. However with the little I understand has the ability to make me wonder to the verge of insanity, now I am just playing with words. 

I don’t think I prevent myself from reading anything interesting that can be easily reached. Having said that, for some reason these books are way too expensive probably meant only for certain classes and probably to prevent certain classes from reading these stuff as it could cause on to think and ponder and realize the type of world we are set in. Yes, I do believe all it requires is a little thinking to notice the state of the world and people that walks on earth.


I don’t think that you should think of what I think as a thing of permanence. However there are things that I am steadfast on, though I don’t sound like I am boasting, I actually…on second thoughts, no I wasn’t boasting. After all, circumstances have shaped my thinking, if the circumstances were different or were to be different then I might even change my way of thinking into not thinking at all? Such is man; forgetful, weak and cheap.

I, As much as I don’t care, my innately good self would like it if u were to like the quotes below and were to think a little about it and somewhat/how discover the deep scars that covers the world and the almost transparent temperament of people would make my innately good self even more friendly towards you. As much as the quotes might not be related to what I’ve just spewed. Anyways enough about me already.





‘What is a poet? An unhappy man who hides deep anguish in his heart, but whose lips are so formed that when the sigh and cry pass through them, it sounds like lovely music . . . 

And people flock around the poet and say: ‘Sing again soon’ – that is, ‘May new sufferings torment your soul but your lips be fashioned as before, for the cry would only frighten us, but the music, that is blissful.’


“The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” 


“In addition to my other numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant. . . . My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known- no wonder, then, that I return the love.”

“Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are.”


“A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end: to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke.”


“The proud person always wants to do the right thing, the great thing. But because he wants to do it in his own strength, he is fighting not with man, but with God.”

“One must not think slightingly of the paradoxical…for the paradox is the source of the thinker’s passion, and the thinker without a paradox is like a lover without feeling: a paltry mediocrity.”

“How did I get into the world? Why was I not asked about it and why was I not informed of the rules and regulations but just thrust into the ranks as if I had been bought by a peddling shanghaier of human beings? How did I get involved in this big enterprise called actuality? Why should I be involved? Isn't it a matter of choice? And if I am compelled to be involved, where is the manager—I have something to say about this. Is there no manager? To whom shall I make my complaint?”

“What if everything in the world were a misunderstanding, what if laughter were really tears?”

“Leap of faith – yes, but only after reflection”

“Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth — look at the dying man’s struggle at his last extremity, and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus could be intended for enjoyment.” 

“It is the duty of the human understanding to understand that there are things which it cannot understand...”





Malle


It is raining outside. No, this isn’t one of my fictional stories…well it could be, but it really is raining outside. The sound of the raindrops, (I wish)—they seem like they’re washing away my unnecessary paranoia and dilemmas though every time I do so, I hear the raindrops slowly fainting away when in actuality they aren’t.

One of my teachers said to me, “the more you learn about this world the more closer you are to reaching insanity.” I am not in the mood to dwell further into that..hence we shall move on.

For a steady hour now the rain has been constant in its falling down.



Sleep!

Falling asleep gives one the pretence of peace,

Hurry, pretty soon it is going to be deceased,

The kid now has grown into an old geez,

Our good deeds, with what intentions and ulterior motives?

The plot, the puppeteers applaud their siege,

They seize and then pretend to appease the foolish,

The masses readily swallow rubbish.



I am now merely a rotten piece of meat,

Then I screamed with all sorts of squeals,

Agony, despair and dissatisfactory,

Now all buried in the depth of the sea,

Faith, fate and uncertainty,

The man gazes and finds himself dazed,

All the days passed by,

None with the knowledge,

Of what next might be,

Folly, forgetful, hopefully not strayed,

The journey comes to an end,

He has no idea when,

Right now it seems,

Immortality and well-being,

Forever this human being will remain in esteem,

Chasing dreams and living like foolish kings,

Until he falls asleep and stays in his dreams,

‘A mistake it has been!’

And so he deems,

Buried In the ground,

It is never what it seems.



The rain has stopped. I guess I was in the mood for poetry. It is too quiet here. I shouldn’t complain, quiet is good and also sleep inducing. Therefore I shall try to sleep early and hope to dream of flowers, gardens and pleasantries. Oh and hope to wake up to a good ending or to a good start. Thank you for reading.






Dear Dreary


Hi,

Yes, busy. No time to ramble...when I have time, I am either too tired or not in the mood. I dislike opening my emails on weekends and getting mail notifications from work. The New Year is moving faster than it did last year and I thought last year passed by like a flash.

I had something I wanted to write about, I wanted to say I forgot but as soon as I thought I forgot about it, it appears that I didn't. There is this really old Chinese lady whom I saw today, I noticed her walking and feeding the cats in the market. Perhaps the curiosity in my face was apparent, I was then told a little about her.  This old lady collects chicken heads that have been thrown away in markets, everyday. She takes the chicken heads, goes back and boils them chicken heads. She then comes back everyday in the afternoon and feed the cats in the market. No, It's not like she lives nearby; she takes a bus from somewhere pretty distant and comes at the same time and feeds them cats...everyday. 

Judging from the cats’ antics, one would notice that these cats were very familiar with her. Having said that, some people who have stalls or do business in the market, dislikes her doings and have warned her, perhaps even scolded her for feeding them cats. She is partly responsible for the increase of population among cats in that area, or so it has been thought/speculated.

There has been complaints’ regarding the increase of numbers amongst cats in the market. Word is, the local authority have collected around some 20 kittens and hopefully transferred them somewhere where they are still living... 

Regardless of who's right or despite what the truth might be. Some would say, some people like fishing, some people like gardening.... she needs a new hobby. On the other hand some would say, contributing to the increment of cats could pester some. I am sure you have something to say too. Though seeing that you can't now...I guess that just leaves me to voice out—my opinion.

My first impression upon hearing about her was, ‘there is still hope for humanity’. She might be wrong in feeding the cats and is probably responsible for making them cats lazy and not being able to hunt on their own. They might have even lost their touch in the art of ‘huntestry’.  I’ve been watching too many animal related documentaries.

I also did say that I have no time to ramble…

In reference to the first paragraph, I’ve been bringing back work to home lately. It’s not like I am not grateful or anything…but…having said that, the email hath reminded me that I need to get some work done.
I still can’t believe it’s March already. Yesterday I was still 12 and depressed. Today…let’s not even go there.

Back to the old lady, I found her doings inspiring and hopeful regardless of the consequences or whatever logic some might construe…when I saw here feeding them cats, I had respect for her.

My PC is getting more and more sensitive each day; it is true what they say about old people. I saw what I was trying to do…and let’s just say the ending of what the end might be, might not be sensitive nor appropriate…Hence, I wish it would just keep on working the way it usually does before 2012.  Right now, I have ill feelings for my computer. I don't care what you might think...computer.

I am sure I can come up with more interesting things to write about but alas! It is beyond midnight and in Malaysia even trains don’t operate this late. 

Tomorrow…today is Sunday and I hope to wake up early as to make it lengthier and worthwhile in consequent to being all productive and useful. I bid myself good night and you should do something more worthwhile. Byes.









Victim or

I think I have become one of those guys. You know, one that gives hope and then end up not being able to fulfil whatever task given to him.

I always have thought that I was a pretty darn good writer…well that was until I started writing for others. They give their opinions, want you to change your style and you know, you now basically write to satisfy others or what they think will be more satisfying for others.

To put it short, though it was a volunteer job…I in my bubble, lost the passion to write for the cause. Which I still support and believe in. I just got a dose of laziness that is preventing from submitting those works. To say, ‘shit happens’ is an understatement. It feels more like, ‘this shit never goes away’.

Who knows with a little effort I can bounce back or something positive like that. Though, it is a complete back-breaker, demotivational to be told to change one’s style and the format of writing.

Which could also explain why I have been…persistent in writing in my blog. Though I am not sure if persistent is the right word. Over here I can write, 'bla bla bla' and still consider it meaningful, well you get the point (speaking to myself).

As my boss walked towards his office just now, I noticed him turning his back checking up on me. Being more inclined and drawn to a pessimistic way of thinking, I’d say it wasn’t because he has started to recognize me. Well I shouldn’t care as long as I am able to complete the task given to me by him or so I think.

Speaking of being able to complete the task given to me, I reminded myself on how I still suck at ‘C’. A programming language that I have to teach/assist. I also feel the need to point out that instead of working on my problems; I am busy writing about it.

Don’t worry about it, I say to myself…

Erm, I think my writing of telling me not to worry for myself might have jinxed…myself...badly. As soon as I typed it, the IT head came in and I don't know under whos authority pretended to check my job and gave me a whole new horizon of work tasks. I could say I feel like crying but a manly person like me?

Now I am starting to think whether that was the reason my boss glanced back at me as he was heading to his room. Maybe he was feeling a little guilty for selling me out to another department whose head (the guy who checked on me) has been the talks of many disgruntled employees. That was my wish, albeit it could also be my good looks.

 However starting today, I am to give one hour of my time to assist the IT department. This is however a ploy, a sleazy tactic. Pretty soon I’ll be working for both departments. I am after all an avid reader of books pertaining of manipulation, conspiracy and sleazy tactics. Not wanting to boast, I too have the ability to glare at a person and read his mind. Some people think that I am awesome.

As the famous saying goes, ‘nothing awesome continues to write more’ I now need to conspire on how to survive…it could mostly be very closely related to being a good and adhering slave. As usual I self-sympathize. Remember me in your prayers.

p.s. That probably puts and end to the spirit of my wanting to bounce back on the volunteer job.

C




/*instead of learning though due to the current incapability to learn*/

/*I bring you this*/

/*Comments, comments, comments*/

Preprocessor, #include libraries ,

Main (), Int main (), main void (), void main (),

{{{ }}}

Functions called by other functions,

Arguments, multiple arguments, parentheses,

Brain paralysis, brain dead, static now stagnant,

Still, unproductive, motivation tumbling downhill,

Boss’s footsteps approaching, fear now lurking,

Compilers, functions, declarations, variables…

Statements must end with;

Semicolon, colonoscopy, painful memories,

If (understand ) {

Printf (“hooray!”);

Else (still don’t understand)

Printf (“read again and again”);

}

Scanf, scanf, can of ass,

User defined functions?!!

Curly brackets, int, char, double, float, count, if, else, while…

Modifiers: short, long, signed, unsigned…???

Arrays, trays, erase, oh God I pray!

Loop, loop, loop, aloof, aloof, lost and going in loops,

Statements, values, confusions, conducive to concussions,

Heartaches, nerds, geeks, make me one of you;

Int long, int short, int long long,

Once upon an integer,

\n \n \n ,\t,\\, print a back slash,

%d, %s, %c, %x,%u,%%,

>, <, ==, <=, =>;

Printf, printf, printf;

Lower case, upper case

For (a=1; a <= 5; a = a + 1)

{

For (b=1; b <= a; b = b + 1)

Printf(“%d”, a);

Printf(“\n”);

}

Output:

Error, Error,ERROR!

Oh the horror!

Though the optimist,

The protagonist will continue…

To endeavour…with hope however...? :)









When the poor stop dreaming of becoming rich, the world will then become a better place.



Close the doors to fantasies,

Shallowness and superficialities,

Ingrained it is in societies,

The men and women,

Programmed and clayed,

Brainwashed and molded,

Into stereotyping puppetries.



The ways of your fathers proven unworthy,

Sad and unhappy the world in entirety,

Living in luxury,

Yet peace? Alone but misery,

The world…

Poverty, disparity and adversity,

We pray not to stray from the straight path,

Yet we let our dreams pave a disastrous path.



Stop the oppressions,

First from within,

Turn off the TVs,

The world and all its glory,

No longer in his to do list,

The masses wake up!,

It is time to light up,

The poor must rise up,

Sincerity in every breath,

The end to disparity…

Emerges through piety.



I guess at this age we have from the seed we broke out from and from what we had been given have paved our paths, invested our lives and chose a path that ought to take us to what we’ve always dreamt of; Happiness and such. I have made mine and so have you, I hope that we will all during and towards the end of our journey be steadfast and satisfied with the life we have chosen for ourselves.

I pray I will remain on this path and become a lover of this way. It is also today part of my being to fear from straying off the path for that alone is enough to signify the beginning of a catastrophic ending.

Nurture


I remember when the first reality TV series, ‘Survivor’ took place in Pulau Sipadan, Borneo in the year 2000. The show was aired all over the world. We were proud of our country being displayed through television box sets in living rooms all around the world. Not long after that we also heard news on how magnificent and beautiful the island was. Praises upon praises were being mouthed on its splendor and magnificence.

 Having said that, due to lack of awareness and perhaps ignorance, we took it for granted, at least I did at that time.

However, over the years the realization and the importance of conservation/preservation of places like the Sipadan Island became instilled in me, particularly after witnessing other nearby islands, beaches, and rivers in the country being considered as unsafe and reputed for being dirty and unhygienic. Who knew vast places like this could be tainted by a single piece of plastic wrapper or an empty water bottle? It could when every single person who visits these places drops a plastic wrapper or an empty water bottle.  

It would be safe to assume that Malaysians in general love nature, natural excursions and expeditions; mainly because we were raised in a nature rich environment and our activities were very closely related with nature and involved nature.

Whenever there was a need to getaway or when the hustle and bustle of the stressful city life has taken its toll; we were never short of places to visit. We possess legendary waterfalls, mesmerizing beaches, exciting mountains and activities ranging from hiking, camping, water rafting, diving, fishing, caving, trekking and many more.

Not wanting to leave out the rich flora and fauna in our country—we are also a region blessed with a rich and wonderful flora and fauna that encompasses various unique species of plants, and animals.

Needless to say, we have and will always be dependent on nature to survive. People visit places like waterfalls, mountains, forests, beaches etc to recuperate, recharge, immerse in its beauty as to gain tranquility, and to calm their minds.

Having said that, in reference to the second paragraph, today there are a few places that were once well known for its beautiful beaches, clean rivers and calming waterfalls; are in the present considered an eyesore and even harmful to human. Hence despite the irony, we now have people discouraging others from visiting these places; instead of reacting more positively or responsibly. Surely we have forgotten that we were the reason of this misfortune.

We, over the years have been visitors to these places and little by little polluted them and corrupted them by introducing trash and dirtying these  beautiful places; in spite of being responsible in its rehabilitation we ignored them and have moved on to other ‘cleaner’ recreational spots. These places, today abandoned by most, reek of an unpleasant air, the beaches no longer clean, the corals diminishing and the water at the waterfalls are no longer safe to drink and in addition to that there are places infested with diseases such as malaria.

Sorry but I couldn’t help myself from drifting to another topic, today if we drive from one state to another we can observe how mountains are slowly being torn down, we could also monitor and compare how forests along the highways are being replaced by palm plantations.  Ever since I was little and on every road trip, I would witness forests being cut off and mountains torn down; even till today it’s still ongoing! It then occurred to me that every single day there are trees cut down; mountains torn up while other places recreational spots are being trashed and polluted. If one were to observe one’s surrounding, he/she would’ve noticed it too, if he/she hasn’t already on the amount of corruption that is presently going on.

How can we, after being so dependent and after gaining so much from nature continue to pollute and corrupt it? And to what extent?

Furthermore it is understandable; nobody likes unclean or polluted places. Though we are still oblivious that we are the cause of this gradual calamity. We like going to untainted and beautiful places, we pleasure ourselves but in spite of being grateful we continue to corrupt and pollute these places too!

It would be helpful if people were to realize that if this continues all of these gems in our country would eventually be reduced to places unfit for visitors.

Educating oneself on the disaster of littering, knowing the consequences of littering and its effect towards Mother Nature should be a good enough reason for people to refrain from littering, yet sadly that too has failed to prevent people from littering.

One must realize on how much a person is dependent and how much humanity as a whole relies on nature. Whatever our methods maybe one would probably start caring and paying more attention when one has the passion and love for it. We hope people; especially Malaysian citizens will start to love their waterfalls, rivers, beaches, mountains and all these blessings we have been granted and heavily rely on.

Loads of gratitude and appreciations to Government bodies, ngo’s like Waterfall Survivors for trying to educate and instill the importance of Mother Nature to the public.

We are all part of nature, it should be our part to love, care and preserve our environment. Everyone should be a part of it.

p.s. The Pictures below triggered me to come up with this particular piece. It was taken at a fishermen’s village somewhere around Klang. It is also said that trashes from all around comes to this place and makes its way towards the sea. The lines of trash on both sides of the river were more than a couple of kilometers long.

To be fair I will also include some pictures at the same place without the trash, which I was lucky enough to witness.

















I Rant


To my faithful perhaps non-existent readers here I am once again updating my beloved yet often neglected blog.

An old man I met told me to K.I.S.S (Keep It Short and Simple) he also said that writing is a form of expression, a sharing session. ‘This communication’ so to speak will only be purposeful if the reader could understand what the writer is trying to convey. He added that everyone writes for everyone else no matter how they try to deny it.

So here I am denying it. I am sure there is truth in what the old man said, he being a respected writer and a lecturer himself surely would know what he’s talking about. I on the other hand reprehensively said to him that I write to make myself feel better. I wouldn’t want anyone to understand my deepest thoughts and my emotions..though I guess there’s no secret there too.

Having said that, out of respect I’ll heed his advice and make this one K.I.S.S though actually I just plan to ramble on about random stuffs. I hope it’s okay with erm people…

A few months back I stopped playing football. Recently I started again, reason being…once your body is used to being exercised frequently, once you stop, one actually not only gains weight but also feels heavy and experience some kinda discomfort. I also don’t like when my pants get too tight.

Whenever I go to offices, banks, clinics, shops…it always troubles me to see how most employees often appear, well not exactly happy. It boggles me how people for years continue doing the same crap and after some time stop progressing; it all then becomes a routine. Well who am I to talk, I do the same. Though it’ll be less depressing-like when an individual does something he is passionate about. Although we know how many are lucky enough to do something they’re really into….most are also pressured into pleasing the society and do whatever the society deems as success…okay dead end approaching.

I got a new job…I hope for positivity and progress. I am not used to optimism…it’s not like I don’t want to be optimistic, it’s just that optimism in my case often end up with a bullet in the heart, so to speak. Nonetheless, now that I am old enough, I shall be optimistic nonetheless.

 When I was a kid, I was taught…I remember these two phrases thanks to my mother. One was, ‘old is gold’ she wrote that on a wrapper; she was giving an old purse as a present. She let out a sad smile as she explained to me what it meant. Maybe because she didn’t have any money to buy an actual gift? Well not that it matters; I wanted to say I like old stuff…from books, crafts and other stuff.

The other phrase being, ‘honesty is the best policy’ well we all honestly know that honesty is not really the best policy especially around women or men for that matter. These days I am better at not putting my thoughts across.

I see changes, I see growth, we took our parts, the journey embarks, we grew apart, yesterday it felt like I was still 10, we better start, focusing on what we think will make the heart spark, one must grow inside, in spirit, one should also by now already reach a stage where one has already known himself and has come into terms with his inner self. One should by now, know his path and where he is heading. His eyes set on his destination, the rest are just a struggle, some call it a distraction, a test, one must be steadfast and with all his might overcome worlds that transgress.

Alright then, like I always say...I’ll probably try to be more consistent and write more often. Thank you and have a good day.




So he said, let it be told this way,
A tale not meant to supercede,
Who cares what they might say,
Would it matter if we go our own way?
Alas!
It does in so many clauses,
A cause that might brings upon many sadness.

Let it be told this way,
This way, it would be a sincere depiction of your stay,
There need not be a need for anyone to pave the way,
For your being is constantly in my wake,
In our wake,
Warmth and comfort resurfaces,
The colorful garden resonates,
Our feelings forever immaculate.

Away, distant, high on a milestone,
Trust, distrust and other misdirection’s;
Timely, A connection was born,
Bearing fruit to a feeling long gone,
One that gave birth to a magnificent bond,
The two sitting close together,
Hand in hand, embracing each other,
Serenely steadfast against endeavors

Sensitive, caring and insightful,
She…my type, my cup of tea, the apple of my eye,
Oh will you stop!?
Bothersome is this mind,
Reminding of cruel consequences,
No need for a taste of reality!
Aghast!
But…
Floating in tranquility,
Calm they remain in companionship,
Devoid of logic and any methods of reckoning…


Temporary as it may be,
Pointless it could be,
Still it touched the very depth of the ocean’s floor,
Protruding lively sparks,
That bore a flame and lit up the deep sea,
With a flare full of delight, it resonates…

  
Illogical, unreasonable,
This is a tale not fit for this world,
A story transpired in a universe…
Where two beings were oblivious of the world,
So days, weeks, months dispersed over the years,
Still the flame breathes and continue to subsists,
At the bottom of the sea where no man exists.




The days, daze & maze

Worry—eat curry, scurry…no, not in a hurry! Soon all those memories, pointless to bury, infatuated with happiness yet best friends with misery and his friend named dreary, just like dairy, a defense mechanism actually, one that has now failed and taken over, no longer steady, the boat shaky, the defense flaky. The path is slippery, one slip and there goes his soul in entirety. What is the future, what is the world, when hauntingly it appears as if scums, idiots are in control of the world and it appears as though animals in human forms are in control of the lives of yours and mine…or at least, the lives we believe to be mine and yours?

How untrustworthy, ‘the next day will come by shining’, they say with a smile and a frown, yet they know not what tomorrow has been planned for thee, verily they too are plotters, yet re-assuredly he said, ‘there is no re-assurance’. Maybe I should get some insurance? Now, now I can anticipate negligence and get through accidents with assurance. Such is the world, pleasant not for the peasants...who can’t afford even insurance, only faith in the omnipotent.

Gloat arrogantly, why not? I only have a goatee, so I’ll remain timid with whatever self-worthy left instilled in me, murky—under waters where is this thing called self worth? Who decides on worth or self-worthiness? The pigs or the ones governing them? Self praise, now that’s something I am acquainted with, when there is no praise, the self tries to accept itself and creates empathy, empty empathies, a day dreamer, hallucinating made-up fantasies, picturing praises from those deluded wide in numbers. Hedonists, hard workers, hard to party…doctors’ who are heart-dead, reviving hearts, beating once again, a piece of meat, no light, none of the sort…only the rulers of the world, the hearts are dead, priorities widespread, a calamity, that’s what it is, beating hearts devoid of a light that transcends; one that brings about not benevolence…what upraising? Shrouded are the hearts with shreds of greed and dark entities.

Tied to a pole, hung to a trunk, stretched out entirely, they look at him appraisingly, what do they know? Nothing, not even aware of the fact that they’re only in abundance with deficiencies. His eyes sunken, he smelled of a skunk to the people whose hearts are hard like dry dungs...He smiled to a girl passing by, what boldness! He is stilled with desire, a man without self-worthy yet cursed as a man who awakens upon sensing a scent from the heavens, his sunken eyes emitted with life. The girl then looked at him she smiled back, his heart immediately enveloped by warmth, comfort and nice. He was about to open his mouth, she stopped him with her hand, she picked up a stone and threw it to his groin. She stood closer now, observing the man in pain and then she smiled again, the man deluded by her scent, felt obliged to please her, so he tried his best to make a smile. Such is the man, gentle and kind and obviously blind with no mind.

Tomorrow! Nay the near future, the far future, a child then a teen, insufficiency in entirety; grateful not from what you can see and now an adult who is trapped in adolescency, what is puberty? In my search for answers, meanings, wisdom amidst deficiencies, now I am facing my demise? Fret not for the path hath been found, now-now not a man who is re-born, but more like a blind man without his stick, trying to surpass the world and its murky grounds, guarded by hounds and heavy thorns.

Paradox

Shouts and shrieks,

The eyes opens with dread,

Stressed and afraid,

Solemn widespread,

Alone I dread,

Fellow minds are not great,

Too simple to akin as comrade,

It’s just difficult to associate,

Isolated I dread,

Though the people widespread,

All I see are inbreds.


Humiliated and disgraced,

Humility ingrained,

I open my arms to comrades,

They regard me not as compatriot,

They gaze and discriminate.

Though they in the slums,

They smile and acknowledge,

The sun shines equally unto everyone,

The rain drops blesses everyone,

But the people;

They see differences,

As to deviate,

So to disparate.


Mankind sullen,

Man, I am solemned,

Like a dry flower I am withering,

Watching life pass by,

Paving the path to indifference,

A scavenger who hath lost appetite,

The sun has lost its bright,

The moon has lost its pride,

The stars no longer take strides,

Save, save for the faith that lies in his chest,

Instilling Prevalence to the one who is dead.

Anaxagoras

Anaxagoras was considered the first Athenian philosopher. He believed that grain composed of flesh, bone, hair etc. He was interested in how food can turn into flesh and bone.

Has anyone of you ever thought of that? I mean the idea of food being food; not only keeps you alive but enhances your growth both physically and mentally. If u have, I am humbled, If you haven’t then I am indifferent. Again sorry about the repetitiveness but due to my shock/awe have u wondered how a baby gradually develops and grow both mentally and physically with the existence of food introduced to the body? It’s just so natural, so fundamental that we ceased to give it any thought and take it for granted..

I am not even at the stage of thinking of it from a scientific perspective. I am just very concerned with the thought of how could he have thought of it and why after soo long and not even through my own perception/ knowledge did I even had the faintest notion of such a thought. I had to be introduced to something as obvious through a book. When all the while I led a 'normal life' and a little bit of exaggeration why not, nonchalantly in ignorance.

Now if we look at it from a scientific point of view, we know that it wasn’t the food per say but the nutrients in the food that causes a child to grow out limbs, bones and hair? What are these nutrients? But do they consist of flesh, bone, muscles and hair?

The first time I read it, I read it with awe and a certain amount of delight for being exposed to this thought. However disappointment followed through almost immediately. How could I not even had the slightest thought; the faintest of idea to think of something as obvious and simple by myself? I asked. Here is a man from the Pre-Socratic period albeit a great one who came up with this thought. Again, what am I spewing about? Pretending as if the time we live in produces great minds or even giving myself the impression that I am capable of such thinking.

A long time back I came to terms that no matter what I think, thought of, did or do; someone else have done or thought of what I think of or think of doing. Nothing that comes from me regardless of its source can ever be original or the primary. Though bothered a little at first with the thought I figured instead of troubling my mind over such matters that would not only lead to conundrums of the heart and failure; it’ll only be natural for me to accept the reality.

Though, however, here is a thought that came devoid of outside sources… that would not be entirely true seeing that we are always affected and influenced by everything(I meant I didn’t hear or read this from anywhere). I was thinking and was occupied by the idea of how can a man be happy when there is single person out there suffering? What kind of happiness allows one to feel happy while someone else is clouded/shrouded with misery? It’s just a thought to contemplate on.

Though if u take a glance at the world and its people (My theory, well I am sure this isn’t even my theory, someone else must’ve thought of it, I just happen to think of it now.) one would definitely say that it is a failed theory. I on the other hand would uphold the belief that a man can reach contentment or attainment of many attributes, attributed to superficiality but still fail to reach happiness when unhappiness affects another.

Therefore all of these circus shows, the antics, the antiquities, the performances, these acts are lies and conjectures…

I would, well I would like to say I’d like to continue…nah I’ll end this one here—embark on a journey of humility and come to the acceptance that the drawback and limitation of man and his kind sees no boundaries; Speaking of which who knows how many other obvious knowledge that we are still in the dark about? I need painkillers. *joke*

Fall

The truth is,

The cities must fall,

The tyrants and titles must fall,

Like rain falling down from the sky,

You too shall fall,

Mitigated!

The people are agitated,

Why, of course you too are irritated,

Soon you shall fall,

Curses upon curses befalls,

The heavens and earth calls out for your fall,

No need to gawk,

It is time to fall,

Like a heavy waterfall,

Your kind will fall,

Regardless of when,

Summer, winter, spring or fall,

You will fall,

No matter how tall,

You must fall!

And when you fall,

There will be a ball,

One that brings about justice,

One that silences uproar,

You may hide behind walls

The walls too will fall,

Upon you is a call,

One that commands you to fall,

You shall fall you shall fall,

Your brethrens will fall,

If you are reading this,

Then know that you will fall,

And if that too fails,

Then upon death is your fall.











Avon

Oh what a wonderful day,

Everyone smiling…yes wondrously!

Sincerely alive, ah so lovely...

A breathtaking sight,

Oh fascinating projectionaries,

Is this bliss or sanctuary?!

For centuries I dreamt of this reality,

The air is filled with good thoughts and pleasantries,

The people no longer ill in their hearts,

The people with love instilled in their hearts,

There were no more distraught,

Nay! No more despots!

Tears stroll down of happiness,

Bright and colorful,

The world’s inhabitants are no longer fools,

Ah, I breathe out a sigh of relief,

Astonishing creations all around me,

Comforted by the grass surrounding me,

Looking at the sky above me,

Hanging without being held,

So am I, happy without being told,

Gold and silver no longer sold,

All are alive are the souls,

.

.

.

I shall stop now,

No need for negativity.

Frenzies

This message below was originally meant to be sent to my high school friends. It was meant to boost/spark interests/ create involvement in coming up with some sort of getting-togetherness punya event. However seeing that I managed to dramatize, get off topic and exaggerate a little too much, even to my liking. It doesn’t seem nearly as appropriate nor suited to be addressed to specific people. It also got somewhat personal and bromanticized in such a manner that might conjure up uneasiness and suspicions haha.

Greetings victims of the system! :D

I woke up today whereby I dreamt of my younger days, you know back when I was still in school. As I was dreaming….I realized that my somewhat aged brain could not extract (think winzip) those memories. After all these years, I am starting to question if I really did attended school? All that I am able to conjure up were just a few depictions of faint images that would not last more than a few seconds. However if you’re a person who believes in not dwelling into the past then I assume you are not at lost here.

Now that we are reaching 30 (I hate saying…I even hate thinking about it) I realized, in our zest/frenzy in wanting to lead a normal/successful life according to our ‘bimbo-like’ society’s expectation; we have forgotten, (well in this context) the early years of our life where we had to go to the same place, meet the same people, probably do the same things, worry about girls etc. Okay, this isn’t the affect I wanted to ‘re-kindle’. This just reminds me of work, where I am at currently, disgruntled but at the same time grateful for not being homeless and spat at. Also do appreciate on the fact that I probably have to add an extra hour at w_r_ as to exchange for the amount of time I spent writing about things of the past I can faintly recall.

Hmm..I’ll try again, pay attention class! Remember when we all had to go to the same place, meet the same people, probably do the same things and even have the same fantasy with different individuals; Minus the obligations, stress, stressors and the multitudes of never ending negativity (okay, maybe I am just speaking for myself). Of course school wasn’t ‘all that’ nor close to perfect, especially if you had a ruptured childhood. Okay, I keep on forgetting that this is not about me! :D. Sticking to the topic like glue, though we were a lot more dumber and simple minded, the air, the young innocent fresh faces, the uniform, the batch, the bloody blue thing u had to stick on your collar, the teachers (though some not very exemplary. Yes, I have issues)

I guess I am trying to say that these things are (fortunately maybe even unfortunately) are the things that made us who we are today. School was probably where our minds were molded, shaped and produced like when a car comes out from a factory to serve its owner. That’s probably not a very good example…for you might have already noticed how I am insinuating and pointing out where we are similar to animals or God forbid maybe akin to inanimate objects, which is wrong but you can probably see the similitude perhaps?

On another note, one may choose to completely let go/forgo their high school memories and experience he/she went through; I certainly won’t mind forgetting some stuff. ß (pointless paragraph.)

Finally, I come to this, the once sloppy kids I met at school, most of them I have no idea how we met. Okay, I shouldn’t have said finally, here I am getting off topic again; making friends in high school were easy you just go up to them not having to worry about anything. I don’t know if it is the same with other people or with kids today. Making friends were not a problem to me. Though being dumb I picked fights instead and lost the opportunity to get to know some interesting people (girls).

Finally, finally till today most of my closest friends are friends I went to school with, though one always faces the risk of losing a friend, true friends are always able to find each other and maintain that bond. Despite the modern world having the tendency to turn humans into inanimate objects one always feels human and alive being with friends who knew them all their lives.

The best thing about having people who understands you is even when you behave like a complete moron and time and time again spout out really stupid stuff, they simply tolerate your nonsense and brush it off. If you couldn’t relate to what I wrote then maybe I am just lucky. I have many friends but only one or two that will stand by me even if I were penniless, jobless among other things. For that I am grateful and I hope the light of true friendship will constantly shine till the end of time and beyond.

Enclosing, I end with a proverb by Saidina Ali: 'A friend cannot be considered a friend until he is tested in 3 occasions: in time of need, behind your back and after your death.'



Tomorrow

He walked through the battlefield with his eyes daunted; it appeared haunted, staled with incessant taunting, badly hurt, it made him walk slanted. His eye bags were black and ringed with pouches. He whispered his thought, ‘It’s a curse, it has to be a curse, despair supersedes, reigning over every thoughts and memories.’ He worries over his well being while there are few who are selfless beings, However the masses, the people with their theories, magnificence in debauchery, self importance that knew no boundaries.

Tomorrow—you’re expected not, you bring about not daisies but filth filled with dreary and paranoia that accompanies him daily, turns one into cowardice. Ye men full with mighty prowesses like a Pegasus; they cause chaos, resulting into transgression and decades of oppression. Their eyes glimmers at the sight of gold and silver but sooner or later all would be endeavored, when the throne hath called unto your terrors. Time has kept you in power. Time! Perhaps it’s time to let the masses discover what it feels to have their fates turn over; resulting into men once again humble in fear.

Eyes opened wide when all else embraced and firmly closed—indulging in peace, rest and sweet dreams. Thoughts then stir, tomorrow you beckon fear. Pointless but he lies awake to make the night last longer. Shallow indeed, the rebel keeps his rest away from him; tomorrow both mind and body will experience the consequences till regrets comes overwhelming. Weak and lost, the vagabond continues with his sleep deprived activities.

Tomorrow you cannot be tricked; he hopes and wishes for the night to last longer than a week and for the weekends to last longer than they did. In a haste they heaved, ‘Oh pathetic!’ even his own voices enjoined in cursing his longing.

Tonight, there is still peace, alone and at ease, loved ones deep in sleep recuperating from their worldly deeds.

Laid in comfort and having pleasantly dreams; whilst everyone sleeps, the peasant weeps, ‘Oh moon! Prolong—make us forget our agonies and misdeeds. Instead almost distastefully even in our sleep you portray nightmares and depict a life similar to this.’

For during night, man hides away from all kinds of illness, worries and miseries that the day depicts. Whilst the sun rises, despite sunshine, all that transcends is a sordid darkness commanding for men to conform and enslave their lives-akin to servants who knew not the meaning of freedom. The system created to build humans to ensure they remain subservient to the plotters, the ‘esteemed’ puppeteers.

Tomorrow, it’s not even you really, how can a man stop you from approaching? The real problem lies within the air we breathe, the environment one was raised in, the society which was formed to appease the materialist and the self-worshipping elitist. Now everyman is almost as soulless as the vehicle he’s in.

In his wake he fantasizes to witness the destruction of the despots and their plots, you destroy these bigots together with their greedy misleading thoughts. What can a puppet that has no power over the world’s despots do but indulge and get engrossed in his thoughts on defeating the kings who created lives filled with distraught.

Seconds away from drifting off, he wishes, ‘I wish not to feel nor to think but of peace so when I wake up with ease I wish I could say, I would then spread peace but what is this peace and ease that not even asleep I knew exist?’

The other voice then said, ‘the way to quick peace is to stop being narcissistic, you really should get some sleep. Tomorrow as usual, you take a leap.’ It then said after a pause, ‘ye man, you cannot make me weep. I am seasoned from defeat, in knee deep with bitter animosity that will even mislead your shallow heartbeats.’

The other one said, ‘Thank God for I still breathe and for as long as I live, I shall continue to path a straight trajectory and remain calm with humility for who knows when I’d cease to breathe; dead in remorse and forever weep.’

He woke up from his nightmare, stood up, got ready and walked into another.

Man

Lo! The so called protagonist, yearning heroic fantasies, the imbecile dreams to please and seize the hearts of the very people who disparate against him; fortunately he found a little sense before he was self deceived, past and the future in a land filled with embellished thorns, the mindless protagonist hopeful in his endeavors. He yearns to finds peace instead of having to please and appease the diseased, the soon to be deceased.

Every day he is numbed, being dumb, he repeats the same mistakes and goes glum, still he benumbs, with no intention to succumb, determined to rise against the mountain’s crumbs.

His eyes filled with worry, anticipating the night’s miseries, they are no mysteries they befall him and surround him with fear and ill stories, and he fails, the grown up wails, to no avail, his efforts gone stale, a mediocre tale, yet the stupid prevails.

Hailed by the derailed, the people have lost their trail, to them you are failed; indifference and intolerance gave birth to a subconscious competition to see who will prevail.

Importance in intelligence, intelligence in arrogance, a waste of a person, no more than a delinquent, he stands proud in acting diligent, an arrogant moron, the scum will soon learn knowledge alone is no wisdom.

Weakness in too many places, he studies the many faces, went through the many phases, yet still there are so many phrases, now for the appraisals, he realizes he is but weak and powerless, insecure and constantly fearing disasters. He wails again, observing old people ripe with age, still filled with rage to assert importance and gain honorary traits—lack of faith is never a good trait.

His whole being aches, his pride’s at stake, what about respect, titles, power and fame? It’s time to decide…He then decides what good it is to live up to kings and human beings? When the whole world is not even comparable to a mosquito’s wing? He turns his back from the fantasy world. Equipped himself with mediocrity and immersed himself in reality.

Hey imbecile! So has the world changed? Murkier it has gotten; my hair has now fallen, my tooth are rotten, I dislike this English I have written, a man made rule of taking strides, of deciding what is right and wrong through the idiocy of people's capacity and tolerance evaluating and marking and determining other people's intelligence. I wish to have swallowed my frustrations and conveyed my worries good riddance.

What good is pride, when you’re a creature called man, what good is arrogance when it creates vengeance, what good is a man, when he forgets his reason, what good is man when he denies his origin. What good is a man, when he forsakes the air he breathe in?

ehem



Ehem...I always wanted to start off like this. Ehem..so Ramadhan was awesome to say the least. I actually have written/ in the completion of several entries. Here's the thing, it seems like the only stuff I can really enjoy writing or could write about are...gloomy stuff. Hence I wasted ample time on contemplating on more or less nothing, which led to no postings. Well I care if i neglect my blog for too long. Maybe because it has become a routine or should I say I care because I am self-absorbed and it has become a routine? What do you care?

Okay, I don't know what else to write about. Besides I write more freely and strong spiritedly when I am not at home. At home, writing this appears as if I am wasting my time. Damn my thoughts...and I shouldn't be writing down everything I think about. As they say, you never know who's reading your blog. You certainly don't want people you don't want to read your blog, to read your blog.


Oh and I'll end this with a couple of raya pics. Selamat Hari Raya people. Now stay healthy.

p.s. A reminder to myself, as to motivate meself; don't waste your thoughts, energy and time on what others could do to you or what they might think of you. People are people...don't cling on to people. Life gets better when you stop worrying about what people can do to you. Of course it's not easy but once you can think that way, you have elevated yourself and have freed yourself from unnecessary trouble. Haih, patience and perseverance.




I call the first pic Harry Proper, because i am always appropriate hahaha


The cool samurai look, no?