Pointless Points

Once again it’s been quite some time since I last posted my entry. I have to say that right now I am awfully proud of myself. I wasn’t really aware of my self determination to be this strong. It’s my tenth entry, and yes it’s a big deal to me. This wouldn’t have happened if my friends didn’t encourage me to continue writing. You guys are acknowledged...ha-ha. Pretending to be an established writer is fun.


Lately, since the last time I posted my entry. I haven’t been up to anything unusual nor have I been experiencing anything unusual. Things are about the same and quite a bore it’s proven to be so far. But doing /working things in routine makes the journey more safe and relaxing. Which to me would be perfect when I am in my 50’s, I guess. Well I would like it be like that when I turn 50. But then again it’s just a thought. Things changes, even thoughts do. By the way, having been living for this long I was quite sure that I’d know pretty much about almost everything or at the least heard of it. Surprisingly, to me I’ve learned that there are plenty of things/ subjects which are quite popular among certain people were unknown to me. I am sure it’s not a big deal, how could a person possibly know about every single thing or happenings in his life. Here are some of the things that I just recently got to know about. The walkmen, Rick James, tidal waves, Russian mobs, and that death can come out of the blue without a warning(this one I knew, but I think I know it better now)

Just that you know, my writings are just mere writings and most of it is my thoughts that I prefer to keep to myself as it would freak the people around me (in the real world that is). I would like to strongly state that this is nothing like diary. Yes it’s my thoughts but nothing personal. Somewhat I had the urge to defend myself. Back to the writings then, my point was I am still clueless about many things, about crucial matters that I’d have to deal with sooner or later. I am hoping to be well educated before I indulge myself into something that would determine my future. I have a dream a dream to not dream about things that I desire, it should just be there whenever I need it. That’s not a proper dream, however my true dream is to have super powers heck I’ll even settle for doraemon rather childish huh. People nowadays dreams of being successful and rich. I am guessing here. Now wouldn’t it be too good to be true. It is highly unlikely for that to happen.


Perhaps they wont all become rich they’d be all successful in their own mending. Which now arises the question how successful is successful I don’t think there’s a limit to it there’s always competition and when if there’s no competition you’d still have to keep it running /maintain it. Which now arises the curiosity, are all successful people happy. I am sounding as if I have a grudge against successful people. No, that’s not what I am saying. It’s just that if I work my ass of working hard for years and sacrificing my fun times I just want to be sure that I’d be happy after that.

If you’re wondering why in the blue hell I am blabbering about this particular subject. I am currently reading a book entitled ‘the dream is everything’. I don’t read quite often so when I read one I like to brag about it. So far it’s really informative and the guy (author) seems serious in wanting to help and to make realize people about their true dreams. I dream to one day be successful and write a self help book, be the best seller so that other clueless loser’s could read my book and make me more rich and successful. That’d be fun. The thing is he writes only about being successful in one world. We Muslims believe in being successful in both worlds. The book still has good points though. It gives you the idea of how to recognize your dream and how to make it real.

People used to believe in basically two worlds. The current and the world after, at the least I believe so. Recently there seem to be a third world emerging. The internet world I know that you guys are going like ‘old story man’. This is just one of those things that I happen to just come know of. It just is getting so serious people spending more and more time on the computer heck people stealing things, playing games, getting into arguments, and many more things that was once thing’s that only happened in the real life. I’ve always wanted to say this. To the geeks out there do enjoy yourselves and have a blast. It’s the only world you could do that. Don’t get me wrong, I am just saying it. I even consider my self a geek. Please don’t hack my pc.

Changing topics, a friend recently during the month of Ramadan learned a lesson of how important it is to keep a cool head and respect others even when the other party is not behaving accordingly. I’ll make this short. On a sunny evening, he was relaxing sitting on someone’s bike, hanging out. Later on the owner of the bike arrived and rudely addressed the friend to get off his bike. In order not to lose face the friend attacked the owner of the bike with more of the same gruesome language which resulted to the friend ending up with bruises and humiliation received from the biker that is. Moral of the story “never mess with an angry rempit” (rempit, bikers with small bikes/loud noise and an undying courage). If any of you rempits happen to read this. Don’t get me wrong. I am just saying it. I even consider myself as a rempit please don’t hurt me.

Finally I would like to address my fellow blogger’s instead of spending all of your free times in front the computer writing craps all day long (shahriman(kidding)). Why not go out and meet up with friends/ go jogging or just do something healthier compared to blogging. Remember a healthy body is a healthy mind. Don’t get me wrong. I am just saying it….



bull

I’ve now picked up the habit to scribble down things that I think/thought about, in a way it makes me feel smart and my thoughts are written down, which proves nothing but I am doing something to keep myself busy. Trying to write down things so that I’d know or feel what I felt when I wrote apart from occupying myself, that is.

Days are gone, no matter how busy I was it still doesn’t guarantee anything except for the fact that I was doing something at the moment. It’s just that it doesn’t ensure the brightness of my future. It’s just that everyone seems to be doing well and seems to know their doing well. Whatever it is their moving around and doing stuffs that are future related which will eventually increase their chances of success. I on the other hand don’t really feel that good at all and it came to a point where writing about it felt like a good thing to do.

At the same time my insecure mind thinks about, is it really that important to become someone? I could only think of things such as work, get paid, get married, and own a house/car and shits like that. Oh not forgetting having fun and doing stuff to keep thyself entertained. Isn’t there a different way? Whatever it is I would eventually find out the answer to my question. Funny thing is I think that ill do the exact thing I question so much about. I don’t see any other option for now. If only I was a kings son life would be much merrier but then again It just seems to be so easy and having to deal with unnecessary problem’s that my peasant mind cant seem to have the ability to think about.

No one wants to live a hard life that includes me too worrying about things such as money our whole life is just so world like and that sucks. If by any chance you’ve been reading my previous writings, which I highly doubt. It seems like this is the only things I write about I am sorry but I cant seem to help myself. I just can’t stop complaining and whining about it actually makes me feel better which is why I continue doing it.

Perhaps if I would just try to take tiny steps to make an effort in enhancing the chances of my success as a person rather than whining about it would be much better you’d say. Knowing it makes me feel more like a whore and that sucks too. I don’t know if I think about the things that I am interested in. Interested enough to make it a source of living and pursue a career in that particular field. But just how do I get a job in the fields that I am quite sure I am interested in. It would be easier if you have good connections a rich friend would be good enough. You can always kiss his rich dad’s ass to get things moving. which actually sounds promising and I am sure most people do it . I wouldn’t think I’d not do the same things in order to achieve that its one of those things that comes in packages. Hope alone is not enough so we work for it and realizing that effort and hope just doesn’t guarantee success luck also plays an important ermm role? And yes recommendation from powerful people is also crucial. I am impressed by myself actually for someone who isn’t doing anything and has the ability to critic and whine all the time about things like I have already experienced it. Maybe it’s just that I see the people around me experiencing things and kinda get the idea of what’s going on. Come to think about it, shouldn’t be impressed.

It could all be because people just want to be acknowledged and respected. Yes, am nodding in approval. I must say that it’s really important to be acknowledged. If not by the people around you, by the people you love and if not by the people you love, Can someone acknowledge himself or herself? Yes after others do. Some just do silly things to prove themselves such as chatting on TV via sms. Why would anyone do that, its not even hip and its also annoying when I accidentally read their sick messages. Shouldn’t really blame them, it could be the only type of entertainment they have and if they seem to like it and people are getting richer by what they do then what else is there to say. I come to realize that my petty existence can only whine and cuss things/people. Damn, I indirectly made myself sad.

Another thing that bugs me is the frequent change of emotions. It’s just that it changes too often and every place projects an emotion, everything around us and the people around us could change my emotionally sensitive emotions and that too pisses me off. Which reminds me how weak a human is emotionally and physically.

Life is simple but there’s always something’s that makes it complicated and troublesome. For example after kissing asses of powerful people and successfully obtaining a cool job with a cool pay and get married and realize on the first night you couldn’t have an erection. Would it be safe to say that dreams and the path people are moving towards could be almost in the same subject only that their own problems and barriers they face in order to achieve it makes it their own. The one’s who really come thru and is successful in chasing their dream can then write a biography of their lives and become more successful and the less unfortunate people could then buy books of those successful people for inspirations.

I come to conclude that nothing really good can come out this life. There won’t be lasting happiness and it now sounds kinda normal and I am saying things that u guys have already known. To me we are just weak creatures and maintaining and succumbing the harshness of life is life itself.

macam bagus

I’ve been wanting to write for quite some time now, didn’t really had the composure to do so though. Things are about the same nothing really has changed which I’d say is something that I must learn to live with. Come to think about it there are something’s that have changed and is something that I have to live with too. Don’t really have any choices I’d say.

I came upon an old book named the Carlos complex, which saved me from boredom since I didn’t have my pc at that time .the particular book was really interesting and informative I’d thought that I’d share some of the interesting parts with you people but then again I don’t think I’d want to do that. It just made me believe that a person could go to great lengths for what they believe in. On second thoughts its not entirely true most of the people were really smart already to begin with. It’s ok if u can’t understand where I am going with this. Not that I care, tell u the truth I promised someone that I’d post a new entry soon. Me and my big mouth, Still don’t get why people would want read the shitter’s that I write, even I don’t read my own writings.

Was having a hard time when my pc was gone I now know how it feels to lose someone or something you cant live without and dearly care about. Couldn’t listen to the depressing tunes of Morrissey, radiohead made me more depressed. It made me feel better when I hear people singing about pathetic happenings/things. Worst of all I couldn’t watch any animes and that was pure hell but now my sacrifices paid off solemnly. I now watch animes with better a graphic card, sound card come to think about it, I changed almost everything ahahaha and I think that I am closer to my nirvana watching/ listening stuffs you like with enhanced specs makes life a little bit more cheerful and earth a better place to live in. Just to play safe, people close to us too plays an important role in making us a better person and at the same time keeping me sane. So friends are particularly important.

There’s this one time when I was also bored I got a novel from a friend which was written by Tom Clancy called…cant remember what the book was. I just with my sincerest gratitude would like to say that you suck. I only read one chapter, which was a sick torment. Oh and if by any chance you or your military intelligence happen to come upon my blog. Just think of this as free advertisement and bear in my mind that I am not worth it. A friend asked me to write about Malay’s you know the Malay people that we are. I don’t think I have the balls to do that, so ill not talk about it anymore and will take this opportunity to say “selamat berpuasa dan selamat hari raya”.




no subject

Today the world is lost in great confusion and cries out in agony. We face endless conflict as individuals, in our families, in our nations and in the world. As individuals, we are confronted with inner turmoil between our mind and body. Our families are plagued with the moral decadence of our young people and the breakdown of family-centered traditions. Historical rivalries lead to distrust and even war among our nations, fanning the embers of uncertainty and hopelessness in the world.
                                                                                                            - Unknown -

It has been a while since I first started thinking about the future, my future. Honestly I rather not, its just too much of a fuss. I always been or like to think that I am the type of person who live life as it comes and am quite satisfied with things, the way they were. That was until I finished school. Leaving school is a start, of a life that I was not familiar with. The world suddenly seemed huge and strange. Friends were too busy organizing their life or organized by, everyone was busy doing their thing. It’s a gift actually having something to do, whatever it is you want to do or having something similar as the rest of the crowd u grew up with.

 It makes me wonder how someone, who once was a friend, who did a lot of things together, didn’t have the opportunity to do what their friends did or do. Knowing that their friends would expand their knowledge and experience new things hence makes them one of the many normal people just might make them feel timid about themselves. They would eventually continue what their parents did and turn out to be a farmer or a fisherman wish is a noble occupation just that they didn’t really had a choice. I would not blame them if they were to feel a little bit unlucky or dissatisfied but if they were to just hangout among themselves, then things would just be normal, I guess.

The news is a perfect example of how the rich and powerful discriminates the weaker ones and at end of the day end up being the good guys. It just proves that there’s no more justice and fairness in the world and the thing about rich people is they keep getting richer and often provided free stuffs from people who acquire their importance or whatever it is, in that subject, hence making them more wealthy. Since I am on the disliking people ‘subject’ I would like to add that I am not fond of not rich people too. It’s just that their very insecure and easily provoked ohh and I like to think that I am in the middle of the both category.

 
I’ve come to believe that people who were unhappy with the way the system worked and had hopes for it to change established cults, groups and various other beliefs to disapprove or show resistance. Come to think about it they didn’t really, had any real affect. There are also groups that are fighting for freedom or land. Out of desperation I am saying that they had to act aggressively in order to defend their land or freedom. I also like to think that they didn’t have any choice for that matter. There are many types, kinds of movements where some of them are people who try to get attention from people in order to achieve their goals and there are other peoples who just have to show in a not so nice manner hence makes them a outlaw. The point is, why fight when you’ll eventually lose ohh I forgot they have their beliefs and in a way I admire them for they still have hope and a strong belief.

Another thought, according to people when somebody dies they’ll be reborn again into the world maybe with a different form or hobbies for that matter. To me it’ll be like living in hell, I mean who would want to live and die and live again in a place called earth. That is, if we could realize of what’s happening, if not it’ll just be another life. Hmmm I am confusing myself. I mean the world isn’t exactly a very nice place to live in, not that I lived somewhere else apart from here. Its just that I don’t like it very much ahaha.

Jumping into another topic here, I remember someone saying that I am a juvenile, it made me realize that maybe that’s why I am questioning things too much but then again I don’t really question too much I am just unhappy with almost everything. Then again I should consider myself lucky for being physically healthy and mentally stable (I am quite sure of that hehe). I like to believe that I am currently in the state of development between youth and maturity (sad case), the right word would be adolescences (referred from dictionary). Maybe that’s why I make a big deal out of everything that’s happening, once I am matured enough I might just stop questioning and might just focus on what I want to do or be, I am assuming here. For now, ill just shut up and continue living the life that I don’t really like but cant live without. Lastly, I am surprised that you read this till the end.

Thank you

  
     

 

 

A Peasant One

INTRODUCTION

Over the years this only happened to me once so I guess it deserves to be posted and I’d like to mention that this is nothing emotional just showing appreciation, is showing appreciation a sign of emotion? Ohh and I’d also like to mention that I am not gay haha don’t know abt the other guy who has a role in the story and a big one as a matter of fact, maybe its because he wrote it. Here are some explanatory about the roles in the story, the main man Star player He’s called Star because he shines and twinkles and too far away to be reached by mere mortals hahaha, be a sport and just bear with it, will you. Its not often that I say things like that ohh wait I do mention them a lot. Moving on the second role is called or preferred to be called Shahriman Latiff don’t ask me why, now Shahriman Latiff is a gay I mean is a guy that I’ve known for a long time and he’s also the writer of the particular story and I like to thank you for writing this fun story. Lastly there’s the princess who apparently became a lesbian after the death of Star Player (happens in the story, *the death) because of the fact that she couldn’t love any other guy which is I’d say not at all surprising and is not mentioned in the story, I wonder why. The other roles were just not important enough or worth to be mentioned. Enjoy…



The Adventures of STAR player.
By Shahriman Latif

Once upon a time, in a kingdom ruled under a
monarchy, there lived a simple peasant-boy by the
name of STAR player. He's a simple young man with
simple needs, and lives through the simple means
of farming wheat and some apple trees.

And he lives his life going about doing peasant-ly
business.
Then, one cotton candy day, the peasant boy STAR
player caught a glimpse of the princess of the
kingdom, and was utterly captivated by her
unearthly beauty.

"Indeed she is the most beautiful girl I have ever
seen," though STAR player to himself, while
scratching the crack of his buttocks in the manner
only peasants can.

And so he ambled home, and met with his neighbour,
the industrious grape-farmer Shahriman Latif.
And so it came to be that they sat together for
drinks, and STAR player related the story to his
neighbour.

"Shahriman, I have something to tell you," STAR
player paused dramatically, "I have fallen in love..."

Shahriman was stunned by this relevation and
replied "Well, STAR player...I know we've know
each other for years...but I didn't know you had
those kind of feelings for me..."

"Not with YOU, half-wit!" bellowed STAR player,
"With the princess! Those wondrous raven hair,
eyes as clear as pirated DVD movies, lips as red
as blood, skin as soft as..."
"Uh-huh..." interrupted Shahriman, "You're just
attracted to her bewildering ass, aren't you?"

"Yeah, that's about right..."
And so Shahriman Latif advised his dear friend
gently about how a peasant boy would never marry a
princess.
"I'd have a better chance of punching God in the
face and live to boast about it than you having a
chance at the princess. Don't take it personally,
friend. It's the way it works," was how Shahriman
Latif put it to STAR player.
And so, dejected, STAR player started a movement
to change the political structure of the kingdom.
He introduced the concept of "Social Mobility" and
"Seperation Of Powers". He also introduced a
revolutionary social model of "classless society".

His clandestine movement grew more popular among
the masses, much to the chagrin of the monarchy,
who actually thought they could rule forever by
providing non-existent education system laced with
propaganda. And so the monarchy wished to remove
the upstart peasant STAR player from the political
map.

Then, one day came a knock on his door, and all
the King's men and all the King's horses were at
his front door, lead by his neighbour, Shahriman
Latif.

"Shahriman!" cried STAR player, "How could you
betray me like this?!"
"I'm sorry, dear friend," replied an emotional
Shahriman, "They left me no choice! They
threatened to provide me with a Datukship and
acres upon acres of land if I provided the
information leading to your capture!"

"That's doesn't sound so threatening to me!"
shouted STAR player as the King's men beated him
into near death, "You're a backstabber!"

"I can't help it, old friend!" sobbed Shahriman as
he witnessed his friend beaten into a pulp, "I'm
Malay, it's in our nature to lie and backstab!"

"Oh..." gasped STAR player in his dying breath,
"Then, I forgive you my friend. It's not your
fault..."

And so it came to be that the honest, humble STAR
player was a victim of political assasination, and
soon after Shahriman Latif found himself publicly
executed after he, too fell victim to political
backstabbing.

THE END.

Yup. That is my story for you. Thank you

a pleasant one?

It’s a cool breezy night not really breezy naturally but breezy as in from the fan beside me. The day was as usually kinda awful but when it was around 9.30 pm it all turned out to be just fine its one of those feelings that u don’t really achieve or figure out something yet you still feel good about yourself, a feeling that I don’t feel often and its rather hard to explain. I’ve done something different tonight and felt that I should brag about it a little bit. I only read books when I have nothing much else to look forward to but a few days back I promised a friend that I’d finish reading a book by this week so I had to make a rather difficult heart breaking decision between the magic box and the book considering that tonight’s shows was just as the same as the week before only with a slight change of almost everything except for the casts. However I find that choosing to read a book than reading a book because you have nothing else better to do is much better than reading a book when you have nothing better to do and I think so because you’d actually enjoy the book and it’s a great way to get a way from the real life and try reading a funny one it’ll eventually take your mind of things in general. I just thought that I said it and I am saying it as in stating my opinion not advising or things which is similar to that and the same goes to my previous posts hehe…ohh I also like to say that people tend to do or lead their way into doing better things when they feel bored and I am still talking about myself. Before I end I’d like to state that my reason and point of writing this thingy was because I was bored and the point is still pointless. Somewhat writing or thinking that I am writing something pointless makes me feel cool.

more bull


It was a warm night, Junior was feeling uneasy its just a feeling that he couldn’t fight neither resist and occurs if day turned out to be a little bit more disappointing than usual. He dreamt, it was two months past midyear already, pupil were preparing for their final examinations. Teachers were trying to finish their syllabus on time. Junior was nine years old or eight.

There was one teacher that he never forgot although seldom thought about. What made her special was, she’d tell stories. Stories about Sinbad the sailor “Arabian nights”. Whenever they had time to spare, her students will urge her to tell tales of Sinbad and his adventures. It was junior’s favorite subject. She’d bring out a thick book containing many adventures of sinbad the sailor and read it to the class. Junior now, much older then he was then is still amazed of her ways that caught her student’s attention and captured the moment, which felt surreal. Nobody even moved or glanced over, it was like a blink of an eye might lead to loss of important information. At the end of every session, it was always “are we done”? by the time the story ended, junior’s head was purely entertained and being a kid Junior wished to be like sinbad the sailor. His dreams of becoming a sailor lasted for a year or so. Through out the year Junior experienced many occurrence and experience.

Junior now in a different world with different people, different language and a different way of thinking, he still lives and experience life without having a choice, Junior had issues one of them was, he never trusted anyone including himself, according to him people care about their self too much that you never really know what it is that’s going through their minds. It’s a normal human behavior I suppose, each individual’s top priority is to make sure they get what they want and need in order to get that people tend to forget their basics.

Junior just like every other young man was curious of his existence in the universe but understood that with the knowledge that he has obtained through out the years might just be too little and what if the answer to the question couldn’t be bared by his human brain and might cause insanity or even his brain to explode (exaggerating a little here). So yeah, what I am saying here is, in order to get the answers that you seek be sure to get ready for the consequences and the responsibilities, if there’s any that is. To me knowing answers to all questions is just not human. I wonder whether we humans were made to live just to understand what life is all about and to understand that, they have to live and learn at the same time only to know that by the time they are satisfied with their answers they’d already be too old or dead.

I was told that after Junior read my story about him and his curiosity has came to sense and is trying to live his life as it comes and is feeling rather happy about it and about the teacher she’ll never be forgotten. I come to conclusion that a humans life is all about multi tasking (that’s one of the many terms that I’ve come up with occasionally), which I wont elaborate much about because of the fact that I am quite sure you got the idea or disagree and I am tired. Thanks for your time.

Funny thoughts


Having nothing to do as usual frequently makes my mind think of funny thoughts that I won’t elaborate much about. Here’s one particular subject that I would like to ponder upon. “Is that it”? I am talking about ones journey in life. Is that it?

We do the same similar stuffs in life that makes it a routine with or without knowing about it. Think about it school, college then work…it’s errm kinda typical I’d say, since I too did the same things. I was just thinking perhaps if I didn’t have to go to school, college or work. I’d certainly be different then again I’d also be living in a world of my own with less knowledge and I am pretty sure that I wont be able to write this kind of craps (beneficial reading) whenever I have nothing better to do.

Come to think about it, I am pretty darn happy that I went to school and to college too and find myself lucky enough to get a proper education compared to others less fortunate. Moving on I was wondering would it be possible to live a life where we can enjoy doing the same things that we do. I am talking about “work” here, how many people you know enjoy their jobs ohh u might know plenty but this is my story so I am saying that only a small amount of people really enjoy what they do at work. The point is people do things for their own reason such as “money”. People earn to support, help, pay bills shortly “to survive” and keep on living. Most people work and earn to occupy themselves and at the same time earn a living. Nothing wrong or unusual about that, that’s something that I think that I too have to live with.

I like to think of myself as an unique individual till recently I a came upon a friend who said “always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else” meant something didn’t it?, every occupation has its down fall and shitty happenings, it might be being human itself and having feelings and thoughts that lingers that sort of feeling. So we learn how to deal with it find an appropriate way to release stress/tensions and keep on moving as for some, some might depend on their incomes that gives the person a reason to continue their effort.

A typical human life (not you!) consist of years of studying, learning how to deal with/manage stuffs, learn about people and live with them, go thru horrible and good and exciting experience, see almost new and learn things that happens in everyday life. Depressing moments, stress, process of growing up learning to adapt with new environment/ places, girls, girls, girls, exhaustion, new people more learning and more adapting. Then get a job, career change more depressing moments. After a few years of living alone and getting more financially stable, look for a lady get married have kids and earn more money to ensure child’s future. Grow older and hope that your kids pay back your good deeds and love and appreciate the person you are. That’s my version of life compressed into a paragraph not really true eh.

The thing that bothers that agitates me is, It’s yet another day.. I am still wondering clueless, what to do with myself…just want to be someone useful to myself and to others I guess being someone useful or someone reliable in that matter depends on what an individual is willing to do in order to get whatever he dreams of. Blurness and the cloud that covers the path to your future that makes your mind stop and the inability to think ahead is a miserable feeling. Some say, “you’ll never know until you try…better fail trying without having the courage to even step ahead”. A friend of mine, someone I know dearly, who couldn’t be or do the things that he wants to do or become (“because of certain barriers” he’d say) is now facing a dilemma whether or not to just take any opportunity that comes ahead. Normally that’s what happens, we just take the opportunity ahead of us and forget about the things that, once was our goal. Anyway there’s no actual point for this story just that, people tend to grab the opportunity in front of them which is a good thing considering they all turn out to be ok. As long as you’d be able to live with your decisions then its just a matter of continuing and living in routine and be happy about it.

The point of “is that it” is, is there all to life, some live in peace some in war, rich and poor, healthy and sick and some rule most of us obey. The best explanation that I can come up with is the power of mind. A person is moved by his mind and does and lives with what his/hers beliefs, which I think is also influenced by the mind. I’ve come to conclusion that no matter how miserable a person’s life is. His beliefs and the power of his mind and the ability to control it is a gift that not many live to achieve. Living in poverty and comparing life with others more successful people makes a person with less power of mind think of it as a living hell. On the other hand a person who has peace of mind who doesn’t see life as some sort of a competition rather lives life out of simplicity, loves the people around him and be grateful for each moment that he breathes. That’s my story for now, I hope you enjoyed, feel free to comment while I go looking for ways to achieve peace of mind.

Thank you.

What If

WHAT IF…what if you are 27 years old, recently found a stable job met someone that you loved, when out for a year couldn’t be more sure about each other feelings, got married proved yourselves to be right about the choices you’ve made. One no particular day you met with an accident and died…errm that’d be pathetic not sad. Your wife’s pregnant with your child and dies after delivering your baby. What would you do? Will you still find reason in continuing your life the way you intended normal or happy or simple.

What if you were from a poor/broken family not to say that its something unacceptable maybe just a little bit unfortunate. So your parents works hard maybe just your mum anyways you almost succeed in life that is you already have a proper education background, all you have to do is to get a proper job. You cant wait to repay your mums sacrifices or love which you remember vividly in your memory, all those hard works, all those years of suffering. You are happy that you’re going to put an end to those memories with a beautiful harmonic life that you have dreamt of. One no particular day she dies of some disease. What will you do for your only reason of succeeding in life has failed you.

What if you did it all, got married with the one you loved had some beautiful babies gave your mum a happy retirement with much love and care. Life couldn’t be better it was the almost perfect life you worked your ass of for. Id like to be clear about “happy retirement” it doesn’t means that we’ve put her in some old folks house, it meant living together happily just wanted to be clear and to avoid any unpleasantaries. Having said that, you are now 45 years old and you die of choking. Would it all be over then? What if you know that you are dead you know that your soul is no longer in your body you know that you cant do anything about it. What if your soul still lingers around the place you lived and the people you love, looking at them preparing your death, you look at yourself getting buried and left there all alone.


What if you’ve done it all, had a happy family performed all your obligations became someone respected by almost everyone that happen to know or heard of you. What if after doing all that you’ve have no intention of dying therefore you’ve been granted eternal life. At the beginning you were satisfied, happy and full of experience…you might be ok living for the first 100 years, then you realize that eternity doesn’t seems to be that great when you have to spend it on your own. Your efforts to meet new friends and people are filled with laziness and bore dome, what would you do then?

Our lives has been designed to end in one way “death” and start again in two different living environment “heaven” or “hell” to my knowledge that is. I am terribly sorry if I offended anyone whereas my only intention was to write. Come to think about you shouldn’t have read about it in the first place….moving on what my motives were writing this mind disturbing thingy is to share my thoughts which have agitated my sleep, I couldn’t sleep so I write. That’s my explanation if anyone of u wonders. Finally no matter how different your life is no matter how you live it, I think dead will visit everyone but will it be safe to say that the outcome might be different. What if.

Domo arigato.

hope

There was this guy called hope...a normal guy in his early twenties,confused about the past,present and the future too...Hope was always hoping for a change that,I think didn't come true actually it did not come true at all.Hope just kept on hoping its not that he didnt want to do something about it, Iam guessing that he didnt really had the opportunity to even try.

Hope was a quiet guy he used to walk around alone before night just nearby where he lives,I once saw him sitting on a bench at the park nearby where he lives..before night that is.Decided to leave him alone since i thought that he wouldnt want to be disturbed.People just ignored him not because they didnt care but thats just what people nowadays do...escpecially in the city,no matter how weird you are they claim to have seen it all and dont seem to be bothered as they are too busy chasing and building their own life which i think they too arent really sure about,then again have you met someone that was sure about "things".

Coming back to hope...regardless of what others think of him Hope didnt seem to care about their existance and that was what i thought i knew.Come to think about it why would Hope hope for a change or changes if he didnt care about others or their existance.You know,why be someone better when you dont care at all,was he trying to please himself...then again a thought this is.Does every single human live thru others expectations and to fulfill their own dream when it actually revovles the people around them which plays a role of proof to see that you have succeded in life?

Hope looked to me and said "if i dont get what i hoped for would i atleast get the satisfaction of living a normal life",being someone honest i said "first of all your not normal,secondly life isnt fair so for you no matter how much u hope for even if u had the oppurtunity to try you might still end up being a failure and still be the same guy u are...were...will be".Hope didnt at all lookes suprised neither he had any signs of anger.He just looked away and said if i knew how it was gonna end i'd wouldnt be bothered to hope.I then said..

It feels like something is,
pushing ang graining against,
my weakend heart

Yet it is no pain and,
bearable,still the feeling so real,
it does not hurt
just that its pain and it affects

Feeling the feeling of,
weakness and hoplesness,
not pathethic,not sad,
iam lying

Just one of those days,
that reminds us that,
we are after all,
petty mortals.

Hearing that Hope said Iam used to the feelings,Iam hoping for a change,Iam scared of changes,Iam hoping for changes...

Hope decided that he wanted to end his life because of the depression and the dissapointment...i quickly said that killing yourself would only make you a coward and that he'd burn in hell as it is against religion...Hope just grunted and if i got it right he said there might be hope in hell,that was when i realised that Hope was just plain mad and proved the rumour about him having a certificate that proves his insanity.

I was just errmm "blank"?...angry at myself...said to him if you are planning to cut your wrist,remember its not across the road its down the road...at the least make that happen...walked away with my head held high.